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Thursday, December 19, 2013

3x01 Final Part

Henry: *Throws arm out* STOOOOP!
Obviously Pan: *Is slammed in the midsection by Henry’s arm* OMPH! 

Henry: Well, we’re going to have to jump.

Obvious Pan: What?

Henry: Well, I’m not going to be with the Lost Boys. They range from eerie to just downright unsettling.

Obviously Pan: But I thought you were evil and evil needs minions!

Henry: I don’t employ help that I don’t know and is creepier than me. I choose to rule my subjects with fear, not making some loyal to me.

Henry: Unlike SOME people I know!

Obviously Pan: I’m NOT Pan!

Henry: Well, I give up; hitching a ride from a fairy isn’t going to happen.

Henry: Well, I don‘t want to be taken alive, so here we go!
Obviously Pan: I hate this! I hate this!

Henry: *Accidentally crushes the vial containing Pixie Dust in his hand* CRAP!
Obviously Pan: This is unbelievable!

Henry: How do we stop?!
Obviously Pan: I’m not sure I want to tell you!

Regina: What a moron!

Snow: Like you’re one to talk!
Charming: ….Mermaids can’t like…jump up and rip my face off, can they?

Charming: I’ll save her!

Hook: Yeah! You do that! I’ll just…wait here! Not because I’m worried about meeting my dating pool again, but because I don’t want to get my leather anymore dirty, it’s shrinking.

Charming: Okay! I think I’m about re-

Hook: *Shoves*

Charming: AHHHH!

Snow: Can’t you at least give us a light Regina?!

Charming: *Applies Full Nelson of Life Saving*

Regina: *Is annoyed* Aww! Emma lived?!
Hook: Charming lived. Darn.

Snow: Are you guys pulling?!
Regina: Yes! *Is barely trying*
Hook: *Isn’t even making an effort*

Charming: I always…wanted to be the one to haul you out of the water when you dived in and knocked yourself out…*Sniffles* Family bonding!

Charming: Geez, she wears a ton. I was wondering where all my burritos have been going!

Charming: Does anyone know chest compressions?

Hook: With this hook?

Regina: I don’t want to get in good with you guys THAT Much!

Emma: Rumpelstiltskin is that you?!

Charming: Nope! Way better!

Emma: None of you applied mouth to mouth, did you?

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, that’s the most bare rock I’ve found all throughout this island.

Rumpelstiltskin: *Makes sure he looks impeccable*

Rumpelstiltskin: *Does some squats*

Rumpelstiltskin: *Moves around until he finds a comfortable position*

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m waiting!

Felix: Hey Rumpelstiltskin, sorry I’m late, I was being the welcoming committee for a couple of dweebs over on the other side of the –

Felix: *Accidently slips down the hill but regains his footing at the bottom*

Felix: - Island.

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, whoopty doo, you put them ahead of greeting me. *Is hurt* 

Felix: Hey, I had to fight the other Lost Boys to the death for this job, okay! I take my job seriously here in Felixland! We don’t play favorites!

Rumpelstiltskin: We’re in Neverland!

Felix: I’m certain that’s what I said!
Felix: *Wonders if Pan would get miffed if he smacked Rumpel with his club*

Felix: Well, you should know that Pan told me to tell you that ‘Henry is his, he called dibs, and no tag backs.’

Felix: He also added in a couple of ‘neener neeners’ but I’m not sure that would be as effective coming from me.

Rumpelstiltskin: That sounds like him.

Felix: We also imitated your giggles and arm flails like crazy.

Rumpelstiltskin: *Crossed a line*

Felix: All in all, it was a good time. Pan says you can live if you don’t come after the ankle biter. He even gave you a nice offer in Upper East Side Neverland. We could go fishing.

Rumpelstiltskin: I know the real estate is bad there!

Rumpelstiltskin: Maybe I’ll beat you with that club!

Felix: It’s as big as you are!

Rumpelstiltskin: Big surprises come in small packages!

Felix: *Did NOT want to imagine that*

Felix: *Reads Peter’s message from his hand* Oh hey! He said something else!
Rumpelstiltskin: What?! I have important meandering around to do!

Rumpelstiltskin: What?! No! No!

Felix: I have NO clue what that’s about. Pan just said to throw it there and take a photo of your face *Takes photo*

Rumpelstiltskin: My dad told me this was one of a kind!

Felix: Oh god, I’m on an island full of others who kidnap kids and people with DADDY ISSUES?! Now what does this remind me of?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Can I be Ben Linus?

Felix: Sorry, Pan said you have to be Jack.

Rumpelstiltskin: *Whole world is wrecked*

Felix: Well, I’m off. I’m sure other people need to be greeted.

Rumpelstiltskin: I could use an Emma honeymoon hug right about now!

Baelfire: Hold up…is that…Mjolnir above me?!

