Part 3

Regina: Ah, a dark and lonely path, just like my life.

Robin: Ah, a dark and lonely path, just like the tunnel I used to escape when I faced the dark one to save my wife

 

Regina: I….don’t care.

Robin: Well neither I….

 

Regina: Peasant.

Robin: Wow, I realized in so short a time, I’ve become almost a different person!

 

Regina: Excuse me, this is about me. You’re hardly a character.

 

Robin: Why did I come down here with you?

 

Regina: Alright, so the goal is to step on every prime number square right to left in every odd number row and every even number row every third line…

Robin: *Is confused*

 

Regina: I’m not going to repeat that, you should’ve heard me the first time

Robin: Where do I GO?!

 

Regina: *actual Dialogue* I own up to my mistakes…

 

*Is wheezing because he choked on his gum*

 

Robin: SINCE WHEN?!

 

Regina: Since…uh…the times Henry makes me feel guilty about them!

 

Robin: That’s …not how this works…

 

Regina: I’m gonna take over your son’s life!

 

Robin: Hey, I have a dark past too!

Regina: Yeah well when you can get to be as bad as mine then we’ll talk.

 

Regina: Is it?

 Robin: I don’t know. For some reason I think most of what they say about you is overexxagerated anyway…

 

Regina: Someone that can coddle me! That’s always what I’ve looked for in a man!

 

Robin: Uh…did you leave that open?

Regina: No!

 

Regina: Maybe? It’s been 28 years…

 

Regina: Shocking!

Robin: Well they had to get in here somehow Regina. I’m surprised you didn’t consider this to be a possibility…

 

Regina: Oh look, the coffin where my mother played dead after that terrible Hook brought her here…

 

Regina: And she put the lid on the coffin when I left it open. That was thoughtful of her…

 

Robin: *There’s a giant ass coffin in here*

 

Regina: Darn it! I hate that she faked her death when I tried to have her killed and then I had to try and kill her again!

 

Regina: And then I felt sad over it….

 

Regina: But then someone else beat me to it, the rudes.

 

Robin: You know…you don’t have to give a sad story with each little item we find. IT’s already been five months since we started out in here…

 

Snow: This book comes with….BIRTHING PICTURES

 

Snow: That’s what it all looks like down there?

 

Snow: Oh God, it’s in color!

 

Rudo: If you’re going to faint, please don’t do it on the table, I don’t want you to break your nose.

 

Snow: You know, we could go to the library…

 

Rudo: That’s not open.

 

Snow: We could…break in…

 

Rudo: Commit crimes? With a pregnant lady?

 

Snow: Consider…it…um…practice….for your spying career. I do have connections.

 

Rudo: Awesome. Mom never lets me do anything fun, it’s always ‘Why can’t you play Pac Man, Rudo?’

 

Snow: I have to do spy things on swollen ankles now, what did I Just get myself into?!

 

Zelena: ….

 

Snow: You’re staring…

 

Zelena: Am I? I don’t think I am, must be the lighting from where you’re standing.

 

Zelena: Are you interested in handing over your baby?

 

Snow: Nope! Not again!

 

*Pouts*

 

Zelena: Would you like to?

 

Snow: Nope! Totally in love with all my family, no one’s taking me from this little guy!

 

*Fumes*

 

Zelena: I’m not from the first curse.

Snow: Oh, so are you a survivor of the world that was covered in dragons and chimeras and ogres? I don’t remember seeing you in safe haven; did you just wing it by yourself?

 

Zelena: Sure, why not?

 

Zelena: Also I’m a midwife who just happens to know everything about birthing a baby!

 

Snow: Lets be friends forever!

 

Zelena: Whoa girl, we’re moving too fast!

 

Zelena: Just let me be your midwife and you’ll never have to deal with me again!

 

Snow: Awesome! Chances are I’ll probably forget we’re friends!

 

Snow: There IS a perfectly functional hospital down the street but hey…the last time I gave birth at home, I didn’t need drugs!

 

Snow: Though I really wished there were some!

 

Snow: Oh hey, what are you doing?

 

Zelena: Just take that kid out; you’ll be fine in no time. AND EVERYTHING THAT’S MINE WILL BE MINE!

