Hook: Oh man, how
happy I am to pass out holding a chamber pot that flushes itself…
Tinkerbelle: Ugh,
what are you doing lurking!
Hook: Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey! You’re blonde! Wanna be Emma?
Tinkerbelle: You
just impaled my shoulder.
Hook: I’m in it
for the long haul, which means I want to have sex with someone else I don’t
love as soon as I step back from a relationship that never existed!
Tinkerbelle: Aren’t
you a dreamboat?
Hook: Can you
help me...my hook is tangled…
Hook: Drink?
Granny’s coffee is actually stronger than what I’ve been drinking for the past
three centuries. No wonder Snow White is on caffeine all the time…
Tinkerbelle: I
have way more self-respect now that there are plenty of other eligible men
here.
Hook: Oh…
Tinkerbelle: And eligible
women...
Hook: Ooooh….
Granny: Order or
get out!
Tinkerbelle: Don’t
say anything Hook! You’ll get us kicked out!
Hook: You can’t
make me do anything, old lady!
Hook: I can’t
believe she picked me up and threw me out, the light hurts my eyes!
Emma: What is
going on? I was gone for five minutes!
Hook: Tink
probably did it.
Tinkerbelle: Not
THIS time!
Emma: You’re
totes in love with me, huh?
Hook: Mmaayyybeeee
Emma: So much
that you’re flirting with someone else at the first setback, huh?
Hook: *Runs away*
Blue Fairy: Not
the internet fans that think I’m shady!
Shadow: Tink told
me all about you! Be my new wife!
*Is deshadowed*
Tinkerbelle: We
ran all the way here?!
Hook: *Is perfecting
his Baywatch run*
Charming: She’s
dead! And she owed me five bucks!
Tinkerbelle: GASP!
Hook: Leaving the
shadow alone was really REALLY stupid…
Pan!Henry: Why is
my son walking around in leather pants? How did he get out of those things?
Regina: Henry,
I’m locking you away in the vault so no one but me can find you, let’s go.
Pan!Henry: Bloody
well done shadow!
Regina: TICK
TOCK!
Pan!Henry: Oh
good, she dies first….
Charming: Maybe
we should’ve knocked…put on shades and asked her if she wanted to join up with
us and turn Regina into stone…
Snow: Oh
Charming!
Snow: This is
pretty nice; Medusa’s doing well for herself…
Snow: Check for
footprints!
Charming: Or
slitherprints!
Charming: BUG! *Stomps on*
Medusa: WHO THE
FRIG IS IN MY HOUSE?
Snow: Come to
think of it, maybe breaking and entering wasn’t so great an idea…
Charming: A creature
that wasn’t bugging us, whose house we just broke into!?
Charming: Hey out
there! Can we borrow your head? We’ll give it back baby and it’ll just barely
hurt!
Snow: I’m
beginning to think that maybe this was a bad idea.
Charming: “I”
wanted to spend our honeymoon playing laser tag!
Charming: Well,
we tried to ask nicely Mrs. Snakehead monster but it appears you give us no
choice!
Snow: I probably
should’ve done more research…
Charming: Hey
Mrs. Snakehead! I heard about how you got turned! That’s messed up!
Snow: *Winds up*
Medusa: Can’t you
idiots just leave me alone?!
Charming: Oooo,
you can’t get me! You can’t get me!
Charming: Hurry
up Snow; she’s going to get me!
*CLANG!*
Charming: AW NO!
IT DIDN”T WORK!
Snow: You know,
on second thought, laser tag isn’t such a juvenile idea…
Charming: No one
would listen to me when I suggested it…
Snow: *Glares at the
wall because she’s not going to admit she’s wrong.
Charming: *Glares at
the other wall because he was right*
Snow: Run!
Charming: *Is powering up to superspeed out of there*
Snow: *Trips* Owww!
Charming: Snow!
I’ll save you! Ow, this shield is heavy!
Charming: *Uses it
like a Frisbee*
Medusa: *easily
deflects it*
*Is stone*
Snow: We’re bad
at this…
Snow: Dear God,
thank you for killing her off….
Charming: May she
live long in the place that shady fairies live at….
Regina: Hey!
Henry and I took a leisurely stroll here, what’s going on?
Charming: Blue
fairy got owned.
Regina: Is that
all?
