104 - Price of Gold

Stepsister: Oh it’s going to be great! All the princes in the realms are going to see us in our pimped out dresses!

Cinderella: Fine, I’m just gonna do a horrible job of sweeping this place and that’s going to show you!

*Disneyworld*

Cinderella: Even the FLIES are dressing up for the event

Fairy Godmother: I’m your fairy Godmother you idiot.

Fairy Godmother: And I’m here to change your life!

Cinderella: Wait a minute, where have you BEEN the past 18 years of my life? I mean I’ve been stuck here being emotionally and mentally abused and you were…where?

Fairy Godmother: On strike

Fairy Godmother: But luckily things are different now and we’re back in business baby!

*Dies*

Cinderella: What in the name of singing mice was that?!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh you don’t have to worry about anything. She was going to make sure that you regretted that deal as soon as you knew what you got yourself into anyway.

Cinderella: What?!

Rumpelstiltskin: She is evil and magic sucks. But mainly because she was hogging my screen time.

Cinderella: I automatically believe you. Though I do have to wonder if that’s a good idea considering you just nuked an unsuspecting woman right in front of me.

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh don’t worry about it sugar dumpling I do this kind of thing all the time

Cinderella: She was supposed to help me get out of this horrible life!

Rumpelstiltskin: My life was worse before I became sexy, wanna compare? What’s going to happen if you don’t work? What's your family going to do? They going to fire you or something?

Rumpelstiltskin: You know I do need help at my own castle. Perhaps…



Rumpelstiltskin: But then again...no I think not.

Rumpelstiltskin: Have your fun moping around looking filthy while your true love waits at the castle in vaint because you’re not there. You couldn’t handle the magic that I could threw at you.

Cinderella: Yes I could! Yes I could! Yes I could! Yes I could! Yes I could! Yes I could!

Rumpelstiltskin: Implementing possible long term plans to screw the realms over and get the evil queen to use the curse I gave her and potentially ruin her chances at happiness should NOT be this easy.

Cinderella: CHANGE ME!

Rumpelstiltskin: OKAY! Geez! do you even realize what you’re asking?

Cinderella: If it gets me a life of comfort then who gives a flying fudge?

Rumpelstiltskin: No! Seriously! You’re not covered in cinders you’re covered in…bits of your fairy godmother. Does it occur to you for an INSTANT that this might backfire?

Cinderella: Do it.

Rumpelstiltskin: You know…with this wand I think I’d make a rockin’ music conductor.

Rumpelstiltskin: But I digress, what is your favorite color.

Cinderella: Red! No green! No…

*When a guy is looking at me on the bus like this, I usually move*

Rumpelstiltskin: I don’t have all night you know. I gotta go home and get ready for this too.

Cinderella: Okay, I like blue.

Rumpelstiltskin: Well then just sign this contract! Luckily the quill is still wet with ink!

Cinderella: GIMME!

Rumpelstiltskin: Careful! Nearly ripped my hand off.

*Yeah, and guess where the dotted line just HAPPENED to be near?”

Rumpelstiltskin: Are you done admiring the merchandise? My arm is getting tired!

Cinderella: Maybe I should’ve read that…

Rumpelstiltskin: Nonsense! Is this the face of an untrustworthy guy?

Rumpelstiltskin: Well here we go!

Cinderella: I’m gonna get those clothes back tomorrow right? I kinda need them to work. It's kinda creepy how you seem to know my measurements too...

Cinderella: Oh, pretty glass slippers.

Rumpelstiltskin: Every good story comes with a memorable detail! Of course the blisters are gonna be murder and everyone can see them…and if you step wrong it could completely shatter and embed in your foot and you could get gangrene and have your foot chopped off but…every good story comes with a memorable detail!

Cinderella: *Happy Squeal*

Rumpelstiltskin: *To himself* I just wanna punch you in the face SO HARD right now. I should tell her that I didn’t order her a coach…oh well…it’ll be worth seeing her walk.

Henry: I’m so glad that we’re walking to the bus stop together just like a real mother and son! I was worried that I was going to have to cut your brake lines again to get you to pay attention to me!

Emma: Why do you even have a bus stop?! Didn’t I walk you to school in “Think You Love Most?”

Henry: I think we need code names for our operation of doom. Can I call you mom?

Emma: No.

