Killian: How about this look for the ladies? Exciting right?
Liam: Killian, you’re never going to get girls in that uniform…or out of it.
Killian: Dang it Liam, you know I can’t read maps! That’s why I keep putting in for a GPS system!
Liam: Friggin’ Killian, we’re going out of this world! That was to show you that we’re not headed to any world you know about!
Killian: ….Do you know what happens to sailors that drink?
Liam: Can’t have FIVE MINUTES without something happening. Killian, what did you do?
Killian: How was I to know that the woman slapping me last night was the mayor’s daughter?!
Killian: I still remember the blows!
Liam: *Kicks in the backside* Why don’t we leave you?!
Liam: Drop the new sail!
*Are hard at work*
Killian: Is that-….
Killian: That’s the blanket that mom made me!
Liam: *Is lying* No! Shut up! It’s the Pegasus sail!
Hook: Pegasus has a big butt wingspan then…
Killian: Wait…Pegasus is that one horse that can…
Killian: AUGH! OH! OH MY GOD! WE’RE NOT EQUIPPED FOR THIS!
Captain of Other Ship: Oh wow, this is why soldiers don’t get drunk.
Killian: *Is keeping a death grip on the rail* I just remembered that I hate heights.
Liam: Just don’t fall over, from this distance you’ll probably splat on the water like it was concrete.
Killian: *Didn’t want to know that* Oh….g-good to know.
Killian: Being hoisted by one itty bitty sail, it’s so nice that the crew is totally on board with this.
Liam: Oh, they’re on board with anything apparently.
Liam: Here goofy face, it’s yours.
Killian: He used our old nickname!
Liam: Just like dad used to!
Killian: *Is full of hope* I’m going to be captain one day too!
Liam: IT’s nice to have delusions.
Emma: We gotta split up? Serious? Didn’t you watch any horror movies when you were over in our land, that’s a bad idea!
Hook: Living with Cora WAS a horror movie, do you know what sort of roomie she was?
Regina: Did she share at you while talking about plans she had for you while you slept? Because I sympathize with that one a lot.
Emma: What is with the people I choose to hang around?
Hook: We have to go for a super-secret mission to retrieve a sextant.
Emma: You just want to say ‘sextant’ a lot, don’t you?
Hook: I look forward to the reward you’ll give me when we get back.
Charming: What’s going on over there?!
Hook: Well, I’m off! Smooches!
Snow: Don’t put the rope around yourself like that; you’ll probably end up falling over and strangling yourself or something.
Emma: Dadvid? What do you have to say about all this?
Snow: *Is giving ‘the eye’* Charming….
Charming: I’m not headed up there as a death wish that can only end badly for me!
Snow: Oh, okay then!
Regina: That’s very specific….
Snow: But if Hook comes back without you ore Regina smarts off…mmmimpressive noose here.
Regina: *Is Awkward*
Charming: So…*Is awkward*
Charming: Stay away from the pirate and Rumpelstiltskin.
Emma: You can’t tell me what to do!
Charming: Yes I can! I’m your father and what I say before heading to a final mission goes!
Charming: And why are you defending the right to hang out with Pirates and Dark Ones anyway?
Charming: Oh teenage rebellion…just like me when everyone told me not to marry your mother.
Charming: GLOMP ATTACK!
Emma: Too much information processing. Going into overload! Abort! Abort!
Emma: No wait, this is pretty nice…
Charming: *Still has no idea what he’s doing and scratches the back of her head* There’s a good girl.
Regina: If this was all it took to get them separated, I’d have done it years ago.
Charming: GLOMP ATTACK!
Snow: Oh, this is pretty nice….
Charming: La la la *Sniffles*
Snow: I have complete faith that you will come up happy, healthy, and unharmed and unbound to anyone or anything that isn’t me…
Snow: Or you better not!
Charming: I’m beginning to see why people were so freaked out by Mary Margaret…
Charming: And I find it hot.
Regina: I hope he keeps his lips to himself around me…
*Are nuzzling noses*
Snow: He’s so dreamy when he’s sweaty and delusional!
