Belle: I said not to follow me!
Ariel: I got bored, I’m sorry…
Ariel: We should be sneaky…we should be really sneaky…
Belle: HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?
John: What’s it look like; we’re destroying it, aren’t we?
Belle: That’s my boyfriends! And last time someone tried to smack something with a big pickaxe, it nearly wiped out the town
John: Try and stop us! *winds up* I’m ready for you!
John…. Any time now!
John: Also Pan told me to tell you that Rumple’s been scampering around with a vision of Belle and he’s too senile to tell the difference!
Ariel: *Thinks he’s talking about Regina and wonders how out of it Rumple is*
Belle: YOU BE A LIAR!
Darlings: Ow! We might’ve been able to destroy that in time…
Belle: Hold on, I’m having really bad flashbacks of the time my father tried to have me basically killed…
Ariel: What exactly goes on in this town again?
Belle: *Puts it behind her back* “Ha! It’s gone and you’ll never see it again!
Michael: You give it back! John has had three judo lessons
John: *Is making moves*
Belle: Dude. No. I beat you up with a mine cart
John: Our sister is hanging out with Pan! He kept us alive…um…somehow so we could do his bidding and he needs us to destroy this! So pretty please?
Belle: Pfft! Like that’s a likely story.
Belle: My sister got kidnapped by my dark overlord…yeah; I’ve heard that one all before.
Belle: *immediately believes them* Oh…poor things….we can use this box to save them! Hopefully…usually it depends on a lot of luck…
John: We’re going to die…
Belle: Nah, I’ll just make sure no one ever hears from you again. I can totes do that as mayor.
Belle: I don’t know. The last one did that a lot.
John: Can we just…not do it and say we did? I’m not sure what Pan would require as poof to see that we’d do it…though I guess the honor system will work. I mean we have slaughtered or kidnapped hundreds of people….
Belle: Sounds like a Peter Plan!
Belle: I thought it was clever.
Michael: I hate puns…
Ariel: You mean Pans?
John: *Hates her*
Wendy: I’ve been stuck here for 300 years thereabout and my cage is super smelly….
Pan: Come play with us, Wendy!
Wendy: That’s creepy…and I think my legs have atrophied…and I need a brush…
Pan: *Growls* This is why we keep you IN the cage!
Wendy: You got fat.
Ariel: Well that was loads easier than anticipated!
Belle: They’ll rot nice and good in jail…
Ariel: It was nice meeting you! I think we both bonded today!
Belle: *Is really going to miss her* Best friends forever?
Belle: Hm…I’m bored now…wonder if Red’s working today…
Felix: *Hums the newest pop hit since apparently Pan can chat up people between worlds*
Felix: Oh noes! I have dropped my rations! I hope no one realizes that I don’t have them! *grumbles* Amateur…
Henry: Food! Pan forgot to feed me for five days!
Henry: All mine!
Henry: Ugh, apples. What a turd.
Henry: Well, at least it’ll make an effective weapon…
Henry: Could this ladder get any more lit?
Wendy: You’ve arrived…I’ve been waiting for you.
Pan: *Kicks partition*
Wendy: I mean…*cough* *cough*
Henry: Where did Pan get all this stuff? I’ve been sleeping in the dirt for nearly a week! I still have centipedes in my hair and there's a cave room?!
Pan: *Face palm*
Wendy: I can’t hear you over me dying?
Henry: This bed is the cleanest thing in this place. And white curtains? Really? NICE TRY, BOY WONDER!
Henry: And where did you get lantern oil?
Wendy: I erm….believe in bulk?
Wendy: Now, are you going to hear my death story or not?
Wendy: It’s really sad.
Henry: Awful convenient that I happen to find you right after I tell Pan I don’t believe in him.
Henry: Oh this is comfy; my butt has sat on a hard root for five days…
Wendy: I’m dying because Pan is losing magic!
Henry: Can I have a doctor’s note confirming that?
Wendy: Erm…you can from…Dr…Felix…
Henry: Storky McCreeperton? No thanks. *Sighs* Next!
Wendy: *Drums fingers* *Really drags it out because she can’t believe Pan has this room and makes her sleep in a giant wooden box*
Wendy: Look he wants your heart.
Henry: That’s okay, I’d prefer it if we just remained friends…I’ve got something good going with Grace that none of our parents know about…
Wendy: That is NOT what I Mean! He’s dying so I’m dying! So don’t listen to your parents or that Pan is lying to you, pop your heart out and shove it in his chest cavity!
Wendy: I mean…I’m weak…
Henry: Here have some apples that you have to physically reach for, dying girl
Henry: Doesn’t he already have a heart there? What happens if they collide? Pressure doesn’t do these hearts well in the past…
Henry: Whatever. I guess I’ll play along. What else do I have to do all day?
Pan: That was the worst ‘dying girl’ act, I’ve ever seen!
