Emma: Seriously Regina! Stop hitting me with lightning every time I try to touch my own map.
Regina: I have NO idea what you’re talking about. I’m too busy trying to save Henry!
Emma: By the way, how did you change clothes from Storybrooke to the boat?
Regina: Hook has a closet full of some lady’s clothes. I’d have gotten you something but I’m not sure the sexy nun dominatrix gear wouldn’t NOT encourage our leather clad sorry excuse for a guide.
Regina: Oh no! The map is getting too far away!
Charming: I’ll save it!
Charming: Come back here, you map!
Hook: Your father really likes yanking out his sword, doesn’t he?
Emma: The men on this journey are having an alpha-off, WONDERFUL!
Snow: Are you really surprised? That’s what your father does to ALL your sort of boyfriends!
Snow: If it were Rumpelstiltskin, you would be watching a never-ending battle.
Emma: *Mentally moans*
Charming: So, three days of nonstop riding, I can’t feel anything from the waist down!
Snow: No comment, Charming!
Charming: I am going to build your confidence? Rumpelstiltskin told me how!
Snow: How? Did he suggest getting a new boyfriend? Because that would be something he would say.
Charming: Nope! Never said anything of the sort at all.
Charming: He just told me where a certain sword was and told me to make you yank it out!
Snow: Well, I DO like swords!
Charming: And it’s totally Excalibur for real!
Snow: Really?! All the way out here and no one’s tried to find it?!
Charming: Yep! Totally is!
Snow: And I thought they were supposed to be two different swords!
Charming: No! What are you on?! They’re totally the same!
*Makes kissy faces at each other*
Snow: Seriously, how did Excalibur end up out here? Wouldn’t Arthur have found it now? Because otherwise, how would we know about Excalibur or anything BEFORE Arthur pulled it out.
Charming: Uhhhh…..Merlin got drunk one day and shoved the sword back in a rock…f-for reasons!
Snow: I’m beginning to doubt your truth
Charming: What are you yammering about? The story is TOTALLY legit!
Snow: So…Excalibur; the most well-known sword in mythology is just…stuck in a random rock, huh?
Charming: LEGIT SNOW! LEGIT! I’ll show you!
Charming: *Squees and rushes over*
Charming: *Jumps in place to loosen muscles*
Charming: Uuuuggh! I’m straining, Snow!
Charming: URGH! I CAN’T MOVE!
*Three Hours Later*
Charming: I give up! It’s too hard!
Charming: You have to try
Snow: *Is sarcastic* Yeah, because my muscle mass is so superior to yours that I’ll just yank it out in a second.
Charming: Darn it Snow! I paid good money for this! Wait! I mean to say that I scouted long and hard for this!
Snow: *Is annoyed* Whatever, just move!
Snow: This is SUCH nonsense!
Snow: *Yanks so hard she falls backwards*
Charming: Oh my…
Snow: That was easy! Almost…too easy!
Charming: Do you know what this means?!
Snow: That my muscle mass IS superior to yours!
Charming: No…that isn’t it…
Emma: Shouldn’t we just scout the camp instead of just storming it?!
Charming: Emma! Sh!
Regina: All of you move! I can’t save Henry this way!
Hook: Please, I know you don’t want me to move, you’re too busy checking me out!
Regina: I am not!
Hook: You’re always behind me!
Regina: NO idea what you’re talking about!
Regina: I think he digs me!
Charming: Oh, it’s abandoned…that’s not suspicious at all!
Emma: Surrounded by hills…harder to climb out of…now if I didn’t know any better, I’d think we were walking into an ambush
Charming: It is MIIIGHHHTYYYY suspicious….
Emma: Henry! They actually left you alone?! That’s way too good to be true!
Pan: No, you idiots! I can’t believe you fell into this as hard as you did
Emma: How did you get into his clothes?!
Regina: PLEASE tell me he’s magicked them and poor Henry isn’t hanging out in his Batman underoos somewhere.
Emma: You trapped us!
Pan: I presumably wouldn’t have trapped you if you weren’t such a dirty rotten cheater! This is what you get. Listening to the ONE person who constantly loses what she temporarily gains on this show because of rash behavior.
Hook: Hey! Don’t talk about my girlfriend that way! Both of them!
Emma: *Is immediately catatonic*
Pan: Girlfriend?! What sort of crazy family love hexagon am I working with?!
Felix: Pick some of them off! It’s the only way!
Pan: A second in command after my own heart, Felix!
