We're just running a test

Monday, December 8, 2014

Quiet Minds Part 1

Emma: Yessss, I’m going to break into the diner and get me some free coffee…

Emma: Oh…hey guys…what’s up? Are you all here for coffee too?

Granny: No, it’s an intervention for your illegal activities since you possibly kicked your fiancĂ© off the roof.

Charming: IT’s time, Emma. Your law breaking is out of control!

Regina: I told them I’d help if it meant I got the coffee first…but I lied.

Charming: Why do we bring her in for anything?

Emma: Look, how many boyfriends of mine die? I’m just acting out a little and then I’ll be fine!

Charming: I can’t figure out if that question was rhetorical or not…

Hook: I don’t like the fact that Rumpelstiltskin’s alive. Can I fix that?

Charming: NO! Why do we bring YOU in for anything?

Hook: Like I know! I wanted to sleep and you came into my park bench and dragged me off it!

Emma: Well, I guess we’re going to have to find him. Where’s the locator spell?

Regina: We ran out since it’s useful…

Emma: Darn it, Regina!

Regina: I got thirsty!

Regina: I’m the victim here! I keep getting yanked up by magic and hurtled to my mother’s grave!

Regina: I have a limp now! *is faking*

Emma: Finally! Coffee!

Regina: Maybe I’ll just wonder around by myself until I find the wicked witch! See how you like that!
Emma: Okay.

Regina: I don’t like how laid back you are about this, Emma!

Zelena: I summon you, Dark One!

Dagger: We’re sorry; your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again. This is a recording.

Zelena: Grr, I knew I should’ve upgraded to iDagger 8!

Monkey: Heyyy….

Zelena: Search the green screen until you find him!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is booking it like a badass*

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m coming, Henry!

Belle: Well, I’ve done a forensic test on this piece of straw…

Belle: And I can very much say it’s his!

Belle: How do you guys know that he’s not dead and this was just a place he liked to get away to?

Emma: It smelled like Old Spice in there, like he’d just been hanging out.

Belle: That is his natural aroma…

Belle: You guys would know that if you spent time with him.

Charming: We’re um….busy?

Snow: Doing….things?

Emma: And stuff…

Belle: Lies.

Hook: I just don’t like him.

Belle: Well I don’t like you, why are you even here near me?

Emma: We’re volunteering him to stay with you to guard you!

Belle: ….

Belle: You idiots do realize that he saw me as an object and tried to kill me more than once, right?

Hook: I don’t even want to be here to guard you!

Emma: Hook! Say you’re sorry!

Hook: But I’m not! Fine! Okay! Only to make you happy! Sorry and whatever.

Belle: That couldn’t have been more fake if you tried.

Emma: I’m not even bothered by what just happened. Get used to it, it happens a lot now!

Belle: My true love doesn’t deserve you

Baelfire: The merry men clean up real nice…

Belle: The bill was high for what they used as target practice though…

Baelfire: Those curtains with that wallpaper though…

Baelfire: So….what’s dead is dead. Hasn’t that always been the rule?

Baelfire: Because I sort of promised my kid I’d be there for him and then a few hours later, suspicious circumstances forced me to break that.

Belle: Bae…it’s only a rule when it’s a rule, otherwise everything’s fair game!

Baelfire: I wish this show followed its own guidelines

Baelfire: Wait, that means I don’t see Emma ever again…so no I don’t!

Belle: And it’s not a rule because Rumpelstiltskin is the most popular male character on this show and no one would want to see him leave!

Belle: Yup, that pendant staying there is true love because it stays intact no matter how much literally everything else but us and our fairy tale clothes were destroyed.

Baelfire: There will be those that say you’re just saying that. And it’s only your opinion

Belle: And there will be those that don’t ever prove my statement wrong in show, now won’t there be?

Baelfire: You make a lot of sense, stepmommy!

Belle: You speak a lot of truth and I like you, Bae.

