The Tower Part 1

Charming: I’m so lost in this place, I can’t even….

 

Charming: this is the last time I let Regina talk me into playing Hide and Seek …

 

Charming: And then agreeing that she can use magic…

 

Charming: Aw maaaaan, this is the wrong room! The nursery is in the OTHER castle!

 

Charming: OR maybe this is Regina’s room sine she’s a friggin’ baby… *Is imitating* Oh Charming! I don’t like that you make me sleep outside!

 

Charming: I’m soooo confused right now…

 

Charming: Ooo! Mobile!

 

Emma: Daddy!

 

Charming: Emma! You’re too big to fit in the crib!

 

Emma: I’m a little old for the crib…

 

Emma: Dance with me! It’s my first ball!

 

Charming: Emma, we’ve been through this….you’re not here and you’re far too old for me to present you at your first ball without people talking. And I don’t know how to dance…

 

Emma: Hands!

Charming: And I wouldn’t exactly call what you kids do these days as dancing…

 

Emma: TWIRL

Charming: No wait! I wasn’t ready!

 

Emma: Take my hand delicately.

Charming: Arm-wrestling! That I CAN do!

 

*Are Arm-wrestling*

 

Charming: Ha, you think you can beat me! I used to arm-wrestle with grizzly bears!

 

Emma: *Tries to punch so she can win*

 

Charming: *Dodges!*

 

Charming: Correct posture! Stop bending my thumb back!

 

Emma: *Attempted throat judo chop*

 Charming: *Ducks*

 

Emma: Thanks for not keeping me safe, dad!

Charming: Hey, every time I wanted time to ourselves, they cut it!

 

Charming: Oh crap, does making the savior mad summon the weather?

 

*Little pieces fly off and embed in Charming’s face*

 

Charming: Emma, I think I’m the one doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship!

 

Charming: My shoulders have dislocated! Augh, the agony!

 

Emma: Dad, I’ve taken all our life saving s out of the bank and hidden it. And the hiding place is called-

 

Emma: AIIIEEEEEE!

Charming: Your nails are still in my hands!

 

Charming: Why do I eat chili before going to bed? It never works out!

 

Charming: Oh no, is Snow already awake? I’ll bet she’ll think I slept all day!

 

Snow:  Hey honey! Are you sleeping all day?

 

Charming: No? But where are the dwarves? I want my breakfast in bed!

 

Snow: Charming, its noon. Man, you act like governing a bunch of people who are probably at odds with each other now is hard work

 

Charming: Can I use your robe? I’m cold…

 

Snow: Charming! I’m pregnant!

 

Charming: Wait, you didn’t already know that?

 

Snow: What?!

 

Charming: Your baby bump! It’s hardly concealed! I thought everyone knew!

 

Charming: Friggin’ Flying Monkeys man. The supermarket jacked up all the prices of bananas…

 

Hook: They appear out of nowhere just to throw poo at me!

 

Regina: Zelena might steal my favorite color of black!

 

Hook: *siiigh* I thought “I” did that!

 

Regina: Where is Henry anyway?

 

Emma: On the swing set outside or something, I don’t know!

 

Regina: How dare you not keep an eye on him! I’m going to go do vague things!

 

Hook: Snooow, they’re fighting again.

 

Snow: I’m too busy wearing a Shrek colored dress; I refuse to partake in this…

 

Hook: Chick fight, please let there be a chick fight…

 

Regina: You’re just being my brand of parenting.

 

Emma: Erm…no Regina, I’m trying to save everyone. You left Henry alone for all hours of the day for no reason.

 

Regina: *Gasp!* I was the mayor!

 

Emma: Every day was the same, Regina!

 

Hook: So…no girl fright then…

 

Hook: Can I borrow one of your oven mitts? I only need the one…

 

Zelena: Friggin’ Weird bipolar weather…

.

 

Zelena: Hey, take a shower; I need a date to the Star Wars VII premiere…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I am busy making myself a tuxedo of pure gold

 

Zelena: Sounds blinding…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: It’ll be the pimpest suit to ever pimp.

 

Zelena: Won’t it be ]really heavy?

 

Zelena: You are breaking my concentration, Zelena!

 

*Hasn’t quite mastered the concept of twirling her hair*

Zelena: Little old me?!

 

Zelena: Every girl fantasizes about having Rumple in a cage to do their bidding! Now I can say I actually did it.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Ssstrangle…

 

Zelena: For God’s sakes Rumple, I’m going to know what you’re doing if you raise your hands five minutes before you come at my throat!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I was just…gonna…hug you…

 

Zelena: I see my face!

 

Zelena: Not yours though…you want to come in for a dagger selfie with me?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: How about you take your selfie off a bridge?!

 

Zelena: Shaving time!

Rumpelstiltskin: Uh…That’s a really big blade to practice on me with…

 

Rumpelstiltskin:  And your aim really sucks...

 

Zelena: My alcoholic father didn’t complain!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: All your alcoholic father did was complain! That’s part of why you ran out on him!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: And why are you acting like this is news I don’t know?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Have a close-up of our eyes for some reason!

 

Zelena: I think when we invited the cameraman closer; he didn’t take account for personal space…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: You don’t have any shaving cream? What sort of barber are you?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t even have an apron so it doesn’t dirty my immaculate clothing!

 

Zelena: Because I am just THAT good at shaving!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Just get this right on the first take lady; I can’t grow this out every couple of days…

Zelena: I can see up your nose!

 

Zelena: A Kris blade probably isn’t the best shaving razor…

 

Zelena: I don’t want to go back in the house.

 

Zelena: *SNIIIFFFLLLESSS* Ugh, allergies…

 

Zelena: Anyway…about the issues I have that you already know about…

 

Zelena: Oh wait, hold on, your jaw has a weird little grove here…

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is suddenly clean shaven even though there’s no way she got everything* Ow! You cut me!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Best barber my arse…

 

Zelena: I am! It’s your face that’s screwed up!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I seem to remember you showing appreciation for my face!

 

Zelena: I still do, Rumple! That’s 98% of the reason you got brought back!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Double puppy eyes*

 

Zelena: *Is almost swayed* D-don’t do that…

 

Zelena: Puppy eyes, I don’t know how much longer I’ll hold out on that…

 

Belle: What does all this mean?! I don’t know how to run a business!

 

Zelena: *Gasp!* A Mickey Mouse phone! *Wants!*

 

Belle: Sorry, that’s on hold until I can actually get customers in here and save up my part of the money in order to buy it...

 

Zelena: Everyone gets what I’m entitled to have! Go turn around and look at clocks or something…

 

Belle: *Sighs* everyone ignores me…

 

Zelena: Don’t test me woman. Just turn your back…

 

Belle: I don’t have time for games, dusting this place is a full time job in itself!

 

Zelena: Just turn around! It won’t take like two seconds!

 

Belle: *Finds nothing suspicious about this*  I guess I can spare two seconds since no one ever comes in to admire my sacrifice anyway…

 

Zelena: ….* waits*

 

Belle: Do you…blink?

 

Zelena: ….

 

Belle: Oookay…..

 

Belle: *Is frozen*

 

Zelena: Idiot, his code is 1234 and he thinks no one will ever figure it out…

 

Zelena: Wait…Storybrooke needs money?

 

Zelena: Ooo, specimen…

 

Zelena: I be robbin’ your store!