Hook: Tinkers!
I’m coming up and I’m ready for ya! Dressed or undressed means little to m- Oh,
she’s not here.
Charming: Why did
you make us hang off that tree branch?
Charming: Nope!
She’s not here!
Charming: *Looks to
the left* Nope. Definitely not here.
Hook: Where did
she hide my love letters?!
Emma: Ugh! Dad’s
butt was in my face!
Hook: So…this is
awkward.
Charming: Do you
mind if I keep this hammock?
Emma: Ugh, what’s
that smell?
Hook: Probably
me, I’ve worn the same clothes for weeks!
Snow: *Pops head up
like a prairie dog*
Emma: One would
think a treehouse would be more cheerful.
Hook: Well I’m
not sure anything is going to look cheerful in a land that’s always night and
only has limited resources to work with.
Charming: Any pixie
dust randomly in here?
Snow: This is
still an upgrade from the hovel that I used to live in.
Snow: That’s how
I met your father. And we met many more times after that.
Emma: You had a
hovel.
Emma: Wait ‘met
many times’?! EWWWWWW
Snow: Yes Emma, I
lived in a hovel. Didn’t you read the book?!
Emma: I may
have…skimmed.
Snow: How are we
supposed to compare family stories when you’re like that?
Snow: Hook!
Hook: What? The
climb was exhausted and I’m tired
Charming: Hey,
check out this rag I just sneezed in
Emma: Gross!
Hook: *Is randomly
swaying back and forth in an attempt to spin a 360*
Emma: That’s
Regina’s name!
Emma: I recognize
the tacky leopard print embroidery of her name anywhere.
Regina: Oh,
Henry, make mommy her morning cocktail…
Regina: Oh, my
neck hurts. Did he knock me out and hide me in the woods again?
Tinker Bell: You
snore worse than Blue does.
Regina: Ugh!
Someone kidnapped me and moved me to somewhere I don’t want to be! The nerve!
Tinker Bell: Why
do you have a hunting posse after me?
Regina: That
bunch couldn’t hunt butterflies, let alone a rogue fairy.
Regina: Oh, tied
up. How cute.
Regina: I tied
better knots than this at girl scouts.
Tinker Bell: Felix
taught me. He’s a knotty expert.
Tinker Bell: He’s
also a death expert too!
Regina: Not sure
I want the free trial of that class.
Regina: Especially
if that’s the school uniform.
Regina: And what
you hit me with wasn’t magic.
Tinker Bell: How
come you couldn’t tell that what the home office hit you with WAS actually
magic, then?
Regina: I’ll have
none of your snippity questions! I don’t even know how I know that I ruined
your life.
Regina: But
somehow I do.
Tinker Bell: You took
away my livelihood!
Regina: I’m sure
I could make this arrow disappear but…oh well…whatever…
Regina: If you
make this to where it’s not an open casket funeral, I will HAUNT you.
Tinker Bell: I’m
not scared of you!
Regina: Huh?
Really? That’s rarely happened before…
Tinker Bell: Yooooohooooooo
Regina: Dear diary,
I sentenced like twelve villages to death on the way home
Tinker Bell: HI!
Regina: Oh…I
instantly regret not having a screen put up.
Tinker Bell: *Bounces*
So, is your man getting undressed for a night of llooooooovvveeee?
Regina: I decided
that I didn’t want to.
Tinker Bell: I-
oh….
Regina: He
smelled like the forest and I realized that I being a prim and proper lady just
wasn’t cut out for that sort of living. I mean can you just imagine me living
out in the woods dodging that drunken sheriff all the time and sleeping on the
ground or some sort of hammock in the trees? I don’t!
Regina: And I
can’t get with him! He might be a popular literary character with a proper
literary wife! They wouldn’t break that up for me!
Tinker Bell: Of
course they would! Don’t you know that his life would be ruined if he doesn’t
meet you? Somehow? Because meeting a more mentally stable wife and having that
adorable kid is a life ruiner and not in the good way?
Regina: You’re a
horrible fairy.
Regina: *Is trying
her newly acquired smirk/glare combo* Fly away before I summon the giant
flyswatter.
Tinker Bell: *About
to cry*
Regina: Hey now!
What’d I do?