Snow: Thank you
…thank you so much…
Charming: ….
Regina: I
mean…what a tragedy…
Baelfire: Eh, the
sight is boring now that I danced around her body; I’m going to go somewhere
else.
Tinkerbelle: We’ll
come with you; I’ll dance on her grave when she’s properly buried.
Pan!Henry: Pan
did it! That handsome devil, him! We should all let me go into the vault for ambiguous
reasons for an extended period of time!
Pan!Henry: I
can’t stand in his magnificence…
Emma: Yeah,
Henry’s possessed…
Regina: What?!
Pan!Henry: She
hates me because you’re my favorite mother in the whole world.
Regina: Oh my
Henry!
Pan!Henry: *Snuggles*
This is sort of nice…
Regina: I know
Henry, my hugs are better than anyone else’s…
Emma: Can’t you
see that Henry is being weird?
Regina: Why?
Because he likes me?
Emma: Actually,
yeah..
Regina: Maybe he
just loves me finally and now you’re all super jealous that he wants to spend
time with me and not you!
Emma: Maybe I’m
really tempted to punch you in the face again but I’m not going to. Go hold
your breath and feel sorry for yourself somewhere else and hope Henry doesn’t
rip your spine out through your nose.
Regina: Which is
a trick “I” taught him because I love him best..
Emma: Yeah, you
keep telling yourself that.
Regina: I will,
as I’m replacing you for everything that makes you special in the next half of
the season!
Pan!Henry: So
we’re going to your vault right?
Regina: I guess,
if you want to…I’ll do anything you want to do as long as I want to do it too!
Charming: Uh,
guys, what are we going to do with the body, she’s starting to smell.
Regina: *Rattles it* Darn
it! It gets stuck!
Pan!Henry: Hopefully no one is looking at us going to the spot where
everyone would figure we’d go to!
Regina: Now into
my super villain lair…
Pan!Henry: Ooo,
my super villain lair now…
Pan!Henry: *Smugs*
Regina: Henry, I
can still see you..
Snow: Honey? Are
you alive yet?
Snow: Hmph, still
more personality than David Nolan.
Snow: *Narrows eyes*
Where are you little snake monster?
Regina: Hhhhey,
what’s up?
Snow: Are you
even really needed?
Regina: No! But
you’re ruining your own happy ending all yourself; I just thought I should stop
in to tell you that for no reason whatsoever! HEEEHEE!
Regina: If you’re
winning and you know it, clap your hands,
*Clap clap*
Regina: Hey,
you’re talking to a shield, why hasn’t she found you yet?
Snow: That’s a
good point, I should defend myself…
Snow: You tried
to kill MY man, Medusa?
Snow: This is
what you look like!
Medusa: Oh dear,
my hair’s a mess, I greeted guests like this? I’m mortified!
*Is petrified by her
appearance*
Snow: I did it in
three seconds!
Charming: I WILL
ALWAYS FIN-
Snow: *Snogs*
Snow: If turning
her to stone unstones everyone, shouldn’t there be more people walking around
now? And shouldn’t that automatically mean she’s unstoned too?
Charming: Uh…maybe
that’s a hint that she should maybe get out of here…
Snow: I think I
have a new decoration for our bedroom, Charming
Snow: It’s so
beautiful!
Charming: I’m
just…going to go…
Rumpelstiltskin: Let’s
do it in the library next, no one ever goes in th- oh no….
Emma: There he
is! Tackle him before he and Belle slip off for more sexy times!
Rumpelstiltskin: Hiiiiii
Emma, I already saved your father, what more do you want?
Belle: *Is jealous*
Emma’s not so great....*knows that if
Emma was darker headed, she’d have a harder time*
Rumpelstiltskin: Is
the Blue Fairy dead? Please say the Blue Fairy’s dead….
Belle: Can’t we
have like ten minutes alone?
Rumpelstiltskin: And
before you ask, I’m a taken man now, you had your chance.
Emma: *Glares*
Snow: Pretty
please?
Emma: Your
beloved stepson is acting all super sketchy…for him!
Snow: It’s
true…he liked Regina….
Rumpelstiltskin: What?!
He must possibly be possessed by Pan!
Emma: Way to go!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
that’s what happens when Regina puts him in a box, things screw up.
Emma: I thought
it was you!
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