Henry: Can I call you mother?

Emma: No.

Henry: Can I call-

Emma: No

Henry: Can I-

Emma: *Glares*

Emma: What did I tell you about making those faces, Henry?! I feel my soul’s being ripped out of my body and then slamming back in!

Henry: I won’t make those faces anymore if you promise to think it over.

Emma: Archie really needs to rethink his therapy exercises.

Emma: I hope he enjoys his trip…down the…street.

Emma: Don’t think I didn’t notice you following us for twelve blocks!

Graham: I don’t know what you’re talking about! I was just patrolling the two streets we have in this town.

Emma: And were you enjoying the view while you were behind us the whole time?

Graham: Let’s just say that I never notices how great this town was before until I REALLY got to look

Emma: *Nods* I like your style Graham.

Graham: Would you like my style enough to come work as a deputy so I can admire the town all the time?

Emma: Can I keep the chainsaw?

Graham: We prefer guns. You can’t shoot chainsaws at unsuspecting civilians.

Emma: I’d find a way!

Graham: You’re starting to fit in quite nicely.

Emma: *Is insulted*

Emma: If I’m going to start fitting in then I’m going to drown my sorrows in hot chocolate.

Regina: What are you doing walking my son to his bus stop?

Emma: Whoa! You just popped out of nowhere!

Regina: Mr. Gold’s been teaching me a few things.

Emma: Oh….OH! UGH! EW!

Regina: Not like that Ms. Swan! We meet in the nice restaurant up the road because I’m too rich to usually think about even walking in here, Mr. Gold and I often have lunch elsewhere because we’re just too good for this place and no one else is rich or scary enough to bother us.

Emma: Then why are you bothering me while I’m drowning my new residential sorrows?

Regina: I’m just gonna mock you a lot about how you have no roots because you move around a lot.

Emma: You know, I’m put up with how many days of being your new verbal punching bag now? It really doesn’t bother me anymore.

Emma: Anything else I can help you with?

Regina: Uh…oh yeah.

*Smirk*

Emma: Not bothering me! *is bad at lying*

Regina: Well, my job of making people cry is done for now. I better get out of here before I have to go home and wash the smell of poor people off me.

Emma: I’m just gonna grab my hot chocolate clumsily and go!

Emma: Oh, who would’ve guessed that trying to pick it up with my wrist would’ve gone badly?!

Ruby: Look, I’M the only one allowed to participate in wet shirt contests in this town! Go dry off!

Emma: Think that’s a bragging point, do you?

Ruby: When I look like this?! You know it!

Emma: Stupid early washing. It’s not like I have to wash these clothes every day until my real clothes get here!

Ashley: Can you PLEASE put a shirt on?

Emma: Why? You jealous or something?

*Wind suddenly blows into the room*

Ashley: It’s just that I don’t need the blatant fanservice

Emma: Fine. Hope this doesn’t belong to anyone that wants it back immediately because I’m wearing it at least until tomorrow!

Emma: Whoa, you’re pregnant.

Ashley: I kinda…I kinda noticed. But I won’t be for long though! I’m going to give her up….




Ashley*Cries* And that makes me SO HAPPY!

Emma: Shut up.

Ashley: What?

Emma: I’m going to take this for a fact that my clumsiness resulted in me somehow meeting you before you give up your baby and just in time for your contractions not to be so agaonizing that you’re not listening. What are the odds that would happen?

Ashley: Um…I don’t know?

Emma: And you should know that I have personal experience with this and if you’re not careful then whoever you’re giving your baby a way to will probably give your child to an emotionally and mentally abusive woman and they might run to you drag you here on your birthday ten years from now and you stay because you feel pity and then you FIND YOURSELF FITTING IN!

Ashley: Uh…I don’t really have…experience with that.

Emma: You’re right. This is about you but really it’s about me projecting my regrets onto you about my own guilt of giving Henry away. So you shouldn’t listen to anyone else but you should listen to yourself listening to me telling you to try and keep your baby.

*Is inspired.*

Gold: Oh I LOVE bowling night with Archie.

*Falling Trashcans*

*Screeching cat*

Gold: What was THAT?!

Gold: Well I’m sure it’s nothing like a dissatisfied customer breaking in. . Better get there early before Gepetto’s Storybrooke alternate and Leroy get there and get some practicing in.

