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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Outsider Part 2

Belle: Chug *Sniffles* Chug *Sniffles*

Claude: And so then I was like "Yaoguai! What’s up? And he replied by burning my village! Do you hear what I’m saying girl in the corner?


Claude: I’m saying that we have to kill it!

Claude: Now…sign up before you sober up and get ahold of your senses!

Belle: I like those pants on him…

Claude: Also can you tell me where to get a hat like this one? I really dig it.

Belle: *Is drunk* Heh…those people lost everything….

Dreamy: Hey you…come here often?

Belle: You’re that guy I gave advice to…yesterday!

Dreamy: Oh…that was you?!

Belle: ….

Dreamy: I knew that!

Dreamy: My fairy girlfriend and I are going to run away together!

Belle: Well good luck with that and may your cradling robbing interspecies interbreeding romance that breaks every law of nature give you children that aren’t abominations to behold.

Claude: I don’t care if you like to be alive Larry! Sign up. You’re the only one here that knows good road trip songs!

Belle: Ew, road trip songs….
Dreamy: You should sign up!

Belle: Yeah, because I know so much about how to fight monsters…I’m not sure this one will fall in love with me…

Dreamy: *Is checking out her Golden Globes*

Dreamy: Sorry, did you say something?

Belle: Well, what else am I going to do? Go back to my father who worries about me?

Dreamy: Did you just honestly say that?

Claude: Well, since no one will tell me where to get an awesome hat, I guess I’ll just have to wear this one.

*Everyone laughs*
Claude: Shut up!

Dreamy: Oooo, that’s some tacky fashion!

Belle: I suppose I COULD teach them a thing or two…

Dreamy: *Is drinking her cup*

Belle: Well, what’s the worst that could happen? Death?

Belle: *Squees* I’m gonna beat up monsters!

Belle: Well, so long whatever your name was! I’m sure we’ll see each other again but I’m hoping not!

Dreamy: OH! One more thing!

Belle: What? What did I forget?

Dreamy: Try the pretzels before you leave. They’re delicious!

Belle: *Is disappointed* I’ll…put that on my to-do list…

Belle: I can’t believe all the stores are closed for Jiminy’s funeral….

Belle: Ugh…what smells like unwashed leather?

Belle: I certainly hope this isn’t where Rumpelstiltskin’s been hiding his dirty laundry!

Belle: Hey you! The library’s closed! It was locked and everything! Why aren’t I worried about this?

Hook: Shut up woman, can’t you see that I’m reading Hunger Games? Oh, that Gale….

Hook: And now I just lost my place! Thank you VERY much! I thought you were supposed to be QUIET in the library

Belle: Hey! I know you! You tried to kill me!

Hook: Doesn’t everybody?

Belle: EEEEEE!
Hook: Wait! I just wanna be REALLY GOOD friends!

Belle: You’re faster than you look pirate! But you seem a lot slower mentally!

Hook: Did you think I wouldn’t block you! I used to do this to Smee all the time when the last ice cream sandwich was in the fridge and we were both hungry and he somehow got it and was trying to run out the door!

Hook: Hey! You called me stupid!

Belle: Book!Fu!
Hook: EW! Literature!

Belle: Well since risking going through the front door is somehow silly….I guess the elevator that can be opened will have to do!

Hook: Wait! I just wanted to ask you out! *Leaps* *Trips*

*Smacks into door*
Hook: Ow….

Belle: Oh great, its Rumpelstiltskin….what does HE want?

Hook: *Knocks* Girl Scout cookies!

Rumpelstiltskin: Hey Belle, I was going to go fishing later for Archie’s memory…you want to come along?

Belle: Only if you don’t purposefully kill the worms where I can see just to gross me out.

Rumpelstiltskin: No promises! What’s that knocking? Are you with other men?

Belle: Only ones that are after me!

