Dark Hollow Part 1

*Old Stuff*

 

Belle: It’s okay Belle…it’s okay…they’ll use you in ALL the episodes….

 

Belle: Oh hell, no they won’t.

 

Jiminy: Hey Belle! Where’s the boat? Rumple said I could come with!

Grumpy: Um…did that ship just sink?

 

Belle: They took everyone and left me….and you guys too.

 

Jiminy: *Feels himself losing hope at ever being a regular again*

 

Blue: Wait…he left all of us alone? With no magical protection except me?

Grumpy: *Realizes they’re screwed then*

Blue: DIBS ON MAYOR!

 

Belle: I’m mayor, yo.

 

Belle: I have the ‘I can protect us all’ thingie.

 

Belle: Do YOU?

 

Blue: Hold on. I have to make sure the potion he gave his girlfriend that he totally loves is legit!

 

Blue: IT IS!

 

Jiminy: He couldn’t have made Hook wait two minutes? That’s all I’m saying…

 

*It’s a Small World After All” Plays*

 

John: For God’s sake, turn that off!

Michael: I can’t! This is an old car, the tape is stuck!

 

*The most unintimidating duo since Greg and Tamara*

 

Grumpy: So…who is coming to hurt us?

Sleepy: I don’t know but I’m sure that no matter what, it won’t make ANY sense when you REALLY think about it?

 

Jiminy: Get a move on Belle! 0 mph isn’t a speed that anyone likes!

Belle: I’m not wearing the right six inch heels for this…

 

Belle: Quick! How do I cast this spell?

 

Jiminy: …….

 

Sneezy: Throw it in the rock!

Belle: Right.

Jiminy: *Can’t decide which he wants more: His BFF or adequate screen time*

 

Grumpy: Here it is…the fabled rock of Storybrooke….

 

Blue: Well, I guess this is the town line….close enough to count I hope.

Belle: *is worried*

 

Grumpy: Oh fabled rock….can I just touch you a minute?

 

Grumpy: Before we POUND A HOLE THROUGH YOU!

 

John: We’re HIPSTERS! We’re HIPSTERS WITH A DOOFY KEYCHAIN! THAT’S OUR REAL PUNISHMENT FROM PAN!

 

Michael: IT CAME WITH THE CAR!

 

*Everyone pauses to map out Storybrooke*

 

Belle: Grumpy’s a bit weird.

Blue: Some people get that way when exposed to the fabled rock of Storybrooke….

 

Belle: So I should just…pour it in this little hole and hope for the best? Seems a bit risky for someone that’s never done magic.

 

Belle: You do it.

 

Blue: *Gollum voice* IT BUUURNNNSSS, IT BURNS US!

 

Blue: I mean…you’re his love and…stuff, you should be the one to do it. Don’t screw up or anything as it might mean the end to us all.

 

Blue: No pressure.

 

Belle: *Is pressured*

 

*Trickle trickle trickle*

 

Belle: Well, that didn’t work…time to get ourselves an army mustered. We go to war at dawn

 

*Magic*

 

Civilian: Well, nice that the town is back to normal, everything somehow repaired itself from the trees spouting up….now finally we can relax…

 

Civilian: Oh @!(#(!, THE END IS NIGH!

 

*Barrier closing*

 

John: I’m not sure I want to speed up…

Michael: We’re gonna make it.

John: Ain't gonna. Now turn back, this is my car.

Michael: So what if we get sliced in half?

 

*Barely makes it*

 

*Swerves all over the road*

 

Michael: Told you we’d make it.

John: I’ve wet myself. How delightful.

 

*Judging*

 

John: That had better not be my vintage bumper….

 

Michael: It’s totally not.

 

Rumple: Now you don’t enter the portal at the 356^th bend, you enter it at the 357^th, I know it’s tricky but do memorize it dear. You don’t want to end up Westeros.

 

Ariel: What? I’m all the way over here! I can’t even SEE that!

 

Rumple: I’m going to pretend this is a cane and she’s Moe French…hold me back, Regina.

