Witch Hunt Part 1

Zelena: Geez, how do her ears stay upright with the weight of these things.

 

Zelena: Who’s a cute wicked witch? Who’s a cute wicked witch?

 

Zelena; Oh gurl, you’re sooo clever…

 

*Monkey talk*

 

Zelena: Yes, I’m aware that it took me 28 years to finally find Regina’s room after living here for so long; I don’t need your sass!

 

Zelena *Twirls*

 

Zelena: oohoho, I’m dizzy!

 

Zelena: *Gasp* Oh! The corset! What’s up with this corset?!

 

Zelena: what’s up with these feather things? Geez, Regina has terrible tastes!

 

*More monkey talk*

 

Zelena: I know I look gorgeous but I also know you’re the one that does flattery when you want a banana!

 

Zelena: Well I ate them all!

 

*Stamps foot*

 

Regina: No one takes my stuff that I stole first!

 

Robin: Man, I love that woman!

Belle: She held me against my will for 28 years and then gave me false memories!

Robin: Who cares, did you see that ass?

 

Baelfire: Aww, his cape swivel is holding us all up but he’s so cute!

 

Red: Like, bestie, guess who’s going to have her baby in peace now that I don’t have to be on this show anymore?!:

Red: SPOILERS! ME AND JEFFERSON ARE TOTES HAVING BABIES!

 

Snow: Let’s trust Regina!

 

Red: Wh- but I’m back!

 

Red: For the first time in long time!

 

Snow: I didn’t…even notice…you were gone…

 

Red: Typical.

 

Red: Just typical..

 

Charming: Rub a dwarf tummy…

Grumpy: Stop it! I told you a thousand times that it doesn’t give you good luck!

 

Snow: What’s holding up the line?

Regina: How dare the only child in this little group not be mine! I need a Henry replacement NOW!

 

Snow: Did your mother ever tell you that if you sat there glaring constantly, your face would freeze like that?

 

Regina: I’m so used to it, I don’t even notice I do it anymore…

Snow: Wow, what a shock…

 

Regina: Hey, can I do something suicidal yet?

 

Snow: No?

Regina: But it’s been five minutes!

 

Regina: Fine, I’m sneaking into my castle and NONE of you get to come in! I have secret entrances!

Snow: That’s troublesome…don’t you worry that people could sneak in?

 

Regina: Der! My magic holds it closed.

Snow: But your magic isn’t that great…

 

Regina: Lord, give me strength!

 

Snow: MONKEY!

Charming: PROTECT MY CAPE!

 

Baelfire: It’s okay guys, I got him!

 

Baelfire: OW! MY JUGULAR!

 

Roland: PETTING TIME AT THE ZOO!

Regina: Oh dear! *Runs slowly on high heels because for some reason, no one else can help the kid*

 

Baelfire: I’m bleeding to death1

*Misses her mark about forty times*

 

Charming: What just happened?

 

Snow: What just happened?

 

Robin: Oh my son!

Roland: Way to watch over me amongst strangers, one of which is a ruthless dictator, dad…

Regina: Is that a kid I see? MINE!

 

Regina: Here kiddo, have the monkey’s stuffed corpse as your new toy!

 

Robin: That’s…insanely creepy.

 

Regina: You should love me; I’m totally a great mom!

Belle: Imprisoned, Robin! In a small room!

 

Emma: Well, Henry’s still asleep I think. That kid can sleep through anything. I nearly body slammed him on his bed and he didn’t even skip a breath!

 

Emma: So! What have we all been up to? Anyone murder anyone…

 

Hook: I might’ve ki-

 

Snow: No one remembers anything!

Charming: Honestly, I thought Emma might be slightly bothered at this whole thing with the new baby and no memories but all she did is sing “New York, New York” a lot…

 

Emma: I can’t get it out of my head for some reason…

 

Snow: Maybe you were happy there!

 

Charming: What’s there to be happy about there? It was a year of happiness, a year of nothing dangerous going on until our drama came back to ruin it as soon as we arrived! But family’s here! Surely family is much better than safety!

 

Charming: I wish I had more screen time…to experience it but…I’m sure I’ll get it eventually…

 

Snow: You’re a cute baby! Yes you are!

Charming: Is no one listening to me?

 

Hook: I can’t, those extra tight pants are distracting me…

 

Charming: Well, I have been working out I guess…

 

Charming: Now onto the problem of the town-

 

Hook: I have noticed…

 

Snow: Um…Hook?

 

Hook: Fine Snow, you can join too

 

Snow: WHAT?!

 

Emma: What is everyone talking about?

 

Hook: Sorry, I lost my self there…

 

Emma: Wait…are you guys thinking ab out what I think you’re thinking about?

