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Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Outsider Part 4

Rumpelstiltskin: Lost my friend and one of my love interests in one week, NOT gonna let that st- JIMINY?!

Jiminy: Rumple! *Is mentally glomping* 
Rumpelstiltskin: *Is mentally glomping and crying* You’re alive! I knew it! Where?

Jiminy: Ship.

Rumpelstiltskin: Hook?

Jiminy: Yep.

Rumpelstiltskin: Dead!

Jiminy: Good. Emma?

Rumpelstiltskin: Single.

Jiminy: *Squees* BEST FRIENDS!

Rumpelstiltskin: Okay, but just this once. BEST FRIENDS! 

Belle: OMGZ! A Chest! Maybe books are inside!

Belle: How annoying! It’s locked! Well Rumpel does know how to pick locks….but for some reason getting off this boat ASAP is silly!

Belle: Why lock a chest and put the key right next to it?

Belle: *Giggles* Belle!Sneak! Teehee!
Hook: What are you doing on my ship!

Belle: YAAAAH! *Throws chest*

Hook: That was my foot!

Belle: Good!

Belle: *Punches!*
Hook: Stop it!

Hook: Hey! What’s this?! It’s so shiny!

Hook: Wow, hello gorgeous…oh wait, that’s just me!

*Gun accidently goes off*
Hook: Oops….

Hook: I mean…I know how to work it now!

Belle: *Is lying* You’re holding it the wrong way.

Hook: Really?

Belle: *Punches again*


Belle: I’m carrying the book, Mulan! I can’t possibly carry your helmet!
Mulan: This is why I don’t like hiring assistants! They never do what I tell them!

Mulan: Hey! Those symbols look important! I’d read them myself but that’s why I hired you as an assistant so that I don’t have to do it.
Belle: But I’m farsighted!

Mulan: Why did I hire you?!

Mulan: These pants are cutting off circulation to my feet.
Belle: That wound doesn’t look like it’s helping much…

Mulan: Silence! I once outrode an avalanche with a gut wound!

Belle: You know…I could take out that Yaoguai for you….

Mulan: Well…a ‘Heroes’ marathon IS on…and you don’t have any important roles to do…sure! Why not?!

Belle: You believe in me!

Mulan: Yeah because it’s not just me trying to see how the thing moves and kills…nothing like that at all.

Belle: Excuse me?!

Belle: What if a really hot man is hidden inside there?!

Mulan: Okay Belle, first off, that’s extremely creepy. Second; you already lucked out with that one. It’s not like there are hot people all over this forsaken country just asking to be dated and uncursed!

*Misses Shang*
*Misses Rumpelstiltskin*

Mulan: So if it comes between saving you and saving the sword….give your life, okay?

Belle: Yep….JUST like Rumpelstiltskin

Hook: Hey Belle, wanna know what I have that RUmpelstiltksin doesn't? Bae's cloak!

Hook: Jones BURN!
Belle: Be a grown up and give it back!

Hook: I'd like to see you MAKE ME give it back!

Hook: Now you might think that I want it cause I MIGHT thing Milah made it or something...but no. I Just want it because I need a cape.

Hook: My hero name is going to be Captain Hook!

Belle: We already have Red Robyn and she's better than you!

Hook: Please. She's a regular and she's barely been on the show!

Hook: Say...you got a boyfriend?

Belle: Um...yeah...isn't that why you're wanting to hit on me?

Belle: And stop stealing moves from Jefferson you POSER!

Hook: I'll have you know that I was harassing unsuspecting women before his parents parents were developing eyelids! I'm the original! Just not the show's original!

*Is slapped*

Belle: I can smell you from across the room, I don't need an up close and personal wiff...now I think it's on me!

Hook: Guess how buzzed I am!

Hook: Oh, and he killed my sort of girlfriend and THEN he took my hand...I'm more pissed about the latter part...

Hook: And you'd rather have HIM when you could have someone healthy like ME!

Hook: I've only tried to kill you twice!

Belle: I hope that you don't expect me to believe you about this whole wife thing while you're pointing a gun at my face.

Hook: You should trust me! I NEVER lie! Here, let me move to the open hold and give you a clear run to the door so you know how trustworthy I am!

Belle: You just unleashed the glare!

Hook: HA! I had to deal with that from Cora for years. I'm immune!

