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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

222 - Straight on Till Morning

*The faceless people that might’ve died because of Snow’s stupid misplaced guilt*

*Yeah…good luck dodging these GIANT TREES, Henry*

Regina: My strength is draining!

Emma: Oh for God’s sakes Regina, you’re walking around just FINE ten minutes from now. Stop being so overdramatic.

Regina: But that’s what I’m all about! Hey, do you guys think I beat Greg in the ‘making it about me’ bet we had going?

Emma: Momgret…Dadvid…I have a confession to make….

Emma: I ate the last ice cream sandwich last week! I blamed it on Dadvid because I know he used to sleepwalk!

Emma: It was really good but not good enough for me to feel okay with doing it!

Charming: Oh sweetie, it’s okay…
Snow: I had DIBS on that!

*Hooray, we have a family development that we’ve been missing practically all season long*

Henry: You’re all crushing me!

Regina: Henry, get over here so I can make a trite speech about how I love you in the middle of me abusing you!

Regina: I’m sorry….that it couldn’t have been me killing everyone and stealing you!

Henry: Yeah, I figured as much.

Regina: And now my actions are going to affect me and I can’t handle it!
Henry: Let go of the failsafe! I want to see what happens!

Emma: Wait a minute, why are we letting Henry hug Regina?

Emma: Oh hey! I have magic! I forgot about that!

Henry: Get off!
Regina: I have to hold on until the plot deems that I let go!

Emma: I can save us!

Regina: What? No! No! You’re not the hero in this! You don’t even have adequate screen time! I am! I have five centrics about me! It’s all about me!

Emma: So…how do I work this magic thing? And how do I know whether or not I’ve set to ‘stun’ or ‘kill’.

Emma: Oh! My hands are cold and need to be warmed up.

*Is magicking*

*Is stopped*
*Yes seriously, that’s all it took*

Rumpelstiltskin: Stupid CGI vinery, it looks more real than it actually is!

Rumpelstiltskin: And I was sort of liking the new look too! Hope someone fixes those potholes from the trees…

Snow: You didn’t have to stage dive on me!
Charming: I slipped and fell!

Regina: Well, time to find another way to kill everyone as soon as I don’t get my way I guess…

Snow: That’s nice…mama needs help up.

Regina: Curses, the Charmings saved my life AGAIN! Now I owe them fourteen times!

Emma: Hey guys, did Henry go looting or something? Cause where is he?

Regina: OH no! That backpack cost a fortune!

Emma: Huh. You know…now that I think of it…bringing him with us to possibly die in a giant cavern while nature was reassuming her hold pretty much wasn’t a good idea

Tamara:  Keep up you two!
Henry: My granddad is the Dark One and my mom is the savior and when they team up…oh…you’re going to regret it in between them kicking your butt during their love story!
Greg: People are watching us….

Greg: Our vague bosses have something vague planned for you.
Henry: You guys just killed my father but that doesn’t seem to disturb me.

Henry: Is this the next step in my evil training?

Greg: Possibly. Surely you’ll surpass us in the evilness that is us!

Henry: Well, that’s not hard…

Greg: Seriously….where is everybody?

Emma: Dad, I don’t think this is time for the family marathon!
Charming: Keep up!
Regina: How do we know where he is?
Snow: God, Regina. You claim to have been brutally tortured and nearly had all your strength drained but you’re jogging with the rest of us just fine…

Charming: We’re going to reach that goal! We’ll be the family who wins this year!
Snow: I hope so! I used to have to do this with Archie and Mr. Gold and we never won!


Regina: Oh no! Not one of the beans I planned to use when I was going to kill everyone and kidnap him!

*Are jumping*

Charming: No Emma! You’ll mess up your jacket!
Regina: I could’ve stopped them, I imagine….
Emma: Why did they do it over the water?

Regina: I don’t accept that there’s no way to get Henry back unless it’s me that’s taking him!

Charming: Well, here’s the thing Regina, this all doesn’t hinge on what you accept.

Rumpelstiltskin: Hiiiiiiii Emma! Belle and I were just taking a walk and we heard Regina whining and wanted to see what it was about.

