Emma: Now WHERE
did that pirate hide all his booze? He drinks nonstop, it has to be somewhere!
Hook: Oh! Hey!
Don’t mind me! I’m just….looking for my lucky leather jacket.
Emma: Stop
checking me out!
Hook: I’m not!
Emma: I know
that’s all you do!
Hook: Wow, it
smells down here.
Emma: Yeah, I
figured that was the centuries of sweaty men crashing on those cots.
Hook: Also, I saw
the eye sex between you and Rumpelstiltskin and I was wondering if you might
have some energy left over.
Emma: You! *Winds
up to punch*
Hook: It’s okay,
I’ll understand if you’re playing hard to get-
Emma: Oh crap, I
just got seasick
Hook: Here, the
key to my heart will make you feel better. Oh wait, that’s the Bae cabinet.
Hook: I know I
put the key to my heart around here somewhere...
Emma: Is this
going to take a while? I think I have to hurl!
Hook: AH! This
was his sword. Here take it. The Lost Boys are freaky freakers; they’ll maul
you if you don’t arm yourself properly.
Emma: I was sort
of hoping any swords you presented to me would be bigger.
Hook: Well, know
that no matter what, that sword is NOT in my possession because he didn’t get a
chance to grab it to defend himself when the Lost boys came for him and dragged
him away when I tipped them off. NOT AT ALL!
Emma: You say the
most specific things, Hook.
Emma: Why am I
holding this?
Hook: Oh, it’s
for me. Having one hand makes pouring things into a shot glass difficult. It
usually helps when someone is in the same room with me.
Hook: Bottoms up!
Hook: Okay, hold
it again!
Emma: I’m
beginning to have little hope for this relationship, Hook.
Baelfire: Zzzzz
Emma! Zzzzzz Henry! Zzzzzz Minotaur Dance Party! Zzzzz
Baelfire: TAMARA,
STOP SITTING ON THE SIDE OF THE BED AND WATCHING ME SLEEP!
Baelfire: *Is
awkward* Oh….hey….what’s up?
Mulan: …..
Mulan: …..
Baelfire: Answering
would be preferable!
Mulan: ….
Aurora: Oh good!
We just got back from the hair salon and my hair looks good for the new guy.
Philip: You know,
I sort of died on that bed…
Baelfire: GIMME!
Aurora: No! No! A
little at a time.
Baelfire: But-
Aurora: And you
ask NICELY!
Baelfire: That’s ridiculous,
I nearly died! I don’t have time to-
Mulan: ASK
NICELY!
Baelfire: Okay!
Okay! May I please have some water?
Mulan: Say it
like you mean it!
Baelfire: I don’t
have time for that! I have to get to Storybrooke and profess my love for Emma
before my dad calls dibs again!
Baelfire: And
wow, there should be more blood!
Philip: You’d be
dead if not for these ladies attempts to miraculously bring people back to life
with no explanations!
Aurora: I’m
pretty sure your lung collapsed but once we found the duct tape and bicycle air
pump, we were fine.
Baelfire: Where
did the shoulder straps to your top go? They just disappeared.
Aurora: What are
you talking about? They’re there!
Aurora: Wow,
those pain killers did a number on you!
Aurora: I. Am.
Aurora. I can see into people’s dreams. Maybe if you give slip me a 20, I’ll
even invade your kid’s dreams.
Baelfire: Wait…he
still dreams about the netherworld?
Aurora: Oh yeah,
those dreams don’t go away.
Baelfire: WHAT?!
Aurora: I’ve even
seen him a few times. He’s dancing around the flames.
Baelfire: Your
shoulder straps are gone again!
Aurora: WHAT are
you talking about?
Emma: *Is zoned
out*
Hook: And THAT is
how eyeliner changed my life.
Emma: What?
Hook: You weren’t
listening?!
Hook: *Sniffles*
Typical. Just typical!
Charming: Where’s
the blinker on this thing?
Snow: *Shoves
down* Let me try! Only someone wearing a coat can steer the Jolly Roger! It was
in the book!
Charming: But I
can help!
Snow: I said I’m
driving!
Hook: Who on
earth let CHARMING steer!? I left Regina in charge!
Regina: I am BUSY
over here!
Hook: Gimme my
wheel!
Charming: No! I’m
doing fine!
Charming: What’s
down there? The ghosts of the crew that disappeared off your ship.