Regina: Idon’twanna

 

Rumple: Look just give this sand dollar to Belle and wait for her to give you what we need. I’d say what it was but Pan has ears all over the island.

 

Ariel: That’s never stopped your lot from yammering loudly about your plans before.

 

Regina: Those are the Charmings, we don’t know them

Rumple: *Fumes*

 

Ariel: I shall return in 3-5 business days. Or 1-2 for thirty extra dollars.

 

Rumple: Just friggin’ deliver this sand dollar, okay? If you don’t, you’ll go the direction of George Bubbles.

Regina: Who?

 

Rumple: Enchanting stuff!

Regina: Ew…Hook wrote his name and Emma’s and put a heart in the O’s and M’s….

 

Rumple: It’s super important! So catch it!

 

Ariel: Aw crap, it broke!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Typical….

 

Ariel: This is fun!

 

Ariel: Well…for me….

 

Regina: And when you do what we want…you’ll get your legs but only because Rumple will make me.

 

Ariel: I still don’t trust your manipulative tentical'd ass

 

Regina: What did I do?

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is thinking* Tentacles? Just what the heck is Regina into?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is thinking* I’m probably better off not knowing

 

Pan: Friggin chores…this is why I brought your lot over!

 

Pan: Oh…my….

 

Felix: Dude…could you not have those reactions with me sitting right next to you?

 

Pan: Felix, this isn't about you, people are coming and going on my island with no leave.

 

Felix: Seriously? You’re losing your touch then. I thought you just told Bae that you never let anyone leave without your leave.

 

Pan: I may have fibbed about that. It’s unclear.

 

Felix: I can’t believe I work for you

 

Pan: And I can’t believe you s till think feathers in your hair is a fashion statement. They went out last century.

 

Felix: I like them and no new fads will tell me otherwise.

 

Pan: Fine, look like a loser. You know what is CONSTANTLY in fashion? 

 

Pan: Manipulating small children

 

Emma: So we have to go to this super dark dangerous place called Dark Hollow?

 

Bae: That’s exactly what I just got done saying.

 

Charming:  And it’ll help us get off the island? What, are we just going to link arms and control it as it flies away?

 

Bae: I haven’t thought that far ahead

 

Emma: This is the best idea ever, Bae. I knew saving you was the right choice!

 

Emma: *Puckers*

 

Hook: *Drops from a tree* I’ve never been to this Dark Hollow place, and have nothing to contribute to this mission. I shall go too!

 

Emma: Uh…..

Bae: Hook be jelly?

 

Hook: I’m not jelly, I’m peanut butter!

 

Charming: ……

 

Bae: ……

 

Bae: …….

 

Group: …..

 

Emma: I…guess you can…come…

 

Hook: Thank God, because your parents are fighting and it’s going to be super awkward in a “I’m the kid in the car while they’re mad at each other on the road trip and no one turned the radio on” way.

 

Bae: try not to get knocked out, okay?

 

Charming: Our daughter is going into the lion’s den with two men fighting over her. Wonderful.

 

Grumpy: I can’t believe I got voted off the picnic table

 

Grumpy: *Glares at all of them*

 

Happy: As the new leader, I declare that we actually make the town start paying us for our services as the town protectors, starting with emotional trauma for Sneezy losing his memory.

 

Grumpy: He has some great ideas but I’ll never admit it….

 

Happy: I’M RULING THIS ROOST!

 

Doc: You said you were only the leader in name! You said I was the leader!

 

Sleepy: I nominate myself.

 

*No one would vote for him*

 

Grumpy: I wonder what Nova’s doing now….probably all peaceful and serene now that we got rid of the troublemakers….it is pretty nice…

 

Ariel: WHEEEE!

 

Grumpy: Oh…there went that.

 

Ariel: This water is FREEZING! Where am I?!

 

Grumpy: *Falls backwards in shock*

 

Ariel: I’m looking for a bell….

 

Grumpy: I’m dating Nova, I’m dating Nova, I’m dating Nova….

 

Michael: Aw…they look like a couple that could work out…

John: How does Pan give us our funding for this sweet car? *Is posing, hoping some ladies will show up*

 

Michael: I can’t believe you’re wearing those pants with that vest.

