Victor: Can’t believe the carriage driver flipped out on me when I asked him to carry my dead brother in here.
Igor: How do I get roped into these crazy schemes?
Victor: Well…thus far he shows more life than Comatose Charming and Cinderella’s boyfriend put together but that’s not saying much really….
Igor: When are we going to use this sci-fi stuff for more than just decoration and lights?!
Victor: Well I’m out of ideas…time to find another body to butcher up! I gotta replace my bro’s rotting parts again….the rate he goes through them…
Victor: Oh, that’s gross…
Igor: Well good to know that he’ll be put to good use as a microwave…
Victor: Igor! Are you drunk again?!
Igor: One has to be when my sister and your funder are fighting like crazy about wedding preparations!
Igor: Such a match made in heaven!
Alphonse: Son of the bane of my existence! I just got a call from the neighbors talking about how you’re brining in dead bodies in the dead of night and screaming things about ‘it’s alive,’ at the top of your lungs.
Alphonse: So I came to make sure that it wasn’t anyone we know. That Bathory woman got arrested for that very thing you know…
Alphonse: Hey Gerhardt, what’s up? Tell me that your brother didn’t talk you into playing autopsy again…
Alphonse: Now come on…I fixed you up with a nice girl called Mina Harker…she’s totally legit.
Victor: He’s sort of dead…
Victor: Happy New Year!
Alphonse: What did you do?! What did you do?! BAD Victor!
Victor: Please don’t ground me!
*That’s seriously how this scene comes off as*
Victor: I just cut into him a little and fried his insides! NO need to get all hysterical about it!
Alphonse: He was wearing his best uniform too!
Alphonse: I hope you’re happy Victor! His dry cleaning AND my therapy will be coming out of your allowance!
Victor: Not my allowance! I was going to buy a new track suit!
Victor: My dad being mad that I’m cutting into my brother after he died because I was digging up bodies depresses me….
Cora: Oh good...power’s fixed…Now I can watch TV!
Cora: Let’s see…get a bowl of popcorn…
Cora: Get a soda pop…
Cora: Mmmm, what DOES she use for detergent? Now I can convince Hook that detergent exists and maybe he can actually wash his clothes!
Cora: Oh good, she used the ‘Smile as wide as you can or I’ll squeeze the life out of you’ trick that I used to use…oh the memories…
Cora: His penmanship is HORRIBLE. Well…forget that disappointment…there’s still a bed to be jumped on…
Chenry: Hm hm hm…going through a grave yard…no idea how I know where to go….
Chenry: Really Regina? How about a lock for the mausoleum you’re hanging out in!
Chenry: Is my disappointment down here somewhere?
Regina: That doesn’t sound like Henry! He usually calls me Victim Zero….
Regina: Oooo, when I came down here and basically abandoned him, I was HOPING he’d come to me!
Chenry: Thank for leaving your forwarding address mom!
Regina: Yeah…never mind that sounds like him…
Regina: Good thing I didn’t change into my funeral outfit back there!
Chenry: *Just walks right in* I missed you so much!
Regina: Yes! Um….you’re not Henry….
Regina: Usually, there’s a dagger aimed for my back when you hug me!
Henry: Nifty little doorknob mom. Maybe you shouldn’t have put one on the other side too with the lock!
Regina: Henry, sometimes things get hazy in the curse…also I didn’t kill Archie! I just murdered countless others…
Chenry: We’re having this conversation now?
Regina: LOVE ME!
Regina: Ugh, of course you don’t love me. You don’t want to accept the fact that I’ve been changing for a month…well see if I care…I’m only your mother after all…it’s high time you get over the fact that you were clinically dead because of me…I used to change your diapers!
Chenry: You done?
Regina: Now see, that’s the Henry I know so well.
Cora: Good to see your mothering is as good as I anticipated!
Regina: Oh gross! I…got hugged by my mom!
*So…how much of Gerhardt is actually Gerhardt?*
Victor: I can't believe Igor asked for time off for his sister’s wedding….
Victor: I never asked for time off for other people’s love lives!
Victor: Well…it’s just you and me tonight Microorganisms….wonder why that is…
Rumpelstiltskin: Can I have this magnifying glass? I like how it makes my hand look bigger!
Victor: Enjoying the married life?
Rumpelstiltskin: Igor’s sister is the best wife for me
Rumpelstiltskin: Curvy in all the right places….
Victor: *Is jealous* You’re in my light!
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m counting like…six that are shining on you right now, you drama queen!