Emma: They took our son! I mean, your grandson!

Rumpelstiltskin: It’s fine, we’ll just wait for a deus ex machina to show up, have no fear.
Belle: That’s the woman that brainwashed me and held me captive before that! 

Regina: I did something good because my life was on the line too! Now you’re supposed to forget about the horrible things I’ve done that I’ll never be punished for!

Belle: My ‘brainwasher’ senses are tingling even more!


Emma: …..

Emma: F-*Bleep!*

Hook: Hey guys, I was going to betray you and then I heard ‘Hook, I need you’ and I just had to come back!
Emma: I never said anything!

Hook: Your mouth said no but your hidden desires said ‘yes’

*Checks out*

Hook: So…if it’s not too late, I would like to bestow the bean to save all those who are still alive. Not for the failsafe though…that’s still completely stupid.

Emma: Yeah well…good news; we cleaned up Regina’s mess.

Emma:  Bad news; we need to clean up another one.

Hook: You know, I’ve only known her for a few episodes and this is already old.

Hook: I mean, aren’t we supposed to be mourning for Bae? His death hardly impacts more than two people in this episode!

Regina: Because it’s all about me!

Rumpelstiltskin: Thanks for tripping me and then running off so I couldn’t keep up, guys! I’m feeling the family love!

Hook: *Is awkward* Hey Belle

Belle: That’s the guy that shot me and brainwashed me!
 Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, the writers hardly cared about you enough to give you adequate screen time. There’s no way they’ll give you the justice you deserve.

Emma: Well, the whole ‘let’s run away together’ thing sounds rad now that my parents and Regina cost me my son. I’m all in now.

Regina: *Shoves aside* Me first, since that’s who it’s all about.
Snow: We’re coming too!
Emma: This wasn’t a group outing!

Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, you have to stay here.

Belle: Uh…what? No, now that my memory is back, I’m going to be awesome! I beat up Hook! Okay, bad example, everyone does that. I can make sure you’re good.

Rumpelstiltskin: Here’s the thing….Red left the show because they wouldn’t give her a decent arc, so there’s really no one that anyone really cares about to lead to side characters….you have to do that.

Charming: Tick Tock!

Rumpelstiltskin: You have to be the one to rule! And you’ll probably do a better job than the idiots on the boat if you used more than two brain cells.

Charming: I’m right here!

Rumpelstiltskin: Could you NOT listen in to this conversation?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Here…this is my love letter to you. Also it’s my will and a cloaking device for the town.
Charming: It’s awful small….

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is annoyed at the listening in* Charming, no one to hear what your wife said on your honeymoon!

Belle: *Giggles*

Charming: *Sniffles*

Rumpelstiltskin: ANYWAY!

Belle: Listen, I don’t want to be here! I was locked in an asylum for 28 years and then all the horrible things that happened to keep us separated in season 2 happened. I don’t want this to continue playing a part in season 3! We’re not Jin and Sun from Lost, okay? We don’t have to be separated for a number of seasons just to die a little bit after reuniting!

Rumpelstiltskin: I have to save my grandson that I now sort of feel guilty about wanting to kill!

Rumpelstiltskin: Also, Hook is going to be flirting with Emma and I Need to make sure she still remembers her feelings towards me in case I don’t get back.

Belle: *Is not impressed*

Rumpelstiltskin: I have needs!

Belle: *Is still not impressed* 

Rumpelstiltskin: Did I mention I might get to antagonize Hook and Regina?

Belle: Okay! You can go!

Belle: But if Emma comes back with a little Gold baby or babies then I will END you!

Belle: Okay?

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I believe you.

Belle: And if REGINA comes back with a little Gold baby then I will torture you unmercifully before you die!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh GROSS, Belle! Sometimes your crack shipping gets out of hand!

*Another kiss to tide the Rumbelle fans over*

Rumpelstiltskin: Would you say goodbye to Jiminy for me?
Belle: I guess so. Maybe if you don’t come back, I’ll start dating him.

Belle: Bye Rumpel….Hope I don’t screw up this cloaking spell!

