Charming: Geez, you weigh a ton! Did you have to wrap yourself up in all the white bedding we had in the castle?
Snow: I got cold, I’m sorry!
Charming: Oh, I can feel my arms again
Snow: My other other home!
Charming: Stay there Snow! I’ll vanquish the dust particles!
Snow: I could’ve been living here when Regina wasn’t all this time…
Snow: Or all the time…since she seemed to only remember we have the one castle….
Charming: Let’s do it on the table like peasants!
Snow: Ooohooohoo, you just keep those gloved hands to yourself mister, we’ve been travelling a week!
Charming: Do you want me more flirty?
Charming: Behold, I have saved you from dragons fair wife; now allow me to strip you naked.
Snow: How randy!
Snow: Why don’t you….go….make a coffee or something while I try to clean up
Charming: *Excited giggles* I do love my coffee and you when you don’t smell like a horse.
*True love giggles*
Charming: Now, what’s a coffee machine…?
Snow: Good think he’s blind as a bat and never noticed I was dressed in my adventure clothes!
Snow: Or packed my adventure stuff! Hope he doesn’t think Regina killed me or George did while he was gone…
Charming: Hey Snow! Have you seen my sword!?
Snow: Why am I going out the window?!
Snow: You knew?!
Snow: I mean…I was getting rabbit for dinner…
Charming: You had that look!
Snow: What look?
Charming: The look that’s in vogue for fighting monsters. What, you think I didn’t notice that you weren’t in a dress? I carried you!...Anyway, I knew when I saw you jump out the window and run for it…you weren’t very sneaky…
Snow: Want to kill Medusa with me?
Charming: One day! We didn’t go one day without it being about Regina….!
Snow: There’d be beheading!
Charming: Our relationship is one adrenaline rush after another!
Snow: Hey, not always. Okay…a lot of the time, yeah….
Charming: I might as well go along so we can get killed together instead of separately….
Charming: Now…give me my sword back…
Snow: Come and take it!
Pan!Henry: What chodes…
Emma: Henry, are you being suspicious yet?
Pan!Henry: No! Don’t worry I’ll take care of that!
Regina: Oh no…there’s that look of defiance that I always tried so hard to squash…
Pan!Henry: I’m going to come live with you.
Pan!Henry: *Is certain this is something Henry would do*
Regina: I KNEW YOU LOVED ME BEST! YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN!
Emma: Yeah, are you sure you want to do this?
Regina: Nope! My son and not yours!
Snow: Look at them! A happy family
Emma: *Is struggling not to throw up*
Emma: Is he possessed?!
Pan!Henry: Why does he have a nightlight?!
Pan!Henry: Why does he have books? And…three different clocks?
Regina: You’re not planning your escape already, are you?
Pan!Henry: NO, you took away Henry’s sheet rope. Do you know anything about flying?!
Regina: Silly Henry, only gravity works here!
Regina: Now are you going to let me tuck you in?
Regina: Or am I going to have to use magic to restrain you to do it…
Pan!Henry: Isn’t this chap a little too old to be tucked in?
Regina: Watch your tone with me!
Regina: You’ll make me cry!
Pan!Henry: Hey, where’s all your magic by the way?
Regina: Everything of my magic and the curse I originally cast is in my vault with security password 1234 and absolutely no other safeguards in case someone wanted to steal it! Now you know this!
Pan!Henry: Yes! *face contorts when lying*
Regina: Must be all the sugar!
Regina: Goodnight Henry:
Pan!Henry: He can tuck in himself!
Regina: *blows raspberries*
Pan!Henry: And here I thought living with an attractive woman would be a lot more fun but all she’s done is follow me around crying…
Pan!Henry: OI SHADOW! GET YOUR ARSE TO WORK!
Shadow: Freedom! Wait, where am I?
Charming: Hey Snow…do we have a plan for this?
Snow: Yup! Walk in and politely ask for her head and hope you don’t get turned to stone.
Snow: Oh, there’s her lair.
Charming: I’m not sure I’d be the only one affected….
Snow: I don’t know, I’m a woman so I might be fine…
Charming: Have you noticed that the carrots have been rather crunchy since Red left?
Snow: *Gasp!* A bottle of iodine!?
Rumpelstiltskin: What?! No! No, it’s the cure that I promised I’d work on!
Snow: *Is stunned* You did the good thing?!
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry it took so long, I was having LOTS of great sex!
Rumpelstiltskin: I can barely even walk today…
Charming: Did you include brain bleach in this potion because I think I might need some…
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope, but side effects may include thicker eyebrows, death, death-like symptoms and consult your doctor if your erection lasts more than four hours…but I’m sure you really don’t have to worry about that last one…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Smug that he saved Charming’s life*
Snow: I really wish more had been done with this subplot…
Charming: I should probably drink this now…
Snow: Are you sure that’s not iodine?
Charming: UGH! It tastes like Five Hour Energy Drink which is worse!
Charming: I guess if I don’t drop dead, I’m cured!
Snow: Mmm, gonna be a taco night…
Charming: Good! I’m hungry!
Snow: Oh…not going to be a taco night for everyone…
Baelfire: You understand me, Mr. Coffee cup….
Baelfire: *Holds it the way he wished to be held*
Emma: Wow, Mr. Gold can sure write a text with several foul words when he finds out I’m breaking his son’s heart….
Charming: Did you hear that, Emma? It’s the sound of Baelfire sobbing…
Emma: It’s not that bad!
Charming: The diner was covered in snot
Charming: So, about you standing up people and going to hide in plain sight…
Emma: Okay, I have a proper excuse. Henry is actually super evil1
Charming: This is news?
Emma: Eviller than normal!
Charming: I think I know what this is…
Emma: You do?
Charming: Emma, puberty is NOT evil. It’s perfectly natural.
Emma: Not puberty Dadvid, he yammered about living with Regina!
Charming: What does that have to do with cuddling up to Bae?
Emma: Because I can’t like…cuddle up to him when I’m worried about our kid! It’s our kid!
Charming: Take it from someone who had one bad thing after another happen constantly…life is made of moments and you have to enjoy the moments in between to live life! Otherwise you’ll be unhappy throughout this show run!
Charming: And you really need the screen time!
Emma: Yeah, I know…
Charming: And who else is there? A pirate who still hasn’t changed the clothes you first met him in and your kid’s other grandfather! That’s not a good list, Emma!
Emma; *Giggles* Or Archie
Charming: Oh, he’s seeing someone now, Emma.
Emma: *Is sad*
Charming: Well, let’s go talk it out with Neal
Emma: Better than Hook, right?
Charming: *Doesn’t want to imagine it* I can smell his body odor from here!
Emma: *Giggles* Oh wait…now I can smell it!