Charming: Ugh, I just realized my last moments will be spent with Hook!
Pumba: Hakunnah Matata, what could ever go wrong?
Emma: Shoot the net!
Regina: Shoot his face!
*Has a net dropped on him*
Devin: Crap! *Yanks net off and runs*
Snow: I knew that if we just randomly set a net somewhere then EVENUTALLY a Lost Boy would walk under it!
Emma: Momgret! Stop shooting at him!
Snow: Die! Die! Die!
Devin: This is a horrible day; it doesn’t feel like Friday at all!
Emma: It’s Friday?
Emma: Today is payday back home…
Regina: Hello lonely child, would you like to betray your evil sadistic overlord who still has all the power on this island?
Regina: I’ll give you chocolate!
Devin: Are you serious?
Regina: Look, I don’t even let my own kid have these, so count your little blessings.
Emma: Or you can just ignore her like we all do and listen to me when I tell you that we can get you home!
Devin: You do realize that my home is probably gone and my family dead, right? So really, you’re not offering me anything that I believe you can fulfill!
Emma: Pan is horrible, you should betray him even though he has ears everywhere, look what he did to your face!
Devin: What makes you so certain that Pan or anyone else cut my face? I could’ve just fallen for all you know!
Regina: Look, he’s taking it; I knew this would be a cinch! Ready to be Henry’s mother now!
Devin: It’s got peanuts! *Tosses*
Devin: Henry did this to my beautiful mug.
Emma: I automatically believe you!
Emma: Though I have no idea why…
Regina: He mutilated his first boy and I wasn’t there to see and cheer him on to do worse! Friggin’ Pan stealing my kid before I could!
Hook: Darn it, Charming. Keep up!
Charming: My energy is dropping!
Hook: Not me! I chugged five energy drinks on the way here!
Charming: Rum in your never ending flasks don’t count as ‘energy drinks’
Hook: I WAS going to offer you some but not now.
Charming: Seriously, where are you getting that stuff?
Hook: I don’t want to tell.
Charming: Tangled! Help! I’m tangled!
Charming: Uh *Raises hand* I have a question.
Hook: Okay fine! We’re surrounded by Rum trees! Just shove a knife in and you get rum! That’s why I’ve been sucking on trees when you caught me those two times!
Charming: Actually, I was going to ask that you pull me up the mountain seeing as how my death is suddenly coming on me like a ton of bricks.
Charming: So are you going to help me or not?
Hook: I was going to ask that you pull ME up. Because I have to save energy for the way and back. You get the privilege of a one way trip.
Charming: Oh, you won’t have to because when we reach the top and you get the sextant, I’m going to push you off!
Charming: Do you even feel bad that you spend most of season 2 working with people who wanted us dead and didn’t care that Emma and others were collateral damage?
Hook: But…I’m here now and stuff!
Charming: So that’s a ‘no’ then.
Hook: Look, just forget about all the horrible things I’ve done, okay? The writers are!
*Is trying not to faint at the height of that thing*
Hook: I hate heights too!
Charming: I don’t! Let’s get going!
Hook: Won’t the climb exert you, make your heart beat faster and spread the poison to your system more rapidly?
Charming: Isn’t that why you brought me?
Hook: Little bit!
Killian: So…why are we here again?
Liam: We’re looking for something called Dreamshade! It was amazing healing properties.
Killian: That’s not what our wiki said one day when I was randomly browsing it.
Killian: Oh man, I could build my vacation house here!
Liam: Don’t be silly Killian, we don’t get paid enough afford a vacation house.
Liam: Killian, just go looking for this plant okay? I’ll stay on the beach and provide morale for the crew that we left on the ship for some odd reason.
Killian: That’s the only reason you brought me?!
Liam: Well yeah, it’s not for your gritty focus on getting things done no matter the cost.
Pan: Hey guys! What’s up?
Killian: Aw! Look, he’s a little adorable boy!
Liam: Tell us where the dreamshade is, punk!