Rumpelstiltskin: Mm….watching her leave….

Baelfire: Oh god, my gun wound is like…20 kinds of infected right now!

Baelfire: I’ll build a sandcastle…in a minute.

Philip: *Is shaking* Hey dude, you okay?
Aurora: I’ll give him mouth to mouth!
Philip: NO! Make Mulan do it!
Mulan: Heck no! This mask stays on!

Aurora: Yay! Now Mulan has a man! We can repopulate the Enchanted forest now!

Hook: So about that whole…. ‘Running off with your wife, brutally humiliating you, trying to parent your son, attacking Belle several times and trying to kill you’ thing…
Rumpelstiltskin: shut up, Hook, I’m looking at the balloons!

Hook: I just wanted to say that I wasn’t sorry about any of it.

Regina: Oh, someone I can identify with.

Rumpelstiltskin: Then you can live, I guess.

Hook: Um…thanks?

Rumpelstiltskin: But only because you’re the one who can drive the boat!

Rumpelstiltskin: Alright Emma, you might have to catch me because I don’t like needles unless I’m stabbing other people with them! If summoning the globe is that easy, why couldn’t he just like…summon it when we were home and brought it over with him?

Regina: Where is that?

Regina: I demand you tell me immediately!

Hook: This is already tedious…

Rumpelstiltskin: Try living decades with her.

Hook: I have a new respect for you.

Snow: You have to be nice to her because I feel bad about Cora!

Hook: Pack your tights everyone! We’re going to Neverland!

Baelfire: Just so you guys know…this isn’t the cruise that I was promised!

Baelfire: *Splat* Ow!

Felix: Is this him?
Baelfire: What’s the point of the bag!? I KNEW where we were going!

Merv: Nope! Not him! Couldn’t this have been solved at the boat?

Merv: Wait, I forgot….Felix sucks when it comes to recognizing faces…

Felix: Welcome to Rivendell…..

Felix: Frodo Baggins!
Baelfire: Not THAT nickname!

Hook: Ah, the memories!
Emma: Hook, it was like five minutes ago.
Hook: I can create five minutes worth of memories…all you have to do is just ask…

Rumpelstiltskin: That’s not what all your previous conquests said.
Hook: Shut up, Rumpelstiltskin! They were drunk!
Rumpelstiltskin: They had to have been to consider you!

*Are wrestling*

Hook: Darn it! You made me open the portal!

Regina: Here! I’ll help!
Hook: I can’t believe I’m sailing with literally EVERYONE I HATE!

Charming: Snow! This is no time to dip me!
Snow: Hook’s crazy driving is making me!
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is just standing there* Amateurs.

Rumpelstiltskin: Here…I’ll move the sail a bit…that way the wind blows through my hair! I hope you guys appreciate what I’m doing! This suit costs like 5,000 bucks!

Charming: I’m seasick!
Snow: I’ll hold you overboard honey!

Emma: Hook! Could you maybe put ‘cruise control’ on?

Rumpelstiltskin: This is why I should’ve driven!

Merv: Okay seriously, why can’t the Shadow just take this piece of paper and go house to house?

Felix: Because this paper weighs a tonne!

Merv: Why did we pick you to be leader again?

Felix:  Hold on! I want to see this kid’s face.

Felix: Well, it looks like that Smee guy…...lets go get him!

Hook: Hey, keep that position Emma! That’s how I like it!

Hook: Darn it, Rumpelstiltskin! Stop trying to make that sail hit me!

Emma: Wait! I left the oven on!
Snow: WHAT?!
Rumpelstiltskin: HERE WE GO!

Hook: Which one of you ladies wants to make love to me, first?

Red: They left me?!

Jefferson: They left me too honey…and Emma never ever apologized for the horrible things she said when I drugged and kidnapped her!

Red: I used to be important!

Jefferson: I lot of people used to be important sweetie!

Red: I was supposed to be a regular!

Jefferson: Everyone felt like they were demoted…but it’s not too bad, right?

Jefferson: I mean…you got me out of the deal and I got you and I love you so….it wasn’t all bad, right?

Red: Well…no it wasn’t but I’d still like to have screen time.

