Abridged: "Tiny" Part 1

Rumpelstiltskin: Hiiiii Emma!  You’re not matching my scarf like I said you should. Oh well…at least its red…the color of desire and passion and love…

 

Henry: And I’m desiring and passionate and in love with the idea of an airplane ride!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, you’re going to have to watch it from Jefferson’s telescope kiddo because if we take you along then I can’t pay for first class.

 

Emma: Nope.  He’s going. Regina called, laughed evilly when I answered and hung up so I think she’s up to something and Cora’s in town and so Henry’s coming with us because it’s high time you see just how much your evilness has corrupted my kid.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: I guess we’ll have to deal with…..coach *shudders* then. Well…I suppose that he’ll make a good chaperone.

 

Emma: I don’t think it works as a chaperone if he keeps pushing us to be together.

 

Henry: I packed like EIGHTY video games for us in case we get bored.

 

Charming: Emma, how many times do I have to tell you to make your bed before you go on life changing missions?!

 

Charming: Also, I packed everything you’ll possibly need.

Emma: Dad! I’m not for a length of time that would entail me having a bag that big! 

 

Charming: I put a sword in there…just so you know.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: What could I possibly do that would make her want to stab me?

 

Charming: Have you seen you?

 

Rumpelstiltskin: You’re just angry because she likes it!

 

Rumpelstiltskin: And don’t worry…I’ve already gotten ‘the talk’

Jiminy: Listen, I know you and I know how you are. And because of your problems, I have no problem with you feeling that you have to flirt with Emma to make yourself feel love and needed…but if something happens and you both come back married or…together or had been together…I will drop out of the bowling team so fast your head will spin.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: That’s his way of saying the friendship would be over and I’m sorry but…Jiminy comes before you guys.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: ESPECIALLY you *Hates him*

 

Charming: Well if something happens then I’ll cross over the line and come down there as David Nolan and you will have to deal with that for the rest of my life.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Pfft, David Nolan couldn’t even FIND Manhattan. *Is worried anyway*

 

Henry: This is so fun! I’ve never been in my stepdad’s evil car before!

Emma: Click it or ticket Henry, seriously.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: This wasn’t how I wanted our eventual out of town honeymoon trip to go.

Emma: *Is looking for a place to jump out and flee*

*Is checking him out*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: You like it, Emma? I wore my best bicep bearing suit to this.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: *Checks out* Oh, I see you wore a dress too! Just like our date nights!

Emma: *Is really not looking forward to being in a car or airplane with the two of them at the same time*

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Oohoo! Tinglies!

 

Henry: I hope you’re not Mr. Gold. He used to throw knives at me when I wanted to bond.

 

Rumpelstiltskin: Nope! Still me!

 

Emma: *Groans in disappointment*

Charming: Well….time to find Cora! I’ll bet she’s hiding in terror because of what we can do to her!

 

Snow: We can mock Hook too!

 

Charming: Taunt him about his ineptitude!

 

Snow: Gleefully mock his inability to get a real date in 300 years!

 

Snow: It’s going to be a GLORIOUS day!

 

Snow: And to top it all off, we don’t have to deal with Regina sneering at us!

 

Regina: Um….hey guys.

 

Charming: Sorry, we’re wearing concrete shoes now. It’ll be harder for you to throw us.

Snow: My legs feel like they’re going to fall off every time I walk in them.

Charming: It’s called being prepared.

 

Regina: Well…know this…I’m uh…innocent to everything you accused me of and have NO IDEA of anyone with magic resembling my mother is here…

 

Charming: Oh! What a coincidence! Because your mom IS here and she manipulated you into taking the fall for a murder you didn’t commit. So…we were wrong.

 

Regina: Oh, that’s nice.

 

*Are waiting for her to apologize to them for all the things she put them through*

 

Regina: Well, it’s time you let me see Henry so that I can kidnap…er…I mean… ‘protect him’. Protecting is what I meant.

 

Snow: Uh…he can’t come to the phone right now…he’s sort of out of cell phone tower range…

 

Regina: How dare you take Henry out of town and away from my mother…WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION FIRST!

 

Snow: Uh…we couldn’t find you….and you sort of abandoned Henry and never left any contact information or checked in with him…so how could we?

 

Regina: That’s beside the point!

 

Charming: Regina, you make a better door than a curtain, so will you please move? We have important sheriffing to do!

 

Regina: He’s still deputy?

 

Snow: Everyone else around us seems to die when you murder them…not many people were willing to volunteer taking another spot.

 

Regina: Well that should make my murder of both of you a lot easier then!