Pan: You two are wearing white pants to the beach, isn’t that a fashion faux paus?
Liam: *Is looking* Whatever it is that we worship! I’m covered in sand! This will take forever to wash out!
Pan: Yep, just me here allllll alone!
Killian: But you’re not a threat?
Pan: I’m like fifteen! How threatening could I possibly be?
Pan: But that Dreamshade stuff will kill you, guys. Might want to rethink this strategy?
Killian: Aw, he’s cute Liam. Can’t we take him with us?
Liam: No! He looks shady!
Liam: And so he must know where the Dreamshade is!
Pan: Aw! They colored it and everything. Also how does anyone know this exists? Do they see it in their dreams?
Liam: I don’t know, the less I question it, the less I have to be here
Killian: Liam gets grumpy when he’s on the beach with no ladies!
Pan: Well, just go walking in the forest, you’re sure to find some or something.
Killian: *Is enthusiastic* Okay!
Liam: I don’t trust him…he has evil eyebrows…
Pan: *Is singing ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends?’*
Killian: Maybe our King is a liar!
Liam: Nonsense! This kid is looking at us like he wants to keep us captive here! And he’s British, so you KNOW how they are!
Killian: I don’t know what you’re talking about! He’s not creepy in the least.
Pan: *Happy sigh*
Killian: Okay, maybe a little.
Liam: We have opted not to listen to you!
Pan: Just like the putzes you are!
Killian: I totally did though, just so you know!
Pan: Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Killian: *Enthusiastic wave* Okay! Nice meeting you!
Liam: KILLIAN! STOP TALKING TO THE NATIVES!
Killian: OKAY CHARMING, YOU READY?!
Charming: I’m ready to catch it!
Killian: Really this might go faster if I just climbed up myself…
Pan: Aren’t those the same clothes you LEFT in?
Hook: Oh hi Pan! *Is awkward* Uh….hey…
Hook: *Is shuffling feet* So, what’s up?
Pan: You’re not helping Charming up that mountain, ARE YOU?!
Hook: No, I’m helping my invisible friend Michelle Rodriguez up here…it’s not my fault Charming wants to climb too.
Charming: HEY HOOK! WHERE DID YA GO?!
Pan: I stopped believing that invisible friend thing 200 years ago!
Hook: GAH! Don’t TELEPORT without warning people!
Hook: Oh Pan, you got fat!
Pan: And you got…erm…hairier?
Pan: Which I didn’t think was possible because I saw that ponytail of shame.
Hook: *Sniffles* It was a fad!
Pan: So, wanna kill Charming for me?
Charming: HOOK! HELP ME UP!
Hook: It’s becoming more and more tempting but if I go back with no Charming to my name, I’ll get shot, stabbed, and magicked probably because I imagine you’ll tip off what I did.
Pan: Remember when you used to work for me?
Hook: Yeah! No…can we have some flashbacks on that?
Pan: Okay how drunk are you?
Hook: I dunwanna talk about it!
Hook: Use your magic Breathalyzer and see *Blows*
Hook: Does that give you a hint?
Pan: Mmm, I like action.
Hook: *Just realized Pan is standing behind him* What?!
Pan: Why do I hear fangirls squealing?
Hook: Why do you think?! Saying thing like that!
Hook: Maybe you should just shut up, how’s that for a hint?
Pan: Look, just kill him and you can have Emma!
Hook: *is whispering* Emma is totally ‘pro-Henry’ now.
Pan: WHAT?! Not abandoning your kid? I don’t…comprehend that!
Pan: Whatever, eventually you’ll get drunk or Charming will start talking and shutting him up will look tempting!
Hook: Your mom looks temp- Where did you go?!
Charming: DUDE, SERIOUSLY?!
Charming: I think I just took three more hours off my life waiting for you!
Hook: *Blubbers* You don’t know what it’s like to be me!
Charming: But I do know what it’s like to have limited time because I’m dying, can we hurry please?
Hook: *Doesn’t like to be told to stop meandering*
Hook: *Is being tempted*