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Thursday, October 2, 2014

Save Henry Part 4

Henry: So you don’t regret anything you did to anyone including me because it got you what you wanted and they STILL let you in here alone with me?

Regina: Sure….they LET me….

Henry: I’m still really confused at why I trusted Pan so easily….

Regina: You got your planning from me!

Henry: Oh God….

Henry: Uh…what’re you doing?

Regina: Now no one can take your heart!

Henry: Uhhhhhh…….you could’ve disposed from Pan and you wouldn’t have had to do that…I mean did you guys just randomly walk off? While he still had his own heart inside?

Regina: Henry, we….are stupid.

Henry: And I’m still stuck in this short 11 year old body…

Regina: Misery! Just like I love!

Regina: Now sleep tight! I won’t let anyone in here but me!

Henry: I don’t want to be in this bed! I don’t know who’s been in it!

Henry: ….
Henry: Are you going to stand here and watch me sleep?
Regina: Yup!
Henry: Don’t!

Regina: Whatever, I’m going to ask Hook how he and Milah fit on this thing.

Henry: *Drums fingers*

Henry: I’m going to get a soda…

Pan: *Shoves down* Surprise #*$@(, bet you thought you’d never see me again!

Pan: Even though I was hanging right outside your window!

Henry: Uh…hi? Did we invite you along?

Pan: No! You guys left me alone to come back or hang out and steal lost boys later!

Pan: Seriously! WTF, guys?!

Baelfire: Finally, I figured it out…all I had to do was turn it on and off again
Emma: Ooooooo
Snow: Oooooooo
Charming: Oooo

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m so banged up, it’s not great!

Charming: *Is worried how happy she is about that*

Baefire: Daddy!

Rumpelstiltskin: Bae! Uh….so I failed big time….that never happens and I don’t know how to deal with it…

Baelfire: *Squee*

Baelfire: Manlove!

Rumpelstiltskin: Pan kept rattling me around! And I think Regina threw me off some cliffs a couple of times….I don’t do well with motion sickness…

Rumpelstiltskin: *Few moments later* Son, it’s time you went into the family business…..we’re going to dress you in leather…

Baelfire: YAY!

Baelfire: Now about that Pan is my grandfather thing…which apparently was so important it took a whole episode to tell but wasn’t so important that I found out onscreen…

Emma: Why aren’t I down there with Henry too? But this is so emotional…my two guys!

Emma: You know…I could go…with…a third option besides Hook and Bae….

Rumpelstiltskin: I didn’t want you ever ever to know what sort of crap grandfather you had. And mostly because I apparently forgot he existed…’tried to abandon me’ I said…

Baelfire: its okay dad, you’re way better than he is. I mean you manipulated people for centuries to come back for me! Can he say he did that?

Emma: Wait! We left Regina alone with Henry now that she no longer has the same goal as we do?

Snow: Yup! And we’re not immediately rushing off this world even though we left Pan alive and said it’d be a race for safety!


Rumplestiltskin: Emma! I’m here too!
Baelfire: Yeah! Come hug us!

Rumpelstiltskin: Wait…ew; I smell my dad’s island sweat.
Baelfire: *Inherited his senses from his mother*

Pan: I can’t believe no one even guarded you!

Henry: Because I can handle you myself!

Henry: Oh crap, that’s a knife.

Pan: Gimme your heart!
Henry: *Slaps hand*

Pan: Ooowwwwwwww!

Henry: Mmhmm, just you try that again!

Pan: If that was the case, why couldn’t I have just grabbed it before?!

Pan: Fine! I’ll take your shadow! Then you’ll be dead and your heart won’t beat and I’ll just be like zombie Daniel!

Henry: Oowwww! That’s okay! I don’t need my…soul…anyway…

Rumpelstiltskin: WHOA! WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?!

Pan: Do you friggin; mind?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Here I am to save the day!

*Body switches*
*Why couldn’t he just have done this, removed his heart, and given it to Pan?*

Henry!Pan: Step daddy! No!

Henry!Pan: EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
*Is trapped*

Regina: Henry!
Rumpelstiltskin: Did you get caught at a red light, Regina? And where is everyone else?

Pan!Henry: *Has a British accent* ‘ello mum. I love you most of all

Rumpelstiltskin: You raised him well!

Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry, I couldn’t say that with a straight face. Other than the years of abuse, you raised him well! And by you, I mean all the other people that tried to help him through the depression that you caused!

Regina: *Is hopeful* The pandering of my character extends to even Rumple sometimes too!

Baelfire: Well, now that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong, it’s time to go!

Hook: I’ll just…be over here…

Snow: *Is barking out orders like it’s her ship*

Baelfire: Okay Emma, when I say ‘light it’, you light it

Regina: He said light it!
Emma: Light it?! Okay!

Baelfire: No! Emma! No! *backs away*
Shadow: Aiiieeee! I’m a victim in this too!

Shadow: I have a family! Please!

Hook: I’m still here!

