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Saturday, February 16, 2013

What are the Characters Thankful For this Christmas?

Jefferson: Hi everyone! How are you?! Well, I’m doing great because I just wanted to tell you all that I’m happily married to this smoking hot wife of mine and I’ve reunited with my daughter and I’m incredibly filthy rich. *Happy sigh* It’s so nice to be pretty….

Snow: I’m beyond thrilled because I get to spend all sorts of time with the daughter that I previously spent all of about five minutes with AND I don’t have to hear David whining about always finding me, which wouldn’t be so bad except that he even did it when I left the room and he found me in another one…I-I mean Charming, not David..

Snow: It would’ve been nicer if we weren’t travelling with so much baggage though.

Mulan: …..
Aurora: ……

Hook: She’s talking to you guys!


Charming: I’m thankful that…well…um…My wife and daughter are gone and I Have a grandson that walks all over me, laughs maniacally and calls the most feared man in town his father…which I HOPE HOPE HOPE is NOT true…um…I’ve been squatting in Snow’s house which is nice…also I run the town so I guess I can be thankful for that.

Regina: My thankful list is SO long! Okay, first, Emma and Snow are gone and Charming’s a pushover…I guess he forgot I tried to set up his wife for murder and nearly put his daughter under a sleeping curse…um…and he lets me hang out with Henry even though the boy tries to climb out the window every time I’m in the room... and oh! Redeeming yourself is so easy! All you have to do is look sad, say you’re changing, not really DO anything, and stay out of the way and not use magic for a few episodes! It totally works! You don’t even have to be sorry for what you did! The best part is that I can keep all the hearts I Ripped out!

Jefferson: Hi Regina, how are you?

Regina: Get out of my interview booth!

Jefferson: I’m doing fantastic! So nice of you to ask! because I’m married to an amazing hot woman who loves me and I’ve reunited with my daughter that you separated me from when you knowingly left me with your MOTHER to be tortured emotionally and mentally and physically because you wouldn’t face her yourself; nor did you bring anyone with us so that I could get back to my daughter when you used my insecurities to get what you wanted. *Takes a breath*  Thanks for that by the way. I’m sure your father’s corpse thanks you too.

Henry: What do I have to be thankful for? My stepdad told me not to try to kill Belle anymore and my mom and grandma are gone and for some reason; despite the fact that Regina just tried to kill him in the premiere and she emotionally blackmailed me into coming with her in the second episode or she’d hurt people…for some reason, Charming keeps letting Regina hang out alone around me and I have to hear her whining about how she wants to change.

Emma: Well, I’m thankful because…um…well…I’m trapped in a world where my homeland is and my mom’s telling me what to do…which is…okay I guess….
Emma’s Inner Monologue: And the only guy we’ve seen is Killian. I mean, have you SEEN that guy? O! M! G!

Hook: I know, Right!?
Emma: GAH! Get off me!
Hook: I’m thankful because you are FAR better to spend naughty thoughts with than Cora is. You also look better in tight jeans too.
Hook: Oh stop playing hard to get! That’s how you like me!

Jefferson: Hi Emma! How are you?

Hook: *Is jealous of the pretty* Who is THAT?!
Emma: Oh, he’s no one. For some reason, he stopped being a blip on my radar a few episodes ago.

Jefferson: I’m doing fine! Thanks for asking! I’m just here to tell you that I’m happily married and Red’s so great. And we tell each other everything, she even told me what a wolf she was! Not only does she bond with my kid but she also doesn’t kick me out a window or slam me in the face with a telescope! I didn’t even have to kidnap her!

Hook: *Is confused* So…what’s his story?

Emma: Don’t ask.

Mr. Gold: Well…I guess I could be thankful knowing that my darling fiancĂ© is over worlds pining for me. Unfortunately  I did lose the bowling tournament because Belle’s on our team now and me giving her uniform neckline a really low cut backfired HORRIBLY and I kept getting in the gutter in more ways than one. But I do have a stepson that I’ve unofficially adopted, I get to insult Charming openly and Belle’s alive. So there’s that.

Archie: I’m thankful for the increased customers but not the decreased screen time. I mean, Rumpelstiltskin and I haven’t even hung out really since the tournament ended horribly and I screamed that I would shun him…perhaps I should make that up to him in the coming episodes…after all, we’re bros. We need each other. Especially if like…hypothetically, we’re overrun by pirates or something.

Belle: I’m just glad to feel carpet again. Also my true love when he doesn’t call me ‘Emma’…and hamburgers…which are amazing…

Granny: I’m just thankful that Red’s finally out of the house and to hear her tell it, more than making up for lost grandbaby making time.

Red: I’m totally thankful for-

Jefferson: ME!

Red: Like, that wasn’t all of what I was going to say!

Red: That was totally what I was going to say!

*Is happy*

August: ……

Cora: Oh Killian.

Hook: Don’t run away, don’t run away, don’t run away…



Archie: So….it’s the Christmas season.

Rumpelstiltskin: Yes it is.

Archie: You should know something….*A few moments of silence pass *

Rumpelstiltskin: Yes Archie…me too.


Rumpelstiltskin: Don’t say that so loud, dork.
Rumpelstiltskin’s Inner Monologue: BEST FRIENDS!

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