Baelfire: Wait…we gotta read all this?!

Belle: Yup! Hope you’re multilingual…
Baelfire: I’m not!

Belle: Children’s section for you then!

Baelfire: I’m starting to regret the whole “say no to castles” stance…

Belle: I miss electricity…

Baelfire: I miss everyone…

Belle: I miss Rumple…hard to miss everyone else…

*French words*

Baelfire: Oh god, what is that?

Belle: How should I know? Rumple only ever used trick candles on me; he was always way too cheap for this prank…

Lumiere: I am Lumiere!

Baelfire: Yo, no you’re not. I knew Lumiere from the movies and he was way cooler than you are, imposter!

Belle: Hold this and stop checking me out, you lost that right the third time you wanted to kill me.

Hook: You’re so touchy! How many more insincere apologies do I have to give?!

*Hears rattling*
Belle: We’re closed!

*Hears more rattling*
Belle: I said we’re- For the love of God, the moment everyone knows Rumple’s alive, and they all immediately come…

Hook: Nyeh, when I jab them with my sword, they’ll feel it!
Belle: Gross.

Baelfire: *Trips over the umbrella stand* OW!

Belle: Bae! Bae, hurry up or Hook will jab you with his sword!

Baelfire: I’m knocked out by all the crap in here!

Rudo: Forging my own excuse note here…

Emma: Here kid, have some dinner!
Rudo: Who is that weird lady that you left me with?

Emma: Oh her? She’s crazy, we let her think she’s the mayor…

Emma: What? Prices went up! I can only afford half of one these days...

Rudo: Why are we here?!

Emma: I already told you three times today! Reasons!

Rudo: Oh. I’ll just accept that and put it on my excuse note for school

Emma: Aww, Rudo.

Emma: Wait, that was sarcasm, they don’t accept that anymore?

Rudo: No! I had to forge the last three you wrote for me because they wouldn’t ever buy your excuses!

Emma: Ohh…I’m awkward at this mother thing….

Emma: Yo? Great, tie him down and shock him if he tries to escape. I’ll be there.

Rudo: You got him?

Emma: What? I didn’t get anyone and it most certainly wasn’t your father!

Rudo: That’s a specific denial…

Baelfire: What is UP?!

Emma: Neal?! You’re alive!
Charming: Hey, did HE cast the curse?

Baelfire: I don’t remember anything! Is that common?

Hook: On this show?

Baelfire: I’ll just ignore the peanut gallery over there.

Hook: HMPH!

Emma: Nope! NO one remembers anything and I remember all the things!

Emma: Ewww! What does your lot get up to in the Enchanted Forest?!

Emma: I am uploading this to my Facebook now!
Charming: Emma, you should pay attention…

Emma: So Henry doesn’t remember you, therefore you can’t see him

Baelfire: Do you let Regina see him?

Emma: Yes…even though she has possession issues that nearly got us all killed a lot, I totally left her alone with him! But you were there as much as you could after you found out that you had a son but for some reason, the rules don’t apply to you!

Baelfire: *sigh*

Emma: Is that too weird?

Baelfire: Little bit, Emma.

Emma: Yeah, I don’t really get it either…

Baelfire: So…got a boyfriend?

Emma: Sort of but then I threw him off a roof…

Baelfire: So…Regina gave you good memories of Henry combined with her own anger issues?

Emma: No, this was after I drank something that Hook gave me.


Baelfire: Woman! That’s never safe!

Emma: It sounded like a good idea at the time!

Baelfire: When is that a good idea at any time?

Emma: Hey, want to help me find your father? We only just found out he was alive. Maybe if we use you as bait-

Baelfire: We showed up at the exact same time?

Emma: *Is still yammering* Then we can find him!


Baelfire: I’m in the hospital, Emma!


  1. Gods, this season.
    Glad to see you're finally back("two weeks, just because I can" HMPH!!) and kicking.