Emma: Yessss, I’m going to break into the diner and get me some free coffee…
Emma: Oh…hey guys…what’s up? Are you all here for coffee too?
Granny: No, it’s an intervention for your illegal activities since you possibly kicked your fiancé off the roof.
Charming: IT’s time, Emma. Your law breaking is out of control!
Regina: I told them I’d help if it meant I got the coffee first…but I lied.
Charming: Why do we bring her in for anything?
Emma: Look, how many boyfriends of mine die? I’m just acting out a little and then I’ll be fine!
Charming: I can’t figure out if that question was rhetorical or not…
Hook: I don’t like the fact that Rumpelstiltskin’s alive. Can I fix that?
Charming: NO! Why do we bring YOU in for anything?
Hook: Like I know! I wanted to sleep and you came into my park bench and dragged me off it!
Emma: Well, I guess we’re going to have to find him. Where’s the locator spell?
Regina: We ran out since it’s useful…
Emma: Darn it, Regina!
Regina: I got thirsty!
Regina: I’m the victim here! I keep getting yanked up by magic and hurtled to my mother’s grave!
Regina: I have a limp now! *is faking*
Emma: Finally! Coffee!
Regina: Maybe I’ll just wonder around by myself until I find the wicked witch! See how you like that!
Regina: I don’t like how laid back you are about this, Emma!
Zelena: I summon you, Dark One!
Dagger: We’re sorry; your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again. This is a recording.
Zelena: Grr, I knew I should’ve upgraded to iDagger 8!
Zelena: Search the green screen until you find him!
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is booking it like a badass*
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m coming, Henry!
Belle: Well, I’ve done a forensic test on this piece of straw…
Belle: And I can very much say it’s his!
Belle: How do you guys know that he’s not dead and this was just a place he liked to get away to?
Emma: It smelled like Old Spice in there, like he’d just been hanging out.
Belle: That is his natural aroma…
Belle: You guys would know that if you spent time with him.
Charming: We’re um….busy?
Emma: And stuff…
Hook: I just don’t like him.
Belle: Well I don’t like you, why are you even here near me?
Emma: We’re volunteering him to stay with you to guard you!
Belle: You idiots do realize that he saw me as an object and tried to kill me more than once, right?
Hook: I don’t even want to be here to guard you!
Emma: Hook! Say you’re sorry!
Hook: But I’m not! Fine! Okay! Only to make you happy! Sorry and whatever.
Belle: That couldn’t have been more fake if you tried.
Emma: I’m not even bothered by what just happened. Get used to it, it happens a lot now!
Belle: My true love doesn’t deserve you
Baelfire: The merry men clean up real nice…
Belle: The bill was high for what they used as target practice though…
Baelfire: Those curtains with that wallpaper though…
Baelfire: So….what’s dead is dead. Hasn’t that always been the rule?
Baelfire: Because I sort of promised my kid I’d be there for him and then a few hours later, suspicious circumstances forced me to break that.
Belle: Bae…it’s only a rule when it’s a rule, otherwise everything’s fair game!
Baelfire: I wish this show followed its own guidelines
Baelfire: Wait, that means I don’t see Emma ever again…so no I don’t!
Belle: And it’s not a rule because Rumpelstiltskin is the most popular male character on this show and no one would want to see him leave!
Belle: Yup, that pendant staying there is true love because it stays intact no matter how much literally everything else but us and our fairy tale clothes were destroyed.
Baelfire: There will be those that say you’re just saying that. And it’s only your opinion
Belle: And there will be those that don’t ever prove my statement wrong in show, now won’t there be?
Baelfire: You make a lot of sense, stepmommy!
Belle: You speak a lot of truth and I like you, Bae.
Baelfire: Wait…we gotta read all this?!
Belle: Yup! Hope you’re multilingual…
Baelfire: I’m not!
Belle: Children’s section for you then!
Baelfire: I’m starting to regret the whole “say no to castles” stance…
Belle: I miss electricity…
Baelfire: I miss everyone…
Belle: I miss Rumple…hard to miss everyone else…
Baelfire: Oh god, what is that?
Belle: How should I know? Rumple only ever used trick candles on me; he was always way too cheap for this prank…
Lumiere: I am Lumiere!
Baelfire: Yo, no you’re not. I knew Lumiere from the movies and he was way cooler than you are, imposter!
Belle: Hold this and stop checking me out, you lost that right the third time you wanted to kill me.
Hook: You’re so touchy! How many more insincere apologies do I have to give?!
Belle: We’re closed!
*Hears more rattling*
Belle: I said we’re- For the love of God, the moment everyone knows Rumple’s alive, and they all immediately come…
Hook: Nyeh, when I jab them with my sword, they’ll feel it!
Baelfire: *Trips over the umbrella stand* OW!
Belle: Bae! Bae, hurry up or Hook will jab you with his sword!
Baelfire: I’m knocked out by all the crap in here!
Rudo: Forging my own excuse note here…
Emma: Here kid, have some dinner!
Rudo: Who is that weird lady that you left me with?
Emma: Oh her? She’s crazy, we let her think she’s the mayor…
Emma: What? Prices went up! I can only afford half of one these days...
Rudo: Why are we here?!
Emma: I already told you three times today! Reasons!
Rudo: Oh. I’ll just accept that and put it on my excuse note for school
Emma: Aww, Rudo.
Emma: Wait, that was sarcasm, they don’t accept that anymore?
Rudo: No! I had to forge the last three you wrote for me because they wouldn’t ever buy your excuses!
Emma: Ohh…I’m awkward at this mother thing….
Emma: Yo? Great, tie him down and shock him if he tries to escape. I’ll be there.
Rudo: You got him?
Emma: What? I didn’t get anyone and it most certainly wasn’t your father!
Rudo: That’s a specific denial…
Baelfire: What is UP?!
Emma: Neal?! You’re alive!
Charming: Hey, did HE cast the curse?
Baelfire: I don’t remember anything! Is that common?
Hook: On this show?
Baelfire: I’ll just ignore the peanut gallery over there.
Emma: Nope! NO one remembers anything and I remember all the things!
Emma: Ewww! What does your lot get up to in the Enchanted Forest?!
Emma: I am uploading this to my Facebook now!
Charming: Emma, you should pay attention…
Emma: So Henry doesn’t remember you, therefore you can’t see him
Baelfire: Do you let Regina see him?
Emma: Yes…even though she has possession issues that nearly got us all killed a lot, I totally left her alone with him! But you were there as much as you could after you found out that you had a son but for some reason, the rules don’t apply to you!
Emma: Is that too weird?
Baelfire: Little bit, Emma.
Emma: Yeah, I don’t really get it either…
Baelfire: So…got a boyfriend?
Emma: Sort of but then I threw him off a roof…
Baelfire: So…Regina gave you good memories of Henry combined with her own anger issues?
Emma: No, this was after I drank something that Hook gave me.
Baelfire: Woman! That’s never safe!
Emma: It sounded like a good idea at the time!
Baelfire: When is that a good idea at any time?
Emma: Hey, want to help me find your father? We only just found out he was alive. Maybe if we use you as bait-
Baelfire: We showed up at the exact same time?
Emma: *Is still yammering* Then we can find him!
Baelfire: I’m in the hospital, Emma!