Victor: Can’t believe
the carriage driver flipped out on me when I asked him to carry my dead brother
in here.
Igor: How do I
get roped into these crazy schemes?
Victor: Well…thus
far he shows more life than Comatose Charming and Cinderella’s boyfriend put
together but that’s not saying much really….
Igor: When are we
going to use this sci-fi stuff for more than just decoration and lights?!
*Isn’t beating*
Victor: Well I’m
out of ideas…time to find another body to butcher up! I gotta replace my bro’s
rotting parts again….the rate he goes through them…
*Is burned*
Victor: Oh,
that’s gross…
Igor: Well good
to know that he’ll be put to good use as a microwave…
Victor: Igor! Are
you drunk again?!
Igor: One has to
be when my sister and your funder are fighting like crazy about wedding preparations!
Igor: Such a
match made in heaven!
Alphonse: Son of the bane of my existence! I just got a call from
the neighbors talking about how you’re brining in dead bodies in the dead of
night and screaming things about ‘it’s alive,’ at the top of your lungs.
Alphonse: So I
came to make sure that it wasn’t anyone we know. That Bathory woman got
arrested for that very thing you know…
Alphonse: Hey
Gerhardt, what’s up? Tell me that your brother didn’t talk you into playing
autopsy again…
Alphonse: Now
come on…I fixed you up with a nice girl called Mina Harker…she’s totally legit.
Victor: He’s sort
of dead…
Victor: Happy New Year!
Alphonse: EWWWW!
Alphonse: What
did you do?! What did you do?! BAD Victor!
Victor: Please
don’t ground me!
*That’s seriously how
this scene comes off as*
Victor: I just
cut into him a little and fried his insides! NO need to get all hysterical
about it!
Alphonse: He was
wearing his best uniform too!
Alphonse: I hope
you’re happy Victor! His dry cleaning AND my therapy will be coming out of your
allowance!
Victor: Not my
allowance! I was going to buy a new track suit!
Victor: My dad
being mad that I’m cutting into my brother after he died because I was digging
up bodies depresses me….
Cora: Oh
good...power’s fixed…Now I can watch TV!
Cora: Let’s
see…get a bowl of popcorn…
Cora: Get a soda
pop…
Cora: Mmmm, what
DOES she use for detergent? Now I can convince Hook that detergent exists and
maybe he can actually wash his clothes!
Cora: Oh good,
she used the ‘Smile as wide as you can or I’ll squeeze the life out of you’
trick that I used to use…oh the memories…
Cora: His
penmanship is HORRIBLE. Well…forget that disappointment…there’s still a bed to
be jumped on…
Chenry: Hm hm
hm…going through a grave yard…no idea how I know where to go….
Chenry: Really
Regina? How about a lock for the mausoleum you’re hanging out in!
Chenry: Is my
disappointment down here somewhere?
Regina: That
doesn’t sound like Henry! He usually calls me Victim Zero….
Regina: Oooo,
when I came down here and basically abandoned him, I was HOPING he’d come to
me!
Chenry: Thank for
leaving your forwarding address mom!
Regina: Yeah…never
mind that sounds like him…
Regina: Good
thing I didn’t change into my funeral outfit back there!
Chenry: *Just walks
right in* I missed you so much!
Regina: Yes!
Um….you’re not Henry….
Regina: Usually,
there’s a dagger aimed for my back when you hug me!
Henry: Nifty little doorknob mom. Maybe you shouldn’t have
put one on the other side too with the lock!
Regina: Henry,
sometimes things get hazy in the curse…also I didn’t kill Archie! I just
murdered countless others…
Chenry: We’re
having this conversation now?
Regina: LOVE ME!
Regina: Ugh, of
course you don’t love me. You don’t want to accept the fact that I’ve been
changing for a month…well see if I care…I’m only your mother after all…it’s
high time you get over the fact that you were clinically dead because of me…I
used to change your diapers!
Chenry: You done?
Regina: Now see,
that’s the Henry I know so well.
Cora: Good to see
your mothering is as good as I anticipated!
Regina: Oh gross!
I…got hugged by my mom!
*So…how much of
Gerhardt is actually Gerhardt?*
Victor: I can't
believe Igor asked for time off for his sister’s wedding….
Victor: I never
asked for time off for other people’s love lives!
Victor: Well…it’s
just you and me tonight Microorganisms….wonder why that is…
Rumpelstiltskin: Can
I have this magnifying glass? I like how it makes my hand look bigger!
Victor: Enjoying
the married life?
Rumpelstiltskin: Igor’s
sister is the best wife for me
Rumpelstiltskin: Curvy
in all the right places….
