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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Part 2


Baelfire: Whatever, my favorite was Cogsworth anyway.

Belle: Could you try not to burn so brightly, you’re surrounded by books. Dude…

Lumiere: You can save Rumple, woman!

Belle: Are you a ghost? Because I’ve never seen you before…and what are you doing in MY library of all things?

Lumiere: Um…uh…Rumple was having a bad day so he grabbed me, grabbed some rocky road ice cream and sat there sobbing into it and telling me about how great you were.

*Nailed it*

Baelfire: Well that could be true; he spent most of season 1 whining about his failed love life to anyone that would listen

Lumiere: I know right?
Baelfire: Oh my god, he’s looking at me, this is so wrong!

Baelfire: Why should we believe anything you say when most anyone trapped by Rumple would NOT want to bring him back?

Lumiere: I don’t know!

Belle: I cleaned every part of this castle and I don’t remember ever lighting up you.

Lumiere: I…was around?

Belle: I’m out.
Balefire: Right behind you.

Belle: First let me bring my spring reading collection to get caught up on…

Belle: Huh, that one’s big and certainly not suspicious.

Baelfire: Belle! I thought we were going home!

Belle: Look, it’s a key! I have no idea why a candle knows more about it than I do and this is my own darn library…

Baelfire: He seriously trusted something this super-secret to Belle’s library in a castle left to looters after he willingly got caught?

Lumiere: Zelena wasn’t so great at his cover story…

Lumiere: Look, we just really need a way to bring him back okay?

Baelfire: ….
Belle: ….

Lumiere: Time for a walk in the snow!

Belle: I can’t go walking through the snow! I’m wearing booty shorts!

Baelfire: And where did you get those and tights in the enchanted forest
Belle: Rumple’s closet.

Baelfire: That does NOT surprise me.

Baelfire: Creepy candle…

Baelfire: We could keep him with us since he lets off enough fire to keep us warm.
Belle: Nah, leave him.

Zelena: It’s all going according to plan!

Lumiere: You couldn’t just take one of their hearts and make them do this?

Zelena: Shut up.

Zelena: Surprise! I brought my hat!

Snow: Hey…um…come in?

Zelena: How much longer is the turkey timer going to stall, I’m ready to have that kid now.

Snow: But I’m the mother1

Zelena: That’s what you think.

Zelena: OJ?

Snow: But I like Sunny Delight!

Zelena: Oh sweet summer child…

Zelena: You will drink this and you will like it.

Snow: But I’m not even thirsty!

Zelena: Your baby is, now drink up!

Snow: Ugh, it’s so pulpy…

Zelena: That means its working!

Snow: Um…what’s working?

Zelena: Why, vitamin C, dear.

Snow: *Is unenthused* Yaaay.

Snow: Wow, little Charming didn’t like that…

Snow: Um…Zelena? Are you okay?
Zelena: …..
Snow: I’m sure it’s fine…

Regina: I can’t believe I drove here…why can’t I just use my Storybrooke CSI to track her?

Regina: *Hears a noise* Hey! Who’s letting air out of my tires?!

Robin: Die monster!  *shoots*

Regina: Your aim is terrible! My head was over here!

Robin: Hey! Sorry about nearly drilling a hole through your skull!

Robin: Not that it would’ve hit anything…

Regina: *tears up* He said I was stupid!

Robin: So, I came to hang out and wait for the wicked witch!

Regina: How did you know she was here?

Robin: I don’t know! Did we discuss it around me because until they knew Rumple was alive…all they knew about was…a suspicious locked cellar…

Robin: Can I have that back by the way?
Regina: Um…you shot me…

Robin: I have no idea what I hope to accomplish against a person that can turn people to monkeys.

Regina: Well maybe you should go.

Robin: But I wanna stay!

Robin: I have a scope…I could use…

Regina: Yes, I just nearly experienced that.

Robin: We could…go in the house together…..

Regina: I don’t even know you!

Robin: Would you like to though?

Regina: Ew! No!

Robin: But I’ll show you my tattoos!

Regina: Do I look like I’d be impressed by that?

Robin: If I flirt with you by saying yes, will you hurt me?

Regina: Come here, you!
Robin: I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Don’t hurt me!

Baelfire: Chicks dig brands, right?

