Part 4

Little John: Man, I could milk this for all it’s worth when I’m recovering…

 

Robin: Where’s Roland?!

 

Little John: Oh man! I left him with the friar!

 

Robin: Friar Tuck is a TERRIBLE father figure!

 

Friar Tuck: Guys, I’m right here…

 

Robin: Oh hey Little John, you never told us about your tail!

 

Little John: My greatest shame, revealed!

 

Victor: A human with a monkey tail. Grossgrossgrossgross…

 

Friar Tuck: I can get that promotion I’ve been waiting for years now!

 

Victor: A wereflyingmonkey?

 

Little John: Yyooooo!

 

Charming: …….

 

Little John: Freeeedoommm! Woohoo!

 

Everyone: ….

Victor: Everyone saw that, right?
Charming: YES, Victor. You’re not drunk this time.

 

Regina: Man I’m bored!

Emma: It’s been twenty minutes!

 

Regina: *Whines*

 

Emma: I do this for hours.

 

Regina: That would waste the time I use glaring at people.

 

Regina: Where do you pee?

 

Emma: Anywhere really…

Regina: *Mind blown*

 

Emma: Yuuuuup

Regina: Savage.

 

Emma: Ugh, why do I even talk to you?

 

Regina: I just realized that Henry might be happy with you!

 

Emma: I know it’s a terrible thing to think about but he had friends.

 

Regina: I knew you’d screw him up. He’s only supposed to love me.

 

Emma: I wish we had a scene where you actually realized that it’s good for Henry to have other people in his life…

 

Regina: *Sniffles* What a sweet thing to say! I want more screen time too!

 

Emma: You get enough! I didn’t say anything remotely like that!

 

Regina: Peasant. I know what you meant.

Emma: Not that!

 

Regina: *Narrows eyes* I said you want me to have more screen time.

Emma: *Sigh* Whatever Regina…

 

Emma: *gasp* Someone’s in there!

Regina: Oh, that’s just the janitor…

 

Emma: It could be an evil janitor!

 

Regina: I don’t even…ugh…someone cast a Dark Curse! What’s your rinky dink gun going to do?

 

Emma: Duh, Regina. Shoot them.

 

Regina: My still! How will I drink away my troubles with magical moonshine now?!

 

Zelena: Idiots…

Emma: *Finally notices her* “HEY YOU!

 

*Disappears*

 

Regina: Wow, we were ineffectual.

 

Regina: You could’ve shot her

Emma: You said my gun wouldn’t work!

 

 

Regina: How dull, and what a tacky color…

 

Regina: Huh…never done this before…shouldn’t be too hard…

 

Regina: Stupid shield that I may or may not have put in place!

 

Regina: Nice and warm though…My hands are freezing.

 

Regina: Huh. All that magic and what it took to stop it was knocking the whole thing over…

 

Grumpy: Why do I have to see the mostly transparent barrier late at night?

 

Grumpy: This kingdom is mine!

 

Charming: *Is exasperated* Grumpy’s going mad with power again…

 

Snow: I JUST sat down!

Baelfire: I’m still feeling weak from the blood loss…

 

Baelfire: *Twirls sword* But I’m still ready to take the castle in a fight we never get!

 

Regina: They better get here soon. I need servants to clean this place up while I’m in a coma…

 

Regina: Welp! At least I’ll have a view…and hope I don’t pass out and break my skull open…

 

Regina: Goodbye cruel world! Always know that I was the only victim in it!

 

Zelena: Who turned my nightlight of- oh hey, you’re finally here!

 

Regina: Someone LIVES here?!

 

Zelena: Uh, yeah, who else do you think set up the barrier?

 

Regina: Well, you LEFT the back door open! Don’t you know how to lock that! Anyone could get in!

 

Zelena: You mean like that pirate that inexplicably got in once?

 

Regina: He scaled the palace.

 

Zelena: He walked through the front door!

 

Regina: Maybe he did! I don’t know, I was napping!

 

Zelena: I am your sister!

 

Regina: Whhaaaa? No wait, I’m not buying it…

 

Zelena: *Sighs* How else could I crash in your palace and steal your clothes? Just like real sisters do!

 

Zelena: While ultimately looking better in them!

 

Regina: You do not!

 

Zelena: Is that envy I smell? Green isn’t as good a color on you as it is on me!

 

Regina: How come I never saw you growing up?

Zelena: I was hard to spot. I blended in with the trees!

 

Regina: Is your dad Rumple? Oh please God, tell me it’s not Rumple…

 

Zelena: Fortunately not.

 

Regina: Oh thank God! That’s another theory jossed…

 

Regina: Then that means you’re not my sister because who else on earth would have sex with our mom?

 

Zelena: I’m going to take everything you didn’t deserve!

 

Regina: If you’re more powerful than me, then why can’t you just summon everything you never got?

