Rumpelstiltskin: Wait
till Emma sees me bringing in my grandson on my shoulders. She’ll never be able
to resist me then!
*Is not going
anywhere*
Tamara: I’ve had
better days!
*Accidental snapshot*
Rumpelstiltskin: So…getting
shot isn’t so great, is it?
Tamara: I’m good!
Carry on!
Rumpelstiltskin: *Rips
out*
Tamara: Am I
poisoned with Dreamshade?!
Tamara: So…about
that whole blindly trusting a faceless company to maim and murder, which
included your son…um…my bad?
Rumpelstiltskin: ….
Tamara: I
mean…can’t we just count it as a bit oopsie on my part and laugh about this
like…ten years from now?
Rumpelstiltskin: ….
Tamara: Your son
DID say you were a GREAT conversationalist.
Rumpelstiltskin: My
social skills are perfectly adequate!
Tamara: My
magical technology didn’t save me from that!
Rumpelstiltskin: How
is your heart still red?!
Tamara: I said I
was sorry! What more do you want?!
Rumpelstiltskin: Hey
Tamara! Rock! I win!
Tamara: Blech.
Rumpelstiltskin: EWWW!
Tamara insides!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
that was a quick way to write them off.
Bettie: Hook!
When you said you’d catch me in your net again, I didn’t think that was
literal!
Emma: Hook! You
know her?!
Hook: *Is a bad liar*
I’ve never seen her before in my life!
Bettie: Yeah, I’m
sure me and my eight sisters you dated all look the same to you!
Emma: Oh my god,
her tail is SICK!
Regina: I wanna
kill something!
Bettie: That’s a
whole lotta nope! *Blows horn*
Regina: Thanks
Hook! Why did you tell us they had those?!
Baelfire: I have
to admit, ever since I saw your movie, I was a big fan.
Mulan: A what?!
Baelfire: I get
to hang out with Mulan! *Fanboys*
Mulan: What’s a
movie!
Baelfire: *Is singing
“I’ll Make a Man Out of You”* Sing with me, Mulan!
Mulan: WHAT’S A
MOVIE?!
Mulan: So, how
did you know about your dad’s castle if you fell in the portal before he moved
in there?
Baelfire: Well,
I’m sure someone in Storybrooke had to mention at least ONCE that my dad lived
in a castle in the mountains. But I’m also pretty sure my kid went ‘If you and
mom don’t work out, can I go live with grandpa in the castle in the mountains.
The only castle in the mountains surrounded by dried lake beds?”
Mulan: That’s
specific.
Baelfire: That’s
mah boy!
Mulan: So is your
family really as messed up as Emma said?
Baelfire: Oh,
probably worse.
Baelfire: My son
wants his grandpa to be his stepdad and wants me out of the picture and his
mother is also his adopted niece because Snow white is his grandma AND adopted
stepsister and Regina’s like…a lot of things. Some I can’t say on family
television.
Baelfire: Also,
that’s a really cool cape, can I have it?
Mulan: No.
Baelfire: *pouts*
Mulan: Don’t give
me that! I can’t just go handing off my cape to every man I meet that wants it!
I’m not that kind of soldier!
Baelfire: Fine. I
just wanted my son to see me as a superhero when I swoop in wearing a cape. But
way to blow my entrance, Mulan.
Mulan: I ruin
everything!
Henry: Pan! Slow
down! You’re like a foot taller than me!
Obviously Pan: I’M
NOT PAN! ADIREAJI;AIER;AI!
Henry: Look! Over
there!
Obviously Pan: Over
where?
Henry: *Tries to
run away*
Bettie: You know,
this could all go great if you throw me overboard and just pitch Killian
overboard too.
Charming: That’s
a LalalalaNO, Ariel knockoff!
Hook: He likes
me?
Emma: I can’t
stop looking at that tail but I want to turn away every time it moves! What
sort of world have I gotten myself into?! Rumpelstiltskin all in leather and
now MERMAIDS? I can’t tell if this is a dream come true or a nightmare!
Regina: I know! I’ll
kill her! Then she’ll tell us what she did with that shell!
Snow: ‘Logic’ and
‘Regina Mills’ haven’t quite gone ‘hand in hand’ together for some time, have
they?
Regina: What are
you talking about? Everything makes sense in my head!
Bettie: I’m
pretty sure I’m drying up over here!
*Is a storm*
Hook: We can’t
trust her! And you can trust me on that! I’m an authority on untrustworthy
peoples!
Charming: RAWR!
Bettie: It’s not
scary if I don’t look!
Regina: Let me
kill her! Let me do it!
Charming: What
about you guys? You up for it?
Emma: And ruin
how I view one of the last Disney Movies I can view sanely?!?!?!
Charming: Little
Mermaid IS my favorite Disney Movie….
Charming: FINE! I
didn’t want to do it anyway!
*Is disappointed*
Hook: Guuuyyysss!
Why am I always stuck as the driver?!
Regina: I will
enjoy your death!
Snow: YOU CAN’T
JUST WALK AROUND KILLING PEOPLE!
Regina: Why not?!
Regina: I haven’t
tried to kill anything all season!
Regina: It’s
really starting to wear on me!
Snow: We’re about
to have numerous enemies on land! I really don’t think having them in water too
is the best idea!
*Are all trying to
hold themselves up*
Charming: *Is trying to prove how awesome he is by
nearly falling over with his sword out of its sheath*
Bettie: You all
are a bunch of crazies! And I thought I had a bit of a temper when I tried to
set fire to Killian’s ponytail the first time he was here!
Regina: Hook had
a ponytail?!
