3x03 Part 2

Henry: I need my morning coffee like five minutes ago

 

Pan: Well maybe if you’re a good little arrow grabber then we’ll be able to all sit down and chat over a nice cup of joe.

 

Henry: No one says that anymore, we say ‘latte’

 

Pan: I’m not sure I asked.

Henry: Do you mind NOT aiming that thing so close to my chest, please?

 

Henry: Look, at LEAST let me shoot Felix, okay?

 

Felix: ?

Henry: Oh geez, I didn’t realize that would carry as loud as it did.

 

Pan: Well, I usually reserve people trying to shoot Felix for special occasions, but I guess the arrival of the truest believer works.

Felix: *Wears that honor proudly*

Henry: So many targets, so little ammo.

 

Lost Boys: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!

Felix: *Feelings are hurt* Oh come on, guys! I thought we were pals!

Pan: Feeeeel your hatred! Trust the Dark Sid- I mean, shoot the arrow, Henry.

 

Felix: My mother always said I had a flat noggin.

 

Lost Boys: Shoot! Shoot!

Felix: Oh, whatever! Shoot me! Shoot me!

Henry: This crossbow is as big as I am!

*Not the fact that you should be making to a minor about to shoot you.*

 

Pan: Felix! Don’t do that moving back and forth thing that you do when you’re the duck at the shooting game during Neverland Carnival!

 

Henry: Eh, I’ll need a second in command and I don’t feel like training one anymore. I’ll shoot someone else instead.

*Not the face that you should be making to a minor at any time*

 

Henry: Oh geez…my…cold blooded murder plan didn’t quite work out.

 

Pan: That…was…amazing!

 

Henry: Got to try harder I guess…

.

 

Regina: Well, the idea of me finding a possible second true love or soul mate is a pretty good idea, I’m glad I thought of it.

 

Tinker Bell: What?!

Regina: I mean ‘you’ thought of it.

 

Tinker Bell: I WILL turn you into a goon. *Is slapped with a fairy wing*

 

Regina: AUGH! That hurt!

*What exactly is this place?*

 

Tinker Bell: BLLLLUEEEE! Hey BLUE!

 

Blue Fairy: I am getting my SPA treatment! What do you want?

 

Tinker Bell: Oh, is that face before or after the process is done?

 

Tinker Bell: So…I met this girl and she’s Regina and she needs our help to leave her husband and find someone else!

 

Blue Fairy: You DO realize that she’s Rumpelstiltskin’s student and if he finds out about what you’re doing, he’ll hunt you down, pick your wings off, and hold a magnifying glass up to you under the sun, right?

 

Tinker Bell: Oh I didn’t…we can’t kidnap her or something?

 

Blue Fairy: No we can’t KIDNAP her! Rumpelstiltskin will hunt us all down and blow us up!

Tinker Bell: Well, he’s doing that anyway…what’s a little more antagonization?

Blue Fairy: You can’t have any dust. I’m pretty sure I can guess how this is going to go!

Tinker Bell: Please? Please? Please? Please? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE?

 

Blue Fairy: Oops, due for my mud bath treatment! Can’t hear you!

 

Tinker Bell: But if we find her a second chance, then she won’t go super nuts!

 

Blue Fairy: Second chance? Have you been sniffing some of that fairy dust?

 

Blue Fairy: You can try to help Regina, but when your ashes are covering her and someone has to sweep it up, IT WON’T BE ME!

 

Blue Fairy: *Slams petal shut*

 

Tinker Bell: Guess the only other viable solution is thievery!

 

Robin Hood: You want to sell my kid out to the shadow?

 

Baelfire: No, its super fine, cause we’re going to beat up the shadow which actually has a corporeal form. I haven’t seen Mulan fail yet!

 

Robin Hood: Have you ever even SEEN her fight?

 

Baelfire: Look, this is about the only other way I know to get to my kid okay? All the supermarkets around here are out of magical beans and I have a feeling that I’m not in the mood to play “Indiana Jones Hunts for Portals”

 

Robin Hood: Are there even younger Lost Kids in Neverland?

 

Baelfire: How should I know? I haven’t been there in awhile!

 

Baelfire: Look, we’re bros right? Now I’m not going to force you to use your kid but it would be nice. That’s all I’m saying.

 

Robin Hood:  I’m really not feeling this whole ‘send my kid to the Lord of the Flies’ island.

 

*Sniffles*

 

Robin Hood: Oh, not the puppy look!

 

Robin Hood: Fine, I automatically trust you with the wellbeing of my four year old.

Baelfire: Yeeesssssss!

 

Robin Hood: Huh. Guess me and Regina aren’t so different in our parenting skills after all.

 

Baelfire: Sweet! I’ll go find Mulan, won’t be hard, she’s singing "All by Myself” to a picture of animated Shang AND a photo of Aurora and Philip

 

Hook: I can’t believe all the berries you picked last episode were poisoned.

Emma: It’s a mistake that anyone could make!

 

Regina: Oh! What did I step in?

Hook: *Is checking out*

 

Hook: Hey! Take off your shirt!

 

Charming: What?!

Hook: Quick, take it off while the women aren’t looking.

 

Charming: *Is looking around*

 

Hook: How is it that you have a better set of abs than me when I work out all day and you eat like you have a bottomless pit?

 

Charming: What about my wound?

 

Hook: Oh just put some duct tape and penicillin on it, it’ll be fine.

 

Charming: Really?

 

Hook: Nope! I lied! You’re Boot Hill bait!

