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Thursday, January 2, 2014

3x03 Part 3

Hook: Tinkers! I’m coming up and I’m ready for ya! Dressed or undressed means little to m- Oh, she’s not here.

Charming: Why did you make us hang off that tree branch?

Charming: Nope! She’s not here!

Charming: *Looks to the left* Nope. Definitely not here.
Hook: Where did she hide my love letters?!

Emma: Ugh! Dad’s butt was in my face!
Hook: So…this is awkward.
Charming: Do you mind if I keep this hammock?

Emma: Ugh, what’s that smell?

Hook: Probably me, I’ve worn the same clothes for weeks!

Snow: *Pops head up like a prairie dog*

Emma: One would think a treehouse would be more cheerful.
Hook: Well I’m not sure anything is going to look cheerful in a land that’s always night and only has limited resources to work with.

Charming: Any pixie dust randomly in here?
Snow: This is still an upgrade from the hovel that I used to live in.

Snow: That’s how I met your father. And we met many more times after that.

Emma: You had a hovel.

Emma: Wait ‘met many times’?! EWWWWWW

Snow: Yes Emma, I lived in a hovel. Didn’t you read the book?!
Emma: I may have…skimmed.

Snow: How are we supposed to compare family stories when you’re like that?

Snow: Hook!
Hook: What? The climb was exhausted and I’m tired

Charming: Hey, check out this rag I just sneezed in
Emma: Gross!
Hook: *Is randomly swaying back and forth in an attempt to spin a 360*

Emma: That’s Regina’s name!

Emma: I recognize the tacky leopard print embroidery of her name anywhere.

Regina: Oh, Henry, make mommy her morning cocktail…

Regina: Oh, my neck hurts. Did he knock me out and hide me in the woods again?

Tinker Bell: You snore worse than Blue does.

Regina: Ugh! Someone kidnapped me and moved me to somewhere I don’t want to be! The nerve!

Tinker Bell: Why do you have a hunting posse after me?

Regina: That bunch couldn’t hunt butterflies, let alone a rogue fairy.

Regina: Oh, tied up. How cute.

Regina: I tied better knots than this at girl scouts.

Tinker Bell: Felix taught me. He’s a knotty expert.

Tinker Bell: He’s also a death expert too!

Regina: Not sure I want the free trial of that class.

Regina: Especially if that’s the school uniform.

Regina: And what you hit me with wasn’t magic.

Tinker Bell: How come you couldn’t tell that what the home office hit you with WAS actually magic, then?

Regina: I’ll have none of your snippity questions! I don’t even know how I know that I ruined your life.

Regina: But somehow I do.

Tinker Bell: You took away my livelihood!

Regina: I’m sure I could make this arrow disappear but…oh well…whatever…

Regina: If you make this to where it’s not an open casket funeral, I will HAUNT you.

Tinker Bell: I’m not scared of you!

Regina: Huh? Really? That’s rarely happened before…

Tinker Bell: Yooooohooooooo

Regina: Dear diary, I sentenced like twelve villages to death on the way home

Tinker Bell: HI!

Regina: Oh…I instantly regret not having a screen put up.

Tinker Bell: *Bounces* So, is your man getting undressed for a night of llooooooovvveeee?

Regina: I decided that I didn’t want to.

Tinker Bell: I- oh….

Regina: He smelled like the forest and I realized that I being a prim and proper lady just wasn’t cut out for that sort of living. I mean can you just imagine me living out in the woods dodging that drunken sheriff all the time and sleeping on the ground or some sort of hammock in the trees? I don’t!

Regina: And I can’t get with him! He might be a popular literary character with a proper literary wife! They wouldn’t break that up for me!

Tinker Bell: Of course they would! Don’t you know that his life would be ruined if he doesn’t meet you? Somehow? Because meeting a more mentally stable wife and having that adorable kid is a life ruiner and not in the good way?

Regina: You’re a horrible fairy.

Regina: *Is trying her newly acquired smirk/glare combo* Fly away before I summon the giant flyswatter.

Tinker Bell: *About to cry*

Regina: Hey now! What’d I do?