Hook: Sup? I’m not kissing that to make it better, but I do have jello!

Baelfire: But…I like blue! YOU like green!

Hook: I guess I’ll just have to eat it for you then!

Hook: Yummy!

Baelfire: I didn’t agree to that!

Baelfire: So…I met the floor today. IT seems very nice. I can see why you had a centuries long affair with it

Hook: Just keep smiling Hook; he’s trying to hit you where it hurts…

Baelfire: What were you doing in the back with my stepmom anyway?

Hook: Avoiding books dropping on my head. She thought it might be funny to launch them at me.

Hook: I wasn’t so amused…

Baelfire: That’s my stepmom!

Hook: *Is imitating* That’s my stepmom!

Baelfire: I don’t have time for fluids, I’m bolting.

Hook: Fine, whatever. I won’t stop you.

Baelfire: Can you crawl into bed and pretend to be me…

Hook: They would never fall for it, I’m too sexy

Baelfire: I’ve been cramped up inside my father’s body for a year now, can we not?

Hook: I love you too!

Baelfire: How long is a hug supposed to last?

Hook: All this time we’ve wasted squabbling because we hated each other over a woman!

Baelfire: *Breathe deep Bae, don’t punch him in the face* That’s NOT why we disliked the other!

Hook: Oh, of course we do! Don’t be silly! I’ve decided to forgive and absolve myself of all wrongdoing!

Baelfire: I hate you.

Hook: Fine Mr. Sensitive!

Baelfire: So you’re wearing tights and booty shorts in the snow…
Belle: Mmhmm, these were in his wardrobe too, they’re enchanted to keep me warm…

Baelfire: *Is freezing*  You wouldn’t happen to have an extra pair, would you? Oh wait crap, those are dads, I can’t ask for that…

Belle: WHAT is going on with you?
Baelfire: I don’t know. But we brought the candlestick along to haunt my nightmares, I’m mad at you for asking we bring him!

Baelfire: I can’t believe you’re the only one that seems to care that my dad could be brought back.

Baelfire: Whoa, decline!
Belle: Nearly fell down a steep mountain there…I have the worst luck with those…

Belle: Is that dagger on your hip unsheathed?
Baelfire: I couldn’t find the sheath for it! I looked and looked everywhere!

Belle: Baelfire, they put you in a storage closet for a room

Baelfire: You want to know how much storage is ALSO in there?

Baelfire: A bunch of spiders fell on me last night when I was looking for something to keep warm with

Baelfire: I was hoping that I’d become spider man but then I remembered that none of them are radioactive.

Baelfire: I was depressed for the rest of the night after that.

Belle: Your time will come!

Belle: That vague spot over there, I think….

Baelfire: The Dark One vault is in the middle of some random meadow?
Belle: These Dark Ones don’t think through a lot of things…

Emma: You’re really trying to make up for the daddy daughter time lost, huh?

Charming: Eh, that midwife creeps me out.

Charming: Has a grin like the Joker…

Emma: Think she might be suspicious?

Charming: Well you’re mother trusts her, so I don’t see why I can’t!

Emma: Um…that’s worrisome…

Charming: Yeah, I know.

Charming: But its fine, I’m sure she won’t make off with your mother or the baby the first chance she gets. We don’t even know if they’re targeting us…

Emma: They’re always targeting us!

Rumpelstiltskin: HIIIIIIII EMMMMMA!
Emma: It’s him! I never thought I’d hear that disgusting leer again!

Charming: She MISSED it?!

Emma: Get ready to get tackled!

Rumpelstiltskin: Emma! I need a hug!

Rumpelstiltskin: I haven’t seen daylight in days, my head is pounding.

Charming: Whoa, he’s showing his wrists…to him…that’s like being topless….

Rumpelstiltskin: Also I sort of ate Bae!

Charming: I don’t get it! He was with us the whole time!

Monkey: I’m a loved one!

Rumpelstiltskin: See you later losers!

Charming: I’ll protect you, Emma!

Emma: Darn it Dadvid! Move your butt I can’t shoot what’s hopefully not Aurora or Philip!

1 comment:

  1. Totally cracked up at the "That's NOT why we hate each other." part.
    I forgot why they did until you brought that up again. So many characters screwing each other...