Hook: But seriously...aren't I cute? Why doesn't anyone just want to adopt me?

Belle: Because no one wants to hear you whining about someone you lost 300 years ago while you fall around and be some evil woman's lapdog!

Hook: I raise my eyebrow in judgment of that.

*Accidently trips on back of coat*

Hook: I fell on my keys! 

Hook: *Is in love* What a woman!

Belle: I hope everyone who works at this dock can hear my terrified screaming!

Hook: Ah hah! I block you! Luckily, you got lost below in the time it took me to crawl out of hte hold! Now come on and try to escape Belle. I cant wait to catch you! *Hopes she just doesn't jump off the side*

Hook: Now how about a hug?

Hook: Don't worry about this. It won't stab you that hard.

Rumpelstiltskin: I DO hope you're talking about your hook.

Hook: Yes! Among other things! Rumpel! *Revenge Squees*

Hook: How about a hug?

Hook: And not the kind I plan to give Belle and Emma and Regina and...that Red Robyn character...
Belle: Hm...what's going on back there?

Rumpelstiltskin: You're a lot shorter than I remember.

Hook: Still taller than you.

Rumpelstiltksin: Not in every way.

Hook: Milah didn't think so!

Rumpelstiltskin: And where's Milah now?

Rumpelstiltskin: BATTER UP!

Belle: Wait! I'm not in a good position to watch!

Belle: Harder!

Belle: Harder!

Belle: Harder!

Rumpelstiltskin: I would if he'd stop squirming!

Hook: Oh sure, whatever's convenient for YOU

Belle: Wait! I'll fill the shawl up with kitty litter! We can smack him with that!

Belle: What? It won't be used!

Hook: I need a nurse!

Belle: You most certainly better not volunteer ME for the job.

Rumpelstiltskin: I want to see you dressed as a nurse too!

Belle: The things I have to put up with!

Belle: Well....outrunning this thing...let's see if I'm any better at it, the second time around...

Belle: Your flame man makes you look STUPID!

Philip: WHAT?!

Belle: Running through the town...I'm sure the people whose houses I burn down won't be mad!

Philip: Kibbles and bits! Kibbles and bits!

Belle: Well...I hope that they won't mind me fighting this thing near thier filtration system thing/fire department

Belle: *Accidentely destroys* Oh....I knew that!

Belle: *Is struggling to breathe* Curse this corset!

*Is sort of adoptable* 

Belle: Hey! You're writing!  Why couldn't you just do that in the first place instead of just chasing everyone?

Belle: Here...have some fairy dust that a random dwarf just happened to give me.

Philip: My clothes stayed on! That's one worry solved!
Belle: Oh Ew. HE's normal

Philip: Hey...I'm Philip and I'm single...ish

Belle: Your communication skills suck.

Philip: We're all flawed! I tried writing my problems but people kept freaking out because I wrote it on the side of their houses...with fire. So I thought that torching thier homes might be funnier.

Belle: We better skip town before the angry mob that no longer has running water comes after me.

Philip: Do you have any cooked food anywhere? I've been eating things raw for MONTHS! Word to the wise, when Maleficent is luring you to a white van with candy and puppies DON"T GET IN.

Belle: Well, I guess having a guy hanging out wouldn't be too bad...

Belle: Mulan's face is going to be so PRICELESS!

Belle: Rumpelstiltskin, you’ve been beating him for an hour now! It’s my turn!

Hook: It’s okay! I’m totally fine! You can’t get me down!

Belle: You said I could knock him around forty minutes ago!

Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, you’re being a horrible look out! People are gathering because they can hear Hook begging for mercy!

Hook: I have a manly man chest.

Belle: *Peeks*

Rumpelstiltskin: Well Belle, let's see what's behind Sternum Number ONE! 

Rumpelstiltskin: Belly flop!

Belle: Stop climbing on him Rumpel! I wanted to do that!

Rumpelstiltskin: What?!

Belle: I didn’t mean it like that!

Hook: I can’t breathe…I think every bone in my body has been broken…

Rumpelstiltskin: And yet your mandible is intact for some reason.

Rumpelstiltskin: Which sucks because that would’ve been anyone else’s first target.

Rumpelstiltskin: Go jump off the world!

Hook: But the world is round!

Rumpelstiltskin: I’ll have no more of your new age mumbo jumbo, hippy!