Tinker Bell: You DO know that I risked everything to get you laid, right? I could lose
everything I have.
Regina: Yeah,
well get in line! Cause it ain’t over yet little Miss Intrusive. I didn’t even
ASK for your help! I was PERFECTLY HAPPY in the throes of self-pity and
bitterness!
Tinker Bell: Do
you realize what you’re saying?
Tinker Bell: This
makes Blue right! NO ONE WANTS THAT!
Regina: I’m not
listening anymore! Shrink up and fly off!
Regina: *Glare*
*Glare* *Glare*
Tinker Bell: Fine.
I didn’t want to be a fairy anyway.
Regina: Good
because your costume isn’t near ridiculous enough!
Tinker Bell: *Is
crying*
Regina: Yeah, I’m
so bored now.
Regina: Are you
planning on using that? Or will you at least let me off for my bathroom break?
Tinker Bell: Hush,
I’m trying to figure out if I can get you in the jugular and still not get sprayed.
Regina: I’ll make
it easier for you!
Tinker Bell: Oh
GROSS!
Regina: Crush my
heart!
Tinker Bell: If I
wanted suggestions on how to off you, I’d have put in a suggestion box!
Regina: It’s MY
death! You should at least take requests!
Tinker Bell: That
stopped being a thing in Neverland the minute Smee put in an impossible request
that couldn’t be done! Neverland doesn't have seven headed jackal cow hybrids
that sing!
Tinker Bell: When
she least expects it, I’ll fly into her mouth. That’ll show her.
Blue Fairy: You’re
abusing our mouth-flying-into techniques?
Tinker Bell: Oh
hey Blue…who sent you here?
Blue Fairy: Pretty
sure that “Up yours, I’m helping out Queen Regina” not gave me a clue that I
should pay a visit.
Tinker Bell: How
are our wings attached by the way? Yours go right through the back but mine
just…go through my dress….
Tinker Bell: *Sigh* You
were RIGHT.
Blue Fairy: Geez,
you don’t say?
Blue Fairy: How
many times do we have to tell you not to up and run off and help people unless
the plot suddenly deems it?
Tinker Bell: I
just wanted us to not be so sketchy!
Blue Fairy: We
have a quote of uselessness to fill and you’re ruining it!
Tinker Bell: EEEeeeeeeee!
*Splat*
Murphy: Hey! Check
it out, Sim! Bright green underoos!
*Guards start
laughing*
Blue Fairy: Well
that emotional moment was probably ruined…
Tinker Bell: NO!
Don’t leave me! I’ll probably get arrested for trespassing on castle land!
Regina: You’ve
been treating that thing like a stress ball for 20 minutes, do you mind just
going ahead and getting it done with?
Tinker Bell: Hold
on, I gotta find a decent sized rock!
Regina: Yep, that
Reverse Psychology class swindled me.
Tinker Bell: I
got stuck here because of you! *Chucks
heart* I
don’t even know how I ended up here either!
Regina: I thought
your centric was really about me…
Tinker Bell: Why
couldn’t you have just done the smart thing and gone in?
Regina: Because
he wasn’t Tom Ellis.
Tinker Bell: Well
if he was TOM ELLIS, I would’ve been a line cutter and met him first, now
wouldn’t I?
Regina: I
wouldn’t know, you were too busy getting dropped out of the air like bird
droppings.
Tinker Bell: …
Regina: Yeah! I
said it!
Regina: What are
you going to do! Squeeze me to death!
Regina: On second
thought…don’t. Don’t do that…
Regina: And I
know that you weren’t all that thrilled with me but I ran all the way home that
night without stopping. IN HEELS!
Regina: I STILL
have blisters from that adventure!
Tinker Bell: Well
I still have broken ribs from that plummet down to your uneven cobblestones!
Regina: Except I
didn’t even ask for your help! I just wanted it a lot!
Regina: If you
kill me, this will be your future or…something!
Regina: Guaranteed
or your money back!
Tinker Bell: Snow
seems to be doing just fine!
Regina: Because
that went to the well of ‘Plots that we won’t talk about again’ and everyone’s happier
for it!
Tinker Bell: Do
you love your kid or not?
Regina: You want
me to admit that? Here?
Regina: Oh
boy…um…
Regina: With him,
I got something right!
