Cricket Games 4

 

Emma: Well, she killed someone, time to throw her in jail!

Charming: We’re just doing this now?!

Snow: And not before…when she had no powers?

Emma: Also, I’m throwing her into the river, hope you guys don’t mind.

Charming: I don’t!

Snow: Just because you have magic that breaks curses all willy nilly doesn’t mean that you go after a powerful sorceress!

Emma: I need to remind you of Cora? And how I totally beat up both her AND Hook?

Charming: Wasn’t that just based on luck?

Emma: What did you say?!
Charming: ….

Snow: ….

Charming: That’s just want your mother told me!

Charming: Also Random!Phil across the street. These things have a habit of getting to me last.

Emma: Well if adrenaline is all I need, then I guess I’m gonna be set for that if I go against her untrained, now won’t I?”

Charming: I’m not completely sold on that working….

Charming: What do you think, honey?

Snow: This is your fight! I’m staying out of it!

Charming: Your mother agrees with me!

 

Regina: Shiny….

Snow: Why do I feel my soul being absorbed?

Frank: Don’t know…either it’s Regina that’s doing it or because you’re standing in front of that creepy creature head…

Regina: Whee!

Snow: Really? She’s doing that?

Frank: Don’t let her fool you; she only started doing that when we took away her foot massager. Apparently she tried to brain eight of us with it.

Snow: That’s mine! I was looking for that!

Frank: Well…mine now.

Snow: Making sure my obvious knife is obvious…

Regina: I’d like to protest about my room. There’s no cable.

Snow: And I’d like to protest about the fact that we’re keeping that tongue in your mouth, but luckily for you I’m merciful today.

Snow: Oh, sorry. Sometimes my Dark Snowness gets ahold of me and I say the thoughts I’m having out loud. Silly me.

Regina: It’s only okay when “I’ do that!

Regina: Can I have a candle holder? This one’s dripping wax all over me!

Snow: I can’t see anything wrong with you…but that might be because these huge drawn on eyebrows and forcing my eyes closed because they’re so big and heavy. Seriously, these things make it look like Hook plucks his…

Snow: Hey, you remember those times that you used to be good and didn’t force me into secrecy and then tried to kill me when it didn’t work out? Man we had a blast!

Regina: Until you blabbed…which is silly because mom would’ve found out anyway.

Regina: Now bring me my dinner. It’s tomato soup day.

Snow: Regina…go and get it yourself.

Regina: Wait…I have to stand in line like everyone else? What kind of sick punishment is that? What’s WRONG with you?

Snow: Well I had to do it when I was living in hiding. You can do it too.

Regina: You monster!

Regina: Waiting in line just like everyone else…don’t you know that I’m a special snowflake and everyone should suffer for my amusement and happiness?

Regina: Can I use your account so I don’t have to pay?

Snow: Pfft. No! You never offered to pay for mine!

Snow: BESTIES!

Regina: What was that filth that just came out of your mouth?

Regina: You know the idea of friendship repels me!

Snow: Okay, really? This is why family reunions are always awkward with us Regina. You’re always talking about who you’re going to kill.

Regina: Oooo, knife! This reminds me of my training with Rumpelstiltskin. He insisted I run back and forth while he threw knives at me. Really sharp ones and they…kinda hurt…

Regina: Hey wait a minute! This looks like one of his!

Snow: I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Regina: It has ‘If found: Please Return to Rumpelstiltskin’ engraved and everything!

Regina: You’re a thief!

*Is stabbed*

Regina: I’m sympathetic!

Snow: Noes!

Snow: Oh forget it. I’m not going to keep up with this anymore. The blade is retractable. You should’ve checked before.

Snow: But now I have indigestion…thanks for that.

Regina: I cannot BELIEVE I was easily duped.

Snow: *Makes ‘raise the roof gesture’* Maybe you should’ve waited to get my trust a bit better…or at least left the palace…

Charming: We used the blindfold to get a hair sample…sort of sucked though because there was hair all over it…Oh well, at least Snow and I will be protected from 50 different criminals…Rumpelstiltskin was pissed that he had to make so many…

Regina: Hey! I don’t like being fooled!

Snow: Well I don’t like being nearly murdered but you don’t seem to respect THOSE boundaries!

Snow: Also you’re banished…and if you get near my family again I’ll kill you or something…so…I owe you like 500 executions!

Regina: *Is mentally whining*

Snow: You should see your face. It looks like this…

Snow: Well that felt good to get out of my system! 

 Regina: Oh look, you’re here to apologize and grovel at my feet.

