Tiny Part 3

Hurley: Dude, what was the point of stealing me when I BEFRIENDED Emma?

 

Regina: Oh…you did? *Is awkward*

 

Hurley: Hey…you’re….

 

*Tries to remember*

 

Hurley: What’s her name! Hook drew me your picture when he was bemoaning how he got handcuffed to my wall!

 

Hurley: You better watch it! I was friends with Ben Linus!

 

*Looks around in fear*

 

Regina: He’s on another network!

 

*Is out of ideas*

 

Regina: So….you’re short…

 

Regina: Let’s fix that!

 

Hurley: Cause last time eating something that a stranger gave me ended SO well!

 

Regina: You can trust me! I’m good at looking sad!

 

Hurley: Well…okay…by the way…isn’t there an expiration date on ‘shrooms?! I mean how long as Cora been holding onto this? 

 

*Smirk of fooling gullible people*

 

Hurley: Tastes like an eraser.

 

Hurley: *Is growing* AUGH! My bones! My skin! I can’t handddddlllleee it!

 

Regina: I don’t need to remind you that that thing is temporary…

 

Regina: Which means you SHOULD think about any repercussions you’ll have when you shrink again but don’t really consider that!

 

Emma: I haven’t seen him this fidgety since Archie was late to the engagement rehearsal dinner…

 

*Nice paper bag; did Snow pack them a lunch?*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I can’t believe they wouldn’t boot out anyone in first class for us! And I even volunteered to let you sit in my lap

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Emma…will you let me have some money?

Emma: No.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I wanted a candy bar!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Fine, I see how it is. Henry gets Cinnabons (and how does he know what those are?) but because of our history and how it ended and your continuing feelings for me, I don’t get a Reese’s!

 

Emma: …

Henry: …

 

Emma: That’s the guy you dream about being your stepdad?

Henry: Oh yeah.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is creeped out* Ew, public bathroom…I’ve never been in one before.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, who’s that? He’s beautiful!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Gasp!* A private bathroom stall!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is fascinated* Whoa….I want to go in!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: The nauseating colors…the smell of cheap cleaning products…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *is angry* AND I CAN’T ASK EMMA TO JOIN THE MILE HIGH CLUB!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh Jiminy…you’re lucky I value our friendship so…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Maybe if I breathe in the germs, Emma will nurse me back to health

 

Rumpelstiltskin: And now that will take forever to heal!

 

Henry: Hey stepdad! Stop wrecking the toilet and get out here! Emma’s getting bored and texting Jiminy and you’re missing your chances!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Well…looks like Emma’s playing nurse to me after all.

 

Arlo: Hey Hurley, there you are. We were all freaking out when you disappeared... Well except Abraham…he kept trying to get your recliner….

 

Hurley: Good you’re here uh…humans are awesome…told you so; and I befriended two ones that sort of like to smirk and a lot but they’re totally cool and I’m giving some stuff to them!

 

Arlo: WHAT?! Hurley! You give one hand out they keep coming back looking for handouts!

 

Hurley: But they’re poor! One even wore a licorice jacket!

 

Arlo: So he had bad taste and he smirked! That’s a sign that he’s evil!

 

Arlo: Also, you’re grounded for running away….it’s what mom and dad would’ve wanted…if there are female giants…normally I would think there might be but after we saw how dwarves were born…I would doubt anything unless I saw it…

 

Arlo: But before you’re grounded, here comes your beating!

 

Hurley: But I have faith they’re totally good! They bought me booze!

 

James: OW! JACK! Your foot got in my face!

Jack: Well it was an improvement if I don’t say so myself! Next time move!

James: You’re lucky I’m enjoying the view! OW!

Jack: That time wasn’t an accident!

 

Arlo: How come those sentry birds weren’t released when you climbed down or back?

 

Arlo: Hey! Did you lead them here?!

 

Hurley: Yeah, because the big honkin’ beanstalk was TOTALLY hard to miss before I came down!

 

*Is spinning around and then throwing it*

 

Snow: Oh crap!

Charming: I was gonna buy that car!

 

Charming: Everyone protect me! I can’t let him see me, he wants me dead!

 

Snow: Wait…where did that one woman you were touching suddenly go to!?

Charming: Continuity!

 

Snow: So uh…that’s Emma’s giant! We should probably sneak around so that he doesn’t stomp on y-

 

Charming: YAHHHHHH!!

 

Hurley: Dude! There you are!

 

Charming: Whoa! Whoa! It’d be easy to stomp on me but just ask yourself…um…uh…

 

Charming: I don’t even know what I did…you’re going to help me out here…

 

Hurley: You killed my family!

 

Charming: Oh that! Uh…no I didn’t…my evil twin did!

 

Hurley: I watch Soap Operas! You don’t expect me to believe that!