 John: I dressed in the dark! Pan’s cell phone woke me out of my slumber! I don’t even know how he gets reception!

 

Michael: Is that the old sheriff’s vest?

John: He’s not in need of it.

 

Belle: Take it away, Granny.

 

Granny: You say that about every order I make for you, woman! We’re running low on cows since Regina left!

 

Belle: Trust me. I know what a pain she was.

 

Belle:  You should’ve seen the state she left the office in. Did that woman not know how to mayor at all? Didn’t even have an army ready…

 

Jiminy: *Is trying to be smooth*

 

Belle: I know it’s been five days and I should move on but I’m too heartbroken, Jiminy…I just can’t.

 

Jiminy: I’m not asking you for a date. What sort of best friend do you think I am? I’m asking if you want to take your mind off Rumple being gone by going bowling….it’s bowling night and…and I miss him too….

 

Jiminy: *Sobs*

Belle: It’s certainly less appeal in this town without him.

Jiminy: Less Scottish too…

 

Belle: Maybe something will happen and you’ll get to be the hero…

Jiminy: *Feels better* Maybe something will happen and you’ll get to be relevant…

Belle: *Feels better*

 

Jiminy: We could be besties!

 

Belle: I don’t want a rebound bestie ship.

 

Jiminy: It wouldn’t be a rebound, it’d be a genuine friendship, now wouldn’t that be nice? Bowling night and movie night and ‘texting in the middle of the night as a thought hits you even though the other guy is a therapist and needs his sleep to stay awake’ moments?

 

Belle:  I’m on board!

 

Jiminy: *Is hopeful*

 

Belle: Do you mind, you’re dripping all over my city floor…

 Grumpy: If I don’t get the town record for biggest catch, my brothers and I are rioting.

 

Granny: Leroy! You just missed Red! She went back home.

 

Grumpy: Darn it, I’m always missing her lately.

Jiminy: Hm….I admire that outfit, ma’am…the hair of our children will be very red…

 

Ariel: I’m looking for a bell….

Grumpy: *Is smug for some reason*

 

Belle: I’m a Belle!

 

Ariel: Oh, you’re a person? Rumple just said to deliver a message to a bell…I thought that was weird but he was in leather and I wasn’t really paying attention.

 

Belle: RUMPLE?!

Jiminy: LEATHER

 

Belle: Oh my god, priorities Jiminy…

Jiminy: At his age….some have all the luck

 

Ariel: He said to give you this!

 

Belle: Oh…that…that’s nice of him…

Jiminy: Finally, something more lame than this tie he bought me….Guess he ran out of libraries….

Belle: This is the blandest thing he ever bought me.

 

Ariel: How do I shirt?

 

Belle: Eh, it’s probably a piece of crap that he wanted to add to his beach collection. I have the booze on the table Ariel, let’s get sloshed instead!

 

Belle: Oh hey, it’s his face.

 

Rumple: Help me, Obi Belle Kenobi, you’re my only hope

 

Rumple: I used to date Pandora…until she ran off with Zeus or someone not Zeus, so I took her stupid little box to get back at her. Now that box of the Deus Ex Machina depends on YOU.

 

Belle: Why didn’t you just summon it to you BEFORE?!

 

Rumple: *Is irritated* because I thought I was going to die or something, Belle. I don’t know!

 

Belle: You didn’t think this out well, did you?

 

Rumple: Mistakes were made.

 

Rumple: *Tries to grin*

 

Belle: *Is forgiven* That’s my guy!

 

Rumple: Just stick the teacup on the saucer…it’ll show you the way…

 

Belle: So…you rigged our teacup to show us Pandora’s box in case I needed it but you didn’t bring Pandora’s box with you?”

 

Rumple: MISTAKES WERE MADE! *Stomps off*

 

Ariel: So….that happened….

Belle: IMMA BE RELEVENT UP IN HERE!

 

Ariel: This place is weird.

Belle: *Squees* *Squees* *Squees*

 

Belle: *breathes*

Belle: I’ve been waiting for this!