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Monday, October 20, 2014

Going Home Part 1

Felix: Man, I can’t believe you fooled the evil queen!
Pan: Have you met her? It’s not that difficult…

Felix: They put me to work in the mines and it was terrible! The dwarves are sadistic overlords!

Pan: This well will give me everything I Need to start the Dark Curse…

Pan: Which I somehow gathered the ingredients to in a span of the walk here!

Pan: Remember how it took Rumple centuries to gather and manipulate to get them all here?

Pan: Well apparently he’s a chode in that department, it didn’t take me long at all!

Felix: How did you know the well is magical?
Pan: I dunno. Guess its in the book or something….

Rumpelstiltskin: Why do I feel like I’m the tour guide for a field trip? Pan wants to cast the dark curse…why aren’t you all scrambling to keep that from happening?

Rumpelstiltskin: He’d probably do horrible things tome like make me wear thrift store clothes and give me curly hair…we should really get started in stopping him…

Regina: So anyone want to do the work? I gotta get my beauty rest…I need to stay ahead of all of you in that department….

Rumpelstiltskin: Anyone know who the Black Fairy is?

Regina: Is this a mystery? because I never know who anyone is anymore…

Rumpelstiltskin: *Wonders why he deals with these people*

Pan: This….don’t know what it does. I don’t think I got a degree in potion making in Neverland where I ran and played and flew all day…now all I need is a heart and I guess yours is as good as it gets…

*Is daydreaming about a hot girl he saw*

Pan: …are you even listening to me?

Pan: Grr! If only I wasn’t in such an unintimidating body!

Rumpelstiltskin: So basically…stuff happens that doesn't amount to much in the  long run and we need her wand….from the fairies…


Rumpelstiltskin: Well don’t everyone run off at once…you guys are going to have to go do it, they don’t like me. They think I keep blowing them up to steal their magic…

Felix: I’m making it echo! Echo! *Makes echo noises*

Pan: FELIX! I’m ripping your heart and killing you!

Felix: Because you love me?! Wait…what? Then how come I never got the raise I was asking for for the past 299 years? 

Pan: No you idiot! I just tolerate you best!

Felix: What?! This would end badly?!

Pan: Yuuuup, it’s a good thing you didn’t listen to Henry’s little ramblings about the minion never gets the glory that his evil overlord gets….because you would’ve seen through this a lot faster…

Felix: Oh NOES! B-but we didn’t even get my backstory!

Pan: We only have eleven episodes to fit in one franchise and an epic story of memorable characters! How did you think this was going to work!?

Felix: Owwww!
Pan: I don’t believe your heart would be this spotless!
Felix: Because it’s not mine! I’m saving it for a friend!

Felix: BLERGH!
Pan: Darn you, well of sacrifice!

Henry: So…you have Pan’s body can’t you just use that finding potion to track his soul down?

Rumpelstiltskin: That is a very good question and the answer to that is…. ‘no’, we need a super powerful fairy wand…

Regina: But aren’t they useless? And that means one of us has to go look at Blue’s body.

Rumpelstiltskin: One of you has to! I just told you that they banned me after I kept setting them on fire!

Tinkerbell: As they’re unelected new leader, I will answer the call! So will Bae and Hook!
Hook: I didn’t volunteer!

Tinkerbell: Eh….also Charming. I just want to be surrounded by all the attractive guys if I die.
Emma, Regina, Snow: Say WHAT?!

Tinkerbell: Sorry Rumple.

Rumpelstiltskin: That’s okay, the alpha wolf walks alone…

Hook: Oh GOD, can we just go?

Rumpelstiltskin: Try not to fail so horribly everyone!

Snow: What if this super bad plan doesn’t work?
Charming: I do have to admit, there’s something shady about this whole affair, I think you might be lying…

Blue: It will work!

Snow: And how do you know? Do you have foresight?

Blue: No…but. Um…I do have…Gepetto’s trustworthiness and the knowledge of trees to back it up!

Snow: *Narrows eyes* Charming’s right, there’s something mighty suspicious about the whole thing…

Blue: Well it’s not!

Snow: Well, why can’t we just teleport Regina into the wardrobe and send her over?

Blue: Well we can’t!

Snow: I am going to be 28 years older than my husband when I get back. That is going to put a kink in our sex life!

