Charming: Geez,
you weigh a ton! Did you have to wrap yourself up in all the white bedding we
had in the castle?
Snow: I got cold,
I’m sorry!
Charming: Oh, I
can feel my arms again
Snow: My other
other home!
Charming: Stay
there Snow! I’ll vanquish the dust particles!
Snow: I could’ve
been living here when Regina wasn’t all this time…
Snow: Or all the
time…since she seemed to only remember we have the one castle….
Charming: Let’s
do it on the table like peasants!
Snow: Ooohooohoo,
you just keep those gloved hands to yourself mister, we’ve been travelling a
week!
Charming: Do you
want me more flirty?
Charming: Behold,
I have saved you from dragons fair wife; now allow me to strip you naked.
Snow: How randy!
Snow: Why don’t
you….go….make a coffee or something while I try to clean up
Charming: *Excited
giggles* I do love my coffee and you when you don’t smell like a horse.
Snow: Teehee!
*True love giggles*
Charming: Now, what’s
a coffee machine…?
Snow: Good think
he’s blind as a bat and never noticed I was dressed in my adventure clothes!
Snow: Or packed
my adventure stuff! Hope he doesn’t think Regina killed me or George did while
he was gone…
Charming: Hey
Snow! Have you seen my sword!?
Snow: NO!
Snow: Why am I
going out the window?!
Charming: REALLY?!
Snow: You knew?!
Snow: I mean…I
was getting rabbit for dinner…
Charming: You had
that look!
Snow: What look?
Charming: The
look that’s in vogue for fighting monsters. What, you think I didn’t notice
that you weren’t in a dress? I carried you!...Anyway, I knew when I saw you
jump out the window and run for it…you weren’t very sneaky…
Snow: Want to
kill Medusa with me?
Charming: One
day! We didn’t go one day without it being about Regina….!
Snow: There’d be
beheading!
Charming: Our
relationship is one adrenaline rush after another!
Snow: Hey, not
always. Okay…a lot of the time, yeah….
Charming: I might
as well go along so we can get killed together instead of separately….
Charming: Now…give
me my sword back…
Snow: Come and take
it!
Pan!Henry: What
chodes…
Emma: Henry, are
you being suspicious yet?
Pan!Henry: No!
Don’t worry I’ll take care of that!
Regina: Oh
no…there’s that look of defiance that I always tried so hard to squash…
Pan!Henry: I’m
going to come live with you.
Emma: Der…wha-?
Pan!Henry: *Is
certain this is something Henry would do*
Regina: I KNEW
YOU LOVED ME BEST! YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN!
Emma: Yeah, are
you sure you want to do this?
Regina: Nope! My
son and not yours!
Snow: Look at
them! A happy family
Emma: *Is struggling
not to throw up*
Snow: Lalalalala
Emma: Is he
possessed?!
Pan!Henry: Why
does he have a nightlight?!
Pan!Henry: Why
does he have books? And…three different clocks?
Regina: You’re
not planning your escape already, are you?
Pan!Henry: NO,
you took away Henry’s sheet rope. Do you know anything about flying?!
Regina: Silly
Henry, only gravity works here!
Regina: Now are
you going to let me tuck you in?
Regina: Or am I
going to have to use magic to restrain you to do it…
Pan!Henry: Isn’t
this chap a little too old to be tucked in?
Regina: Watch
your tone with me!
Regina: You’ll
make me cry!
Pan!Henry: Hey,
where’s all your magic by the way?
Regina: Everything
of my magic and the curse I originally cast is in my vault with security
password 1234 and absolutely no other safeguards in case someone wanted to
steal it! Now you know this!
Pan!Henry: Yes! *face contorts when lying*
Regina: Must be
all the sugar!
Regina: Goodnight
Henry:
Pan!Henry: He can
tuck in himself!
Regina: *blows raspberries*
Pan!Henry: Gross….
Pan!Henry: And
here I thought living with an attractive woman would be a lot more fun but all
she’s done is follow me around crying…
Pan!Henry: OI
SHADOW! GET YOUR ARSE TO WORK!
Shadow: Freedom!
Wait, where am I?
Charming: Hey
Snow…do we have a plan for this?
Snow: Yup! Walk
in and politely ask for her head and hope you don’t get turned to stone.
Snow: Oh, there’s
her lair.
Charming: I’m not
sure I’d be the only one affected….
Snow: I don’t
know, I’m a woman so I might be fine…
Charming: Have
you noticed that the carrots have been rather crunchy since Red left?
Snow: *Gasp!* A
bottle of iodine!?
Rumpelstiltskin: What?!
No! No, it’s the cure that I promised I’d work on!
Snow: *Is stunned*
You did the good thing?!
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry
it took so long, I was having LOTS of great sex!
Rumpelstiltskin: I
can barely even walk today…
Charming: Did you
include brain bleach in this potion because I think I might need some…
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope,
but side effects may include thicker eyebrows, death, death-like symptoms and
consult your doctor if your erection lasts more than four hours…but I’m sure
you really don’t have to worry about that last one…
Charming: Jackass…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Smug
that he saved Charming’s life*
Snow: I really
wish more had been done with this subplot…
Charming: I
should probably drink this now…
Snow: Are you
sure that’s not iodine?
Charming: *Chugs*
Snow: Well?
Charming: UGH! It
tastes like Five Hour Energy Drink which is worse!
Charming: I guess
if I don’t drop dead, I’m cured!
*Snogs*
Snow: Mmm, gonna
be a taco night…
Charming: Good!
I’m hungry!
Snow: Oh…not
going to be a taco night for everyone…
Baelfire: You
understand me, Mr. Coffee cup….
Baelfire: *Holds it
the way he wished to be held*
Emma: Wow, Mr.
Gold can sure write a text with several foul words when he finds out I’m breaking
his son’s heart….
Charming: Did you
hear that, Emma? It’s the sound of Baelfire sobbing…
Emma: It’s not
that bad!
Charming: The
diner was covered in snot
Emma: Ew
Charming: So,
about you standing up people and going to hide in plain sight…
Emma: Okay, I
have a proper excuse. Henry is actually super evil1
Charming: This is
news?
Emma: Eviller
than normal!
Charming: I think
I know what this is…
Emma: You do?
Charming: Emma,
puberty is NOT evil. It’s perfectly natural.
Emma: Not puberty
Dadvid, he yammered about living with Regina!
Charming: What
does that have to do with cuddling up to Bae?
Emma: Because I
can’t like…cuddle up to him when I’m worried about our kid! It’s our kid!
Charming: Take it
from someone who had one bad thing after another happen constantly…life is made
of moments and you have to enjoy the moments in between to live life! Otherwise
you’ll be unhappy throughout this show run!
Emma: *Grumbles*
Charming: And you
really need the screen time!
Emma: Yeah, I
know…
Charming: And who
else is there? A pirate who still hasn’t changed the clothes you first met him
in and your kid’s other grandfather! That’s not a good list, Emma!
Emma; *Giggles*
Or Archie
Charming: Oh,
he’s seeing someone now, Emma.
Emma: *Is sad*
Charming: Well,
let’s go talk it out with Neal
Emma: Better than
Hook, right?
Charming: *Doesn’t
want to imagine it* I can smell his body odor from here!
Emma: *Giggles*
Oh wait…now I can smell it!
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