 

Zelena: It’s…the principal of the matter or something. I don’t know…

 

Regina: You do realize that Cora was actually a REALLY terrible mother in such a way that only Peter Pan beat her out in this universe, right?

 

Zelena: Pish posh, you got everything you ever wanted while I didn’t. I deserved an abusive mother and a hole in my heart curse wielding right, not you!

 

Regina: What?

 

Zelena: DON’T QUESTION MY LOGIC! *GUTPUNCHES*

 

Regina: Ow, my corset saved most of my ribs!

*How are those hedges still neatly trimmed?*

 

Zelena: I’m going to destroy everything you ever had!

 

Regina: Well, I hate to give you spoilers but in doing so, I’ll be the person to lose the least in this storyline…

 

Zelena: Heeey, don’t question my methods!

 

Regina: Listen to me since I only react impulsively, your plan needs some work, that’s all I’m saying…

 

Zelena: Pffft!

 

Zelena: I’m taller than you!

Regina: How petty, I’m going to go put myself in a coma just to spite you

 

Zelena: No! I want to have a rivalry!

 

Regina: That’s an idea. I’ll post a poll and we’ll both pose in front of a green screen.

 

Zelena: But no one will see me!

 

Regina: *Laughing* That’s the idea!

 

Regina: Maybe eyes and a couple of lips but that’s it!

 

Zelena: *Is fuming*

 

Zelena: NO wait, I’m better than this!

 

Zelena: Hmph!

 

Regina: No way are you on a higher moral plane than I am…

 

Zelena: I haven’t committed near the atrocities that you have and it feels so gooooood!

 

Zelena: Aw yeahhh!

 

Zelena: This is your face right now

 

Regina: I don’t look anything like that!

 

Zelena: You look so much more inferior…

 

Zelena: *Pulls broomstick out from under her dress* See ya!

 

Zelena: I ate all your ice cream bars!

 

Regina: Yeah! You better run!

 

Regina: I guess I sure showed her!

 

Regina: Oh hi Robin, I forgot I melded your feet to the floor!

 

Robin: Make up your mind woman; I thought you were going to put yourself in a coma!

 

Regina: Things change

 

 Regina: I totally met my sister and we had a bonding experience!

 

Robin: That’s great!

 

Regina: *Squees* And now I’m going to have something I haven’t had in a long time! Like a little over a week!

*Seriously*

 

Regina: I’m gonna destroy her good!

 

Robin: Erm….love interest! Yay? 

 

Regina: I can’t wait to insult everyone in there!

 

Emma: That’s not why I brought you!

 

Regina: That’s why I brought me…

 

Emma: Henry! Stop playing Pac Man and get up!

 

Snow: Hope Regina’s not here to find new places to hide murder weapons and set me up…

 

Regina: Don’t give me any ideas….

 

Emma: Hi Rudo!

 

Rudo: mom! Where’s your plaid?

 

Emma: Plaid reminds me of Walsh, come here and meet the woman that ruined my life.

 

Regina: *His name is RUDO!*

 

Rudo: Is she mute?

 

Regina: Most wish that.

 

Rudo: Oh…so hi then…

 

Regina: Want to come live with me? I’ll only lock you in the house 6 days a week!

 

Emma: I should’ve known this would be a bad idea…

 

Regina: You’d bet Saturday night free but that’s it!

 

Rudo: I’m fine, thanks

 

Regina: Ungrateful, just ungrateful!

 

Emma: So he doesn’t remember!

 

Regina: Well make him remember!

 

Emma: I’m sure I’ll want that later…

 

Charming: Is Henry conveniently gone? We need to talk about the flying monkey problem

Hook: I’m just trailing everyone around…

 

Emma:  Ixnay on the onkeymay!

 

Snow: Little John turned into a flying monkey?!

 

Snow: I was going to hire him to be my bodyguard!

 

Hook: Yeah, Robin’s still trying to find his kid…and hoping Little John doesn’t divulge all the secrets that Robin told him about…

 

Emma: What’d you guys do to this one?

 

Charming: Hey, we haven’t really made anyone mad since season one…

 

Regina: You guys made me mad in season 2 a lot!

 

Snow: Regina, you kept making yourself mad…

 

Emma: I SLEPT WITH THE WIZARD OF OZ, YOU GUYS

 

Hook: And a flying monkey!

 

Emma: EWWW! NO!

 

Zelena: Ah yes, good thing I slaughtered everyone that lives here….

 

Zelena: Ugh, Imp in a cage smells terrible…

 

Zelena: Yo! Shape up! I got you rice!

 

Zelena: Aww, he’s so cute when he sleeps…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: What? What’s going on?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Where’s my cheeseburger?! This isn’t what I ordered from room service?

 

Zelena: Aw, he’s so cute when he’s disoriented…which is a lot…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Can I at least have a brush?

 

Zelena: Eat your darn dinner!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Just…it’s not even cooked!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Magic flavor*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Yay! It didn’t work! *is crazy*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Does the airplane game to himself*