Emma: Funny, I said the same thing to you when you set up Mary Momgret for murder and then gloated about it…still waiting for that by the way. Or any apology for the terror you’ve caused everyone in this town.

Regina: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you weren’t here to do everything I say…

Emma: Look woman, we saw you murder my new beloved, okay? And while you murdering Graham has been completely forgotten about…murdering Archie just goes TOO FAR

Regina: Aw, you guys aren’t going to tell Henry are you? That would be annoying.

Regina: Hey! You can’t tell Henry or keep him away from me! He won’t like me! How dare you all not believe my story!

Snow: Yeah gee…maybe that’s what happens when you brutally murder your way through people you don’t like!

Regina: Shut up Snow. How dare you have an opinion!  

Regina: *ahem* Don’t poison Henry against me!

Emma: Did you not watch all of season 1? I think you did that plenty good on your own.

Emma: We’re going to have fun together! I’m going to take him kayaking and camping and then…I’m going to give him CANDY!

Regina: You horrible influence!

Emma: Mostly because I want chocolate too and I want Henry distracted so he doesn’t see me looking like this when I bite into a bar…

Regina: He can’t have candy! I don’t like him having things that he could enjoy!

Emma: Yeah, I know. I found that out several times last season.

Regina: How dare you keep bringing up the past that I’m unrepentant for?!

Emma: If you don’t like it then maybe you should stop screaming and threatening every time you don’t get your way!

Blue: EAT NUCLEAR MISSLES

Regina: That throw was PITIFUL! LOUSY arm!

Emma: Hmm. Maybe we should’ve smacked her with that as soon as she opened the door.

Charming: Hold me, Snow! I’m scared!

Regina: Did you think I would fall for that twice.

Charming: Yeah, because you making the same mistakes over and over and over again certainly NEVER happens!

Snow: Ew, glitter!

Regina: How many times do I have to tell you that I’m trying to channnnggeee?

*Throws*

Snow: YAAHHHHHH! *Bodytackles*

Emma: Whoa, Momgret…into the rosebush too!

Snow: Are you okay, Emma?

Emma: That was SO COOL!

Regina: You’re all against me!

Emma: Yep, and you’re under arrest….I honestly can’t believe it took this long…

Regina: Wait, I forgot we had a jail here…but no…I’m above all that, don’t you know?

*Runs off*

Emma: Sweet! We get her place.

Emma: Are you okay, Momgret?

Snow: Still picking thorns out of my backside but making Regina go completely over with me was totally worth it.

Emma: Do you guys realize that Henry’s gonna be gleefully telling us ‘I told you so’ for the next month? I’m not sure I can listen to that!

Charming: Aw, we’ll help you through it. That’s why we’re a family.

Emma: Ugh, gross.

Charming: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that young lady…

Emma: Sorry…due to my neglect and Rumpelstiltskin practically singing it with Henry while we were engaged…left a bad taste in my mouth that I’m still working on getting rid off…

Snow: Oh wait, here comes his bus…and while you’re making his day, Charming and I have some…family ‘discussions’ that we should get to. Alone. Don’t come into the apartment for the next hour…

 

Emma: Guys! Don’t leave me!

Emma: I don’t know what to do and I know you guys don’t know what to do and so we should not know what to do together!

Charming: Ah no, you’re a grown woman and so my job is done!

Emma: You guys! I never thought being a mom would be this hard on my like…second official day of being a mom.

Charming: I was never a mom. You don’t see me complaining.

Charming: Wait, that came out wrong.

Charming: This is an opportunity for learning! We never got to hand you bad news! We missed out on opportunities that now you get to share with your son. And we’ve suffered for it…man have we suffered…so are you ready to be the bearer of bad news on Regina’s side and good news for us?

Emma: I guess….

Henry: I don’t need a crossing guard; I cross wherever I darned well please. My future stepfather owns this land!

Henry: Mom, the crossing guard held that sign over my head as I crossed. I think he might be insulting me. Kill him.

Emma: Not today Henry. I get to tell you how your adopted mother hasn’t changed much.

Henry: Psst, tell me something I don’t know!

Emma: *Is disturbed* Oh Henry….

Regina: How did they not notice me?

Regina: Great, they got to him before I could kidnap him again…

Regina: I can’t believe I Never thought my past could come back to catch up with me!

Henry: Yes! Freedom! No more ‘Henry, you’re crazy’ this and ‘Henry, I’m trying to change’ that! Sweet sweet freedom! Woohoo!

Emma: I know! And your grandma totally tackled her into a rosebush!

*Glomps*

Henry: You’re the best!

Emma: I know!

Regina: Hey you! Hands off my trophy!