Victor: *Is jealous*
You’re in my light!
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
counting like…six that are shining on you right now, you drama queen!
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh…smells
like barbequed sibling over here…
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
moving back over there!
Victor: Too bad…I
moved over here first.
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m
going to throw this at your little accent wielding skull!
Victor: I’m not
moving!
Rumpelstiltskin: Fine,
I need you to do a con job with the Hatter and if you do well then you can have
a heart of mine.
Victor: I’ll need
to experiment; can’t I have like two or three?
Rumpelstiltskin: Well
aren’t WE being a grabby goosie! Nope! You get one!
Victor: But how
am I supposed to get you the information that you want if you limit me?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope!
One’s the limit!
Victor: I don’t
think I like this idea. Oh well…SCIENCE!
Rumpelstiltskin: Victor!
Your face is hilariously distorted!
Regina: You set
me up!
Cora: Oh
yeah, that…uh…SURPRISE!
Regina: You
murdered Archie and turned them all against me?
Regina: I tried
so hard after Snow and Emma came back! Like a week!
Cora: Yeah, I
know. It sucks. I want to change and stuff.
Regina: You
expect me to buy that?
Cora: No, I just
wanted you to know how silly you sounded blathering about it…
Cora: Also I know
why you pushed me in the mirror because you didn’t want to marry the king and
you should know that…I forgive you.
Regina: You
conspired with Snow to kill Daniel!
Cora: He got in
the way of my heart grabbing hand…and then my Tourette’s kicked in and ‘no more
heart’.
Regina: You
wanted my world to fall apart so that I’d crawl back to you!
Cora: Well kiddo,
that’s what happens when you try to send sexy pirates to murder me. And leave
me sexy hatters that break too easily…I’m still really pissed about those two
by the way. Didn’t I teach you to keep the pretty ones around and not to send
them off to get decapitated?
Cora: Hook WAS a
nice birthday gift though.
Regina: I’m glad
you approve. Nothing says ‘birthday’ like ‘deathday’
Cora: Except the
model you sent me was defective…he didn’t sing or anything…
Regina: I tried
but he wouldn’t….so I stepped on his foot. Yeah…that man has the voice that
sounds like nails on a chalkboard…boy…he won’t be joining a band anytime soon.
Regina: Now let’s
go…I’m going to drive you to the center of town and give you every ample
opportunity to manipulate me…because teleporting is for losers….
Regina: And
they’ll believe me…Henry and Emma and the two idiots who I name call but we
know spared my life multiple times will believe me! And I can go home and take
a decent shower!
Regina: Now
where’s my door?!
Cora: I shall do
as you say…
Cora: Oh wait
sorry, was I supposed to be believable?!
Victor: I know
that my heart will…go oonnnnnnn!
Victor: Unlike
this broken watch!
Red Robyn: Like…don’t!
You have so much to live for!
Victor: Shut up
Red, you’re the last person I want to hear before I off myself!
Red Robyn: That
was TOTALLY ungrateful!
Victor: Accent…*sniffs* I’m coming to join ya!
Red Robyn: Red
Robyn! Red Robyn! Quite faster than a dobbin!
Red Robyn: Caught!
Victor: My neck!
Victor: For the
last time, dad, it’s TOTALLY him! We were just pranking you!
Alphonse: Well it
wasn’t a very funny joke! Son, sometimes I think I’d get success from you but
then I realize that I might as well have a staring contest with a Doctor Who
weeping angel because I have a feeling I’ll end up more satisfied!
Alphonse: Now
stop trying to badger me about your weirdo science homework…I want to go lay
down…
Victor: You’ll be
so proud of me!
Alphonse: I can’t
move! What have you done?
Victor: Oh
nothing…just glued your shoes down to the floor that way you couldn’t leave
until you saw that I did for you…
Victor: Say hello
to daddy dearest, Gerry!
Gerombie: Brraiinnnsss!
Alphonse: What’s
with all the stitches?!
Victor: Oh don’t
mind that! It’s just a fad!
Gerombie: *Sniffles*
Brains?
Alphonse: Okay, I’m
burning him alive!
Alphonse: I can’t
get grandchildren from a dead guy! What would his future wife say?
Alphonse: Hey
Gerhardt, I’m burning you alive…is that okay?
Gerombie: BRAAAINNNS! *Sobbies*
Victor: Welcome
to my world there, sport….
Victor: well…looks
like I’m your only son now! And why is Gerhard kneeling that close to the fire
place?
Alphonse: No! You
can't be my only son! Gerhardt! Get ahold of yourself! Don’t leave me alone
with your dead body dismembering brother.
