Emma: Now WHERE did that pirate hide all his booze? He drinks nonstop, it has to be somewhere!
Hook: Oh! Hey! Don’t mind me! I’m just….looking for my lucky leather jacket.
Emma: Stop checking me out!
Hook: I’m not!
Emma: I know that’s all you do!
Hook: Wow, it smells down here.
Emma: Yeah, I figured that was the centuries of sweaty men crashing on those cots.
Hook: Also, I saw the eye sex between you and Rumpelstiltskin and I was wondering if you might have some energy left over.
Emma: You! *Winds up to punch*
Hook: It’s okay, I’ll understand if you’re playing hard to get-
Emma: Oh crap, I just got seasick
Hook: Here, the key to my heart will make you feel better. Oh wait, that’s the Bae cabinet.
Hook: I know I put the key to my heart around here somewhere...
Emma: Is this going to take a while? I think I have to hurl!
Hook: AH! This was his sword. Here take it. The Lost Boys are freaky freakers; they’ll maul you if you don’t arm yourself properly.
Emma: I was sort of hoping any swords you presented to me would be bigger.
Hook: Well, know that no matter what, that sword is NOT in my possession because he didn’t get a chance to grab it to defend himself when the Lost boys came for him and dragged him away when I tipped them off. NOT AT ALL!
Emma: You say the most specific things, Hook.
Emma: Why am I holding this?
Hook: Oh, it’s for me. Having one hand makes pouring things into a shot glass difficult. It usually helps when someone is in the same room with me.
Hook: Bottoms up!
Hook: Okay, hold it again!
Emma: I’m beginning to have little hope for this relationship, Hook.
Baelfire: Zzzzz Emma! Zzzzzz Henry! Zzzzzz Minotaur Dance Party! Zzzzz
Baelfire: TAMARA, STOP SITTING ON THE SIDE OF THE BED AND WATCHING ME SLEEP!
Baelfire: *Is awkward* Oh….hey….what’s up?
Baelfire: Answering would be preferable!
Aurora: Oh good! We just got back from the hair salon and my hair looks good for the new guy.
Philip: You know, I sort of died on that bed…
Aurora: No! No! A little at a time.
Aurora: And you ask NICELY!
Baelfire: That’s ridiculous, I nearly died! I don’t have time to-
Mulan: ASK NICELY!
Baelfire: Okay! Okay! May I please have some water?
Mulan: Say it like you mean it!
Baelfire: I don’t have time for that! I have to get to Storybrooke and profess my love for Emma before my dad calls dibs again!
Baelfire: And wow, there should be more blood!
Philip: You’d be dead if not for these ladies attempts to miraculously bring people back to life with no explanations!
Aurora: I’m pretty sure your lung collapsed but once we found the duct tape and bicycle air pump, we were fine.
Baelfire: Where did the shoulder straps to your top go? They just disappeared.
Aurora: What are you talking about? They’re there!
Aurora: Wow, those pain killers did a number on you!
Aurora: I. Am. Aurora. I can see into people’s dreams. Maybe if you give slip me a 20, I’ll even invade your kid’s dreams.
Baelfire: Wait…he still dreams about the netherworld?
Aurora: Oh yeah, those dreams don’t go away.
Aurora: I’ve even seen him a few times. He’s dancing around the flames.
Baelfire: Your shoulder straps are gone again!
Aurora: WHAT are you talking about?
Emma: *Is zoned out*
Hook: And THAT is how eyeliner changed my life.
Hook: You weren’t listening?!
Hook: *Sniffles* Typical. Just typical!
Charming: Where’s the blinker on this thing?
Snow: *Shoves down* Let me try! Only someone wearing a coat can steer the Jolly Roger! It was in the book!
Charming: But I can help!
Snow: I said I’m driving!
Hook: Who on earth let CHARMING steer!? I left Regina in charge!
Regina: I am BUSY over here!
Hook: Gimme my wheel!
Charming: No! I’m doing fine!
Charming: What’s down there? The ghosts of the crew that disappeared off your ship.
Snow: All these ropes are IN MY WAY!
Emma: *Is confused* Like…. ‘Under the Sea, Under the Sea?’
Hook: If you mean ‘drag you down below and let you drown’, then YEAH!
Emma: *Takes several steps backward*
Charming: Why are their tails glowy?
Regina: Well are you guys going to do something or what?
Emma: Hey Hook! What did you do the last time the mermaids attacked your ship?
Hook: I DON”T KNOW!
Charming: I have no idea how I know how to load a cannon…
Regina: I’m going below; wake me up when we reach land.
Charming: ….but I’m going to look amazing doing it.
*3 Hours Later.*
Snow: I think you’re starting to make a dent, baby!
Hook: Sweet heavens to Betsy, what did Charming do when he was here? I can barely steer at all!
Charming: I GOT ON- what are you doing?!
Snow: Don’t ask! Just hope they don’t grab the net and pull us all under!
Regina: Hey guys! I think I see banana trees on land!
Charming: *Aims cannon* Regina, offer your assistance or so help me!
Regina: Oh, that’s right. I’m supposed to be in a hurry and I have magic, I forgot all about that.
Snow: Why can’t you have just done that before?!
Regina: Like I friggin care about doing anything useful unless I get more of a reward than I really deserve.
Regina: Oh good, my invisible PDA says I’m allowed to do two decent things today. So I’ll bring the mermaid up for you.
Hook: Bettie? Is that you?
Bettie: Hook! You bas-
Henry: Hey, Pan, is your location close by or not? I’m tired of running.
Obviously Pan: I’m not Pan!
Obviously Pan: Would I go through all this brouhaha if I just wanted to kidnap you and do nefarious things?
Henry: I come from a family full of those that do all sorts of brouhaha to do nefarious things.
Obviously Pan: *Fumes*
Henry: Seriously Pan, I’m winded. Why can’t you just take me to your location?
Obviously Pan: Because that’s too simple
Henry: I knew it!
Obviously Pan: *Is covering* If I WAS Pan, that is.
Henry: Wow, I hope our relationship isn’t very long and far more exciting.
Obviously Pan: We’re going to have TONS of adventures! Look!
Henry: No thanks, my family told me to never put my hands on anything resembling non-sugar and non-flour white powder.
Obviously Pan: It’s PIXIE DUST!
Henry: Oh, I’m SO SURE it is.
Obviously Pan: Keep making this difficult! See what it gets you!
Henry: Oh, you ain’t seen anything yet. Soon I’m going to run this circus.
Baelfire: So…Aurora’s just okay with her boyfriend standing over her and falling asleep on command while we all watch?
Mulan: Well, some people can cry on command.
Baelfire: I can belch the alphabet on command.
Baelfire: *Hopes she’s impressed*
Mulan: I….didn’t ask.
Baelfire: Hey, wanna hear about my feelings since I fell through the portal for a second time because of someone that was supposed to love me and betrayed me instead?
Baelfire: Yay! It all started when-
Mulan: Okay, I’m bored.
Mulan: I don’t even HAVE a backstory! What makes you think I want to listen to you share yours?
Baelfire: You could always come with me and we could have backstories together.
Mulan: Baelfire, I believe you’re trying to seduce me!
Baelfire: WHAT?! No!
Aurora: Omigod! I couldn’t find Henry in the netherworld anywhere and he usually is at the palace he built in there where he rules us all with an iron fist!
Aurora: But he wasn’t at home, this time!
Baelfire: What an odd time for a vacation…
Baelfire: Mulan, you should know that I have opted you to go with me.
Mulan: I don’t want to go!
Baelfire: Would you rather just hang out with them all day?
Baelfire: I didn’t mean to say that so loud.