Rumpelstiltskin: Don’t you want a few shots?
Belle: Never mind, the moments ruined.

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, if you’re passing.
Belle: Let’s go!

Hook: Could I possibly get some help up?

Snow: I have decided that we shall live here!

Charming: I don’t think I want to live on the same street as Rumpelstiltskin. He’ll never get off our doorbell.

Charming: And he’ll steal our newspapers and lay prone out in the driveway to lure Emma out and then squee that she cares and she likes him. Just like he used to do with you.

Snow: Why should you care? It’s not like you’re going out of your way to bond with our daughter. 

Charming: We bond through…silence…

Snow: No Charming, I just used to tell you that when I was mad and didn’t want to talk to you!


Charming: OOOOHHHH!

Snow: Some days I SWEAR that you didn’t get that cursed.

Snow: Now, we’re going to live here and since we’re royalty, we don’t have to pay property taxes.

Charming: What’s that ‘ice room’?
Snow: It’s for the penguin!
Charming: It’s bigger than our room!
Snow: He needs his space!

Pongo: It’s boring here when the others aren’t fighting over me.

Henry: Best Belletrap ever…

Emma: Well that was an amazing nap. Then I realized that you were too quiet and I just KNEW you were up to no good.

Emma: Please tell me ‘Death Room’ is for Regina.

Henry: Eh. Eventually.

Emma: Wow…not really sure if they make three-for-one iron maidens, Henry.

Henry: I’m getting it custom made for my birthday.

Henry: Which you missed.

Emma: Okay Henry, I missed 10 of them. One more isn’t gonna make much difference. Wait till you get up to 29 of them and then we’ll talk.

Emma: Stupid dog! You went out ten minutes ago!

Jiminy: Emma! My one true love!

Emma: *Stunned silence of love!*
Henry: Close the door, mom. Ghosts can’t get in when you lock the door!

Jiminy: Hi Emma…*Shy giggles* You were the first person I wanted to see….

Henry: Step-dad’s friend?!

Jiminy: Oh Henry…it’s so good to know that through my mental, emotional, and mental torture, I could rely on you always staying the same.

Henry: I knew Regina was innocent!

Emma: What?!

Henry: Which means that we gotta try a lot harder to get rid of her. 

Emma: Oh good.

Emma: Had me worried for a second…

Rumpelstiltskin: Bookend scenes!
Belle: When can I drive?

Rumpelstiltskin: You didn’t even fold it right…now it’s going to wrinkle.

Belle: Well now you can look at my own special touch since you’re not taking me with you.

Rumpelstiltskin: Which I sort of regret….but Jiminy’s awesome. He’ll keep you safe.

Belle: I know.

Belle: But we already beat up Hook like three times today.
Belle: I don’t think I have to worry.

Belle: And if you cheat on me with Emma, then I will end you.

Belle: *Chirpy* Okay?

Rumpelstiltskin: Yeah…no…I still like tormenting Emma….

Mulan: I can’t believe Joker did that to his own face!
*Reference not for the weak of stomach*

Belle: Spoilers! I haven’t read that far yet!

Belle: Anyway, she’s real friendly!
Mulan: You’re the only assistant that ever came back!

Mulan: And you brought…another mouth to feed I see…

Philip: Hi! I’m Philip and I’m extremely single-ish.

Mulan: I didn’t ask!

Belle: Oh give him a chance! He has an accent!

Mulan: I’m still looking for Shang!

Philip: Who is this Shang? Hark! Is that competition?!

Belle: Look! Just fall for him, okay?! I’m sure it won’t backfire on either one of you!

Belle: Teehee! I’m a matchmaker.

Mulan: I wouldn’t love this guy if it killed him!

Belle: I’ll give you guys some time alone.

Philip: You wouldn’t have some man armor lying around would you? I’ve been in these for months.

Mulan: I’m gonna kill Belle.

Philip: Also, I might have nightmares…apparently I may have murdered people.

Mulan: Ooo, death!


Belle: Aw! Their village is nothing but rubble and their crops are ruined! But at least I saved a guy!

Belle: *Starts singing about books*

Belle: Oh, I knew I smelled the smelled of nag.

Regina: Well, we’ve been waiting here for hours just hoping you’d climb up the extremely steep hill! He’s bound to be a little sweaty.

Belle: I wasn’t talking about the horse.

