Victor: *Is humming the imperial march*
Red Robyn: Like…don’t do that Victor, you aren’t cool enough!
Snow: I can’t believe how useless we all were this episode!
Victor: And I would’ve gotten away with suicide too if it weren’t for this fine slab of woman.
Red Robyn: Married!
Victor: Thought you might be still…
Red Robyn: Like…about time I got used for something! Even if it was my superheroness!
Victor: Well…going off to surgery now!
Emma: And since when is Red a therapist? You know who else is a therapist? Archie! And you know who his best friend is? Gold! *Goes into another BSOD*
Victor: Gerhardt! Get out of my room!
*Is about the only TRUE sympathetic character in all this*
Victor: If you don’t come out of my room right now, I WILL tell d- oh wait, he’s dead! I’ll tell Igor! And you will be VERY sorry!
Victor: Look…being dead and locked up isn’t so bad…I mean sure you have stitches on your face and Rumpelstiltskin did warn me about this ending badly but…look at the bright side…you don’t have to think about what your costume will be for Halloween!
Victor: Oh, are you still giving me the silent treatment? Get over it already! You only murdered dad! And luckily he didn’t change the will yet! Winning! Well…for me at least…
Victor: Oh throwing your normal tantrums I see! Fine! Fine go ahead! See if I care!
Victor: No Gerry, this doesn’t bother me…in fact, I could do this all day! You’re helping my back pains and everything
Victor: Oh thank God, I was terrified I was about to pass out!
Victor: Well…I didn’t want to have to do this Victor but its okay if you beat up daddy…its okay if you murder the entire staff but when you try to bruise my throat after coming into my room…man that’s where I draw the line!
Victor: Can we…take this outside; I don’t want to have to clean up your insides off the wall. I just got done redecorating with my new fortune…
Gerombie: BRAINS YOU!
Victor: I’ll take that as a ‘no’ them….wonder who exactly I’m supposed to call for that sort of cleanup…
Victor: One would think to aim right at the enchanted heart but he’s not even in the right position! Hey Gerry, let me have access to your enchanted heart!
Victor: Today man!
Victor: No! I said your heart! Is the decomposition affected your brain?! Or…Jimmy Malone’s brain as I had to put into you when yours sort of decayed…
Victor: Well…here I go! Never shot a gun before but…
Victor: Dangit! I forgot the bullets!
Gerombie: Brains, Brah.
Victor: Well I’m going to….leave you here and make you think about what you did!
Victor: Like…forever. Mostly because Igor’s sister and Rumpelstiltskin want to move in and film a sitcom and I have to be home to make sure I’m in it too!
Gerombie: *Cries of sibling/creator abandonment.*
Victor: well that surgery took about twenty minutes…and I didn’t replace him with any dead parts!
Red Robyn: *Spazzes* THAT’S SO GREAT!!!!
Charming: What’s the news?!
Emma: Wait…I’m not awake yet…I’m letting the coffee take effect.
Red Robyn: *Squees* *Squees**Squees**Squees*
Victor: He shall live!
Victor: It was touch and go for awhile there…
Victor: Mostly because I’m still drunk…
Grumpy: I wanted to be a sidekick so bad….
Victor: And I know that I should probably give updates to relatives before you guys but…since no one cares about HER and I’m not technically a real doctor according to these laws…eh…who cares?
Emma: Remind me to never go to this hospital…
Charming: Emma…never go to this-
Emma: I didn’t mean for you to say that literally Dadvid!
Snow: Don’t sass your father young lady!
Emma: Ugh Mary Momgret, you always side with him!
Emma: I’m going to go lie to the new guy!
Grumpy: I love watching these people squabble.
Snow: *Condescending Smile* That’s our daughter!
Charming: *Is oblivious* She sure is!
Rumpelstiltskin: I fell in love with you when you served me with this cheap dollar store teacup that I totally did NOT swipe from Jefferson’s collection.
Not!Belle: But it’s broken.
Rumpelstiltskin: I KNOW IT’S BROKEN!
Rumpelstiltskin: Wait don’t… don’t cut yourself on the chipped part I don’t want you to damage it even more.
Not!Belle: Who do I call for Room service?
Rumpelstiltskin: Belle…this isn’t a hotel, it’s a hospital….
Not!Belle: All your weirdness and sexual harassment…you are VERY lucky I haven’t called security yet….
Rumpelstiltskin: I paid them all to take the evening off!
Rumpelstiltskin: Sorry…was that creepy…I admit that I’m not a good flirt…I mean you fell for me even harder when I grabbed you, shook you, kicked you out of our digs, sent a wraith after Regina and beat the crap out of Hook! And then he shot you!
Not!Belle: You know what…I think we should see simpler people…
Rumpelstiltskin: We can’t! I broke up with Emma!
Not!Belle: *Is jealous* Who is Emma?
Rumpelstiltskin: No one I’m dating anymore, thanks to you getting shot.
Not!Belle: This cup is too beneath me! Maybe you should go clink cups with her!
Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, I swear if you break this, I will END you!
*Slips from both their hands, flies through the air and shatters against the wall*
Rumpelstiltskin: That was a priceless heirloom you butterfingers!
*Is about to cut someone*
Not!Belle: That’s about to be your face!
Rumpelstiltskin: We can…we can fix that….
