Rumpelstiltskin: Happy
birthday to you Bae…I would’ve gotten a cake but I forgot if it was you or I
that liked chocolate…
Rumpelstiltskin: I
really wish one of these days; I could talk to Victor about how electricity
works…
Belle: Flower
service!
Rumpelstiltskin: Grrr,
go away!
Belle: Excuse
YOU, this is my library!
Rumpelstiltskin: Woman,
this is MY library! YOU just got lost on the way to yours again!
Rumpelstiltskin: Ugh,
I got a paper cut on my tongue today licking envelopes and it hurts…
Belle: Can I hang
out?
Rumpelstiltskin: No,
I’m having a birthday celebration of my son!
Belle: Oooo, so
you have a soooon?
Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah,
but timeline wise you’re not supposed to know about this yet
Rumpelstiltskin: Friggin’
continuity…
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
going to get him back
Belle: Through
terrible means?
Rumpelstiltskin: Probably…
Belle: I see all
the good in you!
Rumpelstiltskin: Slap
bracelet, why you got to be so mean?
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
there’s only one thing for it…
Rumpelstiltskin: I
gotta become RumpleHook…except my hook will obviously be bigger…
Emma: Regina!
This is not the time! Get your arse up!
Regina: I am
trying to nap here!
Henry: *Singlehandedly
pulls her up*
Emma: Rip up the
paper already!
Regina: Easy
guys, I haven’t had a lot of sleep. I have to take a minute to think logically!
Emma: That’s
something you can actually do?
Snow: *Is stunned*
Regina: I have to
do all the sacrificing again! Maybe this time it’ll stick!
Henry: Wow,
handsy feely…knock it off…
Pan: I came out
to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now!
Pan: Surprise! I
win…you guys aren’t really good at this, you know that?
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
sure it won’t hurt…just some swiping, blood shooting out of the veins and
arteries…bleeding out…world going dark….
Rumpelstiltskin: But
I like this hand…it’s my favorite and I don’t want to get my suit dirty…it’s so
hard getting blood out of these expensive suits and my dry cleaning is high
enough!
Pan: Okay first
thing I’m going to do…is put you all in embarrassing positions!
Pan: Have you
guys ever seen human centipede?
*Hooks arm changes
levels a lot*
*Can’t tell if Bae is
frozen or if he’s just bored*
Pan: DID YOU JUST
MOVE?!
Baelfire: No,
man.
Rumpelstiltskin: RUMPLE
SLAM!
Rumpelstiltskin: *Misses
but tries to play it off*
Hook: My arm is
tired!
Pan: I raise my
eyebrow at you, good son
Rumpelstiltskin: *Tries
to mimic* Ow, it hurts!
Pan: Just admit
defeat! I have all your loved ones and I have my own body back and the Dark
Curse is coming! Yay for me!
Rumpelstiltskin: Not
if I kill you!
*Gasp!*
Pan: Hmph! You can’t
do that! I’m your daddy!
Rumpelstiltskin: Belle,
Bae, Emma…I love you guys. I really love you Henry.
Rumpelstiltskin: Snow
and Charming are okay. …
Rumpelstiltskin: Regina
and Hook can fall in a lobster trap and roll off a cliff for all I care…
Pan: *Giggles* Dude,
I was stuck for 300 years with Hook. Trust me, I get it…
Rumpelstiltskin: Imma
goin’ out in a blaze of glory, y’all! Name a country after me!
Pan: But you have
no magic!
Rumpelstiltskin: I
can beat the snot out of you with my brain
Rumpelstiltskin: Dainty
wrist call!
Pan: Man…I
probably shouldn’t have sat there staring…can’t I get away? Is the shadow
possessing me? What’s going on?!
Pan: This is so
embarrassing…he’s going to HUG me to death!
Rumpelstiltskin: Considering
the nonsensical route this show is going down in the next half of the season,
I’m going to end everything for myself now so I don’t have to see it. Thanks
daddy! You’ve given me a great opportunity to get out of my contract!
*Stabs*
Pan: My heart is
on the other side, idiot…
Rumpelstiltskin: I…can’t
believe that my blade would be long enough to mortally wound me too…
Pan: ASDFGHKL!
Rumpelstiltskin: Hey,
I’m the one with the broken heart here…
Malcom:
!LKJHGFDSA
Malcom: I just
realized I’m going to die an old man!
*Is super depressed
about this development*
Malcom: You know,
we could stop this and have a happy ending…
Rumpelstiltskin: I
couldn’t even if I wanted to! Dude…I don’t have magic!
Rumpelstiltskin: Also…you’re
really close…
Rumpelstiltskin: And
if we’re not careful, this will mean something else taken out of context!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
I’m sure I’m twisting SOMETHING vital here. Hope it’s not all just bone…
Malcom: *Is dead*
Rumpelstiltskin: And
for the final middle finger to my father….I’m going to remind him that I loved
him…
Rumpelstiltskin: Victory
is so sweet!
*Disappears into the
light for….some reason…*
Hook: Oh my
arm….my arm, I can’t feel my arm! And I need this one! I’m already running low!
Belle: My role
revolves around him practically, what am I going to do now?!
Baelfire: Hrm…hold
it together man…
Regina: The
scroll…can someone get it!
Henry: I don’t
want to walk into bits of grandpa!
Emma: Never get
frozen with your legs locked in place *Bounces a bit* You can’t feel
anything….*tries not to start sobbing hysterically in front of everyone*
Charming: HE
DIED?! Who are we going to run to for help now?
Snow: Great. I
feel my breakfast coming up…
Emma: *Holds still so she can mentally wail*
Belle: HE’S DEAD
AND I LOVED HIM AND I’LL NEVER BE RELEVENT AGAIN!
Regina: Well I’m
not hugging her.
Rumple's categorising of characters was hilarious! Nice to see he kinda likes the Charmings now...
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