Rumpelstiltskin: Oh…smells like barbequed sibling over here…
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m moving back over there!
Victor: Too bad…I moved over here first.
Rumpelstiltskin: I’m going to throw this at your little accent wielding skull!
Victor: I’m not moving!
Rumpelstiltskin: Fine, I need you to do a con job with the Hatter and if you do well then you can have a heart of mine.
Victor: I’ll need to experiment; can’t I have like two or three?
Rumpelstiltskin: Well aren’t WE being a grabby goosie! Nope! You get one!
Victor: But how am I supposed to get you the information that you want if you limit me?
Rumpelstiltskin: Nope! One’s the limit!
Victor: I don’t think I like this idea. Oh well…SCIENCE!
Rumpelstiltskin: Victor! Your face is hilariously distorted!
Regina: You set me up!
Cora: Oh yeah, that…uh…SURPRISE!
Regina: You murdered Archie and turned them all against me?
Regina: I tried so hard after Snow and Emma came back! Like a week!
Cora: Yeah, I know. It sucks. I want to change and stuff.
Regina: You expect me to buy that?
Cora: No, I just wanted you to know how silly you sounded blathering about it…
Cora: Also I know why you pushed me in the mirror because you didn’t want to marry the king and you should know that…I forgive you.
Regina: You conspired with Snow to kill Daniel!
Cora: He got in the way of my heart grabbing hand…and then my Tourette’s kicked in and ‘no more heart’.
Regina: You wanted my world to fall apart so that I’d crawl back to you!
Cora: Well kiddo, that’s what happens when you try to send sexy pirates to murder me. And leave me sexy hatters that break too easily…I’m still really pissed about those two by the way. Didn’t I teach you to keep the pretty ones around and not to send them off to get decapitated?
Cora: Hook WAS a nice birthday gift though.
Regina: I’m glad you approve. Nothing says ‘birthday’ like ‘deathday’
Cora: Except the model you sent me was defective…he didn’t sing or anything…
Regina: I tried but he wouldn’t….so I stepped on his foot. Yeah…that man has the voice that sounds like nails on a chalkboard…boy…he won’t be joining a band anytime soon.
Regina: Now let’s go…I’m going to drive you to the center of town and give you every ample opportunity to manipulate me…because teleporting is for losers….
Regina: And they’ll believe me…Henry and Emma and the two idiots who I name call but we know spared my life multiple times will believe me! And I can go home and take a decent shower!
Regina: Now where’s my door?!
Cora: I shall do as you say…
Cora: Oh wait sorry, was I supposed to be believable?!
Victor: I know that my heart will…go oonnnnnnn!
Victor: Unlike this broken watch!
Red Robyn: Like…don’t! You have so much to live for!
Victor: Shut up Red, you’re the last person I want to hear before I off myself!
Red Robyn: That was TOTALLY ungrateful!
Victor: Accent…*sniffs* I’m coming to join ya!
Red Robyn: Red Robyn! Red Robyn! Quite faster than a dobbin!
Red Robyn: Caught!
Victor: My neck!
Victor: For the last time, dad, it’s TOTALLY him! We were just pranking you!
Alphonse: Well it wasn’t a very funny joke! Son, sometimes I think I’d get success from you but then I realize that I might as well have a staring contest with a Doctor Who weeping angel because I have a feeling I’ll end up more satisfied!
Alphonse: Now stop trying to badger me about your weirdo science homework…I want to go lay down…
Victor: You’ll be so proud of me!
Alphonse: I can’t move! What have you done?
Victor: Oh nothing…just glued your shoes down to the floor that way you couldn’t leave until you saw that I did for you…
Victor: Say hello to daddy dearest, Gerry!
Alphonse: What’s with all the stitches?!
Victor: Oh don’t mind that! It’s just a fad!
Gerombie: *Sniffles* Brains?
Alphonse: Okay, I’m burning him alive!
Alphonse: I can’t get grandchildren from a dead guy! What would his future wife say?
Alphonse: Hey Gerhardt, I’m burning you alive…is that okay?
Gerombie: BRAAAINNNS! *Sobbies*
Victor: Welcome to my world there, sport….
Victor: well…looks like I’m your only son now! And why is Gerhard kneeling that close to the fire place?
Alphonse: No! You can't be my only son! Gerhardt! Get ahold of yourself! Don’t leave me alone with your dead body dismembering brother.
*Victor IS mega creepy when you really think about it*
Alphonse: You get him up right now! He’ll RUIN the rug!