Ashley: *Is attempting to be sneaky*

Ashley: Why doesn’t he have a better security system?

*Mr. Gold’s Security system*

Ashley: How do I know where his safe is?

Gold: Forgot my bowling shoes…Hey! I know you!

Ashley: How did you sneak in here with that cane?

*Pepperspray!*

*…..oh my.*

*How did she know where his key was?*

Regina: It’s so wonderful to have a mirror that doesn’t look back at me.

Henry: Can you hurry up? I have disobedience I need to conduct.

Regina: You know how I hate these council meetings.

Henry: How come these council meetings are only between you and Graham in the motel room? Don’t you have meeting rooms for that?

Regina: Watch your mouth.

Emma: Who brought all my stuff up here?!

Mary: Is that...a new shirt. I don’t think I noticed it in the week and a half you’ve been here. If it’s been a week and a half…How long HAS it been?

Emma: I have…no clue.

Mary: Well I’m sure no one’s ever going to think that far into it so we’ll just go on. It’s not like someone’s going to abridge this or something.

Emma: No….of…course not…that would be weird.

Mary: Oh someone’s knocking! Now that I have a new bestie I’m becoming QUITE popular!

Gold: Hey angel food cake, is Emma here?

Mary: Took you long enough. You’re usually a lot faster about hitting on women than this. And you promised you wouldn't use my nickname!

Gold: Hiiiii Emma! *Checks out*

Gold: I’ve come to talk to you about a proposition I have for you.

Emma: I’m starting to want a shower again.

Gold: ……………………………………………………………………

Mary: Oh, it’s time for me to go?

Emma: No! Don’t leave me!

Gold: Mind if I come in? Well I kid. I own this apartment so I can come in whenever I want to.

Emma: Creepy.

Gold: I need you to find the woman that assaulted me in my shop yesterday night and made off with the contract I have.

Gold: She was so wound up that she kicked my bad leg out from under me and beat me with the cane until I was unconscious. And she kept saying things about…channeling regrets and guilt.

Gold: *Looks away and fake sniffles*

Gold: I’m alright though!

*Purposefully shows injury while flipping hair*

Gold: It was horrible.

Emma: You’re aware that you got beat up by a petit blond heavily pregnant with what looks like a ten pound baby right?

Gold: Oh come on, it was dark and usually my security system scares anyone with sense away.

Gold: And besides, she was pregnant! What did you expect me to do? Yank out my katana from my cane and beat her with it?

*Is trying not to make that dirty*

*Is totally making that dirty*

Gold: Hi Henry! Aw, you’re so cute!

Gold: Well! I’ll be on my way. If you get this done and retrieve what’s mine I’m sure we can think of something to make it worth your while.

Emma: I think the satisfaction that you got your merchandise back is MORE than enough of a reward for me.

Henry: I want to be exactly like you when I grow up!

Gold: Atta boy!

Henry: Can Mr. Gold be my new dad?

Emma: *Is trying not to imagine marrying Mr. Gold*

Emma: Sorry kid, I gotta work.

Henry: Can I be your assistant?

Emma: I’m sure there are laws against that but if there aren’t then I’m making them!

Emma: Stop following me!

Henry: My mother yelled at me to stay away from you, glared, smirked, and then said she was leaving until 5. She’s contradictory like that.

Emma: Well that doesn’t mean I want to deal with you!

Henry: A chance to learn from Mr. Gold? Who wouldn’t pass that up?

Emma: I’m pretty sure everyone would.

Henry: When you get married and you adopt me are we going to live with him or Mary Margaret?

Emma: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Emma: I haven’t decided whether or not I like you enough to spend the next 8 years with you yet!

Henry: But if you marry him this is the only hope I have of ever reaching my full evil potential!

Emma: What is WRONG with you?!

Henry: Can Ashley’s kid be my sister?

Emma: I don’t even know how to answer that!

Emma: Hey! Get out of my car!

Audience: Speech! Make a speech!

Cinderella: I’m so glad that all of you came to my wedding! Even though you diodn’t come when I really needed you when I spent eighteen years suffering from all kinds of indignities! But thank you all from showing yoru faces now that we’re funding a party!

Audience: YAY!

Snow: Oh! We’re pretending to be friends? I don’t even know you!

