Parts 3 and 4

 

Rudo: This is nice! Having ice cream in cold temperatures…

Regina: Weirdo…

 

Rudo: I am not!  You’re the one that journeyed out of your house and are gawking at places that you didn’t even know existed I this town!

Regina: I don’t get out much! Being evil is a full time job!

 

Regina: I’m going to get my revenge on Emma by making sure you eat all that before your suppertime!

 

*Awkward silence*

 

Regina: Are those ducks in the water?

 

Regina: *Is singing* Look at this stuff? Isn’t it neat?

 

Regina: Erm…I don’t know the rest…I sort of took Ariel’s voice before she could finish….

 

Rudo: Why are you babysitting me, anyway? Aren’t there like…people that my mom’s closer to?

 

Regina: …

 

Regina: You’re my bodyguard for the whole town that still thinks I had something to do with this since we never proved our case to town hall…

 

Rudo: What case?

 

Regina: I sort of like killing people and ruining lives, they like holding that against me.

 

Rudo: …

 

Rudo: Are you a spy too?

 

Regina: Oh Henry…

 

Regina: If I say yes, does that mean you’ll love me more than Emma?

 

Rudo: No. She’s my mom.

 

Regina: Just kidding!

 

Rudo: No you weren’t.

 

Emma: Hook. There are berries in the store.

Hook: But these ones are perfectly ripe and I’m hungry!

 

Emma: Do you eat with that Hook? Because you know….you had dream shade on it not too long ago. And…Rumple’s blood.

Hook: I might be immune! I don’t’ know!

 

Hook: Hey Emma, do you have to hold your breath all day to fit in those pants? I’m not complaining…

 

Emma: No. Do you have to strain much needed brain cells to keep your leerings to yourself and so you don’t? Because I AM complaining?

 

Emma: I think I heard my dad’s terrified screaming along this way….

Hook: I…am just trailing after you..

 

Emma: Well stop it!

 

Hook: I want to talk about your boyfriend!

 

Emma: I don’t! And I certainly liked you better when you didn’t care if I died!

 

Hook: Like me!

 

Emma: ….

 

Hook: …

 

Emma: I just broke up with my fiancé dude. And I might’ve killed him….

 

Hook: Well I’m glad you have your heart broken! Because if it’s broken then that means it still works!

 

Emma: What?!

 

Hook: Huh?

 

Emma: For the record, my heart has never had difficulty working! I got on fine with a lot of people and cared for them even though I barely knew them! The entire reason I stayed in Storybrooke was because my heart opened for my son and I wanted to make sure he was okay.

 

Hook: Oh…

 

Emma: I’ve never had a problem opening my heart up to those like Graham, Mary Margaret, Henry, Ashley, Ruby, Hansel, Gretel and others. You’re just pissy because I don’t want to drop everything and focus on you!

 

Hook: That’s…somewhat...not...accurate…

 

Emma: And really, you don’t get to push me to let down my walls after you tell me you love me a couple of days after leaving me to die, make sure our relationship is based on lies, decide you’re going to back off so Neal can have a go in a decision that should’ve been my choice,  and immediately go try to get into Tink’s pants. That sort of behavior is why I have walls in the first place.

 

Hook: But I’m handsome and pushing you to open your feelings is romantic!

 

Emma: Jackass.

 

Hook: Oh. I’m bad at this…

 

Emma: How come this is the only place in Storybrooke with snow?

Hook: Location, location, location…

 

Emma: Well…it doesn’t seem very…suspicious…

 

Charming: It’s been hours and I’m starving!

 

Charming: Whoa! I felt a frigid cold air hit me…like the icy temperament of Hook getting shut down!

 

Charming: I must go laugh at him!

 

Charming: Hey man! What’re you doing with my daughter?!

 

Charming: Uh…

 

Charming: Which way did I come from?

 

Charming: Is that Robin Hood trying to freak me out because I’m rich royalty?

 

Charming: Oh, just send your merry men after me, let’s see what happens!

 

Charming: Yes, hello, Pizza Hut? I’d like to place an order to be delivered after I give a merry man a brutal beat down….

 

Charming: What do you mean that’s not one of the time options for delivery? What sort of joke are you?

 

Charming: Guess I’ll just have to do carry out!

 

Charming: Batter up!

 

Charming: Yup…still climbing…

 

Rapunzel: I want to see!

 

Charming: Get out of my personal space! I have to protect you!

 

Rapunzel: My True Love!

 

Charming: Whoa now, you’re giving me weird feelings…

 

Charming: You don’t go anywhere! I’ll hack them to death in front of you!

 

Charming: *Dashing pose*

 

Charming: I could wait until he gets high enough and chop off your hair.

 

Rapunzel: DON”T YOU DARE, THAT TOOK FOREVER TO BRAID

 

Charming: *Is flailing wildly with his sword*

 

Charming: Oh hey, I just looked and realized he wasn’t there anymore…

 

Charming: Wait a second…

 

Cloaked Figure: Booga booga….

