Once Upon A Time: Abridged: Cricket Games Part 2

Jiminy: Very funny you guys! Give me back my pants!

Charming: Oh, there’s my magnifying glass! I’ve been looking for that!

Charming: Ew. And there’s a bug. Gross.

*Are meditating*

Grumpy: W00t! Execution time!

Grumpy: I have to admit, I haven’t seen a gold old fashioned witch killing since Jefferson and I went to hang out in Oz that one day and that one thing happened while we were robbing some castle….

Granny: Well there’s an idea, we can throw water on her to see if she melts…and if that doesn’t work well…I guess the old boring methods will have to work. I have the stuff collected when Peter started dating Red…

Granny: Oh, those were the days.

Red: Like…that’s totally not cool!

Red: That magic-b-gone is temporary, right? So…eventually someone’s gonna run out or forget to give it to her and she’s going to kill us…or think of an extremely complicated plan to make us miserable…

Charming: Does this armor make me look fat?

Charming: I…I have to know…

Snow: *Is checking out*

Charming: I…broke my diet yesterday…

Charming: My fake daddy said that James had better girlfriends…and so I splurged on the chocolate ice cream…

Charming: Can you all…ever forgive me for not sharing?

Red: I’m out.

Group: Us too…

Blue: I never liked you anyway…

Charming: *Sniffles*

Snow: So I guess…death by firing squad then?

Charming: Sorry…what?

Corgina: Friggin Horseless Carriage. I can’t believe they keep trying to run me over. Well, I guess it’s just me…all alone…stomping on the street. Hope someone notices that I’m coming in here so they have a story…

Corgina: Oh no…that random person is looking at me from across the street! I hope she doesn’t interfere knowing that its CLOSING TIME!

Red: Freak. Luckily since I got married and got my bestie back, I don’t have to worry about that.

Jefferson: That’s right honey, now let’s go moon bathing and marvel at how neither one of us is covered in fur tonight.

Red: I’m in!

Jiminy: Shut up Pongo! Maroon pants will TOO catch on!

*Eyes of Disapproval*

Corgina: DIE!

Jiminy: Um…no? Also these late night attempts to seduce me for my wild body have to stop. I’m seeing someone now.

Corgina: Curses, that usually works…wait…what are you doing to my daughter?

Pongo: This isn’t her! She’d NEVER wear boots with that low of a heel!

Jiminy: Shut up, Pongo. I thought I taught you not to bark at Regina when she comes in here aggressively! That’s just her way!

Jiminy: Oh, that’s where Rumpelstiltskin hid my diary. Hey Regina, want to know something funny? When it’s awkward between me and Rumpelstiltskin, he likes to take my diary and hide it…I Think he might read it too…which would be awkward if he repeats some of the poems I wrote to Emma out loud come bowling night…do you think I should confront him?

Jiminy: Geez, Regina. Personal space. Are you taking people lessons from Jefferson again?

Pongo: I didn’t even need to be enchanted! I’m just going to sit you and watch you get murdered anyway!

Corgina: I’m evil by the way!

Jiminy: Regina, this is doing nothing to help your therapy. Stop this now!

Corgina: AUGH! TEAR GAS!

Jiminy: That’s what happens when you try to kill me!

Corgina: How does she walk in these heels?

Cora: Good thing this town doesn’t believe in security cameras.

Red: I love it when the husband’s idea of moon tanning is a picnic in the woods followed by naked naughty calorie workouts….

Henry: I’m just saying that Mr. Gold took good care of me while you were gone and you should thank him by giving him another chance.

Emma: He sort of talked Regina into helping him create a death portal and he calls me Belle when he calls me in tears at 3 in the morning….I’m not sure we’re ready to get back on that saddle yet.

Henry: Oooo, so there’s still a chance?

Emma: Oh Henry…I can’t tell if that vomit in my mouth was what you just said or my body reacting to eating fries in the morning….

Emma: And now the taste is in my mouth….minty for some reason...

Emma: Oh wait…I’m dating someone else that’s far younger than Rumpelstiltskin and twice as mature! Now don’t you want Archie to be happy?

Henry: Belle can have him! I want me to be happy and you’re happy if I’m happy and Gold’s really happy so it all works out!

Emma: You’ve….really thought this through haven’t you?

Henry: I guess Archie would be okay though….if you date him then it means double dating with Mr. Gold and you’ll see him all the time anyway.

Emma: I…didn’t think about that.

