Charming: Whoa, this magical moonshine still is broken…
Charming: So are these magical potions!
Hook: uh…stuff and paper!
Charming: well, I would definitely say that this place was broken into!
Charming: The knocked over chairs are a bit over the top but that’s Zelena
Hook: Guys! I found a box that clashes with the décor! Is that a clue? I don’t know what I’m doing!
Charming: *Hangs head* Why did we let you in on CSI Storybrooke?
Charming: Mmm, berries, I’m hungry…
Charming: I’m not going to eat these here, Emma!
Hook: I would…
Charming: These berries….belong in the forest!
Emma: But Robin Hood lives in the forest! *Gasp* Robin Hood is wiping out members of his own Merry Men!
Hook: I don’t think so Emma….
Charming: Oh hey, fatherhood stuff, do you mind if I go handle your mother?
Emma: Aww! Family moments!
Hook: He’s not doing his job! Fire him!
Emma: Excuse me?
Hook: I want a raise, Emma!
Hook: Don’t you think I deserve to be poster boy for CSI Storybrooke?
Emma: Neither of you do.
Charming: *walks away in shame*
Charming: Oh nooo, I forget which saddle is mine!
Charming: Oh hey, random flask, good, I need a drink.
Charming: That is not alcohol….
Robin: That was my kid’s cough medicine, so thanks for that….
Charming: Erm…golden arrows?
Robin: oh, it’s a gift from the queen for…hanging out with her and being completely useless…
Charming: Isn’t gold like…a really soft metal? So like…you’re not gonna get a lot of hunts with that.
Robin: Huh, now maybe I realize that she was insulting me!
Robin: I know this is going to be awkward to ask but…have you seen my kid?
Robin: I keep misplacing him! Sort of like you do yours!
Charming: I need more…
Robin: Roland’s cough medicine!
Robin: Also my cough medicine because it has cherry flavor…
Charming: Snow is already decorating four nurseries and having the dwarves come up with the best baby names…
Charming: IT’s not that I don’t find that endearing, but I don’t see the point in naming a baby Amadeus Obadiah….and I don’t think I can be a father after losing my first kid
Robin: Sounds rough…
Robin: Now I really feel bad about cleaning out your wealth to give to the peasants…
Charming: Whatever man, my wife will put you in the iron maiden later. I’m going for a ride…
Robin: I didn’t know your wife liked me and Regina together
Charming: UGH! THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Snow: And then I beat his face in with a rock when he viciously tackled me off a horse! True love!
Zelena: I can’t wait to hold that kid in my arms!
Snow: I know right? This will be the first one I’ve had that I haven’t had to give up!
Zelena: Sure…sure, why not?
Charming: I’m here! *Looks dashing* Good news! We have learned that the mayor office was DEFINITELY broken into!
Zelena: I’m Zelena the midwife!
Charming: *Drums the table* Well…discussing baby birthing, huh?
Snow: All the gory details!
Zelena: Men everywhere have been known to faint!
Snow: Oh look sweetie! She’s making us tea! We should hire her as our servant!
Charming: I don’t want to faint! We don’t have carpet!
Snow: We’re going to birth our second born just like our firstborn!
Zelena: Happy working soonnng!
Charming: You mean when you cursed my name, broke my hand and screamed out that you should’ve married Rumpelstiltskin?
Snow: Charming, don’t you dare ruin this for me!
Zelena: -ing soooooong!
Charming: I wish we got a midwife that could carry a tune…
Snow: Huh…Zelena’s putting dirt in Charming’s tea…good for her….even though she’s serving the tea WAY too fast…
Zelena: Here we are! Water with teabags!
Snow: That’s MY cup!
Charming: Not anymore…
Charming: It took me all day and half the night to ride here…hope Snow knows where I am!
Charming: I can’t believe Robin recommended drugs to help me sleep…
Charming: Ugh, this doesn’t look very digestible...maybe he was trolling me….
Rapunzel: HELP! HELP! HELP!
Charming: TANGLED! I COULD MEET FLYNN RYDER!
Charming: That’s….a really long climb?
Charming: Well, I have nothing better to do, so I might as well go at it…
Rapunzel: AUGH! *Hears a crashing noise*
Charming: Was that a hubcap rolling?
Rapunzel: THE AGONY! WHAT IS THAT?!
Charming: Well, nothing wrong with being worried at the screams of agony for the past ten minutes of climbing….
Charming: Fear not maiden! I will rescue yo-
Charming: Ow! Leg cramp!
Charming: Uh….what’s all this then?
Rapunzel: Something chased me up here!
Charming: How did you get up here when there are no doors? In THAT dress!?
Rapunzel: It doesn’t matter!
Rapunzel: I’ve been up here for what feels like years!
Charming: Then how did you survive? And where did all this hair come from? Seriously, there’s no well or source of food!
Charming: Oh gross…
Charming: *steps over* Were you here before the curse? Because everything’s frozen in time for the 28 years in the enchanted forest…
Rapunzel: I have hyperactive hair follicles when I get nervous…
Rapunzel: Seriously, it’s my curse…that and sticky sweat that let me scale to the top of this place.
Charming: That does explain everything
Rapunzel: I was really nervous about ruling so I came over here to steal some roots and then a figure chased me up here...
Charming: That’s probably why you should have guards with you or let someone else get it…
Charming: Wait; did you eat the root straight after digging it up?
Rapunzel: It looked delicious!
Charming: I’m about to just leave you…
Charming: There’s nothing in it for me! I have a wife and a kid on the way and no Flynn Rider…
Rapunzel: you’d leave me?
Charming: Woman, cut your hair and make a rope.
Charming: Ain’t no one out there.
Charming: Oh hey, someone’s out there…
Cloaked Figure: Imma get you!
Charming: Dude, I could start reeling your hair in….but I don’t care…
Zelena: You’ve been blowing on that for twenty minutes, how about you drink up?
Charming: How about you let me do things at my own pace?
Zelena: Your life motto, is it?
Snow: You should’ve seen him as David Nolan
Charming: NO one wants to remember that!
Zelena: *Is really sorry she missed it*
Charming: This tea is fantastic! Wheee!
Zelena: Huh…maybe I should’ve put in half a dose….
Charming: Now about this fatherhood thing…
Zelena: I wouldn’t ask me about it; one father figure I had was a drunk who was scared of my….erm…midwifing abilities, the other was a dude I would totally have slept with in a heartbeat…
Snow: Sounds like Rumple…
Snow: Don’t judge me!
Snow: But I have moved on and am happier for it!
Zelena: He has that effect on women…
Zelena: He told me once.
Snow: That sounds like him
Snow: This is why I love you more. You’re so sweet and humble
Zelena: D’aww, they have what I should’ve had…
Zelena: *Water is really hot*
Snow: *Has no problem*
Charming: Well, I gotta go do deputy stuff before Hook tries seducing Emma….I still have no idea why we hired him…
Charming: I’m sure my sword will do great against…someone that can make flying monkeys…
Cloaked Figure: Idiot. I’m you, and I think you’re an idiot…
Charming: I hope those cameras I set up all over the forest got something…