Thomas: Hey dad!

Charming: I’m…over here too. Is no one glad that I came?

King: Oh Ella, I’m more than certain that I will NEVER in any universe blame you for ruining my son’s life!

Cinderella: *Happy giggles*

Charming: I arranged this thing you know! And no one even remembers my name!

Snow: Get over here!

Snow: Listen to me, this dress is TIGHT and I can’t breathe. If something happens I need you to airlift me out of here as fast as you can.

Cinderella: And…who are you?

Snow: I’m the one that SHOULD be celebrated because I’ve been through a heck of a lot more than you have.

Cinderella: BUDDIES!

Rumpelstiltskin: FINALLY! I’ve been trying to dance with you all night but all the other women keep cutting in.







Cinderella: How did you even get in here?

Rumpelstiltskin: I was at the top of the invite list, I’m surprised you never noticed me. Charming likes to invite me because I always bring good gifts. Maybe I should..stop doing that.

Rumpelstiltskin: Also he knows how much this shade of gold clashes with my gorgeous skin tone.

Rumpelstiltskin: Now let’s talk about this deal in front of a crowd of people shall we? You were such the center of attention two seconds ago that I’m surprised no one’s noticed me.

Cinderella: Right and…I guess I should’ve asked for a copy of that contract but what do you want?

Rumpelstiltskin: I want to have your baby!

*Struts off*

Cinderella:……EWWWWWW!

Cinderella: Let’s see, I packed my cookbook subscriptions, I packed all my ice cream that I’ve been craving and if I go out dressed in this then I’m sure I’ll last for days!



Thomas: I’m conveniently back! Did Rumpelstiltskin create the storm so that I’d head back and talk you out of running away and capturing him instead? Because that. Would. Be. Awesome.



Thomas: Also you’re packing up during a bad storm? Where are you going to go anyway? Do you really think that the magical man that can dress you and undress you with a wave of his wand of the fairy godmother he nuked WON”T find you?



Cinderella: We’re going to have a baby.



*Almost throws up*



Thomas: I mean that’s great.



Cinderella: Except it’s going to be Rumpelstiltskin’s.



Thomas: It’s…what?



Cinderella: From the CONTRACT I signed, geez, such a pervert.



Thomas: And you never thought to bring this up?



Cinderella: I was kinda hoping he’d…forget?



Thomas: Well, I’m sure we’ll figure something out. And by that I mean we’ll have Charming and Grumpy do all the work while I stand around with a blank face because for some reason this doesn’t bother me at ALL like it should.



Cinderella: But if we’re going by the Disney versions then you fell in love with me after one dance and you still want me around as your wife that you love?



Thomas: Yeah, I’m gullible like that.



Emma: So…Ashley by any chance have any friends that she could hang with?



Ruby: She’s like 28 years pregnant, swollen ankles and rampant hormones are NOT great to hang out with. I should know. I’m her only friend.



Ruby: And her boyfriend dumped her as soon as she found out she was pregnant. He’ll be no help.






Ruby: Billy! Don’t damage my Chekov’s Car!



*Chekov’s wolf*



Ruby: Well even though I just told you that her boyfriend wouldn’t be much help I think you should go talk to him anyway.



Emma: Let’s go!



Henry: *Whispering* You’re falling for this?!



Emma: Shut up and smile Henry







Emma: I’m here to talk to you about your girlfriend who attacked Gold and ran off…given Graham and his twitter craze I’m sure you’ve probably already heard about it.



Sean: Yeah, he even posted pictures of Gold sprawled out on the floor.



Emma: I need you to help me find her because she could get in trouble



Sean: DADDY! Can I go find my girlfriend!?



Sean’s Dad: No.



Sean: Well that’s good enough an answer for me.



Sean: I’m going to go play on the trampoline now.



Sean’s dad: Just tell her to pop the kid over to Gold like she promised she was going to do. He’s a very trustworthy guy!



Emma: Seriously? You’d actually believe that.



Sean’s dad: No, but it helps me sleep at night. You don’t know the baby is why he hired you?



Emma: Uh…uh…



Sean’s dad: I mean you never even tried to figure it out?



Emma: I…should’ve seen this coming.



Sean’s dad: Yes. You should. Now…can you go? I think I want to play on the trampoline too.




