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Thursday, June 6, 2013

219 - Lacey Part 4

Charming: Why don’t all of you have cars of your own?!

Grumpy: Because you’re the only one that’s married and has a job, Charming. Also we get to sit in the back and flirt with ladies. Now buck up and put that pedal to the metal!
Hurley: Dude, you’re so Grouchy!

Grumpy: …..
Hurley: What?

Charming: Hey, you guys make him pay for dinner or something. Snow and I got an inn to spend the night at.
Snow: *Giggles!*

Grumpy: I’m on board with Hurley paying!
Hurley: And…what am I going to use for money?

Charming: I better hurry, so we can get a forest view!

Regina: Happy people! That just irks me!

Regina: I’m just going to go gloat about nothing and spoil their fun right no-

Regina: Oh look!  A quarter!

Regina: Oh never mind, it’s just the CSI Button.
*Why can’t Regina just cloak herself like they did the ship to see what they’re doing?*
*And why couldn’t they do this in the Crocodile when they couldn’t find Belle?*
*Why can’t they do this at any time when they can’t find Henry?*

Regina: Why are there one set of tracks if they’ve been doing this for a while? And why haven’t I noticed until now?

Regina: I hope I remember how to turn that off because I’ll be blinded when the sun comes up….

Regina: I should probably change the shade too. Maybe a red. I LOVE a red highlighter color.


Regina: What a boring little field. Of course they’d want to come and hang out here. And they did it…WIHTOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION FIRST!

*WHY is it that easy to undo what the Blue Fairy does?*

Regina: *GASP!* They lied to me! And I’ve been a paragon of truth with them!

Regina: And what is this? Some sort of drug that no one’s supposed to know abou-

Regina: Oooo, beans! Good! I’m hungry!

Regina: Wait…these aren’t Lima beans…and my own personal torment continues….

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m not sure this is the back of the diner…why is my car here?

Rumpelstiltskin: I hope Jiminy’s date night with Emma isn’t too long; I could use a friend to build a boat with…

Rumpelstiltskin: What the-
Keith: *Is pretending to be a mannequin*
Rumpelstiltskin: So that’s weird….

Keith: Okay I’m sorry…
Rumpelstiltskin: GAH!

Rumpelstiltskin: So…you really didn’t think that even if we WEREN’T together….I might not like you hitting on the woman you wanted me to pimp out to you even though I expressed a specific desire against you?

Keith: Uh….thought didn’t occur to me. No.

Keith: But you know…most days are a blur anymore…

Keith: Bros?

Rumpelstiltskin: …..

Rumpelstiltskin: Has there ever been any point in any of our conversation where I looked like I was ever alright with you?

Rumpelstiltskin: You and your scruff, and your mussed hair and your leather and your accent and your drinking…to this I say…

Rumpelstiltskin: YAWN!

Rumpelstiltskin: Because I was doing all that in season 1 before you were even thought of!
Keith: I’m not going to like this, am I?

Rumpelstiltskin: I got your tongue!

Rumpelstiltskin: You know something? Generally when this happens the FIRST time, one tends to stay away from the person who did it and their associates!

Rumpelstiltskin: Time for your paddlin’!

Belle: So…you’re looking pretty spiffy with that bow…
Rumpelstiltskin: I know! I even changed up my walk just for your benefit!

Rumpelstiltskin: I might even teach you archery one day just so I can stand right behind you and be all creepy…also because that’s the only way to ensure I don’t get shot…

Belle: You know something; you’re alright when you’re not acting like a psychopath! I’m going to bed…

Rumpelstiltskin: She called me ‘alright!’ *Is hers forever*
Belle: *Knows exactly what she’s doing*

Rumpelstiltskin: Wait…come on to my private sanctum so I can impress you.
Belle: EW!

Rumpelstiltskin: Not THAT private sanctum! The other private sanctum! Gosh Belle, such a pervert!

Rumpelstiltskin: This…is where Jiminy and I hang out during our bro nights.

Belle: Look at the size of that big screen! Is that a pizza oven?

Belle: How much of these books are something I’d actually be interested in?

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you’re about to become a BIG expert in all things magic, potion, Animorphs and Choose your Own Adventure.

Rumpelstiltskin: I just hope you don’t start putting that magic knowledge to good use against me…Jiminy tried that once and…let’s just say that I’ll never eat noodles again…

Rumpelstiltskin: But…everything that’s in here you can read…just as long as you’re not in here when Jiminy and I are in here…

Belle: I found your diary!

