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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

New Neverland Part 3

Hook: Oh man, how happy I am to pass out holding a chamber pot that flushes itself…

Tinkerbelle: Ugh, what are you doing lurking!

Hook: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! You’re blonde! Wanna be Emma?

Tinkerbelle: You just impaled my shoulder.
Hook: I’m in it for the long haul, which means I want to have sex with someone else I don’t love as soon as I step back from a relationship that never existed!

Tinkerbelle: Aren’t you a dreamboat?

Hook: Can you help me...my hook is tangled…

Hook: Drink? Granny’s coffee is actually stronger than what I’ve been drinking for the past three centuries. No wonder Snow White is on caffeine all the time…

Tinkerbelle: I have way more self-respect now that there are plenty of other eligible men here.

Hook: Oh…

Tinkerbelle: And eligible women...

Hook: Ooooh….

Granny: Order or get out!
Tinkerbelle: Don’t say anything Hook! You’ll get us kicked out!
Hook: You can’t make me do anything, old lady!

Hook: I can’t believe she picked me up and threw me out, the light hurts my eyes!

Emma: What is going on? I was gone for five minutes!

Hook: Tink probably did it.
Tinkerbelle: Not THIS time!

Emma: You’re totes in love with me, huh?

Hook: Mmaayyybeeee

Emma: So much that you’re flirting with someone else at the first setback, huh?

Hook: *Runs away*

Blue Fairy: Not the internet fans that think I’m shady!

Shadow: Tink told me all about you! Be my new wife!

*Is deshadowed*

Tinkerbelle: We ran all the way here?!
Hook: *Is perfecting his Baywatch run*

Charming: She’s dead! And she owed me five bucks!

Tinkerbelle: GASP!

Hook: Leaving the shadow alone was really REALLY stupid…

Pan!Henry: Why is my son walking around in leather pants? How did he get out of those things?

Regina: Henry, I’m locking you away in the vault so no one but me can find you, let’s go.

Pan!Henry: Bloody well done shadow!
Regina: TICK TOCK!

Pan!Henry: Oh good, she dies first….

Charming: Maybe we should’ve knocked…put on shades and asked her if she wanted to join up with us and turn Regina into stone…
Snow: Oh Charming!

Snow: This is pretty nice; Medusa’s doing well for herself…

Snow: Check for footprints!
Charming: Or slitherprints!

Charming: BUG! *Stomps on*

Snow: Come to think of it, maybe breaking and entering wasn’t so great an idea…
Charming: A creature that wasn’t bugging us, whose house we just broke into!?

Charming: Hey out there! Can we borrow your head? We’ll give it back baby and it’ll just barely hurt!

Snow: I’m beginning to think that maybe this was a bad idea.

Charming: “I” wanted to spend our honeymoon playing laser tag!

Charming: Well, we tried to ask nicely Mrs. Snakehead monster but it appears you give us no choice!

Snow: I probably should’ve done more research…

Charming: Hey Mrs. Snakehead! I heard about how you got turned! That’s messed up!
Snow: *Winds up*

Medusa: Can’t you idiots just leave me alone?!

Charming: Oooo, you can’t get me! You can’t get me!

Charming: Hurry up Snow; she’s going to get me!


Charming: AW NO! IT DIDN”T WORK!

Snow: You know, on second thought, laser tag isn’t such a juvenile idea…

Charming: No one would listen to me when I suggested it…

Snow: *Glares at the wall because she’s not going to admit she’s wrong.

Charming: *Glares at the other wall because he was right*

Snow: Run!
Charming: *Is powering up to superspeed out of there*

Snow: *Trips* Owww!

Charming: Snow! I’ll save you! Ow, this shield is heavy!

Charming: *Uses it like a Frisbee*
Medusa: *easily deflects it*

*Is stone*

Snow: We’re bad at this…

Snow: Dear God, thank you for killing her off….

Charming: May she live long in the place that shady fairies live at….

Regina: Hey! Henry and I took a leisurely stroll here, what’s going on?

Charming: Blue fairy got owned.

Regina: Is that all?