Hook: It was a
FAD and NOW’S NOT THE TIME!
Regina: Well,
Imma kill her anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?
*Is CGI Dead*
Regina: Oh
Hook: I nominate
Regina for NOT being our leader.
Charming: Seriously,
we’re going to string you up, Regina!
Regina: I’m sure
this is Snow or Rumple’s fault somehow!
Hook: Finally! I
can have a shower AND get my clothes washed!
*Finally, we know
what Rumpelstiltskin’s house looks like*
Mulan: What a
dump!
Baelfire: Well,
my dad WAS a bachelor…..
Mulan: Why are
there creepy puppets propped up and staring at me?
Baelfire: I
wouldn’t know, I’m not looking at them!
Mulan: Make one move….I dare you….
Mulan: Make one move….I dare you….
Baelfire: Oh,
someone got in to dad’s favorite goat milk….
Baelfire: *Girlish
scream*
Robin Hood: Who
are you?!
Baelfire: Get
out! This is my house now!
Robin Hood: I’m
Robin Hood. Surely you recognize me!
Mulan: I have
never seen your face in this land ever!
Robin Hood: Well,
I didn’t think the plastic surgery I got to hide from Rumpelstiltskin was THAT
extensive. If anything the height drop would’ve hidden me…
Baelfire: You let
my dad’s garden outside go to crap, THANKS Robin Hood!
Robin Hood: Well
why don’t you go and grow your own rutabagas, then?
Mulan: Why don’t
YOU?!
Baelfire: I
mustn’t let him know I excel at rutabaga growing….
Robin Hood:
Okay…I trust you.
Robin Hood: Wait
nope, I lied!
Baelfire: Jeepers!
Baelfire: Look,
I’m the Dark One’s son, okay?
Robin Hood: Who
would admit that?
Baelfire: Pretty
much anyone that wants to live in a castle while he’s off traipsing someone
where?
*Mind is blown*
Robin Hood: Okay,
ya got me!
Robin Hood: Have
some 28 year old goat milk.
Mulan: I’ve
decided I’m lactose intolerant.
Baelfire: I had a
bad experience with goats when I was a kid.
Robin Hood: *Is
insulted*
Robin Hood: You
guys insulting my hospitality?!
Baelfire: Not
hospitality to offer me my own stuff, I’m just saying!
Robin Hood: Well,
you’re welcome to look around, but know that I burned pretty much everything
here when winter set in…
Baelfire: How
come you never burned that?
Robin Hood:
Because some days I like to pretend I’m a ninja.
Baelfire: I
remember this stick…my father used to pop me with it when I told him I was
gonna get more fangirls…
Baelfire: See
these notches? Those were the hundreds I was gathering and counting.
*Is a ninja*
*Is worried about
getting smacked*
Baelfire: *Breathes*
Ninnjaaaaaa
Baelfire: Oh
crap…I didn’t know it did that!
Robin Hood: I’ve
swung that stuck around a billion times, how come it never worked for me?
Baelfire: Cause
you’re not as awesome, just saying…
Emma: We should
take a right!
Hook: That’ll
take us to downtown Neverland! No one wants to go there! Only hipster Lost Boys
go there!
Emma: I wanna go
right!
Hook: You’re
doing it wrong!
Emma: RIIIGHHTTT!
Hook: Good lord!
Those biceps aren’t just for show!
Snow: Way to go,
Regina! How many other things are you going to screw up?!
Regina: How dare
you blame me!
Regina: At least
I did something!
Snow: Regina,
it’s not great to claim that when you’re ‘doing something’ made it all worse!
Regina: Just for
that, I’m not going to turn her back! I’m not even certain she’s on the deck
anymore!
Snow: I was
hoping to go for a nice swim with them after dropping Ariel’s name and now I
can’t because you RUINED it!
Regina: Well you
ruin everything and stuff!
Snow: ARE WE
STILL ON THIS?! YOU’RE MOTHER KNEW ABOUT YOU AND DANIEL FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!
*Punches*
Charming: Guuyyyssss!
No fighting!
Hook: No man!
Don’t get in the way!
Snow: *Is
slamming Regina’s head against the barrier* I’m tired….of your….murderous….tendencies!
Hook: Move! I
want to see!
Charming: You
beast! *Punches*
Emma: I’m really
regretting not going with Rumpelstiltskin…
Charming: *Kicks
Hook several feet back*
Regina: Why don’t
you ever grow your hair out?! I can’t get a grip!
Snow: FOR EXACTLY
THIS MOMENT!
Hook: Charming,
let’s talk about this whole ‘throat stab’ thing!
Emma: Oh god! Hook
was right; downtown Neverland IS full of hipster lost boys! *Turns whole ship
around*
Hook: *Choke
slams Charming*
Emma: If you
don’t all shut up, I will TURN this rescue mission around?!
Emma: *Stands on
the edge* Hey! If you all don’t stop, then I’m going to run off with
Rumpelstiltskin!
Emma: It
won’t….be so bad…until he asks to share a sleeping bag….
*Are slap fighting*
Emma: Fine! Here
I come Rumpel!
Charming: *Slams
Hooks face against the barrier for extra measure* NOOOOOOO!
Hook: Don’t leave
me with the people that abuse me!
Regina: Don’t
leave me with the people I abuse!
Snow: I don’t
want to woman bond with only Regina!
Charming: What do
you MEAN share a sleeping bag with Rumpelstiltskin?!
*Is cracked upside
the skull by the wooden mermaid*
Emma: Oh, so
that’s where it was.
Thank you for mentioning Robin's face transplant and the weirdness of everything. Still happy that the show is back and that yours is too, now.
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