Wendy: *Rolls eyes* Well next time you can be the dying girl and I can be the eternity seeking dictator!
Pan: No….I like being the eternity seeking dictator, my birthday is a holiday and I don’t want to adjust to a new one after three hundred years…
Pan: Now get back in your cage!
Wendy: But I’m comfy!
Pan: And I’m a 40 year old man staring at a fifteen year old in her nightdress and even I’m creeped out! Get back in your cage!
Wendy: I can’t believe people ship us.
Rumpelstiltskin: My mood ring is the “Regina” color, wonderful.
Regina: That doesn’t look like a very appealing color.
Rumpelstiltskin: It’s the color of what you’re feeling when you have a pain in the ass.
Regina: That’s a specific mood…
Rumpelstiltskin: For a specific reason
Regina: It’s something to do with me, isn’t it? *starts crying*
Ariel: Oh thank God, tropical waters at last…
Rumpelstiltskin: That was fast.
Regina: Maybe it’s a shadow.
Rumpelstiltskin: Choke her and find out.
Rumpelstiltskin: Okay, it’s her.
Ariel: Dude! You wouldn’t believe my adventure! *Starts chatting*
Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t care! Gimme the box!
Ariel: FINE! Testy…
Ariel: Also, your bell is insane.
Regina: Why do you think I trapped her against her will for 30 years?
Ariel: You just make all sorts of friends don’t you?
Regina: It’s a blessing! Hi-five!
Regina: Fine. Be a snoot.
Rumpelstiltskin: Anything Belle say that I might have to send Regina away for?
Ariel: She said all the usual lovey dovey stuff…and to save this girl on the island that’s trapped.
Regina: Don’t even think about it! So what if an underage girl is trapped here with nothing but boys for decades or centuries possibly doing who knows what? All that matters is Henry!
Rumpelstiltskin: For the love of God….
Ariel: I pinky promised in your place…
Rumpelstiltskin: I can’t go back on a pinky promise I wasn’t there to make!
Rumpelstiltskin: I’ll save her.
Ariel: You better or I’ll hunt you down.
Rumpelstiltskin: *X-rays her purse* Is that stuff from my shop?
Ariel: GOTTA GO!
Emma: I need to run fast enough! Then I can get away!
Baelfire: Hook did it!
Emma: I don’t care! You two nearly got me killed! And shadow monsters will now haunt my nightmares!
Hook: But my feelings! And you, whom we were fighting over!
Emma: I’m not a rope for tug of war!
Emma: I’m going to focus on why we’re actually here now, which is my son. Not anyone’s pitiful feelings.
Baelfire: Wow, do I feel like a jackass.
Hook: But my feelings!
Charming: Oh sweet, Tink. There you are!
Tink: Yup. Ready and able for my part in making a ruse for Pan!
Charming: We have a way home…hopefully…if they’re not all dead yet…
Tink: How comforting. I have to confess not only do I not know how to get out of here; I’m not completely sure how I got here.
Snow: That’s not important! Let’s save Henry and go home!
Baelfire: I HAS COCONUT!
Charming: Oh! We erm…found Tink…?
Tink: BAE! ERMAGAD IS THAT YOU?
Hook: I’m…here too?
Baelfire: Hey Tink. Still looking as perky as ever.
Hook: Does he have a type? What’s going on?
Tink: Wait, did Regina die?
Emma: I dunno.
Hook: *remembers she pushed him off a cliff, so hopes so*
Baelfire: Emma, I’m sorry I acted the jackass *Still mentally blames Hook*
Baelfire: That being said, I still don’t think my shadow was put in right. I looked down earlier and it looks like I’m skating around on my head.
Emma: I have…no idea how to fix that.
Baelfire: It’s just uncomfortable
Henry: Heh, heh, so sneaky.
Pan: And just where were you scampering off to?
Henry: I’ve been here the whole time; I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Henry: Now what’s this I hear from anonymous sources that you need my heart?
Pan: My magic and I are dying.
Pan: Horrible agonizing pain!
Henry: *Isn’t amused*
Pan: If you give me your heart, you can take over me and rule Neverland and then the world.
Pan: You do want to rule the world don’t you?
Henry: I sort of wanted to rule all of them.
Pan: Just…*Lip quivers* be good to the people in them when you take over my body!
Henry: At least I’ll have the power of the eyebrow and be taller and be of legal age six years ahead of time.
Henry: Alright, I’m in.
Pan: This calls for a game of tag!
Henry: I don’t want to-
Pan: Aw running ten feet…
Henry: Long legs are something I look forward to as well…
Henry: That looks ominous as frig…
Pan: Totally isn’t
Henry: You are standing way too close.
Henry: Yup. Still ominous
Pan: *Stares longingly*
Pan: Huh. It’s actually freaking me out too
Henry: I am NOT going in there.
This is not the episode anyone wants to return to after a hiatus.