Part 3

 

Regina: Who cans their peaches this way?!

 

Robin: They look perfectly edible to me!

 

Robin: This would be like a thanksgiving feast at the camp…

 

Regina: For me it wouldn’t even be an appetizer…

 

Regina: Robin! They have booze! Want to see me get drunk and shoot fireballs? ‘

 

Robin: Seeing you get drunk would be a terrifying thing, Regina. Please don’t.

 

Robin: *Is checking her out* Ooooo yes, I’m pretty sure those stories I’ve heard about you are over exaggerated…

 

Regina: Oh good, I’ll have to work even less hard at making him mine if he doesn’t believe I was ever all that bad to begin with!

 

Robin: Derp!

 

Robin: I really want to get drunk right now.

 

Regina: It must be true love! Usually people are already drunk around me!

 

Regina: Of course the peasant wants to go for the cheap kind.

 

Robin: *Breathes on her.*

 

Regina: His air!

 

Robin: *Goes to snog her* Be mine!

 

Regina: *Is hyperventilating like a teenage girl*

Robin: Yay! Two glasses for me!

 

Regina: *Is checking him out* I’m sure…stuff and you…are exaggerated…

Robin: There would actually have to be something about me to be exaggerated…

 

Regina: Ew, what a hideous temporary tattoo…is this generation even trying?!

 

Robin: But it’s real!

 

Regina: So done with you!

 

Emma: Geez, he makes tracks for a centuries old codger…

 

Baelfire: Heeeeyyyy Emma!

 

Emma: That sounds oddly familiar…

 

Baelfire: Well of course it does, it’s me saying it!

 

Emma: You should be in the hospital! What happened?

 

Emma: I told Hook to guard you and make sure you stay put! Even if it means putting his hood in your head!

 

Baelfire: He failed, like he always does.

 

Baelfire: He’s back with the floor now

 

*Betrayal!*

 

Baelfire: Actually no, he just sort of let me walk out.

 

Emma: Why do I bother telling anyone to do anything?

 

Lumiere: Um…guys why didn’t you bring me my coat? It’s freezing out here!

 

Belle: Can you tell us exactly where the vault is? No one wants to dig in the snow…

 

Lumiere: How should I know? It all looks the same to me!

 

Baelfire: Whatever, I’ll just pick a random spot then…

 

Baelfire:  So this has been out in the middle of the meadow and no one’s found it or ever said anything?

Belle: This plot keeps getting more and more suspicious…are you sure you’re not trying to trick us?

Lumiere: Woman, I’m in a candle! Why would I lead you on something complicated here? I don’t exactly have time to burn…

 

Belle: I suppose not…

 

Belle: Who did you say you were again?

 

Lumiere: Lumiere! Read the script!

 

Baelfire: I can’t chip the ice off by myself, Belle!

 

Belle: Rumpelstiltskin told me all about the guys he turned into things and I don’t EVER recall a Lumiere being in there!

 

Lumiere: He must’ve left one out!

 

Belle: Or you’re a lying liar that wants to meet Rumpelstiltskin for yourself, you fanboy!

Baelfire: Who sent you?!

 

Lumiere: Why don’t you meet her yourself? She’s probably hiding in the bushes a few feet away!

Belle: I knew this was a trap!

 

Lumiere: The Wicked Witch did this to me!

 

Belle: She put you in here on the OFF chance that we might go up to my library to save Rumple despite the old rule that dead can’t be revived, and the OFF chance that we lit you and the OFF chance that we believed in you?

 

Lumiere: I’m just really glad you guys didn’t ask trivia questions…

 

Belle: Dude, we’re going home.

 

Baelfire: But Emma and Henry!

 

Belle: You’re risking being uncharacteristically rash, Baelfire. When Emma went to jail you had a plan to have August be there for her when she got out and help her to Storybrooke. When you wanted to get to Neverland, you had a plan to use Mulan to fight the shadow in case you couldn’t latch on.

 

Belle: We have NO plan, Bae! You haven’t even gotten a lot of screen time building up to this obvious bad decision. You can’t listen to the powers that be and get yourself killed! Resist man! We’ll have adventures together!

 

Belle: Or at the very least get Regina to turn the key or something…I don’t know…

 

Baelfire: Nope, I’m going to get the chance to be reunited with my family again even if it kills me!

 

Belle: Did you take stupid pills instead of vitamin pills today?