*Victor IS mega
creepy when you really think about it*
Alphonse: You get
him up right now! He’ll RUIN the rug!
Alphonse: You got
him a heart! Well that’s great and dandy! Nice to know that you trusted the guy
that ran off with your mother! By the way…with you cutting out and replacing
body parts…how is his blood not all gone or something?
Gerombie: Brains can’t hear you! Brains can’t hear you!
Alphonse: I mean
what good is he? Other than beating people to death which would make no sense due
to his atrophied muscles!
Victor: Football
tackle him Gerry!
Alphonse: I
tripped!
*Is jumping up and
down on daddy dearest*
Victor: Well add
assault and patricide to my list of horrible misdeeds. Oh well…SCIENCE!
Victor: Gerry…stop
making goofy faces at dead daddy….also, your mutilating him will ruin the rug
and those things are expensive to clean…
Gerombie: You’re
the braaiinnnsss of this siblingness…
*Is giving his most
effective performance on this show*
Victor: Well….I
hope you’re happy, Gerry…how am I gonna explain THIS one on the Christmas
letter?
Gerombie: *Sniffles* Brains?
Gerombie: BRAINS!
Victor: You know
what…just go get a glass of milk or something; your eyes are freaking me out.
Victor: My life sucks…I lost my brother…I lost my accent…I lost my
eye makeup and weird awesome coat…and now that everyone remembers, they’re all
suing me because I operated on them without being technically licensed… and
everyone is freaked out that I cut up dead bodies so my dating life hasn’t
exactly been that great…
Red Robyn: Like…get
over it! I killed people! Including my mom! And my boyfriend…what’s-his name!
Victor: Yeah,
yeah, thanks for saving me though…I realize now that I was about to jump in the
shallow end…and that would hurt.
Victor: So I
think that my brother is still locked up on the other side…crying because I
couldn’t pull the trigger…
Red Robyn: Look,
stop your whining! You’re like the best doctor here, alright? And Snow’s life and Emma’s life and Henry’s
life sucks way worse than yours! I mean you desecrated the dead or something!
Don’t sit there and mope to me because you got a second chance to live your
life and actually do something good for once! Look at me! If we hadn’t been
thrown here, I would’ve never met Jefferson and we wouldn’t be expecting right
now and I wouldn’t be a superhero!
*Draws a few breaths*
Victor: That was
disturbing AND hot!
Red Robyn: Ugh!
Like…I’m totally happily married, okay? And Jefferson would be my sidekick too
but I was worried about spoiling my identity…
Red Robyn: Well…I
can invite him to join me now! And that means I can kick out Grumpy…which
thrills me because he could NEVER jump roof to roof in a cool way…
Red Robyn: Know
what I just noticed? This is the second time you had to be saved this season!
You’re a damsel in distress!
Victor: You’re
just making me want to jump even more.
Red Robyn: If you
don’t go willingly, I will TOTALLY drag you back. I am NOT lying!
Red Robyn: And
think of what that’ll do for the hospital’s reputation!
Red Robyn: Well,
it doesn’t seem like they were very far off, now does it?
Victor: *pouts*
Regina: I can’t
BELIEVE I’m wasting gas just to drive you when I can teleport you! I don’t have
a job and prices are going up again!
Cora: I’m in a
car! *squees* this is so cool!
Regina: Can’t
believe it…last week I had to pay 98 cents a gallon!
Cora: *Is messing
with the seat positions*
Regina: And then
they made me fill it up myself!
Cora: Can I stick my head out the window?
Regina: I’m withholding the urge to make a REALLY obvious barb….
Cora: Oh hai little handprint…
Regina: Where were you hiding that?!
Cora: We need to work on that kid’s penmanship though…it stops
being cute and really starts being obscene the more I look at it.
Regina: that’s one of my most prized possessions!
Cora: then why was it in your house ready to be stolen and not with
you in your panic room?
Regina: There wasn’t space! I couldn’t hang that up along with my
400 mirrors!
Cora: See, I never kept anything you gave me! And we never had this
problem!
Regina: I just want everyone to love me!
Cora: Well, you’ve been trying for a month or something! If that
isn’t time enough then I don’t know what is!
Cora: They’ll never like you! Even though they were grudgingly tolerating
you even though you kept snapping and threatening them! But stick with me! I’ll
make sure that your kid will love you! Because what better way to get Harry or
Hissy or Hussy or whatever his name is back than teaming up with the woman who
set you up so that your entire world could’ve come apart!
Regina: HOLD ME!
Cora: Oh gross Regina, get away! *Is trying to shove off*
Regina: *WAILS*
Cora: I didn’t even break a sweat…
Regina:
*Blows nose on Cora’s dress*
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