Henry: No one’s ever broken a deal with Mr. Gold! I don’t think we should either! It could ruin my  rep points with him! Don’t you DARE ruin this for me!



Emma: Anyone who wants to be a mother should be allowed to be one!



Henry: Uh…..have you MET people? You know that whole argument is null and void when you realize that Regina wanted to be a mother and look at what a FINE job she’s done!



Emma: Ruby! Hit me up with some coffee before I go continue my fruitless search for Ashley and her kid. I’m down my fourth cup.



Ruby: Uh…you’re back a lot faster than what I thought you would be…uh…I just have to…refill the coffee pot…give me an hour.



*Chekov’s wolf*



*Lightbulb!*



Emma: Ruby, you wouldn’t have by any chance been lying to me would you? I was supposed to have a superpower against that but I have the horrible feeling that I might’ve been lying about that.



Emma: You HAVE to tell me where she is! If she leaves then I lose money from the ONE job that I’ve had since I got here!



Ruby: I refuse to talk in front of him. I’ve heard he has a tribute to Mr. Gold in his room.



Henry: That would be…very wrong…



Henry: Who knows that?!



Emma: Go away Henry!



Henry: But I don’t want to!



Emma: Why don’t you go ask Mr. Gold to babysit you since you love him so much.



Emma: *Is hiding her disgust*  You can read your fanfics of him and I getting married to him.



Henry: What a good idea! He’s always open for suggestions!



Emma: What did I just get myself into?



Ruby: I gave her my car to head out of town…even though she has no money or no means for living… and is in labor…I’m sure it’ll turn out well.



Emma: Finally, I haven’t had a moment’s quiet all day! This is great! No Henry, no Gold, no Mary Margaret and her calling me bestie all the time…



Henry: RAWR
Emma: AHHHHH!



*Crashes*



Emma: Darnit Henry! What’re you doing?!



Henry: I WAS going to see Mr. Gold, but then I realized that he’d like me more if I stuck around and made sure you kept your end of the bargain.



Emma: *Grumbles*



Thomas: So apparently we’ve been planning this for awhile…I guess a few months have passed.



Charming: Well I have my own curse to deal with…but I guess I have time to take out of my ‘me time’ and help you people go back on the deal you made on account of your own stupidity.



Grumpy: This WAS supposed to be my dream home until you guys made me give it up. All I had to do was move in the furniture!



Charming: You’re going to tell Rumpelstiltskin that the ultrasound revealed twins. He has some kind of foresight ability in which he’ll guess when my wife is pregnant. I don’t know how we’re going to fool him into believing that you’re going to have twins.



Thomas: That should be our first clue that this is a horrible plan.



Grumpy: So to get him to follow through with the new deal you’re going to get him to sign with this magic quill that I bribed the blue fairy to put a spell on. Apparently she’s got quite the vicious streak in her.



Grumpy: Nothing brings a bunch of magic fairies together like the idea of magical castration.



Cinderella: Does this have any chance of backfiring?



Thomas: Oh totally not! I think it’s flawless!



Charming: You should’ve seen how horrible it was before I came in and adjusted it.



Grumpy: My poor dream home.



Grumpy: That was going to be my bedroom.



Grumpy: I hope you like it. A lot of dwarf blood went into it! I make it sound like your fault a little though this IS kind of our job in life.



Cinderella: You guys work fast!  It takes forever to lay down a street in the real world. And here it looks like you’ve designed this in just a few months.







Cinderella: So…is that bar thing a…door or not?  Because if it's not then how are we putting him in there?



Henry:  Look! There’s the car!
Emma: Yes Henry. I see it.



Emma: Oh no…that poor car.
Henry: Another victim of Ashley’s poor judgment!



Ashley: I’m not here!



Emma: Uh…were you going to give birth to your baby in the grass instead of the cleaner car?



Ashley: The baby’s coming!



Emma: You better keep your legs crossed because there is no way that this car or either one of us is equipped to handle a childbirth .



Ashley: But I don’t want to give up my baby



Emma: Really? Because you have to grow up and make changes and take responsibility because everything is going to be different now. And if you don’t know what those differences is automatically then shame on you because I’m not going to give you any hints.



Henry: Mr. Gold’s gonna KILL YOU!



Emma: Shut up Henry!



