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Monday, November 24, 2014

The Tower Part 1

Charming: I’m so lost in this place, I can’t even….

Charming: this is the last time I let Regina talk me into playing Hide and Seek …

Charming: And then agreeing that she can use magic…

Charming: Aw maaaaan, this is the wrong room! The nursery is in the OTHER castle!

Charming: OR maybe this is Regina’s room sine she’s a friggin’ baby… *Is imitating* Oh Charming! I don’t like that you make me sleep outside!

Charming: I’m soooo confused right now…

Charming: Ooo! Mobile!

Emma: Daddy!

Charming: Emma! You’re too big to fit in the crib!

Emma: I’m a little old for the crib…

Emma: Dance with me! It’s my first ball!

Charming: Emma, we’ve been through this….you’re not here and you’re far too old for me to present you at your first ball without people talking. And I don’t know how to dance…

Emma: Hands!
Charming: And I wouldn’t exactly call what you kids do these days as dancing…

Charming: No wait! I wasn’t ready!

Emma: Take my hand delicately.
Charming: Arm-wrestling! That I CAN do!

*Are Arm-wrestling*

Charming: Ha, you think you can beat me! I used to arm-wrestle with grizzly bears!

Emma: *Tries to punch so she can win*

Charming: *Dodges!*

Charming: Correct posture! Stop bending my thumb back!

Emma: *Attempted throat judo chop*
 Charming: *Ducks*

Emma: Thanks for not keeping me safe, dad!
Charming: Hey, every time I wanted time to ourselves, they cut it!

Charming: Oh crap, does making the savior mad summon the weather?

*Little pieces fly off and embed in Charming’s face*

Charming: Emma, I think I’m the one doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship!

Charming: My shoulders have dislocated! Augh, the agony!

Emma: Dad, I’ve taken all our life saving s out of the bank and hidden it. And the hiding place is called-

Charming: Your nails are still in my hands!

Charming: Why do I eat chili before going to bed? It never works out!

Charming: Oh no, is Snow already awake? I’ll bet she’ll think I slept all day!

Snow:  Hey honey! Are you sleeping all day?

Charming: No? But where are the dwarves? I want my breakfast in bed!

Snow: Charming, its noon. Man, you act like governing a bunch of people who are probably at odds with each other now is hard work

Charming: Can I use your robe? I’m cold…

Snow: Charming! I’m pregnant!

Charming: Wait, you didn’t already know that?

Snow: What?!

Charming: Your baby bump! It’s hardly concealed! I thought everyone knew!

Charming: Friggin’ Flying Monkeys man. The supermarket jacked up all the prices of bananas…

Hook: They appear out of nowhere just to throw poo at me!

Regina: Zelena might steal my favorite color of black!

Hook: *siiigh* I thought “I” did that!

Regina: Where is Henry anyway?

Emma: On the swing set outside or something, I don’t know!

Regina: How dare you not keep an eye on him! I’m going to go do vague things!

Hook: Snooow, they’re fighting again.

Snow: I’m too busy wearing a Shrek colored dress; I refuse to partake in this…

Hook: Chick fight, please let there be a chick fight…

Regina: You’re just being my brand of parenting.

Emma: Erm…no Regina, I’m trying to save everyone. You left Henry alone for all hours of the day for no reason.

Regina: *Gasp!* I was the mayor!

Emma: Every day was the same, Regina!

Hook: So…no girl fright then…

Hook: Can I borrow one of your oven mitts? I only need the one…

Zelena: Friggin’ Weird bipolar weather…
Zelena: Hey, take a shower; I need a date to the Star Wars VII premiere…

Rumpelstiltskin: I am busy making myself a tuxedo of pure gold

Zelena: Sounds blinding…

Rumpelstiltskin: It’ll be the pimpest suit to ever pimp.

Zelena: Won’t it be ]really heavy?

Zelena: You are breaking my concentration, Zelena!

*Hasn’t quite mastered the concept of twirling her hair*
Zelena: Little old me?!

Zelena: Every girl fantasizes about having Rumple in a cage to do their bidding! Now I can say I actually did it.

Rumpelstiltskin: Ssstrangle…

Zelena: For God’s sakes Rumple, I’m going to know what you’re doing if you raise your hands five minutes before you come at my throat!

Rumpelstiltskin: I was just…gonna…hug you…

Zelena: I see my face!

Zelena: Not yours though…you want to come in for a dagger selfie with me?

Rumpelstiltskin: How about you take your selfie off a bridge?!

Zelena: Shaving time!
Rumpelstiltskin: Uh…That’s a really big blade to practice on me with…

Rumpelstiltskin:  And your aim really sucks...

Zelena: My alcoholic father didn’t complain!

Rumpelstiltskin: All your alcoholic father did was complain! That’s part of why you ran out on him!

Rumpelstiltskin: And why are you acting like this is news I don’t know?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Have a close-up of our eyes for some reason!

Zelena: I think when we invited the cameraman closer; he didn’t take account for personal space…

Rumpelstiltskin: You don’t have any shaving cream? What sort of barber are you?

Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t even have an apron so it doesn’t dirty my immaculate clothing!

Zelena: Because I am just THAT good at shaving!

Rumpelstiltskin: Just get this right on the first take lady; I can’t grow this out every couple of days…
Zelena: I can see up your nose!

Zelena: A Kris blade probably isn’t the best shaving razor…

Zelena: I don’t want to go back in the house.

Zelena: *SNIIIFFFLLLESSS* Ugh, allergies…

Zelena: Anyway…about the issues I have that you already know about…

Zelena: Oh wait, hold on, your jaw has a weird little grove here…

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is suddenly clean shaven even though there’s no way she got everything* Ow! You cut me!

Rumpelstiltskin: Best barber my arse…

Zelena: I am! It’s your face that’s screwed up!

Rumpelstiltskin: I seem to remember you showing appreciation for my face!

Zelena: I still do, Rumple! That’s 98% of the reason you got brought back!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Double puppy eyes*

Zelena: *Is almost swayed* D-don’t do that…

Zelena: Puppy eyes, I don’t know how much longer I’ll hold out on that…

Belle: What does all this mean?! I don’t know how to run a business!

Zelena: *Gasp!* A Mickey Mouse phone! *Wants!*

Belle: Sorry, that’s on hold until I can actually get customers in here and save up my part of the money in order to buy it...

Zelena: Everyone gets what I’m entitled to have! Go turn around and look at clocks or something…

Belle: *Sighs* everyone ignores me…

Zelena: Don’t test me woman. Just turn your back…

Belle: I don’t have time for games, dusting this place is a full time job in itself!

Zelena: Just turn around! It won’t take like two seconds!

Belle: *Finds nothing suspicious about this*  I guess I can spare two seconds since no one ever comes in to admire my sacrifice anyway…

Zelena: ….* waits*

Belle: Do you…blink?

Zelena: ….

Belle: Oookay…..

Belle: *Is frozen*

Zelena: Idiot, his code is 1234 and he thinks no one will ever figure it out…

Zelena: Wait…Storybrooke needs money?

Zelena: Ooo, specimen…

Zelena: I be robbin’ your store!


  1. Lol, a date to the SW VII premiere.
    That won't be dated yet kind of awesome forever at all...

  2. I love how you made Zelena Regina and Anti-Regina. Also, I feel sorry for Belle.

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