*Death means you have
a fever*
Baelfire: Geez, I
really wished I paid more attention when Pan told me the places he liked to go
that no one else knew about…
Emma: Hey guys,
Pan doesn’t love you half as much as your real dead families actually did and
if you help us then we’ll get you off the island!
Emma: Yay! The
foster system for you!
Felix: Because
your plans have been going well thus far.
Emma: Um…yes…this
is…all part of our plan…
Heartless Lost Boy:
I want my heart back!
Emma: Who said
that?
Charming: I think
it’s going well, don’t you?
Snow: Oh
Charming….yes!
Emma: And we’ll
give you good homes and cheeseburgers! Now doesn’t that sound fun?
Felix: Yeah, if
you guys live, which has been because Pan lets you for some reason…
Hook: He’s not
wrong.
Emma: And his
pride will be his downfall! Maybe…I don’t know, I haven’t worked that far ahead
yet, we just need his location…
Emma: Please?
Felix: IF she
fails, we all die. Now does that sound like a good time? No, not many people
that die recommend death. I’m just saying.
Emma: Fine. DO
you guys want to throw knives the rest of your life or do you want cheese
burgers and the chance to finally escape puberty? Acne and
weird hormones can’t be fun for three hundred years…and you’d have hot baths
and lasagna! Granny’s famous lasagna!
Felix: Even we’ve
heard about Granny’s famous lasagna! I’m going to lose them if I don’t do
something!
Hook: I wonder if
I can gag him…
Felix: You can’t
fool us with your promise of ladies and legal drinking ages in a few years!
Hook: Hey
buddy…no stop…sit down…
Lost Boy: Legal
drinking age? Count me in!
Emma: Ha!
Felix: They don’t
know where he is! He goes there for solitude which means no one but everyone
knows about it!
Lost Boy: He
calls it his thinking tree, but he gave away his kid there, so we all call it
his ‘shame tree’ behind his back.
Emma: Awesome!
First class ship passage for you!
Felix: Wait!
First class?! YOU NEVER PROMISED THAT!
Granny: Hey, do
you mind? That kid just ruined lunch hour.
Regina: Do you
have a problem lady?
Granny: Excuse
you! If I can’t make the rent, Mr. Gold will evict and that means that this
place shuts down and that means you can’t bring yourself over every day to eat
my pancakes!
Regina: Henry,
this is your fault if that happens, stop crying.
Henry: MAKE ME!
Regina: Ugh, why
can’t I just erase your memories like in the old days?
Regina: Where’s
my mac n’ cheese?
Granny: We’re
out. Mary Margaret ate it all.
Regina: Even in
this life, she’s taking away my happy ending!
Granny: What?
Regina: I highly
value mac n’ cheese…
Henry: Lift me
up, will you?
Regina: Ugh! When
do you grow up of that phase?!
Henry: IT’s
called a rag that you put over your shoulder, dummy. Didn’t you read ANY books?
Henry: That’s
cold! I’ll destroy you too!
Whale: *Is struggling*
Complicated doohickeys!
Regina: Where did
your hair go?
Whale: The same
place that what we use to hold the baby went. It’s probably not best we have
him on this sort of a surface but that disappeared along with my luscious locks
and my accent.
Regina: Ugh, this
curse.
Whale: Your baby
looks normal to me!
Regina: How do
you know?
Whale: *Looks around*
Oh! YOu see this place? It’s a hospital! And you see this lab coat with my
name? I got it because I’m a doctor!
Regina: He won’t
stop crying!
Henry: *Kicks his feet* Hey! Hey! Hey! I’m
going to slide off!
Regina: Why won’t
he stop?
Whale: Because
babies live a life of sleep, changing, sleep, crying, and things coming out of
every hole in their body!
Regina: Huh…I didn’t know that…
Whale: Don’t
babies go through proper medical checks before adoption? You should be fine!
Regina: Maybe he
GOT something!
Whale: Maybe he
doesn’t like you.
Regina: Who
doesn’t like me?!
*Starts crying*
Henry: *Cries some
more*
Whale: Oh, I
don’t know who I want to hear less.
Regina: Sidney?!
Stop working and do what I tell you!
Regina: Mac and
cheese thief! Ruining my life as ever!
Mary Margaret: It’s
not…thieving if I paid…
Mary Margaret: Aw,
can I hold-
Regina: Yeah, if
you could take him for a few nights, that’d be great.
Regina: Sidney!
Dig up dirt on everything you can about Henry’s mother!
Sidney: Why do you want to know bad things about yourself?
Regina: Not ME
you idiot! The one that gave birth to him!
Sidney: Oh….yeah
but that’s illegal!
Regina: Do it and
I’ll wave at you at the next meeting. Don’t and I’ll feed you to my dragon!
Sidney: *Wants her
affection* Okay!
Regina: That’s a
sweetie.
Regina: Wait, why
do I hear silence?
Mary Margaret: Cutie,
cutie, cutie!
Regina: She shut
my kid up! SHE’S STILL RUINING MY LIFE!