Ashley: I don’t want Mr. Gold waiting at the end of the bed with a catcher’s mitt! I want to keep my baby!
Emma: Well you seem responsible enough so that's good enough for me!



Cinderella: I’m here all alone I certainly hope RUMPELSTILTSKIN doesn’t show up to cause trouble



Rumpelstiltskin: What do you want? I was in the middle of putting itching powder in all of the evil Queen’s wardrobe.



Cinderella: You’d have to be crazy to do that.



Rumpelstiltskin: Crazy drunk that is!



Cinderella: I kinda might be having twins.



Rumpelstiltskin: I’m automatically sober!
*Throws flask over shoulder*
Thomas: OW!
Charming: DUDE BE QUIET!
Thomas: I’M SORRY!



Rumpelstiltskin: I think it’s time for hugs all around.



Cinderella: I think the very idea would send me into premature later.  



Cinderella: Wait, what’re you doing?
Rumpelstiltskin: BABY BUMP! *Squees*



Rumpelstiltskin: I only feel one baby kicking furiously at my creepy touch.



Cinderella: There are two.



Rumpelstiltskin: Oh we’re playing pretend are we?



Rumpelstiltskin: Okay, I LOVE this game. It’s so much fun to see how far I can go before they realized that I’m totally in on the lie.



*Is oblivious*



Rumpelstiltskin: Than again, maybe I should just declare myself winner already.  



Cinderella: Just sign the contract for the second baby.



Rumpelstiltskin: Did you make the pretty decorations on the contract? Or did you write it out yourself? Who else knows about this? Someone would have to know to write all this out.



*Speed!Reads*



Cinderella: I even have a quill that matches the red ink. It’s red. Like blood. I thought you’d like it.



Rumpelstiltskin: With this face I have, you still think that I’m not in on this? I mean…



Rumpelstiltskin: Tee hee.



Rumpelstiltskin: This won’t backfire? This won’t strip me of my powers somehow and this won’t…say…put me in a prison with no door where I’ll sit underground in a cave with no bathroom or comfy bed  or TV. But what are the chances of that happening?



Rumpelstiltskin: You wouldn’t purposefully screw me over would you? Because if that should happen which I don’t believe would happen then that debt would just rise.



Rumpelstiltskin: You might be a widow!



Rumpelstiltskin: Hypothetically.



Rumpelstiltskin: Are you sure you’re happy with this plan?
Cinderella: Yes?



Rumpelstiltskin: Yes but are you really really really REALLY sure?



*Is oblivious*



Rumpelstiltskin: Can I use your back?
Cinderella: No.



Rumpelstiltskin: WHHEEEE! *Signs*



Cinderella: He fell for it!



Rumpelstiltskin: Oh no, what are the chances that this would’ve gone badly for me?!?!?!?!!?






Rumpelstiltskin: Can I have a hug NOW?!



Doctor: Hello, luckily you got her in here right in time because she popped out the kid right in the elevator.



Emma: Aww! Sacred!



Gold: Hi guys!



Gold: Sorry it took so long I was haggling with the saleslady on which bassinet went best with the outer color of my house.



Cinderella: I was so worried about having to go back to that life!



Thomas: Really? That’s all you were worried about?



Cinderella: Oh well, not gonna worry about it anymore because it didn’t happen!






Cinderella: Oh no. I think Rumpelstiltskin’s touch DID send me into premature labor. Either that or looking at your boring face did…



Thomas: I’ll get some water. That stops labor, right?



*Why is the well in a creepy isolated part of the garden…wooded area?*



Thomas: What is that noise? Who are you? AIIIEEEEE



Cinderella: Hey Thomas was that you screaming horribly?



Cinderella: Crap, did he fall in AGAIN?!



Rumpelstiltskin: I LOVE being me.



Cinderella: Where’s my hubby love?!



Charming: Uh-oh, did our horrible plan backfire? Who would’ve seen that coming?
Grumpy: Well I did but you told me to shut up.



Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, can I have that cloak since Thomas probably won’t use it anymore? I suspect I’ll need it during the cold wintery nights in my cell.



Cinderella: Don’t you dare make me go back to my old life!



Rumpelstiltskin: Well you can always come to visit that way! We’ll play go-fish.



Charming: No, don’t listen to him. I’m more than certain that Thomas probably just…wondered off again. We’ll find him passed out in a pasture after a week or so.



