Felix: Man, I
can’t believe you fooled the evil queen!
Pan: Have you met
her? It’s not that difficult…
Felix: They put
me to work in the mines and it was terrible! The dwarves are sadistic
overlords!
Pan: This well
will give me everything I Need to start the Dark Curse…
Pan: Which I
somehow gathered the ingredients to in a span of the walk here!
Pan: Remember how
it took Rumple centuries to gather and manipulate to get them all here?
Pan: Well
apparently he’s a chode in that department, it didn’t take me long at all!
Felix: How did
you know the well is magical?
Pan: I dunno.
Guess its in the book or something….
Rumpelstiltskin: Why
do I feel like I’m the tour guide for a field trip? Pan wants to cast the dark
curse…why aren’t you all scrambling to keep that from happening?
Rumpelstiltskin: He’d
probably do horrible things tome like make me wear thrift store clothes and
give me curly hair…we should really get started in stopping him…
Regina: So anyone
want to do the work? I gotta get my beauty rest…I need to stay ahead of all of
you in that department….
Rumpelstiltskin: Anyone
know who the Black Fairy is?
Regina: Is this a
mystery? because I never know who anyone is anymore…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Wonders
why he deals with these people*
Pan: This….don’t
know what it does. I don’t think I got a degree in potion making in Neverland
where I ran and played and flew all day…now all I need is a heart and I guess
yours is as good as it gets…
*Is daydreaming about
a hot girl he saw*
Pan: …are you
even listening to me?
Pan: Grr! If only
I wasn’t in such an unintimidating body!
Rumpelstiltskin: So
basically…stuff happens that doesn't amount to much in the long run and we need her wand….from the
fairies…
*Crickets*
Rumpelstiltskin: Well
don’t everyone run off at once…you guys are going to have to go do it, they
don’t like me. They think I keep blowing them up to steal their magic…
Felix: I’m making
it echo! Echo! *Makes echo noises*
Pan: FELIX! I’m
ripping your heart and killing you!
Felix: Because
you love me?! Wait…what? Then how come I never got the raise I was asking for for the past 299 years?
Pan: No you
idiot! I just tolerate you best!
Felix: What?!
This would end badly?!
Pan: Yuuuup, it’s
a good thing you didn’t listen to Henry’s little ramblings about the minion
never gets the glory that his evil overlord gets….because you would’ve seen
through this a lot faster…
Felix: Oh NOES!
B-but we didn’t even get my backstory!
Pan: We only have
eleven episodes to fit in one franchise and an epic story of memorable
characters! How did you think this was going to work!?
Felix: Owwww!
Pan: I don’t
believe your heart would be this spotless!
Felix: Because
it’s not mine! I’m saving it for a friend!
Felix: BLERGH!
Pan: Darn you,
well of sacrifice!
Henry: So…you
have Pan’s body can’t you just use that finding potion to track his soul down?
Rumpelstiltskin: That
is a very good question and the answer to that is…. ‘no’, we need a super
powerful fairy wand…
Regina: But
aren’t they useless? And that means one of us has to go look at Blue’s body.
Rumpelstiltskin: One
of you has to! I just told you that
they banned me after I kept setting them on fire!
Tinkerbell: As
they’re unelected new leader, I will answer the call! So will Bae and Hook!
Hook: I didn’t volunteer!
Tinkerbell: Eh….also
Charming. I just want to be surrounded by all the attractive guys if I die.
Emma, Regina, Snow: Say
WHAT?!
Tinkerbell: Sorry
Rumple.
Rumpelstiltskin: That’s
okay, the alpha wolf walks alone…
Hook: Oh GOD, can
we just go?
Rumpelstiltskin: Try
not to fail so horribly everyone!
Snow: What if
this super bad plan doesn’t work?
Charming: I do
have to admit, there’s something shady about this whole affair, I think you
might be lying…
Blue: It will
work!
Snow: And how do
you know? Do you have foresight?
Blue: No…but.
Um…I do have…Gepetto’s trustworthiness and the knowledge of trees to back it
up!
Snow: *Narrows eyes* Charming’s
right, there’s something mighty suspicious about the whole thing…
Blue: Well it’s
not!
Snow: Well, why can’t
we just teleport Regina into the wardrobe and send her over?
Blue: Well we
can’t!
Snow: I am going
to be 28 years older than my husband when I get back. That is going to put a
kink in our sex life!
Charming: Oh no…I
didn’t even think about that…
Snow: Maybe we
could just stab her in the face…
Blue: JUST HAVE
HOPE, OKAY?!