 

Charming: *Is furious*

 

Charming: What’s going to happen?

 

Hook: Well, you’ll write five bestselling novels and die before the cliffhanger is resolved. All the while having hallucinations and growing sweatier and sweatier and then you’ll just keel over and throw the whole rescue mission off.

 

Charming: Don’t tell them!

 

Hook: Seriously?

 

Regina: Hey, can we stop for a break? I’m not wearing the right shoes for this!

 

Emma: You’re never wearing the right shoes for anything!

 

Regina: I don’t care! I’m resting and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!

Emma: Fine! See ya, Regina!

 

Regina: I’ll just stay here in the woods…all by myself with psychotic Lost Boys to watch me. Anything could happen, I might accidently spill that we’re headed to a certain fairy’s cabin once I go mad and start talking to sports balls.

 

Emma: Okay seriously, what did you do to piss her off?

 

Regina: Who says I did anything to piss her off?

 

Regina: I put my hands on my hips in defense of that, madam!

 

Regina: *Innocent whistling*

Emma: Because everyone we run into is always pissed off at you or Rumpelstiltskin and since he’s not here, I had to guess.

 

Regina: Well…I may have had something to do with her life getting ruined.

Emma: Well add her to the list. How come you’re not this terrified of meeting anyone else whose life you ruined? Because she won’t help us?

 

Regina: No! Have you ever been slapped by a fairy wing? It hurts!

 

*Is remembering*

 

Emma: So…you want us to just leave you here?

 

Regina: Well, I don’t WANT it, but –

 

Emma: See ya, Regina!

 

Regina: Hm…that reverse psychology class swindled me

Regina: Dear diary, I made Snow cry over the phone like four times today

Tinker Bell: You’re starting to get a little slow there, Regina.

Regina: ZOMG, HIIIIIII!

 

Tinker Bell: So I found your second chance and I may or may not have stolen and disobeyed orders over. Let’s just say that my life will be ruined if you chicken out.

 

Regina: Hm…ruining lives does seem a little fun.

 

Regina: I’m not sure I want to be led to the balcony that I nearly fell to my death on one, Tink.

Tinker Bell: Oh, get over it, what’s a few near death experiences among friends.

Regina: Hey, it’s a bit nippy out here; can I change into a pair of pants first?

 

Tinker Bell: You don’t have pants, that’s the only dress you seem to have brought with you.

 

Tinker Bell: Here some dust for you!

Regina: *Goes into an allergic reaction*

Tinker Bell: Oh my….

 

Regina: Okay I’m good; I just needed an inhaler…

 

Regina: Wait! I can’t maneuver! I can’t maneuver! *Flops upside down*

 

Regina: I don’t need love, can’t I Just fly instead?

Tinker Bell: Don’t be an idiot Regina, who would give up human interaction, love, and possibly naughty things just to fly around all day.

Tinker Bell: Your true love is over there somewhere!

Regina; Why couldn’t the Charmings just ask the fairies to do this every time they get separated?

Tinker Bell: Because you’re a special snowflake

 

Regina: Sweet!

 

Tinker Bell: Let’s go!

Regina: *Is flailing in place* How do I go?!

 

Tinker Bell: Oh! This tavern is so YOU!

Regina: Are we…in the bad side of town?

 

Tinker Bell: *Is quiet* Tiptoe! So he doesn’t hear us !

 

Tinker Bell: He’s right there! With all the green goo around him!

Regina: Why can’t you fairies just do this sort of thing all the time?

 

Robin Hood: WHY do I feel tingly?

 

Tinker Bell: That’s SO him.

Regina: Huh. He looks a lot different than what I was led to believe.

 

Tinker Bell: Check out that killer tat! He’s a rebel! I’ll bet he has a motorcycle or a mustang or something.

 

Regina: Why can’t my true love be a bit more…rich?

Tinker Bell: Oh bollocks, it’ll work!

 

Regina: I’m not sure it will. How does a bunch of dust carved from rock diamonds decide all this?

Regina: Oh well…he does look like he can hold his liquor just like how did used to…

 

Regina: Hey Tink, be my wing fairy.

 

Tinker Bell: Nope! Because every time I do this, most guys end up falling for me!

 

Regina: Oh. Yeah…th-that wouldn’t work.

 

Regina: Okay Regina…run out on a king…I’m sure that’ll end well and not utterly destroy a 12 year old who loves you like a mother…

 

Regina: THE QUEEN IS-

 

Regina: Hey, that’s not Tom Ellis

 

Regina: Did I run all the way home?

 

*Is jumping at every little sound*

 

Regina: Peasants! How was splitting up a good idea!

 

Regina: *Is waiting* Hook! You can come out now! We’re totally alone!

 

Regina: Figures. He’s probably off making eyes at anything that moves to make me jealous, that’s so like him.

 

Tinker Bell: And just WHAT are you doing with Hook?!

 

Regina: Oh hey…you’ve been here this whole time?! *Is awkward*

 

Tinker Bell: Yeah, and I’ve heard every horrible thing you’ve said about me too.

 

Regina: Oh yeah…about that…

 

Regina: Is that what you’re wearing these days? Blue has more sense than you!

 

Tinker Bell: You ruined my life!

 

Regina: WHY does everyone keep saying that?

 

Tinker Bell: Eat breath spray!

 

Regina: I don’t wanna inha-

*faints*

 

Tinker Bell: Ha ha! Reven- oh wait, I gotta cart this dead weight…