Rumpelstiltskin: Happy birthday to you Bae…I would’ve gotten a cake but I forgot if it was you or I that liked chocolate…
Rumpelstiltskin: I really wish one of these days; I could talk to Victor about how electricity works…
Belle: Flower service!
Rumpelstiltskin: Grrr, go away!
Belle: Excuse YOU, this is my library!
Rumpelstiltskin: Woman, this is MY library! YOU just got lost on the way to yours again!
Rumpelstiltskin: Ugh, I got a paper cut on my tongue today licking envelopes and it hurts…
Belle: Can I hang out?
Rumpelstiltskin: No, I’m having a birthday celebration of my son!
Belle: Oooo, so you have a soooon?
Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah, but timeline wise you’re not supposed to know about this yet
Rumpelstiltskin: Friggin’ continuity…
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m going to get him back
Belle: Through terrible means?
Belle: I see all the good in you!
Rumpelstiltskin: For God’s sakes, Belle, that’s going to get old quick…
Rumpelstiltskin: Slap bracelet, why you got to be so mean?
Rumpelstiltskin: Well, there’s only one thing for it…
Rumpelstiltskin: I gotta become RumpleHook…except my hook will obviously be bigger…
Emma: Regina! This is not the time! Get your arse up!
Regina: I am trying to nap here!
Henry: *Singlehandedly pulls her up*
Emma: Rip up the paper already!
Regina: Easy guys, I haven’t had a lot of sleep. I have to take a minute to think logically!
Emma: That’s something you can actually do?
Snow: *Is stunned*
Regina: I have to do all the sacrificing again! Maybe this time it’ll stick!
Henry: Wow, handsy feely…knock it off…
Pan: I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now!
Pan: Surprise! I win…you guys aren’t really good at this, you know that?
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m sure it won’t hurt…just some swiping, blood shooting out of the veins and arteries…bleeding out…world going dark….
Rumpelstiltskin: But I like this hand…it’s my favorite and I don’t want to get my suit dirty…it’s so hard getting blood out of these expensive suits and my dry cleaning is high enough!
Pan: Okay first thing I’m going to do…is put you all in embarrassing positions!
Pan: Have you guys ever seen human centipede?
*Hooks arm changes levels a lot*
*Can’t tell if Bae is frozen or if he’s just bored*
Pan: DID YOU JUST MOVE?!
Baelfire: No, man.
Rumpelstiltskin: RUMPLE SLAM!
Rumpelstiltskin: *Misses but tries to play it off*
Hook: My arm is tired!
Pan: I raise my eyebrow at you, good son
Rumpelstiltskin: *Tries to mimic* Ow, it hurts!
Pan: Just admit defeat! I have all your loved ones and I have my own body back and the Dark Curse is coming! Yay for me!
Rumpelstiltskin: Not if I kill you!
Pan: Hmph! You can’t do that! I’m your daddy!
Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, Bae, Emma…I love you guys. I really love you Henry.
Rumpelstiltskin: Snow and Charming are okay. …
Rumpelstiltskin: Regina and Hook can fall in a lobster trap and roll off a cliff for all I care…
Pan: *Giggles* Dude, I was stuck for 300 years with Hook. Trust me, I get it…
Rumpelstiltskin: Imma goin’ out in a blaze of glory, y’all! Name a country after me!
Pan: But you have no magic!
Rumpelstiltskin: I can beat the snot out of you with my brain
Rumpelstiltskin: Dainty wrist call!
Pan: Man…I probably shouldn’t have sat there staring…can’t I get away? Is the shadow possessing me? What’s going on?!
Pan: This is so embarrassing…he’s going to HUG me to death!
Rumpelstiltskin: Considering the nonsensical route this show is going down in the next half of the season, I’m going to end everything for myself now so I don’t have to see it. Thanks daddy! You’ve given me a great opportunity to get out of my contract!
Pan: My heart is on the other side, idiot…
Rumpelstiltskin: I…can’t believe that my blade would be long enough to mortally wound me too…
Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, I’m the one with the broken heart here…
Malcom: I just realized I’m going to die an old man!
*Is super depressed about this development*
Malcom: You know, we could stop this and have a happy ending…
Rumpelstiltskin: I couldn’t even if I wanted to! Dude…I don’t have magic!
Rumpelstiltskin: Also…you’re really close…
Rumpelstiltskin: And if we’re not careful, this will mean something else taken out of context!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well, I’m sure I’m twisting SOMETHING vital here. Hope it’s not all just bone…
Malcom: *Is dead*
Rumpelstiltskin: And for the final middle finger to my father….I’m going to remind him that I loved him…
Rumpelstiltskin: Victory is so sweet!
*Disappears into the light for….some reason…*
Hook: Oh my arm….my arm, I can’t feel my arm! And I need this one! I’m already running low!
Belle: My role revolves around him practically, what am I going to do now?!
Baelfire: Hrm…hold it together man…
Regina: The scroll…can someone get it!
Henry: I don’t want to walk into bits of grandpa!
Emma: Never get frozen with your legs locked in place *Bounces a bit* You can’t feel anything….*tries not to start sobbing hysterically in front of everyone*
Charming: HE DIED?! Who are we going to run to for help now?
Snow: Great. I feel my breakfast coming up…
Emma: *Holds still so she can mentally wail*
Belle: HE’S DEAD AND I LOVED HIM AND I’LL NEVER BE RELEVENT AGAIN!
Regina: Well I’m not hugging her.