Charming: So…how go the murder feelings?
Snow: Still going strong!
Charming: *Makes note not to leave the toilet seat up anymore*
Snow: You know, I know you’re all ‘wah! Vengeance is wrong!’ but I think you’re just trying to cover so that I feel bad and you get to murder Regina and I miss out on all the fun.
Charming: Wait a minute, I thought YOU wanted vengeance so that I would be creeped out and let you have it and you’d kill Regina and I’d miss out on all the fun!
Snow: No! I really want to kill her!
Charming: Well so do I! I got put in a coma because she tried to kill me AND our daughter!
Baelfire: Alright, I presumably invichalked the back door too! We’re ready for action!
Charming: Yep! One of us should guard Rumpelstiltskin! Just in case they come in through that back door! But what are the chances of that happening?
Cora: They’re gathering in the front, why can’t we just go through the back?
Regina: Curse your antagonist logic.
Regina: So, I guess that whole scene with Emma using her magic and the invisichalk was now rendered pointless then, hm?
Cora: Much like your redemption arc!
Charming: Oh crap, I left our theme tune in the car! I can’t blare it while we kick backside!
Emma: I’m sure we’ll survive.
Rumpelstiltskin: EMMA! I’M HUNGRY!
Snow: Where’s MY sword?
Emma: Regina, it’s time you stopped listening to that ‘stop thinking’ advice Rumpelstiltskin gave you!
Regina: What advice? I’m naturally like this!
Snow: You’ll never take me alive!
Baelfire: Watch everyone; I’m going to take them out with my sweet killer moves!
Cora: BRING IT!
Regina: Wait a minute, who are you?
Charming: *Is waiting*
Baelfire: Okay, here’s the plan-
Charming: LEEERROOOYYYY JJJEENNNNKKIINNNNSSSS
Charming: HaHA! You thought you could send a fireball right at my daughter’s face, but you didn’t. Because “I” am a ninja!
Charming: *Is thrown*
Baelfire: DIE! *Dives for the legs*
Emma: *Realizes Rumpelstiltskin was teaching her useless protection spells when he could’ve been teaching her self-defense*
Baelfire: I ninja kicked the dagger when you weren’t even looking!
Regina: Mother! I chhhhannnngggedddd for you!
Cora: Yeah, but the dagger doesn’t cry!
Regina: *Is thrown*
Rumpelstiltskin: STOP BREAKING MY THINGS!
Baelfire: Whoa, she flew good!
Baelfire: Yeah, because that worked out so well last time!
Emma: Shut up, Neal and help me get a gurney together!
Baelfire: Why couldn’t we just pretend he was here and hide him elsewhere while we fought to keep him safe? It’d be fine, just draw an obviously fake map of where he was.
Cora: Honey…I have to do things like…profess my love to Rumpelstiltskin.
Cora: Yeah, you don’t want to be here for that.
Regina: You might’ve DONE IT with him? I’m pretty sure he spent most of my youth hitting on ME!
Cora: Look, just go check on my heart. That little guttersnipe that you’re always whining about disappeared just as the battle was started and I think she might be seeking it out.
Regina: But you don’t have a heart! What’s all this about Rumpelstiltskin!?
Cora: Well it all started a long time ago when I was shut up in a tower and- we were alone…and Rumpelstiltskin asked if I’d like some wine…and he lit a candle and spread a picnic blanket and then-
Regina: No! I don’t want to hear anymore!
Cora: Never fails to get rid of her.
Cora: How dull, the sweat of the needy made this dress and it doesn’t even have their tear stains.
Rumpelstiltskin: KISS ATTACK!
Cora: You’re quite good at those!
Rumpelstiltskin: Thanks, my eighth wife taught me.
*This is weird*
Cora: You’re what?
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh don’t worry, there are more. Many more.
Rumpelstiltskin: Most don’t last long though. Usually a week. They get annoyed when I cry about my first ten divorces.
Cora: Better than Henry. He cries when everyone forgets he’s in the room.
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh good, it happens to tall people too!
Rumpelstiltskin: I am ready for you to shake your groove thing!
Cora: I’m not sure I can do that in this dress. In fact, I’m also sort of positive that this room was also the room I was supposed to spin straw in. Which would…be just TACKY!
Rumpelstiltskin: You think that’s a sign of Xavier’s bad hosting, once he sent me to the furnace and told me it was a guest room!
Cora: You know what; you’re rocking those pants, let’s run away together.
Rumpelstiltskin: But I can’t give you anything but darkness.