Tinker Bell: You DO know that I risked everything to get you laid, right? I could lose everything I have.

Regina: Yeah, well get in line! Cause it ain’t over yet little Miss Intrusive. I didn’t even ASK for your help! I was PERFECTLY HAPPY in the throes of self-pity and bitterness!

Tinker Bell: Do you realize what you’re saying?

Tinker Bell: This makes Blue right! NO ONE WANTS THAT!

Regina: I’m not listening anymore! Shrink up and fly off!

Regina: *Glare* *Glare* *Glare*

Tinker Bell: Fine. I didn’t want to be a fairy anyway.

Regina: Good because your costume isn’t near ridiculous enough!

Tinker Bell: *Is crying*

Regina: Yeah, I’m so bored now.

Regina: Are you planning on using that? Or will you at least let me off for my bathroom break?

Tinker Bell: Hush, I’m trying to figure out if I can get you in the jugular and still not get sprayed.

Regina: I’ll make it easier for you!

Tinker Bell: Oh GROSS!

Regina: Crush my heart!

Tinker Bell: If I wanted suggestions on how to off you, I’d have put in a suggestion box!

Regina: It’s MY death! You should at least take requests!

Tinker Bell: That stopped being a thing in Neverland the minute Smee put in an impossible request that couldn’t be done! Neverland doesn't have seven headed jackal cow hybrids that sing!

Tinker Bell: When she least expects it, I’ll fly into her mouth. That’ll show her.

Blue Fairy: You’re abusing our mouth-flying-into techniques?

Tinker Bell: Oh hey Blue…who sent you here?

Blue Fairy: Pretty sure that “Up yours, I’m helping out Queen Regina” not gave me a clue that I should pay a visit.

Tinker Bell: How are our wings attached by the way? Yours go right through the back but mine just…go through my dress….

Tinker Bell: *Sigh* You were RIGHT.

Blue Fairy: Geez, you don’t say?

Blue Fairy: How many times do we have to tell you not to up and run off and help people unless the plot suddenly deems it?

Tinker Bell: I just wanted us to not be so sketchy!

Blue Fairy: We have a quote of uselessness to fill and you’re ruining it!

Tinker Bell: EEEeeeeeeee!

 Murphy: Hey! Check it out, Sim! Bright green underoos!
*Guards start laughing*

Blue Fairy: Well that emotional moment was probably ruined…

Tinker Bell: NO! Don’t leave me! I’ll probably get arrested for trespassing on castle land!

Regina: You’ve been treating that thing like a stress ball for 20 minutes, do you mind just going ahead and getting it done with?

Tinker Bell: Hold on, I gotta find a decent sized rock!

Regina: Yep, that Reverse Psychology class swindled me.

Tinker Bell: I got stuck here because of you! *Chucks heart* I don’t even know how I ended up here either!

Regina: I thought your centric was really about me…

Tinker Bell: Why couldn’t you have just done the smart thing and gone in?

Regina: Because he wasn’t Tom Ellis.

Tinker Bell: Well if he was TOM ELLIS, I would’ve been a line cutter and met him first, now wouldn’t I?

Regina: I wouldn’t know, you were too busy getting dropped out of the air like bird droppings.
Tinker Bell:

Regina: Yeah! I said it!

Regina: What are you going to do! Squeeze me to death!

Regina: On second thought…don’t. Don’t do that…

Regina: And I know that you weren’t all that thrilled with me but I ran all the way home that night without stopping. IN HEELS!

Regina: I STILL have blisters from that adventure!

Tinker Bell: Well I still have broken ribs from that plummet down to your uneven cobblestones!

 Tinker Bell: It hasn’t been all that great. I’ve only had like one costume for decades and had to admit that Blue was right!

Regina: Except I didn’t even ask for your help! I just wanted it a lot!

Regina: If you kill me, this will be your future or…something!

Regina: Guaranteed or your money back!

Tinker Bell: Snow seems to be doing just fine!

Regina: Because that went to the well of ‘Plots that we won’t talk about again’ and everyone’s happier for it!