Rumpelstiltskin: I broke up with my beloved fiancĂ© for you woman! I won’t have you being with other men!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Hangs up*

Rumpelstiltskin: The things I have to put up with! *Is huffy*

Belle: Oh crap, Hook’s still out there! I should’ve told him about that!

Claude: Where did you get these clothes?
Belle: Rumpelstiltskin’s closet.
Claude: Wha-?

Belle: He had other women over before me!

Belle: *Sobs*

Claude: Have you ever thought about dating a real man? I know how to kill Yaoguai!

Mitchel: Oh shut up Claude! You do not!
Belle: How come me riding along wasn’t an issue until now?

Claude: Hey! Where did you get that?
Belle: Either I went to the public library, I snuck into Rumpel’s tower and stole it, or I just happened to have it with me…

Claude: How do read Chinese?
Belle: I don’t know! But I know where to find the Yaoguai!

*Makes childish face*

Claude: It’s in a cave isn’t it?

Belle: Only N00bs would guess that it’s in a cave…usually they’re by a lake.

Claude: But why would they be near a lake if they’re fire creatures? And why don’t we know how to handle this? ‘
Belle: This is the group I signed up for?

*Falls out*

Claude: Geez, Belle. We just hit a little pothole! We told you not to sit so close to the edge!

Claude: And have some toilet paper!

Belle: Nice throw Claude!

Belle: Hey! You have my book bag!

Belle: Dear Diary, today I was kicked off the cart by a bunch of men who suddenly realized that the best way to treat the only person who had information was to dump them. When Rumpelstiltskin realizes what a colossal mistake he made in letting me go and comes back for me then he WILL hear of this! Good thing I lifted their wallets.

Belle: The Yaoguai like to sleep in caves EXACTLY like this one.

Belle: Well, you’re the only cave here! Any chance you wanna collapse right about now?

Belle: ….

Belle: Guess not…

Belle: Just creep up in there and slash his thr-

Belle: *Sneezes.*

Belle: GACK! Running in a corset is HARD!

Belle: Maybe if I worship it, it won’t hurt me!

Philip: *Walks right on past* Ugh! Hot flash

Mulan: FINALLY! Time to raid his fridge…hey welcome mat. *Stomps on*

Belle: Who are you?

Mulan: I’m Mulan and I’m looking for Shang.

Belle: I don’t know who that is? Is that a guy? We can look for guys together! BONDING!

Mulan: No! I do NOT babysit!

Belle: We can stay up late! Do each other’s nails! Talk about boys! I have quite a few stories; let me tell you that….and then we can kill monsters together!

Belle: Cause I am a warrior!

Mulan: I’m not even sure you’d work as bait.

Belle: But I’m so capturable!

 Belle: I can’t believe Hook can somehow pick a lock but he doesn’t know how to open an elevator.

Rumpelstiltskin: Friggin’ frig Belle! Pick up your books!

Belle: Who is that? Who? When he opens the door, I SWEAR I’m gonna punch him!

Rumpelstiltskin: What a mess! Were you born in an Ogre war or something-?

Belle: YAAAAHHHH! *Punches*

*A few minutes later*
Belle: And he came up on me and was all like ‘oh, let’s date before I kill you’…it was AWFUL!
Rumpelstiltskin: I can’t feel my face!

Rumpelstiltskin: And was the strangling even necessary?

Belle: That monster! He stole today’s newspaper too!
Rumpelstiltskin: Wear this! I thought to grab it before I came over to check on you….I guess I could’ve teleported but it was such a nice day…I thought to walk.

Rumpelstiltskin: I’m gonna have to put a tracker on you, aren’t I?

Belle: Hold me!
Rumpelstiltskin: This is why I can never have anything nice…


  1. "Belle: Well good luck with that and may your cradling robbing interspecies interbreeding romance that breaks every law of nature give you children that aren’t abominations to behold."


  2. So many giggles in this section! "I'm a warrior" "I don't think you'd even work as bait" Haha!!

    And the cave comment - perfect!