 

Belle: If you try to put that key in the lock, I will beat you with Lumiere, I swear!

 

Belle: Oh. Nevermind.

 

Baelfire: It burns! It burns us!

 

Baelfire: Is snow sanitary for fresh burns? Because I need to go to the hospital!

 

Belle: Rumple’s made of goo?

 

Baelfire: I risked my life for Tar-Baby?

 

Emma: Boy, you wouldn’t believe my year of happiness.

Baelfire: I wish I knew what a year of happiness was like…

 

Emma: And then all your guys’s bullcrap happened and I slept with a flying monkey.

 

Baelfire: That sounds terrible…

 

Emma: We’re not really in that much of a hurry to find your dad, sorry. A flying monkey’s probably ripped his jugular out by now.

 

Baelfire: I don’t know, I get the feeling he’s nice and secure right now, don’t ask me why…

 

Emma: At least I didn’t get shot by my significant other…

 

Baelfire: At least mine was the same darn species I was!

 

*Giggles*

 

Baelfire: No seriously though, dad’s probably dead somewhere…

 

Baelfire: But hey, our dating lives suck!

*more giggles*

 

Baelfire: Are we going the right way?

Emma: The amount of times I’ve had to go to go into the woods, I’ve got them friggin’ memorized at this point!

 

Baelfire: Emma, before I obviously die, I have regrets that I want you to know I have!

 

Emma: That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard all season!

 

Baelfire: And that’s a compliment considering you were engaged to a monkey…

 

Emma: I do have to admit things started getting suspicious when he tried grooming me…

 

Emma: Belle? When did I care about you enough to give you my number?

 

Belle: Bae’s going to die in front of you!

 

Emma: Again?

 

Emma: Dude, you’re going to die.

 

Belle: I’m looking right here and the key he used has marked him for death! Also there’s something about a puppy…

 

Emma: He looks fine to me!

 

Belle: Well, he’s about to join the walking dead Emma

 

Emma: But he already was on the Walking Dead! He got shot in two minutes!

 

Baelfire: AUGH! I’m dying!

Emma: How convenient!

 

Emma: It’s okay! I’m the savior! I do saving things!

 

RumBae: That’s great Emma!

 

Emma: WHAT THE $U#*(*$(#?! DIE! DIE! DIE DEMON!

 

*Printing*

 

*Printing complete*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Was I in hell or heaven?

 

Belle: RUMPIE!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I feel scaly...what happened? Why are we in the Enchanted Forest? Who took us back? I thought I died. What happened?

 

Baelfire: I don’t feel so good!

Rumpelstiltskin: Bae! What happened? What were you two up to? I leave you lot alone for five minutes and you always get caught or killed!

 

Zelena: Seriously, and they knew that I was watching them and everything….

 

Zelena: You have the worst family in the world. So gullible…

 

 Rumpelstiltskin: B****, they might be!

 

Zelena: what are you going to do? Kill me?

 

Lumiere: You really could. I mean you’re more powerful than she is and she’s like…right there…

 

Zelena:  >:D

 

Rumpelstiltskin: So did you bring me back because you missed me or because you wanted Emma and Henry back?

 

Zelena: I’m sort of wondering about that too but this whole episode was about character derailment so would any answer even count? ‘

 

Belle: I’m standing over here now!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m so confused…are you torturing me right now…

Belle: TELEPORT!

Rumpelstiltskin: I forgot how!

 

Belle: Toss the dagger towards me!

Rumpelstiltskin: I forgot how!

 

Zelena: I’ll take that!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh…that could’ve been entirely avoidable…

 

*Absorbs him*

 

Zelena: What the frack? Did you just eat your son?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know! I think I have indigestion!

 

Belle: I don’t…why couldn’t Regina and Blue have done this to Emma and Henry to get them over?

 

Zelena: Kill her for reasons of my jealousy! That’ll make you love me!

 

Lumiere: I can’t let this happen! Everything else is okay though…

 

Zelena: Wait, what?

Rumpelstiltskin: *Has no idea what’s going on behind him*

 

Belle: But…her weakness is fire? 

 

Lumiere: I’m mad with power!

 

Belle: I should go snatch the dagger from her hands!

Rumpelstiltskin: No for some reason!

 

Lumiere: Wait! Don’t take me with you! That might break the hold I have on her!

Belle: *wails*

 

Zelena: The fire is melting my face!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: How did that even work?