Jefferson: We can have our own screen time! In the bedroom! I’ll set up a camera!

Red: *Giggles*

Jefferson: *Giggles*

*Is stripping* 

Red: Oh wait, we can’t….

Red: Belle’s staying over. Someone needs to remember that we’re friends

Jefferson: *Groans* Red, we’re going to have a baby soon! We won’t be able to do certain things that we like doing eventually! We need to indulge while we can now!

Red: Not now honey, wifey’s got a headache.

Jefferson: *Is sad*

Danvers the Home Office Leader:  I’m coming for you, Storybrooke!

The End

Things might be a bit different next year. Considering there are 11 episodes in a row and then they go on break and then 11 more uninterrupted episodes…I think I’m going to abridge during those breaks.

I’m taking a week off then I’ll be working on getting PDFS in order of each episode.

Now here comes a rant on what was wrong with the execution of season 2, mostly revolving around the last half and how I believe it should have gone down. I will start by saying that I don’t care if fans like Regina. I understand that people love to hate her and hate to love her or whatever. I DO have a problem with the sorts of Evil Regal fans who villainize the other characters for not allowing her in their everyday lives or celebrations right after she does something horrible and then looks sad, I have a problem with the fans that white wash everything Regina does or try to hand wave it away. I have a problem with those that seem to think Regina as some poor innocent victim and it's everyone else's fault that she's the way she is. Despite this sudden 'I'm a hero' jazz that makes no sense (I guess the writers want us to feel bad for her because she's insane now). Regina has always known right from wrong. She just never cared. As sad as it is, and I know I should not have let it happen but a lot of the insane Evil Regal fans are most likely the reason I despise Regina as a character.

I don’t have much hope for season 3. The writers don’t seem to realize that they butchered almost every single character to justify the characters still hanging out with Regina. I thought Cricket Games was bad at justifying why Emma was tolerating Regina but it got worse from there. What happened to the Snow White that pulled a sword on her in the Pilot? (You guys do realize that her centric was the last ‘hero’ regular centric of the season and that was episode 15! Lacey was more about Rumpelstiltskin) She’s gone. What happened to Charming who threw a sword at her? He’s gone. What happened to the couple that threatened to kill her if she attacked any of their loved ones? She ordered her guards to kill their infant daughter. She ripped a whole world apart so she could hurt Snow. None of the atrocities she’s done are things that she’s paid for and the deaths of those like Kurt and Graham won’t see justice because God forbid anything bad happen to Regina without part of the fandom going insane. What happened to the Emma that attacked Regina twice in season 1? Gone. Now it’s replaced by a girl that need permission from her parents to get things done  and believes that her past is similar to Regina’s (bull) and she gets a free pass on everything because she was guilted into saving them.

And that’s the main problem. Regina does terrible things, doesn’t suffer for it because the heroes have been written to be spineless now, and so the writers try to make her do something good every now and again and expect us to forget what she’s done before. For a lot of us it doesn’t work that way. Regina had 5 centric episodes this year (We are Both, the Doctor, Cricket Games, the Evil Queen, and Welcome to Storybrooke) and for a majority of them, they tell us EXACTLY why she should pay for the horrific things she’s done and then they shove it down our throats how we should feel sorry for her.

We need way less Regina next year. And they need to find a side to stick her on (but she’ll probably keep flip flopping depending on the plot they need her for). And if she chooses evil then the characters have to deal with her permanently. And if she chooses good then she has to actually do it for herself and ATONE for what she’s done. That doesn’t mean standing aside and not doing evil like she did in episodes 2-9. It means returning the hearts she’s taken, using her magic for good since the writers missed a big opportunity to develop her without the magic, and actually have her feel bad for the things she’s done. Not just doing it for the son she abuses when he doesn’t do something she wants (So…Archie dies and they think she did it and keep Henry away…but they let her near him in the finale when this is the 4th time she tried to kill one of them this season?). Can she have setbacks? Yeah, but I’d love to see the heroes tell her off for it instead of just accepting it because she’s ‘family’. And this last half of the season wasn’t a setback, it was full blown regression. Henry might get hurt because of something Regina did? That was last season’s finale too. Regina’s learned NOTHING. And since it’s only the third season, it looks like it’ll probably continue that way.