Baelfire: And Wonder Woman’s Lasso?

Robin Hood: Hey, that looks like the wand that very possibly got Maid Marion killed!
Mulan: Ah, memories.

Baelfire: Well, this thing looks like it COULD be a communication device, I guess. 

*Is really disappointed that he can’t take Mjolnir or the lasso without raising suspicion*

Baelfire: Gross, gross, spider webs, gross!

Robin Hood: I feel his pain. Once there was a spider in the bathroom of my hut…burned down half of Sherwood Forest to kill it….and I’m still not certain that thing is dead…

Baelfire: Geez you guys, you got a towel I can clean my hands off with for eternity?

Mulan: Look, we don’t have time! Just think the thoughts you think about when you think about Emma.

Baelfire: I’m not sure I can do that with people I don’t know in the room because things will get raised…
Mulan: What?
Baelfire: Feelings! Feelings!

Mulan: Hey! What’s that?

Baelfire: It’s got a mind of its own! I swear!


Baelfire: Oh! The crystal ball is working!

Baelfire: Oh god! Emma’s in Neverland! I recognize that bush she’s standing in front of! 

Charming: Well that was the most awkward boat ride I’ve ever been a part of.
Hook: How come I had to row with Charming?
Emma: It’s called TEAMWORK!

Regina: Hey guys, I can use magic!

Emma: Yeah, you said that as we were on the ship too and look what happened.

Hook: She’s sinking!

Regina: Well, maybe if you jumped in a lot faster than the boat wouldn’t have taken damage!

Emma: Do not test me. I’m soaking wet in my only pair of clothes and I am NOT in the mood for any of you right now!

Hook: That’s just like what Milah used to say!

Emma: And you all nearly got us killed! From now on, I vote me as the leader because I’m supposed to be the protagonist of this story. It’s supposed to be about MY journey mostly! 

Regina: *Is struggling not to punch Emma*

Emma: I’m really good at finding people, so we’re going to find Henry. And if we have to, we’ll track the wails of the terrified Lost Boys that he torments!

Hook: I so want to do inappropriate things to you, right now.

Emma: Oh for heaven’s sake! Baelfire died less than 12 hours ago!

Charming: Baelfire DIED?!
Snow: Yes Charming.
Charming: Then why was he on the press release?!

Emma: The best way to find Henry is to be who we are!

Charming: Whoa! You DO remember that ‘who we are’ includes two villains that have tried killing us just the other day, right? And now you’re enabling their evil side?

Emma: Okay, I admit that that sounded a lot better in my head but it’s totally okay that you attack the villains without feeling remorse for anything just as long as the target isn’t on the good guys.

Regina: SWEET!

Emma: And no more flip flopping!

Regina: Aww


Charming: I’m pretty sure it’s four in the afternoon…

Regina: You go after them.
Hook: No, you.
Regina: I don’t want to be behind Snow

Hook: FINE!
Regina: *Did it on purpose to check Hook out* I lumping hate all of you.

Henry: Hey! That blonde lump looks like my mom!
Obviously Pan: Oh er- um….that’s just Felix. He’s trying out some extensions.

Obviously Pan: Park there!
Henry: But we can fly up to the 2nd star to the right portal, right?
Obviously Pan: *Didn’t think about that when he thought up this test*…..no….


Obviously Pan: Still need to work on that landing.

Henry: I’ve broken every bone in my body!

Henry: Oh wait, no, I just landed on my keys.

*Is awkward*

Obviously Pan: I have a confession.I AM Pan!

Henry: ….

Obviously Pan: ….

Henry: Oh! You want me to feign surprise!

Henry: *Gassspppp*

Pan: I brought you here because I need your heart.

Pan: You have a very special heart Henry; I’ve been checking it out.

Henry: And it belongs to Grace Hatter.

Pan: I’m going to use your magic to do vague evil things!

Henry: Just for the record, my heart has to be INSIDE my body, right?

Pan: I don’t know! It’s really unclear as of this moment!

Henry: You’re not giving me a lot of confidence here, Pan.

Pan: That’s a nice scarf by the way; I’ve been checking it out too.

Henry: Yeah, I’m keeping all my clothes.

Pan: I’m getting them whether you like it or not!

Pan: And knock on wood, it’ll somehow fit me!
Pan: *Knocks on wood*

Pan: Chances are, you won’t need them anymore when I’m done possibly mutilating you. !

 Pan: It’s not your color anyway.

Pan: Hey everyone! Get your butts out here to meet our new victim!

Henry: Victim? I prefer Dictator…

Henry: I’m not sure I Like these “Lord of the Flies connotations here.

Pan: Let’s play-
Henry: *Is horrified* WHAT?!

Pan: -hopscotch! I love that game!

The End


  1. Mulan is awesome and Henry is too. Still scared about how predatory Pan can get.

  2. Awesome as always. Thanks for all the laughs.