Unicorns: YAY! DARKNESS!
Cora: Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to push me down towards anyway?
Rumpelstiltskin: I never wanted it to be WITH ME!
*Is using her womanly features*
Rumpelstiltskin: No! I must resist!
Rumpelstiltskin: I have an idea! Let’s make babies! (She can’t possibly agree to that!)
Rumpelstiltskin: There’s something wrong with you. Most women I marry aren’t exactly in it for the long haul.
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is excited* So you want to have all my little babies? This has never happened before!
Cora: Sure, if you teach me how to rip out hearts!
Rumpelstiltskin: That’s oddly specific.
Cora: Well you were like…’hey Cora, wanna see me rip out hearts? Oh wait, you’ll have to run away with me first’ and so I’m convinced that you can’t get it done.
Rumpelstiltskin: I can TOO get it done!
Cora: Fine! Then prove it
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is squeeing* She wants to marry me, have mah babiez, and have me show her my magical touch! This is a day or remembering.
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is the happiest he’s been since Nutella was invented*
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh geez Cora, I just got this washed. Don’t put your bride fibers all over it. I got another date tonight!
Cora: Show me how to rip out hearts!
Rumpelstiltskin: I do hope you don’t mean to take the hands on approach!
Cora: KISS ATTACK!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well it’s not fun unless my eighth wife did it!
Snow: I can’t believe when I asked for a map, Rumpelstiltskin laughed and said to look in the most obvious place. I thought Cora might be smarter than that.
Snow: Oh geez, look at all this stuff. Hook must’ve been pissed having to lug this all on land for her.
Charming: Oh floor, you’re the only one that understands me…
Charming: Okay, so I think I played fainted long enough. I can’t believe the bus of nuns passed by and laughed at me! They could’ve helped!
Rumpelstiltskin: Emma! I’m hungry!
Charming: Is everything okay? You guys aren’t fighting to the death are you?
Emma: Would I pick up the phone if we were? Seriously, we COULD’VE been in the middle of hand to hand combat here! And you think I would’ve just stopped to pick up the phone?
Charming: They could be understanding, you never know!
Emma: You couldn’t just go peek through a window!?
Charming: They’re too far!
Rumpelstiltskin: I want a bowl of soup!
Charming: Tell him that’s already been run into the ground!
Emma: That never stopped us before!
Snow: Hey, I could try this one! I recognize it, cause it says “Cora’s Hearts”
Snow: Yes! Good thing there’s only one! And good thing she didn’t bother to hide it. Like…at ALL.
Snow: I mean this is awful convenient. Now I see where Regina gets it.
*If Snow’s heart has a dark spot after this episode, how come Cora’s is bright and shiny?*
Snow: *Slams* OH! THAT’S GROSS!
Snow: Nah, never mind. Hope I’m lighting the right side.
*Rumple’s lighter from Desperate Souls reappearance I believe*
*Possibly. I don’t want to look it up*
Snow: Oh my god, it’s beating!
Xavier: My new threads are in for my fall outfit!
Cora: Hey! This used to be my room earlier today!
Xavier: Key words…used to be. And thanks to my wife leaving me, I can now turn this from her spa and your bedroom to my study. I had hoped to get peace and quiet but abandoned that idea with you clacking around in impractical heels.
Cora: Sorry, I zoned out when you started talking. You have that effect.
Xavier: If you came all the way up here to tell me that you don’t love Henry, then you should know that I don’t either. Mostly because he got all his looks from the better half of my family. Also because he’s marrying you.
Xavier: No! That was to get you to leave! Not to come further in!
Xavier: We have to do something about your nails.
Xavier: And your taste in men. Seriously, you’d give up power and being a queen for that imp that all the women in court are chatting about? I mean…love? Heh, that’s RICH!
Cora: Except he’s technically the most powerful being in the world too, so shouldn’t I just stick with him and get both? Wouldn’t he give me a kingdom if I asked for it?
Xavier: Silence your logic!
Xavier: Seriously, is this what I have to look forward to? You using brains to rule? Because if you do then I’ll have to put you fifth in line to rule. No one uses logic in royal affairs!
Cora: Everything makes so much more sense now.
Xavier: Well Ms. Cora, I think you’re trying to seduce me. And that’s creepy.
Cora: *Is trying a sexy face* Ohh yeaahhhh
Xavier: Well if we were going to role-play, I didn’t think you’d be the Kool-Aide man but…it’s your fantasy.
Cora: I can’t believe he called me that name as I sank my wrist into his chest.
Cora: Sweet new nightlight.