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Monday, January 27, 2014

Ariel Part 1

Snow: Mmm, this leaf is good!

Murphy: Hey you! You can’t be eating the leaves to the royal garden!

Snow: Oh, this is ridiculous! I feel like I’m running for two!

Snow: *Baseball slides*

Murphy: She enacted her baseball slide! We can’t top that!

Snow: Eek! Long way down!

Snow: Great! And I think I see a cannibalistic mermaid down there smirking at me…

Snow: Hey guys, can we call it a day? I mean, this is fun and all but our Tom and Jerry status is starting to get old.

Billy: The queen wants you dead and you dead she shall have!
Murphy: Oh really, Billy? That’s the line we’re leaving off with?

Snow: Billy, you won’t last long in Regina’s forces…

Snow: Eehhhhh! Hide my face!

Murphy: Oop! There she goes!
Billy: I’m not jumping in after her, this armor shrinks!
Murphy: Well, guess we can call it a day. She’s probably dead…Regina totally won’t ask for her body or anything…how high up do you have to be before hitting water is like hitting concrete?

*Is not doing so well*

Ariel: Wake up, you! *Is trying to slap awake*

Snow: Stop punching me in my kidneys! That’s not where my lungs are!

Snow: Oh, I’m not going to enjoy drying out in the 40 degree weather!

Ariel: How do you think I feel? Having to come up to save your backside when I could’ve just been looting your corpse! Darn my morals!


 Ariel: YEP! I’m a mermaid!

Snow: Oh…well…that’s nice for you.

Ariel: The rest of my kind would’ve picked the meat off your bones so fast you wouldn’t have known what hit you! But I guess I’m the good kind…maybe…

Snow: ….

Snow: *Is paddling away*

Emma: For the last time, it’s NOT my turn to start the fire. I did that last night.

Regina: It’s time you start it with MAGIC!

Emma: You know, I sort of need space. You circling around me, screeching probably isn’t going to help matters.

Regina: Pan won’t give you space, have you seen how weird he is?

Charming: I’m beginning to think that the only reason Rumpelstiltskin was separated from us in the premiere was so Regina wouldn’t look like totally dead weight.
Snow: I’m starting to see that…

Emma: *Is bouncing in place*

Regina: When there’s battle, you’ll need magic, and you won’t have time to concentrate!

Emma: Have you ever played a video game, Regina? You don’t…take someone on Level 1 and throw them into a level ten situation their first try. You back off and let them find a strategy before they enter the fray. You’re not helping, you’re just wasting time!

Regina: I want my fire started with your hate!
Emma: Yeah, because using hate has done SUCH wonders for you.

Regina: well FINE! Use your tacky love! I’m done.
Emma: Maybe I will!

Regina: Oh hey Emma, the fire started.

Emma: I know! I’m that good! I thought about my love for my red leather jacket and it worked.

Regina: But its way smokier and far less flames than mine would be!

Regina: *Is smug*

Emma: Could Regina make good kindling?

Charming: I don’t have the heart to tell them I just threw a match there so they’d stop bickering.
Snow: It’s best they don’t know…

 Emma: *Is stunned* UNLIMITED POWER!

Snow: Okay, maybe we should tell her eventually….

Hook: Could you guys tell Regina we’re out of toilet paper? I would but we sort of broke up.

Charming: WHAT?!
Snow: You broke up?!
Charming: Stay away from my daughter!

Charming: Wait, why are you bending over, you’re not asking if we’d all like to be in a relationship are you
Snow: I’m not sure Captain Snowing is something that’s ever been discussed…

Hook: So I went through my options and I realized the only viable one that won’t come back to bite me was to tell you two that Bae was alive on here. This totally lets me off the…hook and it means that Bae stays where he is because you two don’t do what needs to be done anyway.

Hook: Darn it, I shouldn’t have said that out loud.

Snow: Wait, so you think we should just leave Bae to be tortured by Pan?

Hook: Pretty much. He MIGHT be lying,

Hook: but knowing my luck, he totally isn’t. Don’t tell Emma, okay?

Emma: Hey, what are you guys talking about over there?!

Hook: You’re really not good with secrets, are you?

Snow: Emma! Emma! Emma! Emma!
Hook: *Is shaking* Don’t let Emma know! Her thinking Bae’s dead might be the only way I have a chance!
Charming: Chance at WHAT?!

Snow: Hey, a body was dragged through here, it MUST be Bae!

Charming: With all the people on this island and have been here before, apparently? Snow, this island’s like a friggin’ convention!

Hook: I’m just saying that it could be a trap and we should leave him and I totally don’t suspect that this could actually be Bae at all!

Snow: So…you want us to leave what MIGHT be our only way off the island?

Charming: ….
Hook: ….

Hook: If it means I get your daughter, yeah!

Snow: *Glares*

Hook: Don’t judge me! I think I’m a catch!

Snow: Oh…I don’t…

Snow: If my kid’s going to date anyone, I was sort of hoping it’d be the guy that changes clothes…

Snow: Okay, so I think I’m good now.

Ariel: I’ve never seen anyone cough up three gallons of water before…

Snow: I’ve never ridden on the back of a mermaid to safety before….probably don’t plan on repeating the experience either….

Ariel: I hope she doesn’t notice that I stole the laces to her boots while she was on my back…

Snow: Anyways, how’s your love life?

Ariel: Oh, it’s great, I totally fell in love with this human guy Eric from a shipwreck and he’s so charismatic that I’m making plans to see him again!

Ariel: *Beams*

Snow: Oh…yeah….um…that’s Eric….

Snow: From the south Kingdom?

Ariel: *Is trying to figure out her mental compass*

Ariel: I think so!