Snow: *Gasp* Hope! I shall have it from this
moment forth!
Charming: Dial it
back!
Snow: No! Hope
for the good of all things all the time!
Blue: I have
fairies to rule with an iron fist. I’ll see you guys later.
Snow: Well I have
hope that you’re going to be me my french-fry omlette that I’m craving all day!
Charming: Well I
have hope that that’s what the dwarves are for!
Snow: I’m not sure
that the glass mobile is something we should put above our daughter’s crib….
Charming: No,
it’s fine. Grumpy swore by it. He said that its’ fragile little glass can
withstand ANY curse that might whip it around and break everything else around
it…
Snow: Will you
still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful…?
Charming: I know
I will, I know I will, I know that I will…always find you.
Charming: Except
for the 28 years where I’m trapped…
Snow: *Mood ruined* That started out so
romantic too…
Emma: Hey guys, I
got bored of guarding Henry from Pan…what are you guys up to?
Emma: Oh hey,
that was mine, right/
Rumpelstiltskin:
Only if you pay!
Snow: Ignore him,
he’s grumpy.
Rumpelstiltskin: I
can’t believe I’m trusting all of you not to screw up while I sit here waiting!
Emma: I like it!
Snow: Isn’t it
amazing how this thing survived a curse that broke through the ceiling, the
fight with Cora and Regina, the failsafe, THE TIME ELLA MACED RUMPLE!
Rumpelstiltskin: I
LET HER!
Emma: Mm, those
were some good times. Especially the macing…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Grumbles*
Emma: So…we
couldn’t even have five minutes of character development before a new plot
kicked in…
Belle: It’s okay
Henry, the nice shop won’t hurt you…
Henry: I know…I’ve
been here before.
Regina: Rumple
and Belle were here for 24 hours, touch NOTHING, Henry…
Snow: Have all
the hope that we’ll be okay!
Emma: It’s worked
out great so far….
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry
guys, I was writing in my diary. I knew where the spell was ten minutes ago. I
was just trying to look busy while I flipped the mattress over for obvious
reasons…
Rumpelstiltskin: Ready
for agonizing pain, Henry?
*Audience cheers*
Fairy: Well….we
probably should’ve expected the funeral to turn out like this…
Tinkerbell: Hey!
Give us all your wands or Bae will do something drastic!
Baelfire: I really don’t want to do anything but forget all
this happened.
Tinkerbell: Mmhmm,
he’s going to mess you all up so good…
Fairy: Um…you’re
a reject and we’re having a FUNERAL
Tinkerbell: I’ll
take that as insubordination to my orders. Kill them, Baelfire…
*Is a shadow*
Everyone: OH
NOES!
Shadow: Hey guys!
Let me in! You’re not supposed to turn ANYONE out of church!
Charming: *Is
absolutely terrified*
Baelfire: Coconut
Charming: Everybody RUN!
Hook: If you’re
not in the car by the time I start it, you’re on your own!
Charming: You
don’t drive!
Hook: I’ll hide
in here!
Charming: No! The
car- Fine! *Goes to hide with him*
*When writers are too
lazy to look up their own continuity*
Hook: This is
terrible! It’s been a very long time ago and I can’t find anything to kill the
Dark One!
Hook: I should’ve
known that coming to the place where my brother died and a manchild manipulated
both of us was a bad idea!
Smee: Not your
smartest move…
Hook: It…seemed
like a good idea at the time, okay?
Hook: Though now
it feels really stupid because I forgot that I don’t know how to get back…
Hook: Which is
embarrassing…
Smee: Eeep!
Hook: Smee, if
you saw another body of my crew strung up and that’s the only reason why you screamed,
I swear….
Hook: Oh…oh yes…
Tinkerbell: Hey
you!
Hook: Finally! A
lady voice! Can you put the knife down please? My hair doesn’t like being
tugged! *Eyes water*
Tinkerbell: Hi!
I’m Tink! I’m a pixie with no wings and no magic!
Hook: Wait a
second…if you have no magic then why did I lead everyone to you for help!? I
knew you were powerless already?
Tinkerbell: *Checks
out* Are you a captain in all the right places?
Hook: Want a
drink? IT’s probably centuries of backwash in it and I have no idea where I get
my supply but it’s passable…
Hook: *Cries because he just lost some precious
rum*
Hook: Aw..but you
drank all of it!
Hook: *Tries to get
some drops*
Tinkerbell: Want
to make out?
Hook: I always
want to make out.
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