 

*Squee*

 

*Squee*

 

Hook: I don’t even know who little John is! Why do I have to look too?

 

Charming: *Swaggity swag* Because we are heroes, Hook!

Hook: I’m cold!

 

Robin: Whoa! Little John’s the only person ever to bleed in this forest!

 

*Little John is bleeding*

Charming: Little John is bleeding! Get help!

 

Hook: But I don’t know anyone here!

 

Regina: And this is my personal room!

Robin: I don’t want a tour!

 

Regina: Lies! Don’t think I haven’t noticed you pocketing everything!

 

Robin: *Is trying to be innocent* Who?

 

Regina: Ugh, someone’s been playing in my toybox!

 

Robin: Whoa! What’re you doing?

 

Regina: How dare you try to threaten me when I’m being suicidal!

 

Robin: Mmm, this bow always finds its target. Rumple gave it back to me with a red ribbon bow when I arrived at his house. I’ll still kill you!

 

Regina: Oh yeah, I’m somewhat good now.

 

Robin: Hey, you’re still doing things!

 

Regina: I am going to put myself under a sleeping curse, which will leave me under my own regrets until Henry shows u p and uses true love to break the curse.

 

Regina: Or something like that. Hope its true love that he and I have.

 

 Robin: Yeah, because it’s already established that whoever is under a sleeping curse is taking some little walk in the park or something.

 

Regina: For me it’ll be different. I’m sure of it.

 

Robin: You’ve been without your kid for a few hours, just think of how everyone else you separated from their kids feels…and you want to take the easy way out?

 

Regina: I said it’s different for me!

 

Regina: I’m going to release the barrier, poke myself with my pen soaked in sleeping curse goo and hope it didn’t dry out by then…

 

Regina: Oh crap, it’s already dry…

 

Robin: Are you high?

 

Robin: And are the writers really wanting me to like a codependent suicidal woman despite we have nothing in common?

 

Robin: I can’t even move! Your magic is holding me to the floor!

 

Regina: SOUL MATES!

 

*Twitches*

 

*Normal face*

 

Robin: I really regret coming here…

 

Regina: Hey, someone has to see me effectively commit suicide and blame it on me instead of the person that did this and wipe out whatever threat they might be!

 

Regina: Hey seriously, don’t argue with me, I know what I’m doing…

 

Emma: What’s it like to have a magical still? Do you have like…magical moonshine?

 

Regina: Is this the right color?

 

Emma: I don’t know! It was in a blue bottle!

 

Regina: USELESS!

 

Regina: Oo, tastes like tuna…

 

Emma: But mine didn’t taste like tuna!

 

Regina: Then I’ve failed!

 

Emma: Because mine didn’t taste like Tuna? You know we have to leave that way, right?

 

Regina: Also I don’t remember anything…

 

Regina: who could do such a thing to us?!

 

Emma: We could always put a locator spell on the bottle and see where it takes us.

 

Regina: don’t be drunk, Emma!

 

Regina: WE have absolutely no way of ever ever finding who did this!

 

Emma: Oh! We could do a stakeout!

 

Regina: With you dressed like that?

 

Emma: If I’m dressed normally they n they won’t suspect that we’re on a stakeout!

 

Regina: I can’t believe that somewhat makes sense!

 

Emma: Neither can I!

 

Regina: Can I go with you?

 

Emma: And hear you insult every part of my life and job? Sure!

 

Grumpy: Everyone! Regina’s on the south side of town riding her evil magic carpet and screaming “Down with everyone that opposes me!”

 

Grumpy:….

 

Grumpy:…

 

Everyone: ….

 

Grumpy: I’m not hearing anyone volunteering to help me end her tyranny!

 

Granny: It’s two for one Lasagna night, Grumpy. Can’t this wait?

 

Grumpy: Did Regina wait during 2for 1 Lasagna night when she cast the curse

 

Grumpy: Did she wait for 2 for 1 lasagna night when she ripped us all from our homelands?

 

Grumpy: It was 2 for 1 lasagna night when she took out the failsafe that nearly killed us all!

 

Zelena: What’s happening?

 

Zelena: Ugh, it’s an inspiration speech, I’m done.

 

Grumpy: Lasagna night can wait! It’s time we bring the fight to THEM!