Charming: Oh no…I didn’t even think about that…

Snow: Maybe we could just stab her in the face…


Snow: *Gasp* Hope! I shall have it from this moment forth!
Charming: Dial it back!
Snow: No! Hope for the good of  all things all the time!

Blue: I have fairies to rule with an iron fist. I’ll see you guys later.

Snow: Well I have hope that you’re going to be me my french-fry omlette that I’m craving all day!

Charming: Well I have hope that that’s what the dwarves are for!

Snow: I’m not sure that the glass mobile is something we should put above our daughter’s crib….

Charming: No, it’s fine. Grumpy swore by it. He said that its’ fragile little glass can withstand ANY curse that might whip it around and break everything else around it…

Snow: Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful…?

Charming: I know I will, I know I will, I know that I will…always find you.

Charming: Except for the 28 years where I’m trapped…

Snow: *Mood ruined* That started out so romantic too…

Emma: Hey guys, I got bored of guarding Henry from Pan…what are you guys up to?

Emma: Oh hey, that was mine, right/
Rumpelstiltskin: Only if you pay!

Snow: Ignore him, he’s grumpy.
Rumpelstiltskin: I can’t believe I’m trusting all of you not to screw up while I sit here waiting!

Emma: I like it!

Snow: Isn’t it amazing how this thing survived a curse that broke through the ceiling, the fight with Cora and Regina, the failsafe, THE TIME ELLA MACED RUMPLE!
Rumpelstiltskin: I LET HER!

Emma: Mm, those were some good times. Especially the macing…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Grumbles*

Emma: So…we couldn’t even have five minutes of character development before a new plot kicked in…

Belle: It’s okay Henry, the nice shop won’t hurt you…
Henry: I know…I’ve been here before.
Regina: Rumple and Belle were here for 24 hours, touch NOTHING, Henry…

Snow: Have all the hope that we’ll be okay!

Emma: It’s worked out great so far….

Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry guys, I was writing in my diary. I knew where the spell was ten minutes ago. I was just trying to look busy while I flipped the mattress over for obvious reasons…

Rumpelstiltskin: Ready for agonizing pain, Henry?

*Audience cheers*

Fairy: Well….we probably should’ve expected the funeral to turn out like this…

Tinkerbell: Hey! Give us all your wands or Bae will do something drastic!
Baelfire: I really don’t want to do anything but forget all this happened.
Tinkerbell: Mmhmm, he’s going to mess you all up so good…

Fairy: Um…you’re a reject and we’re having a FUNERAL

Tinkerbell: I’ll take that as insubordination to my orders. Kill them, Baelfire…

*Is a shadow*

Everyone: OH NOES!

Shadow: Hey guys! Let me in! You’re not supposed to turn ANYONE out of church!

Charming: *Is absolutely terrified*

Baelfire: Coconut

Charming:  Everybody RUN!

Hook: If you’re not in the car by the time I start it, you’re on your own!
Charming: You don’t drive!

Hook: I’ll hide in here!
Charming: No! The car- Fine! *Goes to hide with him*

*When writers are too lazy to look up their own continuity*

Hook: This is terrible! It’s been a very long time ago and I can’t find anything to kill the Dark One!

Hook: I should’ve known that coming to the place where my brother died and a manchild manipulated both of us was a bad idea!

Smee: Not your smartest move…

Hook: It…seemed like a good idea at the time, okay?

Hook: Though now it feels really stupid because I forgot that I don’t know how to get back…

Hook: Which is embarrassing…

Smee: Eeep!
Hook: Smee, if you saw another body of my crew strung up and that’s the only reason why you screamed, I swear….

Hook: Oh…oh yes…

Tinkerbell: Hey you!
Hook: Finally! A lady voice! Can you put the knife down please? My hair doesn’t like being tugged! *Eyes water*

Tinkerbell: Hi! I’m Tink! I’m a pixie with no wings and no magic!

Hook: Wait a second…if you have no magic then why did I lead everyone to you for help!? I knew you were powerless already?
Tinkerbell: *Checks out* Are you a captain in all the right places?

Hook: Want a drink? IT’s probably centuries of backwash in it and I have no idea where I get my supply but it’s passable…

Hook: *Cries because he just lost some precious rum*

Hook: Aw..but you drank all of it!

Hook: *Tries to get some drops*

 Hook: Nevermind, it’s not worth it…

Tinkerbell: Want to make out?

Hook: I always want to make out.

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