Regina: Stupid reflection *Glares*

Henry: *Runs in* Regina? That freaky homeless guy that hangs out every now and again scaled the wall! What should I do?

Rumpelstiltskin: I am NOT a freaky homeless guy! Why does everyone keep assuming that?

Regina: Get off my couch!

Henry: And here we go…I’m just gonna go make a milkshake and avoid this craziness…

Rumpelstiltskin: I’d like to see you MAKE ME get up!

Rumpelstiltskin: No one invited me to the wedding! I even made sure they didn’t bury Snow alive! What the frig? They said I would ruin the spirit and freak people out! What do they know? I rock parties! Me and Maleficent bring the best gifts!

Regina: Well, I wasn’t invited either!

Rumpelstiltskin: We should hug it out!

Regina: No.

Rumpelstiltskin: *Prances over* Or start an Emo band!

Rumpelstiltskin: I can play a mean saxophone!

Regina: Well with this face, I know we could look the part.

Rumpelstiltskin: I can see it now! !RUMPELSTILTSKIN! And Regina too

Rumpelstiltskin: I get headliners because I got fan girls. It pays to have fan girls in this business…

Rumpelstiltskin: Also you don’t mind if Archie hangs out…he’s our bus driver, manager, and costume designer…you may also have to share a bunk with him because I could only afford two.

Regina: EW! I have to share!?

Regina: Only if I get top!

Regina: Why am I even talking about this?! Your ruined my vengeance!

Rumpelstiltskin: You weren’t doing so well, or should I remind you of those arrows that were going to your chest?

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, it’s not like casting a curse that will make you heartless and then transporting everyone to a different land where you can rule over everyone you chose and practically be immortal will solve your dilemma! Not at all!

Rumpelstiltskin: HA! She won’t suspect a thing!

Regina: Hey! Are you manipulating me for an agenda?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Uh…no!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I left the bubble bath running! I should go! *Leaves*  

Henry: Whoo, thank heavens he’s gone…now back to Charades…

Regina: Oh daddy, so silly! I got a wedding of the people that thoroughly beat me and banished me to crash!

*Strut of Never Learning*

Cora: Ugh, are you really doing your nails, you giant woman?

Hook: *Is pouting* Well, you won’t let me go out and play! I didn’t bring anything to do because I thought that looting and murder was going to be on the menu.

Cora: Good news! Regina needs me now!

Hook: Did you see Emma?

Cora: *Is annoyed* No.

Hook: That’s unfortunate…

Hook: So were you watching all this? And if so where?

Cora: You should be well familiar with the knowledge that hiding in bushes and watching the drama is the best place for scoping.

Hook: I prefer standing out in broad daylight and on buildings…oh…a bush followed me around for a week before we m-

Hook: Hey! Have you been doing that stuff on me?!

Cora: Whatever do you mean?! That would imply that I was jealous and I’m not! I’ve always been most supportive in you getting revenge over the death of what’s-her-face. I even brought you a gift.

Hook: Ooo! I Hope its waffles!

Cora: I can’t believe you never saw me bring it in! You were sitting there the whole time!

Hook: The swan and I did battle. I was nursing my wounds…with a lot of rum…

Hook: Hey Cora, did I ever tell you about the time that I used to live down here? Once the ship rocked and I was asleep and rolled out of my bunk, through the hold and I landed in the lobsters we were going to have that night? That’s probably why I got promoted to Captain…because now that I think of it, that seemed to happen a lot…

Hook: Is that-?

Cora: Indeed.

Hook: Could it be?

Cora: Obviously!

Cora: Rumpelstiltskin’s friend…

Hook: Eh

Cora: and Emma’s new lover…

Hook: *Hates him*

Cora: *Is pleased at Hook’s rival* Anyway, he’ll tell us everything!

Jiminy: You’ll regret messing with me! I know kung Fu!

Hook: Wait, who did you kill?

Cora: Oh, his wallet said his name was Random Nobody when I looked. No one will miss him!

Hook: Well…he doesn’t look dangerous…I sort of want to hug him...

*Is muttering incomprehensibly.

Hook: Hey! Watch your mouth! There’s a lady here!

Cora: My sweet baboo defended my honor! *squees!*

Cora: We better watch him carefully…he looks like a slippery one.

Hook: Oh, I will….

Jiminy: Why are you looking at me like that?! I need an adult!

The End.

It would be easier to buy that Regina was changing if she actually tried instead of them talking about it all the time.

Or actually remembered that she has murdered and attempted to murder them in the past AFTER coming to Storybrooke.  

No new episode next week as the show is on break and am happy with the distance between episodes in the series and the show.