Snow: All these
ropes are IN MY WAY!
Emma: *Posing*
Charming: MERMAIDS!
Emma: *Is
confused* Like…. ‘Under the Sea, Under the Sea?’
Hook: If you mean
‘drag you down below and let you drown’, then YEAH!
Emma: *Takes
several steps backward*
Charming: Why are
their tails glowy?
Regina: Well are
you guys going to do something or what?
Emma: Hey Hook!
What did you do the last time the mermaids attacked your ship?
Hook: I DON”T
KNOW!
Charming: RAWR!
Mermaids: Eeek!
Charming: I have
no idea how I know how to load a cannon…
Regina: I’m going
below; wake me up when we reach land.
Charming: ….but
I’m going to look amazing doing it.
*3 Hours Later.*
Snow: I think
you’re starting to make a dent, baby!
Hook: Sweet
heavens to Betsy, what did Charming do when he was here? I can barely steer at
all!
Charming: I GOT
ON- what are you doing?!
Snow: Don’t ask!
Just hope they don’t grab the net and pull us all under!
Regina: Hey guys!
I think I see banana trees on land!
Charming: *Aims
cannon* Regina, offer your assistance or so help me!
Regina: Oh,
that’s right. I’m supposed to be in a hurry and I have magic, I forgot all
about that.
*Is effected*
Snow: Why can’t
you have just done that before?!
Regina: Like I
friggin care about doing anything useful unless I get more of a reward than I
really deserve.
Regina: Oh good,
my invisible PDA says I’m allowed to do two decent things today. So I’ll bring
the mermaid up for you.
*Splat*
Mermaid: Um….hey…
Emma: EWWWWWWWW!
Hook: Bettie? Is
that you?
Bettie: Hook! You
bas-
Henry: Hey, Pan,
is your location close by or not? I’m tired of running.
Obviously Pan: I’m
not Pan!
Obviously Pan: Would
I go through all this brouhaha if I just wanted to kidnap you and do nefarious
things?
Henry: I come
from a family full of those that do all sorts of brouhaha to do nefarious
things.
Obviously Pan: *Fumes*
Henry: Seriously
Pan, I’m winded. Why can’t you just take me to your location?
Obviously Pan: Because
that’s too simple
Henry: I knew it!
Obviously Pan: *Is
covering* If I WAS Pan, that is.
Henry: Wow, I
hope our relationship isn’t very long and far more exciting.
Obviously Pan: We’re
going to have TONS of adventures! Look!
Henry: No thanks,
my family told me to never put my hands on anything resembling non-sugar and
non-flour white powder.
Obviously Pan: It’s
PIXIE DUST!
Henry: Oh, I’m SO
SURE it is.
Obviously Pan: Keep
making this difficult! See what it gets you!
Henry: Oh, you
ain’t seen anything yet. Soon I’m going to run this circus.
Baelfire: So…Aurora’s
just okay with her boyfriend standing over her and falling asleep on command
while we all watch?
Mulan: Well, some
people can cry on command.
Baelfire: I can
belch the alphabet on command.
Baelfire: *Hopes
she’s impressed*
Mulan: I….didn’t
ask.
Baelfire: Hey,
wanna hear about my feelings since I fell through the portal for a second time
because of someone that was supposed to love me and betrayed me instead?
Mulan: Sure!
Baelfire: Yay! It
all started when-
Mulan: Okay, I’m
bored.
Baelfire: ….
Mulan: I don’t
even HAVE a backstory! What makes you think I want to listen to you share
yours?
Baelfire: You
could always come with me and we could have backstories together.
Mulan: Baelfire,
I believe you’re trying to seduce me!
Baelfire: WHAT?!
No!
Aurora: Omigod! I
couldn’t find Henry in the netherworld anywhere and he usually is at the palace
he built in there where he rules us all with an iron fist!
Aurora: But he
wasn’t at home, this time!
Baelfire: What an
odd time for a vacation…
Baelfire: Mulan,
you should know that I have opted you to go with me.
Mulan: I don’t
want to go!
Baelfire: Would
you rather just hang out with them all day?
Baelfire: ….
Baelfire: I
didn’t mean to say that so loud.
Charming can use a cannon because the castle he used to rule had cannons. Duh.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it is intentional, but I really like the Mulan/Baelfire dynamic.
ReplyDelete