Rumpelstiltskin: Well maybe you’ll find his body…. Unless I get that baby. 





Cinderella: *Is considering*
Charming: What’s WRONG with you?!



Rumpelstiltskin: I hate it things are this easy.



Gold: I usually make appointments for my coffee dates but since this doesn’t technically COUNT as coffee then I suppose I’ll make an exception.



*Smirky*



Emma: Why didn’t you tell me that the baby was your merchandise?



Gold: Because I thought that would’ve been easy to figure out.







Gold: For most.



Gold: But since I walked all the way here because I don’t...have a car. I’ll just scoop the kid up and be on my way.



Gold: Babies work wonders for picking up chicks.



*Is getting lessons*



Emma: Well because I see myself in her then I will fight you for this baby even though you have far more means to support her than Ashley does. But I imagine if I tug on the heartstrings of the judge I’ll get precisely what I want.   



Gold: Yes, let’s try and keep any law from getting involved.



Emma: Ooooo, so this IS illegal.



Gold: I dig you.
*I hope he never makes this face again*



Emma: I have that impression on everyone.



Gold: Well if you go against me then you’re going against the guy that Henry ships as his new step daddy and that will only disappoint Henry at the end of this and hasn’t Henry gone through enough disappointment in his life?



*Giggles*



Gold: Also we might risk the child going into the system. And if there’s anything that this show says then the system sucks!



Gold: Now wouldn’t the child just be better as a mini!me? Walking down the street in matching outfits! I imagine we’d rock daddy daughter dances.



Emma: I’m going to have nightmares for the rest of my life imagining that.



Gold: Or you could just…owe me a favor.



Emma: I don’t think I like the way you’re saying that all suggestive and stuff.



Gold: Oh, who wouldn’t trust this face?






Emma: We have a deal if you promise NOT to do that again?



Gold: What? This?


 



Emma: Okay! Okay! Deal! Deal!



Emma: Well good news for you Ashley, I think I just pimped myself out for your benefit.



Ashley: I can haz baby?



Emma: So you don’t…care at all that I may be Mrs. Gold by the end of the year? Or dead? Or ostracized or…gotta admit those last two would be preferable .



Ashley: No. I’m good.



Emma: *Struggling not the punch Ashley* Well. Okay then.



Emma: Let’s go.
Henry: But Mr. Gold said we could go get ice cream!



Regina: I have a confession to make. I wasn’t at the council meeting!



Regina: Good thing Henry never has an emergency and has to go to City Hall! Also if we meet up here frequently then why doesn’t Granny or Ruby know about it?



Emma: That was the worst ice cream trip I’ve ever had in my life!
Henry: I’m glad Mr. Gold took us to the place with the playground! You should’ve gotten in the ball pit with us!



Emma: I’m not THAT desperate to fit in!



Henry: Well, you could leave any time.



Emma: The more I’m stuck in this town the more I want to stay in it to keep you from turning into a complete basket case.



Henry: Hey, when you and Mr. Gold get custody of me, can get the room he has with that balcony?:



Emma: *Is considering leaving now*



*How did Regina NOT see Emma as she was driving by*



Henry: Oh my shoe! How very…Cinderella-y of me!



Regina: Henry, how was your day of disobeying me?



Regina *Sounds of crashing* AHHHHH!



Henry: *looks innocent*



Regina: What did I tell you about leaving your shoes on the stairs for me to trip over and break my neck?



Henry: Mission failed?



Regina: You’re going to have to do a lot better than that.



Henry: Well I feel like I’ve just been issued a challenge.



Sean: Hi. Just letting you know that the writers didn’t completely forget about me.



Ashley: Where were you when I tried to run away? Or was in labor? You suck!



Sean: Uh…look I have a gift!



Sean: Yeah I…I should be able to afford the other shoe in about a month when I save up my allowance my dad gives me.



Ashley: Oh honey!



Sean: Oh pumpkin pie!



*Audience gags*



Emma: Hey Graham. Boy you wouldn’t believe my day. I thought you hitting on me yesterday was the worst thing I’d been through? Well let me tell you the whole story at our job interview.



Graham: maybe I should tell her I only hired her so she’ll do the job when I don't want to.



Graham: No, she’ll never find out.

The End.

Do not own any clips or references.