Snow: Wow, I didn’t think anyone could be as bland as that stable boy I caught my stepmom making out with that one time, but Eric totally might top him!

Ariel: Well maybe I can change him!

Snow: Don’t count on that. If he doesn’t have chemistry with me, he probably won’t have chemistry with you….

Ariel: I think you have the wrong Eric in mind. Here, I have his Driver’s license in here somewhere…

Ariel: Oh crap, I dropped everything!

Ariel: Ah, here he is now!
Snow: Is that the stuff from my pockets?!

Snow: Yep, that’s his royal boringness.

Ariel: Okay, now I’m just convinced you’re doing this to troll me! I’m going to that ball that he’s apparently going to have!

Snow: Dressed like that?!

Snow: What sort of sorcery is THAT?!

Ariel: I can walk!


Ariel: Ow! Ugh! Rocks! Ow!

Ariel: HI!

Snow: How do you even know how to walk?!

Ariel: Apparently once a year, we get legs! Walking is a snap, I don’t know why you humans have such a hard time, but the birthday bash Eric is throwing is taking place on the one day the sea goddess Ursula lets us have legs!

Snow: My, that’s so coincidental that it could be almost convenient!


Snow: You’re part of some world but it’s not reality….

Ariel: What?!

Snow: Have you even considered what’ll happen if you two hit it off and then you have to return to water before the sun sets on the third day? Or…first day apparently

Ariel: Maybe he’ll kiss me and I’ll stay human!

Snow: True love’s kiss breaks curses! It doesn’t transform entire species to another one!

Snow: I’m all for crashing a party, but you really haven’t thought this through…

Ariel: Oh crap, we’re screwed and I have no way to fix it!

Snow: *Trollface*

Charming: We’re not telling Emma that the father of her son has possibly come to save him too and that’s final!

Emma: Hey! When you’re whispery with Hook of all people, I get nervous, what’s going on?!


 Charming: ….
Hook: ….
Snow: What? “I” never promised anything!

Emma: …..

Emma: Wait, how do we know this?

Hook: From possible credible sources. I wanted to tell you but your father told me to shut up!

Emma: We all do, Hook.

Rumpelstiltskin:  Hmmm, that’s right…

Pan: Playing weird naughty games with Fake Belle still?

Rumpelstiltskin:  Eeek!

Pan: Hey! Hey! Hey! Want to leave the island yet?

Rumpelstiltskin:  Not lately, why?

Pan: Because if you don’t, then I’ll have to whip out my most formidable weapon yet!

Pan: Breakfast!

Pan: *Hums the McDonald’s theme* I’m lovin’ it!

Rumpelstiltskin:  Ewww, McDonalds! Well, still better than Belle’s cooking…

Pan: Mmm, Belle…looking pretty fertile.

Rumpelstiltskin:  Yeahhhh, so how do you know that?

Pan: I have fertility vision!

Rumpelstiltskin:  I’m not sure I realized I didn’t want an answer when I asked that…

Pan: Breakfast time!
Rumpelstiltskin:  *Kicks dirt on it*

Pan: Pfft, I’ll eat it anyway.

Rumpelstiltskin:  Probably would still taste better than Belle’s cooking…

Pan: You’re really rude, you know that. With all the trouble we went through to get this made? Felix had to learn to read a recipe and everything.

Felix: I can’t believe you’re making me cook this too…

Pan: Oh cheer up; it’s for the son I hate…

Felix: *Is jealous* Why does your loathed son get breakfast and you never forced anyone to make me breakfast any century I’ve been here?!

Rumpelstiltskin:  I hate Felix’s cooking!

Pan: Now that I’ve found a bug he hid in here, so do I….

Pan: *Is struggling to swallow*

Rumpelstiltskin:  *Is waiting to see if he actually swallowed it*

Pan: Oh crap, I hope that wasn’t poisonous….

Pan: Anyway, before I go have my stomach pumped, leave Neverland.

Rumpelstiltskin:  No! I like the beaches!

Pan: We don’t have legal aged women here!

Rumpelstiltskin:  I said BEACHES!

Pan: ……. HAHAHAHA! Your son hates you!

*Runs away*

Rumpelstiltskin*Starts crying*

Regina: Nawww, we should focus on finding Henry!

Snow: Do you have selected hearing, or do you just not listen at all? Tink’s not going to help us if we don’t have a way off the island and Bae is our best bet since Hook’s useless in that area…

Regina: No! We should just run in and get Henry and figure out the Bae thing later! I’m sure that will go great!

Charming: This is why we don’t let you plan anything anymore!
Regina: Emmmmmaaaa, they’re being mean to me!

Emma: I’ve had nothing but Hook hitting on me for the past five days, we’re going to save Bae.

Regina: And here I thought you loved Henry! Well, you’d listen to me if you loved him!

Regina: I’m going to go hang out with Rumpelstiltskin. Maybe he’s doing something productive!

Emma: Bye Regina!

Regina: I mean it! I’ll go! And you’ll be sorry!

Emma: Not really, the only thing you’ve done is cause trouble, enable your own addictive habits, and shoot down plans that don’t suit your rash thinking. You’re Rumple’s problem now.

Regina: I didn’t want to hang out with the cool kids anyway!

Emma: Well, if it was that easy, I’d have done that five days ago…

Snow: Finally, we can go find you a man I approve of.

Emma: Moooooom!

Snow: What?! At least BAE doesn’t call me a slag!


  1. God, you're really putting everything into it, aren't you? I haven't laughed this hard yet!
    You write Rumple and Pan hilariously. And poor Rump, having to deal with Regina.
    How dare you finish this awesome series... WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION FIRST?!?!

  2. Omg ;DDDDDD
    I haven't laughed so hard since I saw this video:

    Awesome job! ;DD