Not! Belle: Happy place…happy place…happy place…
Rumpelstiltskin: *Sobs* Here I come, Emma!
Greg: I think all my ribs are broken…
Emma: Boy…I have to say that I’m quite thrilled you exist! Otherwise, I’d be the only reckless driver in the past 30 years of this town!
Emma: I’m the sheriff by the way….
Emma: Here…we decided to return your phone…everyone was quite bummed. We thought that it might be best since you’re living and all…
Emma: *Takes a sip of his water*
Emma: Here…you can have that.
Greg: Ew but…thanks.
Greg: You guys didn’t use my phone to prank call people, did you?
Emma: No, of course not! We’re completely legit. Hey, you didn’t happen to see anything out of the ordinary did you? Because there’s hallucinations and morphine and delusions and you hit your head and you might be crazy….
Greg: I didn’t…see anything…
Emma: Are you sure?
Greg: *Is trying not to look* Yeesss.
Emma: Are you reaallllllyyyyyy sure?
Greg: *Is counting the tiles* Totally.
Emma: I’m just saying that…what you may or may not have seen…if you tell people….it could be a shame what could happen…
Greg: Please no…
Emma: Like cut brake lines and…sudden car combustions…I used to be engaged to a…um…magician so I know all the tricks
Emma: Everything’s all hunky dory, right?
Greg: Where’s the panic button?
Emma: I crushed it! Now…that night on the road, you didn’t see anything….
Greg: Alright! Alright! I didn’t see anything!
Emma: I thought as much…
Emma: Don’t make me warn you again.
Greg: Oh thank God!
Emma: Cause I’m good at finding people! Just letting you know!
Emma: Enjoy your stay!
Greg: Why did I come here?!
Emma: Geez Momgret, Dadvid and Henry’s murder posse…is this all you do? Stand in the way of work being done?
Emma: But yeah, he didn’t see anything. I subtly asked him!
Snow: Oh thank my old abdomen wound!
Red Robyn: Saved the day again!
Victor: I know they told me that my accent was dead but I know it’s still out there…somewhere.
Charming: Superhero pose!
Emma: Well…I rejected Emma and Belle rejected me…I guess my only hope is Bae! I’m sure that’ll go well.
Rumpelstiltskin: Ew….I hate needles…
Rumpelstiltskin: AUGH! AUGH! OMIGOSH! THE PAIN! THE PAIN!
Rumpelstiltskin: How was Cora able to find this and not me?!
Rumpelstiltskin: Um…that’s kind of a large area Mr. Globe…how about narrowing it down a little?
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is excited* Hiiii Bae!
Henry: Hey guys…I kept asking where you were but Granny kept telling me to go to bed and then she threatened to stab me with her knitting needles…I do have to say, that woman is pure evil
Charming: That’s good, kiddo.
Snow: Sit down, shut up, and eat your breakfast!
Emma: Great news, son! I’m a free woman! Rumpelstiltskin broke up with me!
Charming: I won’t have to worry about any grandchildren being vertically challenged or evil…
Emma: And now that we have his influence out of our lives, now maybe we can restore you to normal!
Charming: What was that?!
Emma: Nothing! Nothing!
Charming: You get back here and eat, young man!
Emma: Alright kiddo, I’m starving, I’m taking your meal too!
Henry: This is all Belle’s fault I’ll bet! We should just burn her house down.
Emma: *Starts sobbing*
Henry: We’ll kill her and refocus my stepfather’s intentions where they should be! Matching suits and balcony room, here I COME!
Emma: *Fell Asleep*
Rumpelstiltskin: I heard my name and here I am!
Emma: Oh, it’s you…..
Emma: Came crawling back I see.
Rumpelstiltskin: Hiiiiii Emma! I never left! I just came here to tell you that it was all a test to see if you really liked me and you do! You won the next new love interest contest!
Emma: Will the prize be throwing you out the window, heartbreaker?
Henry: Hi dad! Henry Gold here!
Charming: Don’t make me slap you with my dish towel!
Rumpelstiltskin: You win the chance to get to come to me to New York! Now isn’t that exciting?
Emma: Not really, I’ve been there.
Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you’re the only one that can-
Rumpelstiltskin: Hey Henry, how’s it hanging?
Rumpelstiltskin: You’re the only one that CAN leave so you don’t have a choice in the matter.
Henry: I’m coming too!
Emma: Well…it was a nice hours of being content with my dating life…
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh and have no fear! We’re flying! I’ll hold your hand in case you’re afraid….
Emma: I doubt I’ll have to worry.
Rumpelstiltskin: My fingers might creep close and closer…
Rumpelstiltskin: Well! Have a nice breakfast everybody! I hope that when we see each other again, we’ll all be related!
Rumpelstiltskin: Bye Henry! Keep reporting to me everything your mother says about me!
Henry: Will do! No wait mom, what are you doing?!
Emma: This is your punishment!
Emma: This is your punishment!
Greg: Those posers! They took my wallet and bought pizza and left me the receipt.
Greg: A phone in the hospital….I’m gonna break the rules SO HARD!
Greg: *Is trying to be seductive* Hey HER!
Greg: There is no need for that kind of profanity! I was in an accident!
Greg: Wait…stop crying! I only ran over a tree….and maybe a pirate…I’m not sure about that last part…
Greg: Hey honey, guess what?
Greg: The nurses here still wear stockings and skirts!