Sidney: You
didn’t have to yell that…
Regina: you found
his mute button?!
Snow: No….he just
liked me.
Henry: Take me
away and make me yours!
Mary Margaret: Can
I still keep him for the next few days? We can be besties!
Regina: UGH NO!
I’m not joining that cult that Red forced you into.
Henry: I wasn’t
done with her yet!
Mary Margaret:
I’m confused at how a color pulled me into a cult…I don’t…remember that…
Regina: You made
him like you and not me! This is your fault!
Mary Margaret: Oh….sorry?
Regina: *Cries*
Mary Margaret: Well….time
to be wholesome!
Wendy: Hey Bae,
remember the time you were next to my cage?
Baelfire: No…
Wendy: Ah…well
you snore.
Regina: So how do
we get to this shame tree?
Lost Boy: It
should be on your map, if not, give it Larry, he’ll mark it.
Hook: I’ll stay
here and punch Felix a lot.
Felix: *Hates
everything*
Hook: Bae, you
want to join?
Baelfire: Sure,
the three who know the island better than the three who’ll go will stay here, it’ll
be fine. But at least I get to punch Felix
Emma: Get the lost
boys on the ship! I’ll see you later!
Baelfire: I
wanted to go too but…I don’t…fine whatever…
Baelfire: Okay
kids, who wants cupcakes?
*Cupcakes!*
Hook: I made
those…those were mine…
Hook: Will this
nightmare ever end?
Baelfire: Look
what I can do! *swings bag around*
Hook: Oooo, I’m
SO impressed!
Hook: I would
swing it faster.
Baelfire: But
when I get tired, I can change hands.
Baelfire: Which
might be easier to carry Henry with, now that I think about it…
Snow: I think I
shall come along!
Emma: Oh….so none
of us know where we’re going then, huh? That’s…that’s strategic…
Baelfire: You’re
all going to die.
Emma: Shut up,
Bae!
Henry: Feed me!
Regina: Please!
Stop!
Regina: I can’t
get my work done with you screeching! I usually do that!
Regina: What do
you want me to do?! Huh? I’m at my wit’s end with you! I’m going crazy!
Henry: Succeeded
then.*Stops crying*
Regina: Yay! I
charmed you into loving me!
Henry: What? No!
No! My throat just hurts!
Regina: Just call
me mama!
Henry: I’ll call
you all sorts of things…
Regina: Sidney!
Guess what! I’m a mother!
Sidney:
I….know…I’ve seen you with the baby…
Regina: But
officially now!
Sidney: Wait, it
was illegal?!
Regina: A….a
little…
Regina: Oh good,
you’re sending me the stuff about his egg donor, how nice.
Regina: Her name
is Swan? Pfft, how pretentious…
Henry: Oh, nice
place! I could get used to digs like this…
Mr. Gold: Oh
please, not a baby, not a baby, not a baby…and not Henry too….
Regina: You didn’t
tell me that Henry’s mother was left on the side of the road eighteen years
ago!
Mr. Gold: How
should I know that? I don't have time for that sort of research, I use dialup
Mr. Gold: Why
does any of this matter? I’m so confused right now…
Mr. Gold: Can’t I
eat my meat pie in peace? I couldn’t do it at Granny’s! Your baby wouldn’t stop
crying and it broke my concentration! It takes a lot of concentration to eat
meat pie!
Regina: His
mother wants to defeat me!
Regina: She wants
to defeat me so gooooood!
Regina: All sorts
of defeating.
Mr. Gold: *Is
convinced she’s lost it*
Regina: She’s
going to take everything from meeeee!
Mr. Gold: Oh!
You think I care!
Regina: Wait a
minute! You knew this would happen! You knew and you found him using your dark
one fingers to type in some searches!
Mr. Gold: I wish
I knew what was going on…then I could lie and say I did what she was yammering about on purpose.
Regina: Well
she’s not going to take my happiness! I won’t let her!
Mr. Gold: When
have you been happy? Once a week you’re in here telling me how miserable you
are like I actually care!
Mr. Gold: A few
times I’ve even run away from you, and that should tell you how bad you annoy
me because I LIMP!
Regina: Weeeee’re
not done!
*Leaves*
Mr. Gold: Mmhmm,
see you at bowling night, hope Sidney doesn’t trip over my cane and smack into
you, making you go sliding down the bowling aisle again…
Regina: I know
you tripped him on purpose! All those
trophies aren’t yours! They should belong to me!
Regina: Even when
I’m not playing!
Mr. Gold: Hey! I
earned my trophies! It’s not my fault that you two can’t look where you’re
going!
Mr. Gold: And I
can’t make Archie give his up, how sad would that make him?
Regina; I don’t
care about Archie!
Mr. Gold: Everyone
cares about Archie, don’t lie to yourself.
*rage*
Regina: I’m
stamping ‘return to sender’ on his arse and taking him back!
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
not sure adoption agencies let you treat babies like software you can try and
then purchase….
No comments:
Post a Comment