 

Regina: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Snow: She always did have a weird sense of humor.

 

Charming: Well now that that’s out of the way! Come with me! We have important sheriffing to do!

 

Charming: But I’m not surrendering my guns so…you take a bow and arrow.

 

Snow: Wish I could just shoot Regina…

Charming: So do I, Snow. But we can’t do it in a way that links back to us.

 

Hook: I can’t believe you guys expect me to get out of bed and help you find my boat! Why can’t you just get the cricket to help? I can barely walk and I wasn’t even done with my rubber breakfast pancakes.

 

Snow: We were worried that all the assault yesterday might’ve made you lose your memory but I guess it happens so often with you that any effects have long since passed.

 

Hook: Hey Snow! Looking extra scrumptious in that little hat of yours.

 

Charming: Hey! That’s my wife you’re flirting with!

 

Hook: I’m sorry…it’s the drugs talking…

 

Hook: Oh no it’s not, I’m always like this.

 

Hook: And what’s with that one nurse? She was wheeling me out and I was flirting with every girl that passed by and she tipped my wheelchair and made me fall in the street! Not cool!

 

Charming: Oh, who doesn’t want to do that?

 

Grumpy: I don’t! He’s a pirate…I think he’s sort of cool!

 

Hook: You’re the first person who’s ever said that to me!

 

Hook: *mutters* Sort of wish it was a sorority of women though…

 

Snow: You know…Widow Lucas was on a sorority….I just DARE you to go flirt with her.

 

Hook: Oh…so she’s a widow…

 

Charming: That’s my grandmother figure you’re talking about!

 

Hook: You guys won’t let me date anyone!

 

Hook: Well…follow the leader, my boat’s this way!

 

*Splash*

Hook: WHO MOVED MY SHIP?!

Charming: Teehee! 

 

Charming: Next time…we make Jiminy tell us where it is.

Snow: Why didn’t we restrain him?

 

Hook: Aw, the Jolly Rodger. The only female in my life that doesn’t beat me up.

 

Grumpy: It’s a…boat.

 

Hook: First rule of pirating…boats are people too.

 

Hook: *IS trying to look sexy* And if you think that I’m going to pile all your citizens on her and Love Boat my way to your world then you’re horribly mistaken!

 

Grumpy: Would you move?

Hook: My ribs are broken! Give me a minute! You guys made me walk eight miles!

Grumpy: Only because you started crying the minute you saw the car.

 

Charming: Hey! I think this random box covered by cloth is extremely significant!

 

Hook: Uh…sure!

 

Hook: No, I’m just kidding. My new gaming chair is in that and it…might be embarrassing or something…don’t pull the tarp off!

 

Charming: Humiliation time! *Pulls tarp off*

 

Hurley: Zzzz Dude.

 

Charming: Uh…so he’s been asleep this whole time?

 

Snow: Really glad we didn’t just sink this thing like we intended to do.

 

Abraham: I’ve been on this show! This is my third time but no one notices! You make one appearance, everyone has a panic attack! I was in the A-Team movie! What famous thing were you ever in?

Hurley: Dude, I told the island to give us ripe food tonight.

 

Arlo: It’s about time you showed up Hurley.

 

Hurley: My…my name is Anton!

 

Arlo: You’re always be Hurley to the world.

 

Hurley: Joy…I can just hear the typecasting typewriter writing me parts now…

 

Arlo: It’s good to be a family! Because we know that we’re better than humans in every possible way!

 

Hurley: *Is humming ‘Part of your World’*

 

Arlo: What was that, Hurley? I think you’re associating yourself with too much to a certain Disney princess who shall remain nameless!

 

Arlo: You know... red hair…mermaid tale…obsessed with humans and spends time in a room with all their human belongings.

 

Hurley: I can identify with her! Besides, we might as well be a take on Little Mermaid this season! Our names all start with ‘A’ just like Ariel’s sisters and you look like King Trident.

 

Abraham: How on earth does he play this thing?

 

Hurley: And you know what? I don’t know anything about humans since no one goes down that beanstalk but humans are AWESOME. I’m just saying. And if we don’t want the humans finding us, why is there even a beanstalk there?!

 

Hurley: And why is he on this show for a third time?

 

Arlo: We leave the beanstalk up because of like…temptation or something! Just like why we grow the beans…to show the benefit of hard work!

 

Hurley: Except you don’t work hard, you make us all do it while you bring the water back and forth!

 

Arlo: It’s called being the oldest child! And don’t sass me, okay? I was on ER. Ever act with anyone as famous as George Clooney?