Tinker Bell: Do you love your kid or not?

Regina: You want me to admit that? Here?

Regina: Oh boy…um…

Regina: With him, I got something right!

Tinker Bell: I’m pretty sure everything you’ve done to him is wrong but…okay….

Regina: My chest is feeling cold, can I have that back? Even what I got is better than no heart at all.

Tinker Bell: If you can’t feel anything without your heart, why are you saying you love your kid and tearing up?

Regina: I don’t know! I can’t make sense of how this thing works!

Tinker Bell: Fine! Whatever!

Regina: UGH! You shoved it in backwards! You ARE a horrible fairy!

Pan: Ah! Isn’t Neverland great?
Henry: Yeah throwing knives into the dirt is fun.

Pan: Well, we used to just throw them at people until we started running out of them.

Pan: Once I had four boys with fingers missing!

Henry: Oh geez, missing limbs sounds like a great time! Where do I sign up?

Pan: It’s a perfectly entertaining game!

Pan: No one can tell you ‘no’ here!

Henry: My mom always said to find an adult whenever someone told me that.

Henry: *Henry glare*

Pan: That isn’t going to work on me.

Pan: You’ll soon find out that I’m creepier than all your family members combined!

Pan: I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. Since before you were born!

Henry: This is NOT making me trust you.


Pan: YAY!

Henry: Sorry man, my grandpa told me to never share my throne.

Pan: Henry…I know your granddad like he was my own son and I think he’d be okay with it.

Henry: No, I’m pretty sure he said that sharing is caring and caring leads to mutinies.

Pan: Look at this! I had this before you were born!

Pan: It’s your mug.

Henry: Or you could’ve just drawn it recently and are lying.

Pan: Why won’t you trust me?! I just had people murdered in front of you! Which family member hasn’t done that!?

Henry: *Rolls eyes* I’m pretty sure the ‘good’ ones.

Pan: You’re hopeless!

Baelfire: So….where are the littlest lost boys?

Mulan: Stay out of the wine cart!
Robin: I need to get super drunk for this!

Mulan: Okay so the plan is that Roland will do his ditty and I’ll climb out from under the couch and tackle the heck out of that shadow!
Robin: Sounds like a plan to me!

Robin: I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

Baelfire: Neither can I. Wow your parenting sucks.

Baelfire: I never got to be a parent to my kid. He-

Mulan: NO ONE wants to hear your life story and regrets of it again, Baelfire.

Mulan: Back up plan, if we can’t cut the shadow, we’ll pillow fight with it.

Baelfire: You come up with the best plans, Mulan!

Baelfire: And then I’ll land in Emma’s lap and we’ll continue our romance crash course.

Robin: Atta boy!
Mulan: I wish I had someone land in my lap that wasn’t Roland when the Merry Men told me it was my turn for babysitting duty…

Roland: Dad, I’ve already decided I want to be adopted by little John.
Little John: Is this all I do all day? Hold your kid?

Robin: Now, do you remember the words Bae taught you? Hopefully without the expletives thrown in?

Roland: Like with what you say?

Robin: Watch it, son.
Baelfire: No! I want to hear more!

Mulan: *Is exasperated*

Baelfire: *Gets pillow ready*

Mulan: Guess I’m stuck saving this mission like I always do.

Roland: Come at me, bro!


Robin: Well, that failed. Bedtime.

Baelfire: Rumpelstiltskin loves Cora?! Who the frig is that?!

Shadow: I have no idea why I’m still coming after kids.

Baelfire: Hey! The shadow is here!

Robin: OH, I can’t believe this plan actually worked!

Baelfire: Hey! Someone should do something!

Shadow: Most parents have cleared the room by now with their kid, idiot.

Roland: Well, he seems pleasant!
Robin: Get away from him, you beast!

Shadow: *Is cut my Mulan* OW! RUDE!  Whatever, I give up. I’m leaving!

Baelfire: *Tries to jump but trips at the last possible second* GAH!

Baelfire: No wait, I’m good!
Shadow: Let go of my new pants!

Mulan: It’s so inspirational!

Robin: That’s one word for it. 

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