And they need to develop the heroes. There were a TON Of family moments they missed out on this season because it was the Regina show. I would’ve liked to see Emma be angry for a bit longer even after Lady of the Lake as that kind of anger doesn’t disappear overnight, I would’ve liked to see Bae and Rumpel scenes. I would’ve LOVED to see the Charming’s and Stiltskin’s try to settle into a weird family unit in episode 17 instead of “Welcome to Storybrooke” Which would’ve worked better as an ensemble piece (I wanted to see why Rumpel thought they were in for a world of problems if he turned back and we barely got a scene with him).

Emma lost over an hour of her screen time, and she’s supposed to be the Savior and the Hero. I wanted to see some more Henry/Emma scenes now that she was his mother. I wanted to see her adjusting to having parents that did love her but her having to understand how her being put in a world to be neglected and abused was her ‘best chance’. I would’ve liked to see more of her trying to separate her importance as a savior and her importance as a person since she doesn’t think too highly of herself.

I would’ve liked Lacey to have been a character instead of Regina’s middle finger towards Rumpelstiltskin and his stumbling block. I think they should’ve had her adopt that Lacey personality as soon as she fell over the border instead of at the hospital as a reason to push her aside. (I would’ve loved for that whole storyline to have not happened at all, but if they had to, then that’s how it should’ve gone.)

I also think that Greg and Tamara should’ve been the ones to kill Cora. That way their threat level was heightened, instead of that one-off Dragon character that they used the taser of doom on. Then we would’ve have had to deal with the Dark Heart storyline that went NOWHERE. And really, if it doesn’t carry over to next season and its climax was Snow’s ‘easy road’ speech, then that’s pitiful.

I just want to see some actual development that doesn’t automatically end or get derailed because Regina is the writer’s favorite character and they want to horn her in on EVERY storyline.

Because with the character assassinations this last half of the season…or last 1/5th plus ‘The Cricket Games’, I imagine it won’t be just Meghan Ory that’s gone by this time next year.

This sounds like I hated the season. I did not. I liked most of the season actually. Far more than what others did. But if they kept Regina on a side and didn’t shove her down our throats so much and actually developed their characters then I would’ve LOVED it. And for the like...two people that are probably still reading this, if I seem harsh it's because I care about the well being of the show. It has great potential and it fell short. It fell short a lot and the more I think about season 2, the more disappointed I feel. I'm not....excited for season 3 like I was for season 2 and that makes me really depressed because I thought taht next to "Person of Interest", it was the best new show of the year last year. And I don't want that feeling gone because the writers want to pander to the villains because they're their favorite characters. 


  1. LOL, I love the epilogue with Jefferson and Red. And Hook's last words... so perfect! But aw, now I have no more abridging to look forward to for half a year at best... ah, well. Can't wait to see what you do with Season 3!

    (Totally 100% agree with your rant, btw.)

  2. You nailed it! Can't wait for the PDFs :)

  3. If they're gonna go with the Deus Ex Regina next season as well, I'm gonna stop watching this show.

  4. Just stumbled across this. The abridgement is so flawless and I agree with your rant 1000%.

  5. Found this as a fanfic rec on TVtropes and loved it. I also agree w/ your rant. By the end of last season I was hate watching the show and I'm anticipating and dreading Sunday's premiere. Also I've heard others mention interviews where actors have mentioned the lack of Charming family time, if they and the fans see it, why don't the writers? Sorry for my mini rant.

  6. I love your blog and I think it's hilarious! I've been following it from the very beginning (when you were on livejournal.com)! But now suddenly I can't see any of the pictures from some of the older posts from the beginning to about February. All it gives is a message that says 'if this is your photo then upgrade,' etc. This was upsetting since I love re-reading your posts, so I went back to the livejournal.com site where some of the older ones still are but I have the same problem there too. Do you know what's happening or if there's a way to fix it? Thanks so much! keep up the awesome work! :)

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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