Hurley: Yeah! Michael Emerson…and John Noble when I was on Fringe… Sam Neill when I was in Alcatraz!

 

Arlo: And how’d that last one turn out?

 

Hurley: Uh…it turned out okay…

 

Hurley: For the half season it was on…

 

Arlo: I win.

 

Hurley: Humans are awesome!

 

 Arlo: I want….

 

Arlo: To grab you and shake you!

 

Abraham: Hey Hurley…how about a magic trick…I’m gonna make this harp…disappear!

 

Abraham: *Throws over shoulder* TA-DA! It’s…GONE!

 

Hurley: I refuse to listen to you get drunk and make bad movie impersonations!

 

Hurley: I’m running away! At least Ben Linus will be my friend!

Abraham: I get your room!

 

Hurley: Good thing no human being alive could possibly make this jump!

 

Hurley: I just remembered why I hate heights!

 

Hurley: Dude…

 

Grumpy: Yeah, it smells like he’s been here for days.

 

Charming: You held a man captive! You horrible person!

 

Hook: I did NOT! Cora did! I just didn’t say anything because I do my best not to talk to her any more than I already have to…

 

Hook: Owwww! What?

Charming: Oh, everyone’s beating you up; I wanted to get a few shots in.

 

Hook: Here…have his key and let me slink off in peace!

 

Snow: Okay!

 

Hurley: Uh…this isn’t a cruise ship…OR the island.

 

Charming:  We saved you! Accidently!

Hook: So long, suckers!

 

Hurley: That witch made me small! When did that happen?! How did she acquire another cuff to climb up to find me and how did we get back down?

 

Charming: You know continuity is NOT this show’s strong suit!

 

Hurley: How DARE you have that face!

 

Not!Charming: I’m a stunt double!

 

Charming: Finally! I get to shoot something!

 

Charming: *Slips* Ow! I need shoes that give me good traction!

 

Snow: Bad giant! You sit down!

 

Charming: Okay Snow…these concrete shoes…not a good idea!

 

Hurley: I’m running away!

Snow: Okay…um…I’m sure you won’t randomly assault anyone else!

 

Charming: Oh great, and we lost Hook too!

 

Snow: Rumpelstiltskin threatens our lives and then we lose the reason Belle is hurt in twenty minutes…maybe he had a point in threatening us….

 

Not!Belle: Oh good…Expose…another Lost reference…

 

Red: I heard you didn’t freak out one time today…that’s good, right?

 

Not!Belle: Cruella De Ville called…she wants her coat back.

 

Red: Don’t sass me, I brought you muffins!

 

Not!Belle: And I brought a storyline to season 2. How about you step up to the plate, Ms. ‘I got promoted!’?

 

Red: I did! For an episode!

 

Red: I know how Jiminy feels now!

 

Not!Belle: And that would all make so much more sense if I knew or cared about either one of you…

 

Red: I brought you a book! ‘The Mysterious Island’!

 

Red: Thought you might like it! I have no idea how it could apply to you at all!

 

Not!Belle: Oh. Yay. And here I was hoping it’d be the newest Twilight Knockoff…

 

Red: Don’t…say that! What has Regina done to you?!

 

Not!Belle: Well add her to the list of people that do things to me because the other night when I lost my memory, there was shooting and mentions of some ‘Emma’ and fireball throwing going ons that I know I saw and everyone thought I was crazy!

 

Not!Belle: But you believe me, right?

 

Red: Nope!

 

Not!Belle: Why not?!

 

Red: You ARE aware that as long as you keep talking about what you witnessed, we’re not letting you out of this hospital, right?

 

Not!Belle: But I saw it! I can’t lie! That’s against my programming!

 

Not!Belle: Now tell me that I’m right or I’ll STRANGLE you!

 

Nurse Ratchet: Hey! No one threatens to strangle Red! She’s a fan favorite!

Greg: I heard a chick fight!

 

Red: Like...EWWWWW needles! I can’t watch that! I have morning sickness!

 

Nurse Ratched: Well that’s what you get for marrying the hot guy on the hill and starting a family! 

 

Greg: So I guess…there’s not going to be a catfight at all, then?

 

Not!Belle: Look at all the firecrackers, WHEEEEEE!

 

Greg: Put on my pants for NOTHING.

 

Red: Aw, isn’t that cute! A normal person.

 

Greg: Hi, I’m Greg by the way.

 

Red: Hi! I’m married.

 

Red: And it’s not like you’d be in town long enough to get a date anyway!

 

Red: The sooner you’re gone the sooner we can all be normal and secret free!

 

Greg: I wasn’t flirting I was just…being nice…