Alphonse: You got him a heart! Well that’s great and dandy! Nice to know that you trusted the guy that ran off with your mother! By the way…with you cutting out and replacing body parts…how is his blood not all gone or something?
Gerombie: Brains can’t hear you! Brains can’t hear you!
Alphonse: I mean what good is he? Other than beating people to death which would make no sense due to his atrophied muscles!
Victor: Football tackle him Gerry!
Alphonse: I tripped!
*Is jumping up and down on daddy dearest*
Victor: Well add assault and patricide to my list of horrible misdeeds. Oh well…SCIENCE!
Victor: Gerry…stop making goofy faces at dead daddy….also, your mutilating him will ruin the rug and those things are expensive to clean…
Gerombie: You’re the braaiinnnsss of this siblingness…
*Is giving his most effective performance on this show*
Victor: Well….I hope you’re happy, Gerry…how am I gonna explain THIS one on the Christmas letter?
Gerombie: *Sniffles* Brains?
Victor: You know what…just go get a glass of milk or something; your eyes are freaking me out.
Victor: My life sucks…I lost my brother…I lost my accent…I lost my eye makeup and weird awesome coat…and now that everyone remembers, they’re all suing me because I operated on them without being technically licensed… and everyone is freaked out that I cut up dead bodies so my dating life hasn’t exactly been that great…
Red Robyn: Like…get over it! I killed people! Including my mom! And my boyfriend…what’s-his name!
Victor: Yeah, yeah, thanks for saving me though…I realize now that I was about to jump in the shallow end…and that would hurt.
Victor: So I think that my brother is still locked up on the other side…crying because I couldn’t pull the trigger…
Red Robyn: Look, stop your whining! You’re like the best doctor here, alright? And Snow’s life and Emma’s life and Henry’s life sucks way worse than yours! I mean you desecrated the dead or something! Don’t sit there and mope to me because you got a second chance to live your life and actually do something good for once! Look at me! If we hadn’t been thrown here, I would’ve never met Jefferson and we wouldn’t be expecting right now and I wouldn’t be a superhero! *Draws a few breaths*
Victor: That was disturbing AND hot!
Red Robyn: Ugh! Like…I’m totally happily married, okay? And Jefferson would be my sidekick too but I was worried about spoiling my identity…
Red Robyn: Well…I can invite him to join me now! And that means I can kick out Grumpy…which thrills me because he could NEVER jump roof to roof in a cool way…
Red Robyn: Know what I just noticed? This is the second time you had to be saved this season! You’re a damsel in distress!
Victor: You’re just making me want to jump even more.
Red Robyn: If you don’t go willingly, I will TOTALLY drag you back. I am NOT lying!
Red Robyn: And think of what that’ll do for the hospital’s reputation!
Victor: But I get no respect! They call the monster Frankenstein!
Red Robyn: Well, it doesn’t seem like they were very far off, now does it?
Regina: I can’t BELIEVE I’m wasting gas just to drive you when I can teleport you! I don’t have a job and prices are going up again!
Cora: I’m in a car! *squees* this is so cool!
Regina: Can’t believe it…last week I had to pay 98 cents a gallon!
Cora: *Is messing with the seat positions*
Regina: And then they made me fill it up myself!
Cora: Can I stick my head out the window?
Regina: I’m withholding the urge to make a REALLY obvious barb….
Cora: Oh hai little handprint…
Regina: Where were you hiding that?!
Cora: We need to work on that kid’s penmanship though…it stops being cute and really starts being obscene the more I look at it.
Regina: that’s one of my most prized possessions!
Cora: then why was it in your house ready to be stolen and not with you in your panic room?
Regina: There wasn’t space! I couldn’t hang that up along with my 400 mirrors!
Cora: See, I never kept anything you gave me! And we never had this problem!
Regina: I just want everyone to love me!
Cora: Well, you’ve been trying for a month or something! If that isn’t time enough then I don’t know what is!
Cora: They’ll never like you! Even though they were grudgingly tolerating you even though you kept snapping and threatening them! But stick with me! I’ll make sure that your kid will love you! Because what better way to get Harry or Hissy or Hussy or whatever his name is back than teaming up with the woman who set you up so that your entire world could’ve come apart!
Regina: HOLD ME!
Cora: Oh gross Regina, get away! *Is trying to shove off*
Cora: I didn’t even break a sweat…
Regina: *Blows nose on Cora’s dress*