Tinker Bell: I’m
pretty sure everything you’ve done to him is wrong but…okay….
Regina: My chest
is feeling cold, can I have that back? Even what I got is better than no heart
at all.
Tinker Bell: If
you can’t feel anything without your heart, why are you saying you love your
kid and tearing up?
Regina: I don’t
know! I can’t make sense of how this thing works!
Tinker Bell: Fine!
Whatever!
Regina: UGH! You
shoved it in backwards! You ARE a horrible fairy!
Pan: Ah! Isn’t
Neverland great?
Henry: Yeah
throwing knives into the dirt is fun.
Pan: Well, we
used to just throw them at people until we started running out of them.
Pan: Once I had
four boys with fingers missing!
Henry: Oh geez,
missing limbs sounds like a great time! Where do I sign up?
Pan: It’s a
perfectly entertaining game!
Pan: No one can
tell you ‘no’ here!
Henry: My mom
always said to find an adult whenever someone told me that.
Henry: *Henry glare*
Pan: That isn’t
going to work on me.
Pan: You’ll soon
find out that I’m creepier than all your family members combined!
Pan: I’ve been
waiting for you for a long time. Since before you were born!
Henry: This is
NOT making me trust you.
Pan: WE CAN RULE
THE WORLD TOGETHER!
Pan: YAY!
Henry: Sorry man,
my grandpa told me to never share my throne.
Pan: Henry…I know
your granddad like he was my own son and I think he’d be okay with it.
Henry: No, I’m
pretty sure he said that sharing is caring and caring leads to mutinies.
Pan: Look at
this! I had this before you were born!
Pan: It’s your
mug.
Henry: Or you
could’ve just drawn it recently and are lying.
Pan: Why won’t
you trust me?! I just had people murdered in front of you! Which family member
hasn’t done that!?
Henry: *Rolls eyes* I’m
pretty sure the ‘good’ ones.
Pan: You’re
hopeless!
Baelfire: So….where
are the littlest lost boys?
Mulan: Stay out
of the wine cart!
Robin: I need to
get super drunk for this!
Mulan: Okay so
the plan is that Roland will do his ditty and I’ll climb out from under the
couch and tackle the heck out of that shadow!
Robin: Sounds
like a plan to me!
Robin: I still
can’t believe I let you talk me into this.
Baelfire: Neither
can I. Wow your parenting sucks.
Baelfire: I never
got to be a parent to my kid. He-
Mulan: NO ONE
wants to hear your life story and regrets of it again, Baelfire.
Mulan: Back up
plan, if we can’t cut the shadow, we’ll pillow fight with it.
Baelfire: You
come up with the best plans, Mulan!
Baelfire: And
then I’ll land in Emma’s lap and we’ll continue our romance crash course.
Robin: Atta boy!
Mulan: I wish I
had someone land in my lap that wasn’t Roland when the Merry Men told me it was
my turn for babysitting duty…
Roland: Dad, I’ve
already decided I want to be adopted by little John.
Little John: Is
this all I do all day? Hold your kid?
Robin: Now, do
you remember the words Bae taught you? Hopefully without the expletives thrown
in?
Roland: Like with
what you say?
Robin: Watch it,
son.
Baelfire: No! I
want to hear more!
Mulan: *Is
exasperated*
Baelfire: *Gets
pillow ready*
Mulan: Guess I’m
stuck saving this mission like I always do.
Roland: Come at
me, bro!
*Beat*
Robin: Well, that
failed. Bedtime.
Baelfire: Rumpelstiltskin
loves Cora?! Who the frig is that?!
Shadow: I have no
idea why I’m still coming after kids.
Baelfire: Hey!
The shadow is here!
Robin: OH, I
can’t believe this plan actually worked!
Baelfire: Hey!
Someone should do something!
Shadow: Most
parents have cleared the room by now with their kid, idiot.
Roland: Well, he
seems pleasant!
Robin: Get away
from him, you beast!
Shadow: *Is cut my
Mulan* OW! RUDE! Whatever, I give up. I’m leaving!
Baelfire: *Tries
to jump but trips at the last possible second* GAH!
Baelfire: No
wait, I’m good!
Shadow: Let go of
my new pants!
Mulan: It’s so
inspirational!
Robin: That’s one
word for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment