Charming: Whoa,
this magical moonshine still is broken…
Charming: So are
these magical potions!
Hook: uh…stuff
and paper!
Charming: well, I
would definitely say that this place was broken into!
Charming: The
knocked over chairs are a bit over the top but that’s Zelena
Hook: Guys! I
found a box that clashes with the décor! Is that a clue? I don’t know what I’m
doing!
Charming: *Hangs
head* Why did we let you in on CSI Storybrooke?
Charming: Mmm,
berries, I’m hungry…
Emma: Uh...Dadvid?
Charming: I’m not
going to eat these here, Emma!
Hook: I would…
Charming: These
berries….belong in the forest!
Emma: But Robin
Hood lives in the forest! *Gasp* Robin Hood is wiping out members of his own
Merry Men!
Hook: I don’t
think so Emma….
Charming: Oh hey,
fatherhood stuff, do you mind if I go handle your mother?
Emma: Aww! Family
moments!
Hook: He’s not
doing his job! Fire him!
Emma: Excuse me?
Hook: I want a
raise, Emma!
Hook: Don’t you
think I deserve to be poster boy for CSI Storybrooke?
Emma: Neither of
you do.
Hook: Ohhhh…
Charming: *walks away
in shame*
Charming: Oh
nooo, I forget which saddle is mine!
Charming: Oh hey,
random flask, good, I need a drink.
Charming: That is
not alcohol….
Robin: That was
my kid’s cough medicine, so thanks for that….
Charming: Erm…golden
arrows?
Robin: oh, it’s a
gift from the queen for…hanging out with her and being completely useless…
Charming: Isn’t
gold like…a really soft metal? So like…you’re not gonna get a lot of hunts with
that.
Robin: Huh, now
maybe I realize that she was insulting me!
Robin: I know
this is going to be awkward to ask but…have you seen my kid?
Charming: Um…no?
Robin: I keep
misplacing him! Sort of like you do yours!
Charming: I need
more…
Robin: Roland’s
cough medicine!
Robin: Also my
cough medicine because it has cherry flavor…
*Uses*
Charming: Snow is
already decorating four nurseries and having the dwarves come up with the best
baby names…
Charming: IT’s
not that I don’t find that endearing, but I don’t see the point in naming a
baby Amadeus Obadiah….and I don’t think I can be a father after losing my first
kid
Robin: Sounds
rough…
Robin: Now I really
feel bad about cleaning out your wealth to give to the peasants…
Charming: Whatever
man, my wife will put you in the iron maiden later. I’m going for a ride…
Robin: I didn’t
know your wife liked me and Regina together
Charming: UGH!
THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Snow: And then I
beat his face in with a rock when he viciously tackled me off a horse! True
love!
Zelena: I can’t
wait to hold that kid in my arms!
Snow: I know
right? This will be the first one I’ve had that I haven’t had to give up!
Zelena: Sure…sure,
why not?
Charming: I’m
here! *Looks dashing* Good news! We have learned that the mayor office was
DEFINITELY broken into!
Zelena: I’m
Zelena the midwife!
Charming: *Drums the
table* Well…discussing baby birthing, huh?
Snow: All the gory
details!
Zelena: Men
everywhere have been known to faint!
Charming: *Faint?!*
Snow: Oh look
sweetie! She’s making us tea! We should hire her as our servant!
Charming: I don’t
want to faint! We don’t have carpet!
Snow: We’re going
to birth our second born just like our firstborn!
Zelena: Happy
working soonnng!
Charming: You
mean when you cursed my name, broke my hand and screamed out that you should’ve
married Rumpelstiltskin?
Snow: Charming,
don’t you dare ruin this for me!
Zelena: -ing
soooooong!
Charming: I wish
we got a midwife that could carry a tune…
Zelena: *Drugs!*
Snow: Huh…Zelena’s
putting dirt in Charming’s tea…good for her….even though she’s serving the tea
WAY too fast…
Zelena: Here we
are! Water with teabags!
Snow: That’s MY
cup!
Charming: Not
anymore…
Charming: It took
me all day and half the night to ride here…hope Snow knows where I am!
Charming: I can’t
believe Robin recommended drugs to help me sleep…
Charming: Ugh,
this doesn’t look very digestible...maybe he was trolling me….
Rapunzel: HELP!
HELP! HELP!
Charming: TANGLED!
I COULD MEET FLYNN RYDER!
Charming: That’s….a
really long climb?
Charming: Well, I
have nothing better to do, so I might as well go at it…
Rapunzel: AUGH! *Hears a crashing noise*
Charming: Was
that a hubcap rolling?
Rapunzel: THE
AGONY! WHAT IS THAT?!
Charming: Well,
nothing wrong with being worried at the screams of agony for the past ten minutes
of climbing….
Charming: Fear
not maiden! I will rescue yo-
Charming: Ow! Leg
cramp!
Rapunzel: ‘sup?
Charming: Uh….what’s
all this then?
Rapunzel: Something
chased me up here!
Charming: How did
you get up here when there are no doors? In THAT dress!?
Rapunzel: It
doesn’t matter!
Rapunzel: I’ve
been up here for what feels like years!
Charming: Then
how did you survive? And where did all this hair come from? Seriously, there’s
no well or source of food!
Charming: Oh
gross…
Charming: *steps
over* Were you here before the curse? Because everything’s frozen in time
for the 28 years in the enchanted forest…
Rapunzel: I have
hyperactive hair follicles when I get nervous…
Charming: What?
Rapunzel: Seriously,
it’s my curse…that and sticky sweat that let me scale to the top of this place.
Charming: That
does explain everything
*Are awkward*
Rapunzel: I was
really nervous about ruling so I came over here to steal some roots and then a
figure chased me up here...
Charming: That’s
probably why you should have guards with you or let someone else get it…
.
Charming: Wait;
did you eat the root straight after digging it up?
Rapunzel: It
looked delicious!
Charming: I’m
about to just leave you…
Rapunzel: What?!
Charming: There’s
nothing in it for me! I have a wife and a kid on the way and no Flynn Rider…
Rapunzel: you’d
leave me?
Charming: Woman,
cut your hair and make a rope.
*Gasp!*
Charming: Ain’t
no one out there.
Charming: Oh hey,
someone’s out there…
Cloaked Figure:
Imma get you!
Charming: Dude, I
could start reeling your hair in….but I don’t care…
Zelena: You’ve
been blowing on that for twenty minutes, how about you drink up?
Charming: How about
you let me do things at my own pace?
Zelena: Your life
motto, is it?
Snow: You
should’ve seen him as David Nolan
Charming: SNOW!
Snow: Charming!
Charming: NO one
wants to remember that!
Zelena: *Is really
sorry she missed it*
Charming: This
tea is fantastic! Wheee!
Zelena: Huh…maybe
I should’ve put in half a dose….
Charming: Now
about this fatherhood thing…
Zelena: I
wouldn’t ask me about it; one father figure I had was a drunk who was scared of
my….erm…midwifing abilities, the other was a dude I would totally have slept
with in a heartbeat…
Snow: Sounds like
Rumple…
Charming: ….
Snow: Don’t judge
me!
Snow: But I have
moved on and am happier for it!
Charming: ….
Zelena: He has
that effect on women…
Zelena: He told
me once.
Snow: That sounds
like him
Snow: This is why
I love you more. You’re so sweet and humble
Zelena: D’aww,
they have what I should’ve had…
Zelena: *Water is
really hot*
Snow: *Has no
problem*
Charming: Well, I
gotta go do deputy stuff before Hook tries seducing Emma….I still have no idea
why we hired him…
*Deputy Duties*
Charming: I’m
sure my sword will do great against…someone that can make flying monkeys…
Cloaked Figure:
Idiot. I’m you, and I think you’re an idiot…
Charming: I hope
those cameras I set up all over the forest got something…
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