*Death means you have a fever*
Baelfire: Geez, I really wished I paid more attention when Pan told me the places he liked to go that no one else knew about…
Emma: Hey guys, Pan doesn’t love you half as much as your real dead families actually did and if you help us then we’ll get you off the island!
Emma: Yay! The foster system for you!
Felix: Because your plans have been going well thus far.
Emma: Um…yes…this is…all part of our plan…
Heartless Lost Boy: I want my heart back!
Emma: Who said that?
Charming: I think it’s going well, don’t you?
Snow: Oh Charming….yes!
Emma: And we’ll give you good homes and cheeseburgers! Now doesn’t that sound fun?
Felix: Yeah, if you guys live, which has been because Pan lets you for some reason…
Hook: He’s not wrong.
Emma: And his pride will be his downfall! Maybe…I don’t know, I haven’t worked that far ahead yet, we just need his location…
Felix: IF she fails, we all die. Now does that sound like a good time? No, not many people that die recommend death. I’m just saying.
Emma: Fine. DO you guys want to throw knives the rest of your life or do you want cheese burgers and the chance to finally escape puberty? Acne and weird hormones can’t be fun for three hundred years…and you’d have hot baths and lasagna! Granny’s famous lasagna!
Felix: Even we’ve heard about Granny’s famous lasagna! I’m going to lose them if I don’t do something!
Hook: I wonder if I can gag him…
Felix: You can’t fool us with your promise of ladies and legal drinking ages in a few years!
Hook: Hey buddy…no stop…sit down…
Lost Boy: Legal drinking age? Count me in!
Felix: They don’t know where he is! He goes there for solitude which means no one but everyone knows about it!
Lost Boy: He calls it his thinking tree, but he gave away his kid there, so we all call it his ‘shame tree’ behind his back.
Emma: Awesome! First class ship passage for you!
Felix: Wait! First class?! YOU NEVER PROMISED THAT!
Granny: Hey, do you mind? That kid just ruined lunch hour.
Regina: Do you have a problem lady?
Granny: Excuse you! If I can’t make the rent, Mr. Gold will evict and that means that this place shuts down and that means you can’t bring yourself over every day to eat my pancakes!
Regina: Henry, this is your fault if that happens, stop crying.
Henry: MAKE ME!
Regina: Ugh, why can’t I just erase your memories like in the old days?
Regina: Where’s my mac n’ cheese?
Granny: We’re out. Mary Margaret ate it all.
Regina: Even in this life, she’s taking away my happy ending!
Regina: I highly value mac n’ cheese…
Henry: Lift me up, will you?
Regina: Ugh! When do you grow up of that phase?!
Henry: IT’s called a rag that you put over your shoulder, dummy. Didn’t you read ANY books?
Henry: That’s cold! I’ll destroy you too!
Whale: *Is struggling* Complicated doohickeys!
Regina: Where did your hair go?
Whale: The same place that what we use to hold the baby went. It’s probably not best we have him on this sort of a surface but that disappeared along with my luscious locks and my accent.
Regina: Ugh, this curse.
Whale: Your baby looks normal to me!
Regina: How do you know?
Whale: *Looks around* Oh! YOu see this place? It’s a hospital! And you see this lab coat with my name? I got it because I’m a doctor!
Regina: He won’t stop crying!
Henry: *Kicks his feet* Hey! Hey! Hey! I’m going to slide off!
Regina: Why won’t he stop?
Whale: Because babies live a life of sleep, changing, sleep, crying, and things coming out of every hole in their body!
Regina: Huh…I didn’t know that…
Whale: Don’t babies go through proper medical checks before adoption? You should be fine!
Regina: Maybe he GOT something!
Whale: Maybe he doesn’t like you.
Regina: Who doesn’t like me?!
Henry: *Cries some more*
Whale: Oh, I don’t know who I want to hear less.
Regina: Sidney?! Stop working and do what I tell you!
Regina: Mac and cheese thief! Ruining my life as ever!
Mary Margaret: It’s not…thieving if I paid…
Mary Margaret: Aw, can I hold-
Regina: Yeah, if you could take him for a few nights, that’d be great.
Regina: Sidney! Dig up dirt on everything you can about Henry’s mother!
Sidney: Why do you want to know bad things about yourself?
Regina: Not ME you idiot! The one that gave birth to him!
Sidney: Oh….yeah but that’s illegal!
Regina: Do it and I’ll wave at you at the next meeting. Don’t and I’ll feed you to my dragon!
Sidney: *Wants her affection* Okay!
Regina: That’s a sweetie.
Regina: Wait, why do I hear silence?
Mary Margaret: Cutie, cutie, cutie!
