Smee: Hey, when
did the lost ones steal our lifeboat?
Hook: When we
threw you overboard to go get it.
Smee: You’re
going to have to be more specific Captain, throwing me overboard happens like
every day.
Hook: Seriously?
Every day?
Smee: You’re the
one that orders it!
Hook: I don’t
want to give him up! I always wanted a kid!
Smee: Captain, a
kid is way different than a dog.
Hook: It is not!
You feed it, walk it, and pet it when it doesn’t leave messes on the wrong
parts of the ship and then you hug its neck when it does tricks! I have this
parent thing down, Smee! Just you wait!
Felix: Hey! So I
heard everything you were talking about.
Hook: Get off my
ship! I don’t care if you work for him
Smee: Captain,
you have to put more emphasis on the him for
it to be a mystery.
Hook: Oh sorry.
*Ahem* You work for hiiiimmm
Felix: This guy….
Felix: We’re
looking for a stray kid but we’re also making our rounds for the Monday night
cookout. Got anyone we can sacrifice?
Smee: Captain,
stop looking at me!
Hook: *Is mischievous*
Felix: Hm.
Well…I’m convinced there’s no one here!
Hook: Did you
stick my new favorite son in the hidden hatch?
Smee: What hidden
hat- OH CRAP!
Hook: SMEE!
Felix: You go in
there!
Merv: You go in
there!
Felix: No you!
Merv: You’re the
leader!
Felix: I’m scared
of the dark!
Hook: *Is
enjoying this*
Felix: Could you
not…with your face?
Baelfire: Ninjae!
Ninja….Bae? Um…gonna have to work on this! Once I work out how I got up here…
Felix: I
said…could you NOT with your FACE?
Hook: I’m not doing
anything!
*Pose*
*Pose*
Felix: Do you
know what HE does to those that lie to him? He rips their shadow
from their body.
Hook: Well
that’ll make my sneak attacks easier to conduct.
Hook: Yes!
Felix: RIIIIIPPPPPPPPah
Abridged Colin
O’Donoghue:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Abridged Actor who
plays Felix: Stop! This is a
very important character establishing moment!
Abridged Colin
O’Donoghue: *Is shaking while trying to sustain his giggles*
Felix: *Ahem*
We’re going home!
Felix: I guess you
don’t learn…
Hook: *Is posing*
Zombie Hook!
Felix: If you
find the little drowned rat, send us a text
*Gives card*
Hook: Heh, that
kid might get tortured for his failure!
Hook: Is he gone?
Smee: Wouldn’t it
just be easier to wait till they’re completely off the boat, captain?
Hook: Nonsense
Smee, it’s time to live dangerously.
Smee: I’m pretty
sure that line of thinking is what inevitably lead to you losing your hand.
Baelfire: I’m a
ninja!
Hook: *Is
condescending* Bae, you can’t be a
pirate and a ninja, it’s not possible and even if it was, I’d be the first.
Mr. Clark: Look,
I don’t care if you’re wrapping up various plot threads for the season! I have
a Generic General Store to run!
Happy: Ugh! Why
did we bring you?!
Rumpelstiltskin: You
guys are aware that when it says ‘open’ I don’t really mean for you to come in,
right?
Grumpy: This is a
stick up! We’re robbing you blind, old man!
Mr. Clark: I
don’t know him!
Rumpelstiltskin: I
could just summon that over here if I want to.
Grumpy: You can’t
summon this, now can you?
Rumpelstiltskin: What
is that? The cure stuff from Batman and Robin?
Grumpy: Wha-? No!
No! The writers realized that the needed to make August turning into little Pinocchio
significant somehow so that episode would pay off and so they had the Blue
Fairy secretly making this with no hint at all that that’s what we were doing!
Mr. Clark: That’s
convenient for the finale.
Grumpy: Shut up,
Clark! Or we’re sitting you next to Henry for Thanksgiving.
Mr. Clark: AUGH!
That kid!
Happy: It’s
okay….it’s okay….
Rumpelstiltskin: So…you’re
waking him up to die what will probably be a most painful agonizing death.
Grumpy: He deserves to be awake and conscious like the
rest of us through his brutal agonizing painful death! What makes him so
special?
Rumpelstiltskin: But
I LIKE him as Mr. Clark!
Mr. Clark: I like
me as Mr. Clark too. Can we keep me?
Grumpy: I don’t
like you either way! But I’m the leader and what I say goes and I say that he
should be awake to suffer like the rest of us!