 

Snow: Normally I’d be honored; I just think a road trip for things that one would have to work out for should be put on hold for a while!  

 

Hook: That’s not what I’m talking about!

 

Hook: Fine, I’ll just stick with Emma now.

 

Emma: But we just TOOK a road trip from New York, New York!

 

Snow: *GASP* I just got it!

Grumpy: I had a girl on each side, my hands were like this!

 

Group* ……

 

Happy: Hey everyone! The curse gave me unlimited texting…

 

Emma: Everyone has unlimited texting!

 

Emma: Wait a minute! Where’s Neal?

 

Charming: I don’t know, he’s probably off wearing scarves and falling down portals or something…

 

Emma: We should probably get on finding him….

 

Snow: Emma, one catastrophe at a time! First we have to find out what the entire town must tell Henry so he doesn’t get mighty suspicious when a giant or flying monkey goes past his window.

 

Emma: Sounds boring! I’m going to go take a forgetting potion that says I liked plaid.

 

Snow: But we want to hear what you’ve been up to for a year!

 

Emma: *ignoring her because how do you explain to your mom that you slept with the Wizard of Oz?* Or that that chair matches the wallpaper?

 

Regina: I refuse to keep moving, those monkeys attacked me twice!

 

Snow: We could use Regina as bait!

 

Grumpy: Yes! That’s’ what I was thinking!

Snow: This whole time she’s talking about taking the best rooms for her apartments and I can’t let that happen again!

 

Regina: Rooted on the spot!

 

Regina: At least until my feet start hurting in these heels…

 

Baelfire: Hey, thanks for stitching my wound and giving me a blood transfusion while everyone was freaking out, Belle.

 

Belle: No problem, I had to learn quickly when Rumple decided that he wanted to pick up the random hobby of knife throwing and kept stabbing himself.

 

Regina: My feet are already hurting…and did I lose a jewel from this necklace?!

Belle: Your dad is really queasy around blood…I wouldn’t have thought that about him…

 

Regina: I’m sorry, are you not focusing on me?

Belle: I don’t focus on the people that make my life miserable Regina…

 

Regina: You act like that’s not half the cast now…

 

Snow: I don’t even know who Belle is……

 

Regina: I don’t even know who any of these people are! Can I just go drop the shield or not?! 

 

Regina: Or do I have to start throwing Dwarves at it to get my way?

Grumpy: ….

 

Grumpy: Not it…

 

Charming: Hey, you could be just going into the shielded area to hide from the flying monkeys while we all get eaten!

 

Regina: *Charming realized her plan* Shut up Charming! When you have as much centrics as I do, then you can complain!

 

Snow: Hey! Be nice, we’re only trying to help! How do you know there’s not a whole nest of flying Monkeys in there waiting to kill you because that’s where they made their home?

 

Regina: *Didn’t think about that*

 

Snow: Maybe you should drop the shield so we can all fight!

 

Snow: You know…since you can only throw one fireball at a time…

 

*Stomps off*

 

Robin: Dat ass! I should leave my kid and go with her…

Roland: Dad, I almost got eaten by a flying monkey…

Robin: Oh, who cares?

 

Red: Drink it…drink it all

 

Red: I have triplets by the way! All girls! My husband and I haven’t slept a wink! He calls them our little litter! He’s so cute!

 

Red: Lalalalalala!

 

Rudo: I don’t even LIKE this sort of cinnamon! And how do you know I like cinnamon?

Emma: Don’t be rude, Rudo…

 

Red: I have baby pictures!

*Goes to find her phone to show them*

 

Emma: Good to know that she hasn’t changed at all!

 

Snow: Henry! You hit puberty!

 

Rudo: Excuse you, my name is RUDO.

 

Charming: GRANDSON!

 

Rudo: This is your way of making me meet my grandparents, I KNEW it!

 

Emma: NO! I totally knew them from jail!

 

Emma: Snow was involved in….

 

Rudo: I hope it’s cool!

 

Rudo: Impress me, woman!

 

Snow: I was an international spy. They got me on taxes.

 

Emma: Er…what?

 

Rudo: Coooool!

 

Snow: So! Now about some situations…those situations being my cravings…

 

Rudo: Did you kill people?!

 

Emma: *Is talking behind her hand* Say no, say no, say no!

 

Charming: Only non-important people!

 

Regina: HENRY! YOU’VE COME BACK TO ME! I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN!

 

Rudo: My…my name…my name is Rudolph…

 

Regina: You were named after the father I murdered! Not a red nosed reindeer!

 

Rudo: Rude, I’m named after Rudolph Valentino

 

Emma: He doesn’t remember you, Regina.

 

Regina: Well, whatever happened, I’m sure it’s your fault!