 

Charming: Well….yeah?

 

Charming: Frankly, I don’t care what you believe. I should just tell you that there’s no one here to back up my claim so you’re just going to have to believe me!

 

Hurley: No!

 

Charming: Oh…kay, I’m out of ideas.

Snow: This isn’t going well!

Grumpy: Red didn’t return my call. Jefferson said something about how she got sick because she saw someone being injected with a needle.

 

Snow: Wait! You know Emma? Hold on, I’ll call her up on my cell phone and SHE can back up what you say!

Grumpy: You know, if we just held onto the pirate, this probably wouldn’t have escalated like it has….

 

Hurley: Eh, she was okay I suppose…

 

Charming: Snow! Swans on a plane!

Snow: Oh geez…can you give us about 45 minutes?!

 

Hurley: NO!

 

Charming: Any other bright ideas?

Snow: And my day started out with such promise!

 

Charming: I can't believe that of all the ways to die, the person squashing us is going to be Hurley of all people.

Snow: What do you mean ‘crush us’? He’s not mad at me!

 

James: How did we jump so far?

 

Jack: I’m just trying to figure out how we pretty much followed and climbed up the beanstalk without Anton noticing as fast as we did.

James: Maybe if we’re stealthy, they won’t know we’re here!

 

Arlo: Intruders!

 

James: Sh! He might be talking about someone else, Jack! Act casual!

*Are acting casual*  

 

Hurley: Hey! Don’t make me break you guys up!

 

Hurley: What are you guys doing here?! I was going to just drop the bag down the beanstalk and let gravity do its work!

 

James: Well our bean stealing army wouldn’t do very well just waiting on the ground, now would it? Army…come on up!

 

*Are waiting*

 

Hurley: Uh…dude…

 

Jack: Or…you know…we’re good too!

 

Hurley: Oh look…I was wrong…

 

Jack: So…give us the beans and you can live to be our hostages!

 

Arlo: Woman, I can crush you with my big toe!

 

James: Yes but I’m wearing a licorice jacket! A giant’s weakness!

 

Arlo: BRING IT!

 

Grumpy: So…you really have an evil twin?

 

Charming: I thought we already discussed that!

Snow: I certainly hope Belle or the stranger don’t look out the window right about now!

 

Grumpy: I always thought you made the twin up so that you didn’t have to take blame for all the bad things you did.

Charming: No, I blame that on David Nolan.

 

Grumpy: What was your excuse in the Fairy Tale World!?

Charming: No, THEN I blame my evil twin.

Snow: It’s true. I sort of knew James back in the day.

 

Grumpy: How come YOU get to blame your twin?

Charming: You don’t have a twin, Grumpy! You were hatched!

Grumpy: I could have one!

Snow: Ew, roasted giant!

 

Grumpy: His name could be Fred…and he could end up replacing me when I do all sorts of horrible things…

Charming: No Grumpy, THAT’S an imaginary friend!

 

Grumpy: I’ll bet you know a lot about those!

Charming: Shut up Grumpy!

 

Snow: David, we’re approaching the town line!

Grumpy: *Is practicing his Baywatch run*

 

Charming: Snow…um…that’s the ocean.

Snow: Well you can’t get any more town border than the water1

 

Hurley: Guys, I Nearly died back there!

 

Charming: Hey…so…what’s a little death among family?! My mom’s murdered too! And you don’t see me complaining about it!

 

Charming: In fact…one time at the diner…the guy that put out the hit and I sit down and had a conversation!

 

Charming: And she was never brought into it!

 

Snow: Oh Ruth existed, that’s right.

 

Hurley: You’re not helping your case, dude.

 

*Is going to jump*

 

Charming: *Is flailing around* Protect me!

 

Hurley: Dude! Most inopportune time ever! Ahhhh!

 

Snow: Charming…get off your keester so you can help me up!

Charming: I fell on Grumpy’s foot!

 

Charming: Uh…where did he go? And how are your stockings still intact?

 

Grumpy: Save my hat!

 

Hurley: So…this is embarrassing….

 

Charming: Dude! You fell!

 

Hurley: So who cast the spell so the beanstalk couldn’t be accessed and how come we just didn’t burn it down to keep the humans from climbing up?

 

Hurley: And how did catapults get up here?!

 

Arlo: The human armies are too great for us ginormous giants!

 

Arlo: And thanks for holding that sword that way…nearly disemboweled me as I came to tell you that we’re the last ones left!

 

Hurley: Dude, I was never really a swordsman.

 

Arlo: Well um…you can destroy the fields….now that I think of it, that should’ve been job one when they revealed why they were here.

 

Hurley: Isn’t that what they’re going for? Isn’t that going to put me right in the way of danger?

 

Arlo: Yep! Hope you’re good with dodging arrows!