Mr. Clark: I
don’t even know what we’re talking about! I’m not drinking anything!
*Are dragging him out
to force him to drink and be Sneezy*
Rumpelstiltskin: Hmph!
Loving Familial Dwarves!
Rumpelstiltskin: I
don’t like Gatorade, thank you.
Grumpy: It’s for
Belle, you galoot! If there’s anyone that deserves to be awake when dying a
slow painful vague death then it’s her! She’s my friend and no one likes Lacey!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
that’s true.
Grumpy: She
helped me find my true love that we haven’t seen since and ended badly over on
the other side! I owe her!
Rumpelstiltskin: Well,
it is a pretty color…
Grumpy: Oh! I
want to make sure I’m there when they force Mr. Clark to chug!
Lacey: What was
that?
Rumpelstiltskin: Real
convenient that you came in after the conversation was done, Lacey. What, did
you get held up at a red light back there?
Lacey: I passed
out!
Rumpelstiltskin: Silly
human and her inability to hold 3 bottles of liquor!
Lacey: Oh I see,
just because your son died, you think you can ride the pissy train!
Lacey: I didn’t
stick with him to get turned on by him beating guys for this drama!
Greg: If
Storybrooke is going to be destroyed, WHY am I wasting time doing this?! They
know we were stationed here!
*I wish we had a
scene with them in the truck together*
Charming: Friggin’
Hook, messing with all the knobs!
Hook: I wanted to
see what they did!
Charming: I’m
being stealthy! I’m a ninja!
Hook: HEY YOU IN
THERE! WE’RE COMING IN!
Charming: Friggin’
Hook!
Hook: We get
there when we get there!
Hook: But I do
have to tell you that our braking system is a bit faulty. And so if you keep
asking, we’re going to tie you to the anchor and see if the added weight gets hold
of something under there.
Baelfire: I could
probably drive this rig better.
Hook: Oh yeah?
Then have a go!
Baelfire: The
last time you told me that, you tied me to the wheel and turned it a whole
bunch of times!
Hook: Keep
sassing me and I’ll do it again!
Baelfire: AUGH!
MY CHEST! YOU DUG YOUR HOOK INTO IT!
Hook: Now let me
teach you how to drive even though you’re underage.
Hook: Now…one
side’s Port and the other’s Starboard.
Baelfire: Why
can’t you all just say left and right?
Hook: It is
different for us out in the sea!
Hook: And do I
come around asking why you wore a silly red coat over those pajamas? No! I do
not! That’s just the way things are done!
Hook: Now turn
two clicks Starboard.
Hook: N-Bae! I
said STARBOARD! I said STARBOARD!
Hook: There you
go. *Pets* Heh. I got this father
thing down
Baelfire: WHEE!
Hook: Hey
Bae…wanna hear about my daddy issues?
Baelfire: SHH!
I’m driving!
Hook: It’s okay,
I’ll help! Once upon a time-
Baelfire: That
wasn’t an invitation!
Hook: My dad and
I went to join the pirates and I was better at it than he was so he got jealous
and wanted to leave and I was all like ‘wah! Dad, don’t go!” and he was all
like ‘Shut up, Killian, destiny means I don’t have to deal with you anymore’
and then he was gone. It was almost like feeling dropped down a vortex by a
coward father….
Hook: But I
wouldn’t know anything about that!
Baelfire: *SOBS*
Baelfire: I do!
Hook: Oh really?
What a Coinkidink
Baelfire: So my
dad wanted power to save my life but it came with a price or something and then
he was all evil and then he dropped me down a vortex so if he finds me then you
guys are dead.
Baelfire: He’s
sort of protective like that. It’s embarrassing
Hook: Don’t worry
Bae…I’ll be your father.
Baelfire: No….that’s
okay…..
Hook: Listen, I
need someone for the father/son pirate picnic day and I hate the little tykes
who would volunteer otherwise, but I have to use you. We might own at three
legged races but I got disqualified in the arm wrestling contests.
Baelfire: Those
other kids are punks!
Hook: I agree,
but we must show them!
Baelfire: NO…I
have my pride.
Hook: So do
I….which is why we’re entering and beating everyone…
Hook: Once I find
my way back, that is…
Baelfire: I’m going
to keep driving now….
Baelfire: Doop-de-doo!
Hook: Yay for
keeping secrets of my girlfriend’s son that she abandoned!
Charming: So…what
are you plans for my daughter?
Hook: Oh no, not
the talk!
Hook: *Is trolling*
The same thing I plan to do with most women, duh!