Claude:  Oooooooo!
Other Claude: Oooooo!

Regina: That just cost you! I’ll put you in the most spacious prison room I have!

Belle: Hey! You can’t do this to me! It’s not a good idea to piss off the girlfriend of Rumpelstiltskin! He’s bound to find out and when he does….! Do you even HAVE a plan for what you’re going to do to me?!

Regina: Nonsense! You’re important! Prisoner inspections are coming up and Rumpel scored really high because you were content and happy! I need to beat him!

Regina: Our rivalry’s so cute like that!

Belle: That’s it! You just unleashed…THE GLARE!

Regina: Whoa Hearty! Why are you freaking out?!

Belle: And this is how we’ll walk for our wedding!

Rumpelstiltskin: Whoa! I’m just not ready for THAT kind of a commitment!

Rumpelstiltskin: It’s a bit musty, let’s put the cologne on first…

Belle: Still can’t believe you wasted so much on Smee.
Rumpelstiltskin: I gave it to the hat and it was so worth it.

Belle: Okay! I’ll be Princess Leia and you be Han!
Rumpelstiltskin: But we didn’t even bring our Chewie! I mean Charming…

Rumpelstiltskin: And between you and me, I was sort of hoping that Emma would be Leia. Why? No reason….that has anything to do with Return of the Jedi for some scenes….

Belle: I’ll just wrap this around your neck tighter…

Rumpelstiltskin: Oohoohoo! Tinglies!

Belle: I wonder how Sneezy’s doing…

Rumpelstiltskin: Why do I feel violated?
Belle: Mm! That backside!

Belle: Well?

Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t know who I am!
Belle: *Cries*

*Ten minutes later*
Rumpelstiltskin: Ha! Fooled you!

Belle: I knew that! *Giggles* *Swings arms while trying to look casual*
Rumpelstiltskin: You should’ve seen your face!

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, kisses for me! I’m on the road!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh Belle…shut up…

Belle: I didn’t even make you a care package!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh that’s okay. Snow will probably make me one.

Belle: I’m not sure I like your association with that family. That kid keeps asking me if I’ve ever been crushed in a shrinking room before.


Rumpelstiltskin: Well, that’s Henry for ya! But Snow does make the best care packages!

Belle: Oh Rumpel!

*Is shot*
Belle: Huntsman! I’m coming to join ya!

Hook: Dangit Belle! Your melon head got in the way!

Rumpelstiltskin: She’s bleeding on me! *Drops*

Rumpelstiltskin: Belle, keep your blood on the inside of your body!

Belle: Who’s Belle?!

Rumpelstiltskin: THAT’S what you’re worried about!

Hook: Now you know how it feels!

Rumpelstiltskin: You idiot! You took Milah while I loved her! I already KNEW how it felt!

Hook: Silence your logic! It’s time we settle this like mature adults!

Hook:  Danceoff!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh, I’m pretty sure I can still take you down with one leg!

Belle: Um…guys…I’m bleeding out here!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Prepares to throw* *Accidently lets go at the wrong time and it goes flying backwards* FRRIGGGG! In a wooded area too!

Rumpelstiltskin: Hold me Belle!
Belle: Now’s not the time! And who’s Belle?!

*Fans burst into gleeful laughter*
*9 Billion fan pages for Greg’s car pop up*

*If it was Emma, the Storybrooke sign would’ve been bulldozed*

Hook: *Is being a drama queen* 

Rumpelstiltskin: That jackass! He ran over my cane!

*Fans scurry to find meaning*


  1. I really like Rumple/Belle/Archie teaming up. Also, your fanfiction is awesome !

  2. haha! This was great! I liked all the scenes of Hook getting beat up and I especially like the nod to Greg's car. Haha!

  3. Seriously.....cutting out Regina's scene where she tells Red to go take herself for a walk? Do you REALLY freaking hate her that much?! GET OVER IT!

    1. Except that scene wasn't in this episode.

    2. And to hate her that much? Look I love Regina*favorite character* but Dasegatling seems to only have a dislike towards her, not hatred.

  4. 1.I love the talking of Shang, nice to know I'm not the only one thinking of him.

    2.Love the joke on Rumple faking being mindwarped, I have the mental image of him just staring blank faced, while Bella cries.

    3.Yeah, I would say I busted out laughing while Hook got ran over, It was just so random.