Rumpelstiltskin: Everything but THAT!

Rumpelstiltskin: You can kiss me now!

Belle: Well, pucker up!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Didn’t really mean it* NO! Cooties! I have a cold!

Belle: One of these days, these lips are going to touch those lips and it’s going to be heaven for one of us, buddy…

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, then I’ll just have to make sure you don’t! Challenge accepted! No wait! I didn’t mean that!

Rumpelstiltskin: This is going great Keith! Your pulp of a head is really helping me with my golf aim!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is jumping on*

Lacey: Hey guys! What’s up?

Lacey: Oh! That’s sick! Is he even alive?

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh…hey Bellacey…what are you doing back here? *Is awkward*

Lacey: So…I was just on a website dedicated to how hot you looked when you were beating people with your cane and I have to say that I approve…

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh well that’s great Cora 2.0 but if Bae or Emma find out then I’m getting sent to the kennel.

Rumpelstiltskin: And then it’d be awkward for all of us because who knew that we were all related?

Lacey: I’ll stand guard if you beat him up some more!

Rumpelstiltskin: Wait…so you ditch me to date this guy and then you want me to beat him up?

Lacey: Yeah he…wasn’t a good kisser...

Rumpelstiltskin: That IS a sentence worth death.

Lacey: Let’s see if you’re up to the task!

Rumpelstiltskin: My other wives have never given me complaints

Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry buddy! I gotta impress my girlfriend!

Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry cane! I hate to hurt you because you’ve been my best friend for years….

Lacey: Oh! Ew! That’s gross! Stop hitting him! Gross! Gross!

Baelfire: Hey Emma! Father/son day went great!

Emma: That’s surprising.

Baelfire: Don’t even start with me. Henry chased me to the point of exhaustion and then he tried to lead me out into traffic and he tripped and knocked himself out.

Baelfire: I could say that I gave him some bourbon….but there are people on the internet that took that joke seriously…

Emma: It’s a good thing that Henry would sleep through a bomb because he’s swinging everywhere.

Baelfire: Rock-a-bye HENNNNRYYYYY

Baelfire: Ugh! I can’t! He’s heavy!

Emma: I’ll put the blanket over him and he can pretend that he’s a dead body. He loves that sort of stuff.

Emma: So…my parents sprung something really weird on me today...

Baelfire: Being a sibling at this age isn’t the weirdest thing to happen Emma. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if I had quite a few siblings running around…

Emma: No! Not THAT kind of weird! That’s ‘eye gouging horrifying

Baelfire: Oh hurry! I’m curious! Tell me! Tell me!

Emma: I’d rather tell August, cause he’s amazing with secrets.

Baelfire: Yeah, he totally kept that 20,000 a secret that we’ve apparently talked about off-screen.

Emma: They talked about going home…and I really don’t want to go home yet because then I’ll never have a backstory episode! It’ll be focused on everyone else!

Baelfire: There are worse things that have happened! Some of us were nearly conscripted in wars that we didn’t want while over there!

Emma: I’m not done ranting, Neal! You get two backstory episodes this season! I get one! And you’re not even a regular yet!

Baelfire: Aw shucks, that’s because I have the next season’s backstory in my pocket!

Emma: Well geez, it’s not like there’s more of my story or my dad’s backstory to explore AT ALL!

Emma: Wait! What do you mean that you have next season’s backstory in your pocket?

Baelfire: Shh! It’s a secret Emma!
Emma: I miss the days when everything was told to me and I just dismissed them…

Greg: Oh ‘street that I nearly died at’ you and I Have some really bad memories…

Greg: What happened to those patrols that made sure no one stepped over the border?

Tamara: Good thing Neal didn’t think to ask if I needed help moving our stuff….AT ALL!

Greg: Tamara! You’re okay!
Tamara: Yes I am!
*Bump stomachs*

Greg: So why couldn’t the package just ride up front with you?
Tamara: I took the head wrapping off and it spouted innuendo and so I shoved it back in his mouth and tossed him in the trailer…

Greg: Yeah, that sounds like him…

Tamara: I didn’t think he could make a muffler sound so dirty…

Tamara: But we’ll be okay now that we have a pirate working for us! Because they’re a trustworthy sort!

Killian: *Is screaming like a girl through the gag*

*Just realized he got kidnapped by Greg and Tamara and this is a new low for him*

The End.

So…is Keith dead? 

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