 

Charming: *Flails back and trips over his own feet* Owww!

 

Charming: *Flails* hair! It’s all over me!

 

Charming: DIE!

 

Charming: Whoa, I just tried to kill what could’ve been an innocent person that just liked cloaks….

 

Charming: Well done!

 

Cloaked Figure: TACKLE

Charming: DERP!

 

Charming: My perfectly combed hair!

 

Cloaked: That was so easy it was embarrassing…

 

*Is knocked out*

 

Hook: Ugh! This altitude!

Emma: We’re not even on a mountain, Hook…

 

Hook: Wouldn’t this normally count as an intrusion?

Emma: I can do what I want!

 

Emma: *Gasp* I want that kitchenware!

Hook: I want the heat that’s probably on in there…

 

Emma: Be super sneaky when we’re sneaking around someone’s porch we don’t have a warrant for.!

 

Emma: And don’t make any noise!

Hook: I’m not even saying anything…

 

Emma: I want to steal that bike and basket!

 

Emma: Stand guard, okay?

Hook: I think you might’ve forgotten why we’re here…

 

Emma: Psych!

Hook: Is that an outhouse?

 

Emma: Well, best solution is to shoot it open!

 

Hook: You can’t do that!

Emma: Why?

Hook: I don’t know! It’s illegal?

 

Hook: Or maybe something about backup? Or maybe we just want to drag this stuff out?

 

Emma: Are you scared?

 

Hook: No! I just don’t want to go to the outhouse!

 

Hook: Do YOU want to go to the outhouse?

 

Emma: It’s a storm cellar, Hook….they just were probably…uh…keeping the storms locked in there or something

 

Emma: A message from Dadvid! It’s important because he never knows how to operate his phone!

 

*Runs*

 

*Is just sort of standing there checking out his own butt*

 

Charming: Oh no! My Tourette’s in which I randomly stab people is back!

 

Charming: Owww, this is mildly uncomfortable!

 

Bad!Charming: I’ve been following you for three hours…

 

Charming: Wait, can I be this strong?

 

Bad!Charming: Enjoy my smoulder

 

Charming: ACH! Rapunzel! I can’t get out of your hair! Help me!

 

Rapunzel: Hang on…what?!

 

More Interesting Rapunzel: Sup?

Rapunzel: I have a twin?!

 

Charming: Twins! *Reminds himself that he’s a married man*

 

Rapunzel: I’ve…never seen your face until now!

 

Charming: This isn't working......um....Wiggle it…maybe?

 

Bad!Charming: How terrible are you are this! You give up one kid; you’re wife’s about to have another. You have one centric devoted to you in season 1, one centric that everyone thought was going to be about you but wasn’t in season 2, and now this one that no one will take seriously because of the Rapunzel plot!

 

Charming: Nooo! I’m stronger than this

 

*Falls*

Charming: Ow...

 

Charming: I have a sword!

 

Rapunzel: I don’t want a twin! I don’t want her to know the stuff I think through psychic bonding!

 

*Is still trying to get loose*

 Charming: Wait! What if she’s just a representation of your fears?!

 

Rapunzel: I think I’m just going to go out the window now…

 

Rapunzel: Can you please move?

 

Charming: The only way to face your fear is to BRUTALLY MURDER IT!

 

Bad Charming: You’re stance is derpy and my hair is better than yours!

 

Charming: *Can’t handle that sort of mind game* Diiiiie!

 

Charming: Wait! He knows all my moves since he’s me! Time to do something I wouldn’t do …

 

Charming: But he’s me, so he might be expecting that! So I should do what I would normally do…but he’s me and he’d be expecting that too…

 

Bad!Charming: I have a better lady winning smile too!

Charming: Nooooo!

 

Charming: No Rapunzel! Closing your eyes and sobbing won’t save you from getting your head ripped off!

 

Rapunzel: Happy place!

 

*Finally gets loose*

Charming: Momentum! Can’t stop!

 

Rapunzel: Don’t touch me, I’m royalty…

 

*Are having a wrestling match while HANGING FROM RAPUNZEL’S HAIR*

 

Rapunzel: Ouch, that smarts.

 

More Interesting Rapunzel: I’m going to…just stand there and leer at you..

 

Rapunzel: Tee hee, your face is so funny!

 

Rapunzel: Wait, that’s my face…

 

Charming: My long johns are caught on this rosebush! I can’t get to you in time!

 

Rapunzel: Those aren’t rosebushes! Are you lying to get me to face my fear?

 

Charming: *She figured it out* Noo!

Rapunzel: No! Bad more interesting version of me! *Flails wildly and accidentally cuts her hair*

 

Charming: *Desperately scootches over*

 

More Interesting Rapunzel: *Disappears*

 

Rapunzel: OH good, I don’t have to deal with staring at my splattered doppelganger’s remains as I leave.

 

Charming: Yay!