*Turned into…a…shadow sail? Okay…..*

Emma: How did we know that would work?
Charming: We didn’t!

Regina: I did all the things!

Hook: Can we go now?!

*Is flying*
Charming: Oh my god! I hate heights!
Rumplestiltskin: *Is having flashbacks of being carried away by the shadow*

Emma: *Is unsteady* Careful Hook, don’t you know how to drive this thing?
Hook: Sorry!

Emma: How did you leave last time?
Hook: I don’t know!

Charming: How did Bae leave, how did Hook leave, how did Tink arrive, and who gave Pan the picture of Henry’s face, how did he contact Greg and Tamara and give them funding, and a million other questions will never be answered Emma.

Emma: But why?
Charming: that’s what happens when you limit us to 11 episodes!

Snow: Eat your darned veggies or no dessert!

Charming: Your mother’s really stepping into her role there, isn’t she?

Charming: So about your love life…

Emma: Dad! No! That’s one conversation I don’t mind skipping!

*Are happy*

Snow: Look at all the kids we’re adopting!
Charming: What?!

Wendy: Hm…lots of trauma and heading into a world I don’t know about…yeah that’ll be fun!

Tinkerbelle: Hey you! I exist too!

Wendy: Oh…I have…no idea who you might be…

Tinkerbelle: Yeah, I watched you flail around in the cage for years!

Wendy: The therapy bill on that will be so high!

Tinkerbelle: Pretty much, but hey, at least they won’t torture you practically in the asylum in this world like they would have in yours!

Wendy: *Dances*

Wendy: Oh by the way, here’s that!

Tinkerbelle: Aw, pixie dust that I can’t use!

Wendy: Maybe if you….I don’t know….clenched your calf muscles or something, you could?

Tinkerbelle: Don’t be silly, that would never work.

Tinkerbelle: *Clenches calf muscles*

Wendy: Well, that was a failure. Better luck next time!

Tinkerbelle: Hm…it’s probably pixie stick dust anyway…

Pan!Henry:: New teeth and new legs, this is weird….

Baelfire: Henry! Did we miss something going on down below?

Pan!Henry: Fetch me some tea, Lost Boy. I have a hankering!

Baelfire: Privileged just because you nearly died, are you?

Pan!Henry:: What can I say? It doesn’t happen much.

Baelfire: What are you talking about? It happens a lot with you! With everyone on this show!

Baelfire: But don’t worry, I’ll protect you from it all! Because I’m not going anywhere!

Pan!Henry: Can we knock that wanker off the helm and drive the ship?
Baelfire: Oh Henry, you read my mind!


Regina: I really won’t miss the mosquitos in this place…

Tinkerbelle: Hey, you solve everything apparently; why not solve my pixie dust problem?

Tinkerbelle: I promise that I’ll be in your rah-rah corner for pretty much my scenes when we get to the town!

Regina: Awesome! I believe that your only purpose after this arc is to support me like everyone SHOULD!

Tinkerbelle: Oh darn it…I forgot to recharge
Regina: Okay, can we take a ‘belief’ rain check? I’m tired and I don’t want to think about liking you….

Pan!Henry:: Good thing Hook stopped at the Neverland grocery store to stock up…

Felix: No one’s guarding me from killing all of you!

Pan!Henry: Eat your veggies; it’ll help your growth!

Felix: My growth his fine, maybe it’s you that needs some since you don’t have Pan anymore...

Pan!Henry: Maybe I will, and maybe I just won’t forget about the time it was you that flushed the corn cobs down the toilet and clogged them up for a month

Felix: One of the lost boys has a big mouth, what of it? Go Away

Pan!Henry: That WAS you? I was just taking a stab in the dark…or Henry is now that he’s trapped inside the box...

Felix: I don’t want to see your mime routine, go away.

Pan!Henry: I also knew who took the cookie I had dibs on

Pan!Henry: I even put my name on it and you just went and ate it…

Pan!Henry: that was a good cookie; I was looking forward to taking it…

Felix: What are you talking about? We never had cookies!

Pan!Henry: For frig’s sakes Felix! It’s Pan!

Felix: Nice try, I won’t get fooled by looking and him not being there. You forget, I spent centuries around that old trick

Pan!Henry: Look! I’m Pan, okay? Remember when told you that hair brushes were for subordinates?!

Felix: Pan?! Everyone’s going to be suspicious that you’re chatting with me!

Pan!Henry: Henry’s drawn to dangerous people, eat up.

Felix: Yayyyy

Felix: I’ll forget and call you pan, though…

Pan!Henry:: It’s okay, you won’t live long enough
Felix: What? I didn’t hear you over smacking my food.

Pan!Henry: I said you’re going to die!
Felix: Oh…..*cries*

The End

This episode tried to retcon all of what we already knew and then reset it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm really glad to see you're working on these again! They're really funny - I've really missed the way you point out the ridiculous flaws in everyone's logic. It's true that the only way that adoption scene makes sense is if Gold faked it looking real just to mess with Regina.