Charming: HEY! I
know what that is!
Hook: Good for
you! I don’t have to explain it.
Charming: You’re
not a good example for my daughter! You can’t even decide which side
you’re on!
Hook: Stop
bringing up my untrustworthy past like it’s a reason not to team up with me!
Hook: *Is posing*
Okay, you can come in!
Charming: All
that pirate has to do is SNEEZE wrong!
Charming: C’mere,
Hook!
Hook: Nope!
Charming: *Stumbles
forward*
Greg: Oh no! They
found our super-secret hiding place!
Charming: Hey!
It’s Greg!
Hook: Hey
Greg…sorry about that that whole…2nd double cross….
Greg: You can’t
shoot me! I got beans!
*Is shooting*
*Is Matrix dodging*
Hook: ATTACK! *Are catfighting*
Hook: Splinter!
Charming: Tamara!
Where are you?!
Tamara: *Is ready to
tackle him like a linebacker*
Charming: C’mere!
*Trips* EEK!
Hook: Yeah! You
two better run! You’re lucky I’m holding him back!
Charming: Gimme
mah arm!
Hook: No! I want
a hug!
*Are having tug of
war*
Hook: OW! You
pulled my fingernail!
Hook: Also I
snagged one of the beans….
Charming: Oh
wow…yeah….ONE BEAN is going to get this entire population back home! Now back
to Greg and Tamara!
Hook: Hey! If I
come back without you, then your wife and daughter and Rumpelstiltskin are
going to play ‘Killy in the Middle’ and that is NOT a fun game if not played the way I usually play it!
Charming: GIMME
YOUR BEANS!
Hook: ACH! Buy me dinner first!
Charming: I can’t
believe Greg owned you just now!
Hook: I don’t
want to talk about it!
Hook: Oh hey! I
can hear you starting the truck without me!
Emma: So is this
something that we can look forward to every year? That in the finale you do
horrible things but suddenly have a change of heart when your idiocy hurts
Henry and then you do something good and expect us to forgive you of
everything?
Regina: You
should forgive me of everything automatically, I had a mean mom!
Emma: That…is the
failsafe?
Regina: Shut it,
Emma! I didn’t think I’d ever have to use it.
Emma: A giant
floating diamond? I guess I could always shoot it or….kick it from the ‘beam me
up scotty’ beam
Regina: *Ahem*
This diamond is going to drain all my strength!
Emma: Oh God, are
you trying to get my sympathy NOW?
Regina: I could
die!
Emma: Guess what
Regina, all of us could die and were going to when you were ready to set the
failsafe yourself. You don’t get props for cleaning up the mess you started
just because someone stole your idea!
Regina: Henry
knows that I love him, doesn’t he?
Emma: I’m not
sure you can call what you’ve put that kid through ‘love’.
Regina: Well now
I can die as Regina and now everyone including Henry will love me!
Emma: Regina, it
doesn’t count if you’re doing it to buy us time to save your backside. NO one’s
going to forgive you for saving their life ONCE when you’ve tried to take it
from them multiple times.
Emma: One good
act in the middle of twisted horrible actions doesn’t constitute a hero. That’s
not how this works. In fact, this feels like nothing more than a quick stab at
redemption since shoving it down everyone’s throat the first 11 episodes didn’t
work. Never before this have you been shown to be regretful or sorry that you
were going to kill us. In fact, the only time you were sorry was when you got
caught and Henry found out!
Regina: You’re
not making my cheap heroism easy.
Emma: Well you
didn’t make my childhood easy when you ripped my family apart and tried to kill
me as an infant, so don’t expect to get any sympathy from me
Regina: But I’m
giving my life!
Emma: Because
Henry realized he’d be alone and you felt guilty AGAIN and because you want to
be recognized. Not because you feel it’s the right thing to do completely and
while you’re sorry that you put the failsafe up (but only because you’re caught
in it now too), you’re not sorry for anything else you’ve done. So no, this
feels like another attempt to force redemption down our throats.
Regina: Oh! I
should remind you that I got tortured brutally!
Emma: Yet you’re
running around and you’re alright now. Funny how that works!
Regina: And I’m
taking responsibility for what I did.
Emma: Good for
you Regina, that’s what adults are supposed to do.
This is a series based on pointing out plot holes and stupid moments. NOt just putting random funny lines in the characters mouths. The destruction of Regina's character and the same for everyone's character around her IS a big problem and I will keep pointing it out as long as it lasts. If you don't like it...*Shrugs*
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