Pongo: FREEDOMMMM! How did I get through all the doors!?

Henry: A dog just ran up to me! I always wanted a puppy! D-

Red: Dibsonthestray!

Emma: I can’t believe Red just picked up Henry and threw him….

Red: Maybe getting her a puppy will be what inspires Grace to like me as an actual person…

Henry: Woman…you’ve crossed me for the last time…

Emma: Henry, hold back on your evilness now that I’m back in town. IF you kill anyone, I WILL ground you….

Emma: And he gets away…

Red: Red Robyn needs a sidekick! His name will be Tolerable Robin!

Red: Bad Tolerable Robin! Come back!

Emma: I think his name is P- *Smashes into side of school bus driving by*

Henry: Hi mom!

Red: Of all days not to bring my superhero hoodie!

Emma: Oh great, Jiminy and Gold are probably partying now that they both have girlfriends and are passed out again…

Emma: Archie! Sweetie! Please tell me that you’ve been seeing so many traumatized people that you’re just finally taking a nap?

Red: Ugh! A dead body! And not because of something I accidently ended up causing for once? Excuse me…I’m gonna be sick….

*Is dead*

Emma: Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

Red: Geez Emma, you’re bad luck!

Regina: Stupid ‘Under New Management Parade’. *glares*

Regina: Most disorganized Conga Line ever.

Henry: Why am I not in prison for conspiring with you too?

Regina: Daddy, it’s horrible here! They took my dragon scale headpiece and black crown combination!

Henry: Oh thank God. I was worried about having to stare at that thing and be distracted while asking you to apologize…

Regina: Yeah about that… I really don’t want to….

Henry: *Facebars* Woman, you’re going to DIE.

Regina: I know. It sucks….

Regina: Smile dad, at least I’m giving the castle to you…

Henry: I’m not sure I was ever in control in my adulthood long enough to dominate something…

Regina: I didn’t say you were RULING. My ghost is doing that! I just said that you can have the castle…

Henry: Sweet! Castles are great for impressing women!

Regina: ….. Dad, that’s gross.

Regina: How tacky. Now I know what it feels like for Mary Margaret when I set her up for murder.

Emma: ….

Charming: Um…this is embarrassing Emma but I think we locked ourselves in.

Regina: Oh good, the service staff. I’d like some waffles.

Snow: Of all days to bring my class on a field trip to the police station, it happens to be on a day where a beloved fairy tale character has been murdered! Now they’re all crying!

Charming: I certainly hope Snow is checking me out…

Regina: So…which of my multiple crimes am I being questioned about today?

Charming: *Is trying to be dashing* Graham’s brutal murder…oh wait, we’re supposed to forget about him. You’re here for Jiminy. Jiminy’s death.

Regina: No!

Regina: NO!

Charming: Typical.

Regina: I don’t know a Jiminy!

Charming: My torso!

Emma: This is just so awful that I have to sit down.

Regina: Look, normally I totally brag about all the lives I’ve destroyed but I’m innocent of this one

Charming: *Massive eyeroll* Right Regina, we got an anonymous call from Red Robyn who said you were trying to throw Archie over the dock!

Regina: Curse that Red Robyn…she sees too much.

Snow: Why am I even here?

Charming: I will stare you down until I get the answers I seek…

Regina: Well, “I” don’t have to return it!

Charming: You…you kinda do…that’s the point of a stare down….

Snow: Wait, that’s Regina’s dad over there isn’t it? Wha-? Who invited him?!

Charming: I wanted your seat….

Regina: How dare you put a stake in the middle of the courtyard…WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION FIRST!

Charming: How are those nightmares you’re still suffering from, Snow?

Snow: Completely horrifying…

Rumpelstiltskin: Stupid Corey….didn’t reserve my seat….

Charming: Wait… Who forgot the kindling?

Jiminy: I’m Jiminy Cricket the conscience.

Regina: Where are your pants?

Jiminy: I’m still trying to figure that out too….

Crowd: …..

Henry: That’s my little wallflower…

Regina: ….

Regina: Oh wait; did you all want me to say something?

Snow: Typical.

Regina: Can you guys give me a better death garb? I mean I wouldn’t mind something leather….at least…can I have my weird black feathery cloak thing?

Rumpelstiltskin: Geez, is she still talking?

Snow: Zzzzz

Regina: Also I’m not sorry for any of the chaos that I’ve caused and I wish I could do more of making you suffer because of something a 12 year old did and I hope she remembers this day!