 

Rapunzel: Now how do I get down?

 

Charming:  Oh, that’s not great…

 

Charming: I don’t suppose I can have that back…?

 

Not!Charming: No. Say I’m the reigning champion!

Charming: Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be able to say it being passed out from lack of oxygen to my brain.

 

Charming: Oh crap, Emma! And Hook’s with her! I can’t let them see me like this!

 

Charming: *Inner wrist pinch*

 

*His weakness*

 

Charming: Yesssss, I won…..

 

Charming: “Come here little sword, you understand-

 

Charming: Awww!

 

Charming: Even my sword abandoned me!

 

Emma: Hey Dadvid! So we heard your voicemail that something was stalking you and….went to pick up Regina from her babysitting duties!

Regina: I have to be in every scene!

 

Charming: That’s okay, I handled it my own self!

 

Hook: The wooded ground is filthy! Why are you sitting on it!

 

Charming: Because I got tired fighting myself!

 

Regina: When I fight myself, it’s never to the point of physical exhaustion…

 

Regina: …though to be fair, I don’t fight myself very hard….

 

Charming: Guys, you won’t believe my story.

 

Rapunzel: That’s a lot easier climbing down than it was climbing up…

 

Rapunzel: Thanks for cutting my hair by the way; I didn’t know you were a hair stylist in another life…

 

Charming: It’s something I don’t share much. You wouldn’t believe the hair I’d be required to do.

 

Rapunzel: Can I ride your horse?

 

Rapunzel: I don’t think I have the muscle mass to make a long journey anymore

 

Charming: Well I get to explain to my wife why I was gone all night and come back with some woman that she doesn’t know. How exciting for me.

 

Audience Member: Man, I can’t believe we lost all the peasants that crossed over with us to the ogres that took over our land!

 

Belle: I plot your death every day.

Regina: So take a number!

 

Not!Gothel: Rapunzel?!

 

Rapunzel: Mom! Dad! Don’t ask where I’ve been, I guarantee you it’ll make no sense...

 

Snow: Are you feeling emotional Regina?

Regina: No! This pin is sticking me in the head and I"m tearing up from the pain!!

 

*Family reunion*

 

Snow: So, you run off and save princesses, huh? I thought I was the special one...

Charming: Snow, you are the special one. You were the only princess I’ve helped rescue that could tame me!

 

Charming: Nice dress…

 

Snow: Yeah, its laundry day and I was out of whites…and it was Mr. Gold’s birthday so I felt we should celebrate it.

 

Snow: I miss the adventures we all used to have.

Charming: I miss it when our family was intact for more than five episodes at a time…

 

Snow: *Pouts* Is this because of the nightmares you keep waking up screaming about?

 

Charming: Yeah…also, don’t go eating random roots that Robin might recommend. It doesn’t go well…

 

Snow: I wasn’t planning on it, but okay.

 

Charming: I can’t believe you guys found me crying in the middle of the woods.

Hook: It’s okay, we’ve all done it.

 

Regina: Hey, your sword disappeared? Huh, it’s a sign of you standing up for yourself and taking your courage!

 

Emma: Oh, that’s why Regina’s here.

Hook: I just love random exposition…

 

Charming: So…any idea why the wicked witch would want that?

 

Regina: Sorry, you guys used up all my useful tokens this week.

 

Charming: *Siiiigh* Regina…

 

Regina: What? Be grateful I even came to help in these boots!

 

Hook: My boots weren’t made for this either in case anyone wanted to know and feel bad for me…

 

Zelena: Yes! I got away with everything!

 

Snow: So…that puff of magic was my imagination?

 

Zelena: Yesforthemillionthtime, Snow!

 

Snow: Aww! That looks like my husband’s sword hilt in your purse!

 

Zelena: It’s not. They sell replicas so we can re-enact that part of your wedding where Charming threw the sword at Regina. But we can actually get her. This time..

 

Snow:  HUG!

 

Zelena: Okay!

 

Zelena: *Waits*

 

Snow: Squee!

Zelena: Did no one tell this woman about stranger danger?

 

Emma: Well…you guys are backup I guess…

Charming: Two of us don’t have magic. What can we do?!

 

Emma: Hey! While we were gone, it’s been opened! THANKS Hook!

 

Charming: Emma, what’re you doing? There’s nothing to hint that there might be a threat under here…it could be locked for a thousand other reasons!

 

Emma: Oh…yeah…

 

Hook: Any day now.

 

Regina: Whoa, a cage. Someone was into some kinky stuff…

Emma: Maybe it’s a were-spinningwheel and it turns during the full moon…

 

Emma: Did Rumple just Kool Aide Man out of that?

 

Hook: That cage is surprisingly clean for holding a guy that’s been down here as long as he has…

 

Charming: Gold thread, Emma, we’re rich!

 

Regina: Finally! Rumple’s alive!

 

Emma: I’ll get to hear his “hiiiii” Emma again?