Regina: She shut my kid up! SHE’S STILL RUINING MY LIFE!
Sidney: You didn’t have to yell that…
Regina: you found his mute button?!
Snow: No….he just liked me.
Henry: Take me away and make me yours!
Mary Margaret: Can I still keep him for the next few days? We can be besties!
Regina: UGH NO! I’m not joining that cult that Red forced you into.
Henry: I wasn’t done with her yet!
Mary Margaret: I’m confused at how a color pulled me into a cult…I don’t…remember that…
Regina: You made him like you and not me! This is your fault!
Mary Margaret: Oh….sorry?
Mary Margaret: Well….time to be wholesome!
Wendy: Hey Bae, remember the time you were next to my cage?
Wendy: Ah…well you snore.
Regina: So how do we get to this shame tree?
Lost Boy: It should be on your map, if not, give it Larry, he’ll mark it.
Hook: I’ll stay here and punch Felix a lot.
Felix: *Hates everything*
Hook: Bae, you want to join?
Baelfire: Sure, the three who know the island better than the three who’ll go will stay here, it’ll be fine. But at least I get to punch Felix
Emma: Get the lost boys on the ship! I’ll see you later!
Baelfire: I wanted to go too but…I don’t…fine whatever…
Baelfire: Okay kids, who wants cupcakes?
Hook: I made those…those were mine…
Hook: Will this nightmare ever end?
Baelfire: Look what I can do! *swings bag around*
Hook: Oooo, I’m SO impressed!
Hook: I would swing it faster.
Baelfire: But when I get tired, I can change hands.
Baelfire: Which might be easier to carry Henry with, now that I think about it…
Snow: I think I shall come along!
Emma: Oh….so none of us know where we’re going then, huh? That’s…that’s strategic…
Baelfire: You’re all going to die.
Emma: Shut up, Bae!
Henry: Feed me!
Regina: Please! Stop!
Regina: I can’t get my work done with you screeching! I usually do that!
Regina: What do you want me to do?! Huh? I’m at my wit’s end with you! I’m going crazy!
Henry: Succeeded then.*Stops crying*
Regina: Yay! I charmed you into loving me!
Henry: What? No! No! My throat just hurts!
Regina: Just call me mama!
Henry: I’ll call you all sorts of things…
Regina: Sidney! Guess what! I’m a mother!
Sidney: I….know…I’ve seen you with the baby…
Regina: But officially now!
Sidney: Wait, it was illegal?!
Regina: A….a little…
Regina: Oh good, you’re sending me the stuff about his egg donor, how nice.
Regina: Her name is Swan? Pfft, how pretentious…
Henry: Oh, nice place! I could get used to digs like this…
Mr. Gold: Oh please, not a baby, not a baby, not a baby…and not Henry too….
Regina: You didn’t tell me that Henry’s mother was left on the side of the road eighteen years ago!
Mr. Gold: How should I know that? I don't have time for that sort of research, I use dialup
Mr. Gold: Why does any of this matter? I’m so confused right now…
Mr. Gold: Can’t I eat my meat pie in peace? I couldn’t do it at Granny’s! Your baby wouldn’t stop crying and it broke my concentration! It takes a lot of concentration to eat meat pie!
Regina: His mother wants to defeat me!
Regina: She wants to defeat me so gooooood!
Regina: All sorts of defeating.
Mr. Gold: *Is convinced she’s lost it*
Regina: She’s going to take everything from meeeee!
Mr. Gold: Oh! You think I care!
Regina: Wait a minute! You knew this would happen! You knew and you found him using your dark one fingers to type in some searches!
Mr. Gold: I wish I knew what was going on…then I could lie and say I did what she was yammering about on purpose.
Regina: Well she’s not going to take my happiness! I won’t let her!
Mr. Gold: When have you been happy? Once a week you’re in here telling me how miserable you are like I actually care!
Mr. Gold: A few times I’ve even run away from you, and that should tell you how bad you annoy me because I LIMP!
Regina: Weeeee’re not done!
Mr. Gold: Mmhmm, see you at bowling night, hope Sidney doesn’t trip over my cane and smack into you, making you go sliding down the bowling aisle again…
Regina: I know you tripped him on purpose! All those trophies aren’t yours! They should belong to me!
Regina: Even when I’m not playing!
Mr. Gold: Hey! I earned my trophies! It’s not my fault that you two can’t look where you’re going!
Mr. Gold: And I can’t make Archie give his up, how sad would that make him?
Regina; I don’t care about Archie!
Mr. Gold: Everyone cares about Archie, don’t lie to yourself.
Regina: I’m stamping ‘return to sender’ on his arse and taking him back!
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m not sure adoption agencies let you treat babies like software you can try and then purchase….