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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Going Home Part 2

Hook: It’s gonna eat me!
Baelfire: Wheee!

Charming: Okay, I’m going to throw a sword at it! Now does anyone have a sword?!

Hook: The bad boy doesn’t die first in the horror movie, right? I can never remember…

Tinkerbell: At least I get to die with hot men!

Hook: Me too! And you too Tink

Baelfire: Coconut!

Hook: Hey Shadow! You’re so transparent, you put most reality stars to shame!

Hook: *Tries to run but trips*

Hook: *Knocked himself out*
Charming: Oh, WONDERFUL!

Charming: *Shoves him over* “Get over there!

Baelfire: Hey, what about you and the belief or something?

Tinkerbell: I don’t want to! This thing is already prejudiced against my kind! I don’t want to share a coffin with Blue!

Charming: You’ll be fine! *Prods at her to stand up*

Tinkerbell: I had a really cruel joke but I can’t think of anything now!

Tinkerbell: Bae! Bae I’m shiny!

Tinkerbell: *Is flying*

Tinkerbell: Awesome! I got him!

Tinkerbell: You guys were useless!

Tinkerbell: Toss!

Shadow: ARUGH!
Tinkerbell: How come the flame from the candle didn’t kill him?

Charming: Whoo! Now that the dangerous stuff is over, I’ll come out!
Hook: Why do I see three of Tink? I’m not complaining but did she clone herself?

Tinkerbell: Guess I saved everyone!

Hook: Oh crap.

Tinkerbell: What? Jealous that I’m more useful than you this episode?
Hook: Don’t look behind you!

Tinkerbell: What?

Blue: What?

Blue: Oh! Hey, yeah, I’m alive. I guess killing the shadow means that you automatically get all the shadows back…poor Greg…

Blue: But I’m still back and being shady as I possibly can!

Tinkerbell: I’ll never be queen, will I?

Blue: Not while I live…

Tinkerbell: There’s a coffin behind you that we could fix that with…

Blue: Whatever, have the wand.

Blue: Which I’m totally okay with falling into Rumple’s hands…

Baelfire: Awesome! See you, 50 Shadey Blue
Blue: Wait! That was reverse psychology you idiot!

Charming: Hey, I saved us all…Hook just fell over…

Emma:  Just a big ol’ faceplant, huh?
Regina: I can’t believe I let him let Greg and Tamara overpower me.

Rumpelstiltskin: So everyone, just in case this ends baldly, I’m going to put the bracelet on Pan’s wrist! Um…I don’t know how I got it. Last time I heard, the Blue Fairy sort of dissipated it….

Regina: Yeah, I was wearing it cause Hook is a manipulative jackass.

Hook: Well you’re a possessive brat!

Rumpelstiltskin: How much do you want to bet that we could get them to kill each other, grandson!Dad?

Henry: I’m not going to let them do it in here. I’m supposed to inherit this place someday!

Rumpelstiltskin: What? We never talked about that! This is my place and I’ll always have it because I’m immortal!

Regina: You can have the mayor’s office. I haven’t done my job in weeks, if ever, so I’m pretty sure it’ll still be mine.

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh God, I’m falling asleep already, just give me the wand.

Charming: If you s tart feeling tingly or pained Henry, just let me know and I’ll legdrop him…

Henry: *Flops over* And I was just getting used to these legs too…

*Wand sounds like stalling car*

Henry: I don’t feel any different…

Rumpelstiltskin: Stupid fairies. They do EVERYTHING wrong!


Regina: Rumple!
Rumpelstiltskin: I haven’t even touched him yet!

Rumpelstiltskin: Drama queen!

Belle: Hey, can I hang out?

Rumpelstiltskin: Nope Belle…you need to be safe…and you really don’t need to hear about shadow!Belle…like…at all…

Baelfire: Wait…shadow Belle? Why were we kept on the sidelines again? I missed EVERYTHING


Mary Margaret: My Sherlock Holmes genderbent outfit won 28th year in a row, you can’t beat vintage. Oh there’s Henry being alone again…

Mary Margaret: Hey Henry, don’t you have any friends?

Henry: No…

Mary Margaret: Oh good, just like me!

Henry: I’m not sure my teacher sitting with me is going to raise my chances any….