Felix: *Mentally squees*
Regina: Well, at least I did something!
Emma: That logic STILL doesn’t work!
Pan: Mmmmm, that’s good ambush!
Hook: Regina! Protect me with your ineffectual fists! Every sharp thing they have is laced with dreamshade and I’m not wearing body armor!
Charming: I am Luke Skywalker! *Deflects arrows*
Charming: Snow! Move your butt!
Charming: *Is cut* Oh my mercy, I’ll never know what a clean bill of health is like again!
Snow: Are you hit?!
Charming: Nope! Just got my jacket!
Regina: Fear my nightlight!
Felix: Hey Captain! I haven’t seen you since the last time we left you sobbing like a little cabin boy!
Hook: Well you might have if you took time out of your busy greeting schedule to come greet us!
Felix: WELCOME TO FELIX LAND, #*($@!
Hook: See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Emma: Savior battle powers, activate!
*Tackles Nearest Boy*
Emma: GIMME BACK MY SON!
Sad Lost Boy: What was up with that face?
Emma: Don’t try and change the subject!
Snow: Hey Emma! The Lost Boys have stopped attacking you and me for me to chat with you? Are you okay?
Pan: Okay guys. Emma’s on the verge of a mental breakdown, I think we hit them as hard as they hit us!
Pan: And what was that Felixland stuff? We’re in Neverland.
Felix: That’s what I said!
Pan: Now, maybe this time you’ll actually play right! You know how much I hate cheaters and liars!
Felix: But you lie and cheat!
Pan: Shut up, Felix. When you make the rule book of “The Peter Pan Screws You Over" board game, THEN you can complain.
Emma: *sniffles* My world is coming apart!
Charming: *Is applying first aide to himself* Shoot him in the face, Snow! You’re right there!
Pan: Now accept who you are or I’ll send Felix to REALLY greet you! And you don’t want that!
Emma: I’m not scared!
Regina: Wait…Hook said I was his GIRLFRIEND!
Willy: Everyone get into the storm cellar, the queen is coming!
Fred: Augh, crazy Willy’s at it again.
Charming: Maybe we should’ve cleared out the civilians before we decided to face Regina.
Snow: Oh who cares about them?!
Snow: What’s this written on the side? ‘Dan’s Gag Gifts?”
Charming: I don’t know where that came from
Snow: *Is mentally moaning*
Regina: I Hope you’re happy, I had to get into my ‘Send my stepdaughter to exile’ dress and it’s by far my most tacky outfit! I even had to get my extensions out of the closet.
Regina: But glad to know that I’m still better looking than you.
Regina: Hey Snow, you clear the mud out of your nostrils? Did Charming see to his physician about that rope burn in his mouth?
Snow: If I give you my sword, could you just throw it at her….
Charming: Maybe later. My arms are tired.
Snow: So…due to your tacky track record of word keeping thus far, I have decided to decline your exile offer.
Snow: Also, I’m going to defeat you.
Regina: If you’re as boring a queen as you are a speechmaker then I will wait until they beg me back.
Snow: You know what I’m NOT going to do? Kill them indiscriminately.
Snow: I’ll just…let you out to do it after we capture you…
Regina: CAPTURE ME?! What sort of fantasy are you on about? I’m totally going to kick your backsides! If there’s anything I’m an expert at, its war or something…
Grumpy: Hey! What are you doing?!
Sneezy: I’ll hold him down for you, Regina!
Snow: I have to save him!
Charming: Wait a bit! Grumpy’s always pushing me around!
Charming: We have to have a solid plan because she can teleport-
Snow: LEEEROOOOOYY JENKINS!
Regina: I’m still in sword striking distance!
Snow: *Is feeling a bit bloodlusty* HIYA!
Charming: Grumpy! I’m not doing all the heavy pulling to get you up!
Regina: LaGASP, I got cut?
Snow: Yeah idiot, that’s what happens when you teleport like RIGHT behind me!
Snow: Tying up Charming just made me doubt myself but you crossed a line when you beat up Grumpy and I will have my vengeance!
Regina: I could use magic to kill you right here but I HAVE TO FIX MY FACE!
Snow: Well when you take it to the shop, purchase an upgrade that isn’t the one you have now because you’ll never live safe when when I’m done with you!
Regina: I’m gonna win this war! No one can tell me otherwise!
Charming: *Cuts everyone off* You did it, Snow!
Grumpy: Charming, move that leather clad keester