Snow: Thank you …thank you so much…
Charming: ….

Regina: I mean…what a tragedy…

Baelfire: Eh, the sight is boring now that I danced around her body; I’m going to go somewhere else.

Tinkerbelle: We’ll come with you; I’ll dance on her grave when she’s properly buried.

Pan!Henry: Pan did it! That handsome devil, him! We should all let me go into the vault for ambiguous reasons for an extended period of time!

Pan!Henry: I can’t stand in his magnificence…

Emma: Yeah, Henry’s possessed…

Regina: What?!

Pan!Henry: She hates me because you’re my favorite mother in the whole world.

Regina: Oh my Henry!

Pan!Henry: *Snuggles* This is sort of nice…
Regina: I know Henry, my hugs are better than anyone else’s…

Emma: Can’t you see that Henry is being weird?

Regina: Why? Because he likes me?

Emma: Actually, yeah..

Regina: Maybe he just loves me finally and now you’re all super jealous that he wants to spend time with me and not you!

Emma: Maybe I’m really tempted to punch you in the face again but I’m not going to. Go hold your breath and feel sorry for yourself somewhere else and hope Henry doesn’t rip your spine out through your nose.

Regina: Which is a trick “I” taught him because I love him best..

Emma: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Regina: I will, as I’m replacing you for everything that makes you special in the next half of the season!

Pan!Henry: So we’re going to your vault right?
Regina: I guess, if you want to…I’ll do anything you want to do as long as I want to do it too!
Charming: Uh, guys, what are we going to do with the body, she’s starting to smell.

Regina: *Rattles it* Darn it! It gets stuck!
Pan!Henry: Hopefully no one is looking at us going to the spot where everyone would figure we’d go to!

Regina: Now into my super villain lair…

Pan!Henry: Ooo, my super villain lair now…

Pan!Henry: *Smugs*
Regina: Henry, I can still see you..

Snow: Honey? Are you alive yet?

Snow: Hmph, still more personality than David Nolan.

Snow: *Narrows eyes* Where are you little snake monster?

Regina: Hhhhey, what’s up?

Snow: Are you even really needed?

Regina: No! But you’re ruining your own happy ending all yourself; I just thought I should stop in to tell you that for no reason whatsoever! HEEEHEE!

Regina: If you’re winning and you know it, clap your hands, *Clap clap*

Regina: Hey, you’re talking to a shield, why hasn’t she found you yet?

Snow: That’s a good point, I should defend myself…

Snow: You tried to kill MY man, Medusa?

Snow: This is what you look like!
Medusa: Oh dear, my hair’s a mess, I greeted guests like this? I’m mortified!

*Is petrified by her appearance*

Snow: I did it in three seconds!


Snow: *Snogs*

Snow: If turning her to stone unstones everyone, shouldn’t there be more people walking around now? And shouldn’t that automatically mean she’s unstoned too?

Charming: Uh…maybe that’s a hint that she should maybe get out of here…


Snow: I think I have a new decoration for our bedroom, Charming

Snow: It’s so beautiful!

Charming: I’m just…going to go…

Rumpelstiltskin: Let’s do it in the library next, no one ever goes in th- oh no….

Emma: There he is! Tackle him before he and Belle slip off for more sexy times!

Rumpelstiltskin: Hiiiiii Emma, I already saved your father, what more do you want?

Belle: *Is jealous* Emma’s not so great....*knows that if Emma was darker headed, she’d have a harder time*

Rumpelstiltskin: Is the Blue Fairy dead? Please say the Blue Fairy’s dead….
Belle: Can’t we have like ten minutes alone?

Rumpelstiltskin: And before you ask, I’m a taken man now, you had your chance.

Emma: *Glares*

Snow: Pretty please?
Emma: Your beloved stepson is acting all super sketchy…for him!
Snow: It’s true…he liked Regina….

Rumpelstiltskin: What?! He must possibly be possessed by Pan!

Emma: Way to go!

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, that’s what happens when Regina puts him in a box, things screw up.

Emma: I thought it was you!

 Rumpelstiltskin: No, I never screw things up, it was totally Regina…

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