Mary Margaret: Is this because you’re adopted?

Henry: It’s because my mom’s a freaking psychopath!

Mary Margaret: Oh yeah…that…we don’t…we don’t acknowledge that anymore…

Henry: Just because you don’t acknowledge it doesn’t mean  it didn’t happen…you don’t acknowledge that your outfit makes you look pregnant but it does!

Mary Margaret: Oh Henry…Don’t make me start crying…

Mary Margaret: You wouldn’t like it if I start crying…

Mary Margaret: Guess what I found in my closet that I want you to have?

Henry: Please say nude lady magazines..…

Mary Margaret: A fairy tale book!
Henry: and my chances at friends just dropped another 50 percent…

Mary Margaret: I don’t even remember every buying that hunk of junk. But I figured I’d stick it in my duffel in the off chance that I’d find you sitting here by yourself except it’s not really an off chance because that always happens…

Mary Margaret: Well, my tears of loneliness aren’t going to cry themselves, I’ll see you later, kiddo…

Mary Margaret: Oh hey, what’s that story about?

Henry: *Henry Glare* Maybe you should’ve read it before handing it over, it’s my book now…

Mary Margaret: See ya, Henry, I’m going to go dress up the guy in the coma like my Watson to complete our look

Henry: Wow, her hair looks like buttcheeks….

Henry: Teacher! I don’t think this book is appropriate

 Mary Margaret: DO YOUR HOMEWORK!

Henry: Whoa…am I really seeing her dressed as Snow or is this a way of showing I’m connecting the dots?

Mary Margaret: Tee hee, confusion!

Henry: Down with the evil queen…

Granny: Is that Henry?
Emma:  No
Granny: Is that Henry?
Snow: No
Regina: Man Granny, your nose isn’t what it used to be….

*It was Dark when they went for the wand. Were they hiding under the pews from the shadow for FIVE HOURS at least?*


Baelfire: Hey…I’m your father…do…do I get hugs too?

Regina: Ugh, I can’t believe I still have to share with Emma…

Regina: I’m still your favorite mom, right?”
Henry: No.
Regina: *Sad pyscho noises*

Emma:  Now…rip this paper up

Regina: But it’s too much work and I’m TIRED, I didn’t get my beauty sleep.

Emma:  Darn it Regina, now’s NOT the time!
Hook: Whatever, I don’t even care.

Pan: What happened? All I remember is randomly hanging out in the clocktower

Rumpelstiltskin: We meet again father not!grandson

Pan: You AGAIN? Can’t I ever get rid of you?

Pan: I mean I kept trying to toss you down a well and you kept bouncing back up…

Pan: Then I tried to give you back to your grandfather but then I remembered you it’d have one because he was dead and the guy I was talking to was just a random old guy…

Pan: And then there was the time I tried to sell you on Amazon, but apparently that’s illegal.

Rumpelstiltskin: We’re going to talk!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Determined face*

Pan: You’ve been a pain in my arse for centuries! Why can’t you just die so I can be free of you!

Rumpelstiltskin: Says the guy that took care of me for years…

Pan: I won’t have your faulty logic being used on me!

Pan: I never liked you! You were too crafty for your own good! Not at all like me!

Rumpelstiltskin: You done?

Pan: Also you’re a little red faced squalling larva that took all my time and money away!

Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, cause you were using it so wisely when you were dropkicking me to the side…

Rumpelstiltskin: Well…time to commit patricide! Oh hey, you took the bracelet off….

Pan: Idiot! You put my own device on me! That doesn’t work!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Tries to back away, trips and falls into the bookshelf*

Rumpelstiltskin: Glass in my bum!

Pan: Well…now I’m going to go kill everyone now…see ya!

Pan: Does my hair look okay?

Rumpelstiltskin: It looks like you just rolled out of bed.

Pan: Awesome! That’s the fashion these days!

Pan: It’s the hip thing to do; you probably wouldn’t know anything about it.

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m truly a good guy now, right? My plan backfired and everything…

Rumpelstiltskin: I never got the appeal of slap bracelets…I could never get them off…


  1. Aww... Rumple's a good guy.
    Can't wait for him to kick the bucket... I bet he has interesting stories to tell about the afterlife. :-)

  2. I love this, as always. Henry and Rumple are so great !