Once Upon A Time: Abridged: Cricket Games Part 3

Charming: So…Regina used to sit there from behind this mirror and smirk at you while you were having a mental breakdown for being framed, you know that right?

Snow: I know. The irony is nice.

Emma: Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! She’s innocent! My lie detector didn’t go off!

Snow: You mean the lie detector that NEVER goes off when it’s beneficial for us that it goes off?

Emma: Momgret! SH! I know in your kingdom, she was the Evil Queen and you guys spent several years trying to keep her from killing you. But here, she’s Regina…even though technically there’s no difference since she was never technically cursed….

Charming: Oh Emma, look at all the horrible things she’s done AS Regina. I hate to mention this but…GRAHAM!

Emma: Um…the old Regina would’ve…destroyed the building or something…

Charming: Yeah because THAT’LL get Henry on her side. She already tried that and it didn’t work.

Snow: Emma, she doesn’t feel bad for how she treated us. She stuck a knife in my gut, okay? Right before the curse hit, she was more than likely planning to murder you as a baby. I have NO IDEA why we just haven’t told you that.

Emma: Wait…why HAVEN’T you?

Emma: Well, even though there are a large number of crimes she IS guilty of that I should hold her for…I’m going to let her go!

Emma: Don’t look at me like that. You left Henry alone with her.

Regina: Where’s my pastrami?

Snow: For the first step in our reign of terror inquisition, I think that we should get a torture chamber set up in here pronto!

Charming: Yes dear.

Snow: And have everything ready for our reign of terror ball

Charming: Yes dear

Snow: And get me a new dress.

Charming: Yes dear.

Snow: Oh! And set up Regina as our piñata!

Snow: She saved my life once and I sort of want to give her a chance…

Charming: And she also tried to take it multiple times, I’m pretty sure that they cancel each other out by now.

Snow: Oh! But she turned once! She can turn again!

Charming: Name one person that’s ever worked for.

Snow: Rumpelstiltskin was nice enough when we dated!

Charming: Woman, he tries to peek in your window!

Snow: ….

Snow: I’m beginning to think that you’re not supporting me!

Charming: That’s because I’m not!

Snow: Well Rumpelstiltskin surely would have! Maybe I should’ve married him!

Charming: *Is hurt* You don’t…mean that…

Snow: Yes I do!

Charming: *Puppy eyes*

Snow: *Feels bad* No I don’t.

Snow: I wonder how Charming will feel once I send him to the royal COUCH tonight!

Rumpelstiltskin: I heard you mention my name in the fight and like always I came to….sit in your seat. Hope this isn’t officially the queen’s chair because I don’t like the king’s. It smells like onions and has no warmer for your tush…

Snow: Looking good, Rumpelstiltskin!

Rumpelstiltskin: Do you really think so?

Snow: I wanted to tell you that that new cloak is working WONDERS for you.

Rumpelstiltskin: How about you and I waltz all over this courtyard?

Snow: That’s a FILTHY entendre!

Snow: Naughty! Naughty!

Snow: Also, where are my guards?

Rumpelstiltskin: I guess I’ll just have to dance by myself then! At least that way I don’t have to worry about stepping on anyone’s toes!

Snow: Why are you here, Rumpelstiltskin? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you hung around and got me alone to manipulate me…

Rumpelstiltskin: Jiminy wanted to have an execution double date. It was a disaster. Granny played third wheel to Red and made her sit with her while Jiminy sat alone and my date stood me up.

Snow: I seem to remember you standing me up multiple times…

Snow: I still cut your face out of the pictures you photo bomb because of it…

Snow: Sometimes I go into a rage and cut out Charming’s too…

Rumpelstiltskin: I did cross my heart that I wouldn’t do things like standing you up and hurting you….

Rumpelstiltskin: But my heart is over here…

Rumpelstiltskin: So it didn’t really count. Also my fingers were crossed on my other hand and I was hopping on one foot…

Rumpelstiltskin: And you want to know why we broke up…

Snow: Are you listening?

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is doing the robot*

Rumpelstiltskin: Hey, you don’t happen to have a sister do you?

Snow: Um…not that I’m aware of unless they throw in a twist?

Rumpelstiltskin: Well I guess the plan to get rid of Regina while sort of securing the rights to your first born somewhere along the line will just HAVE to do!

Rumpelstiltskin: When you’re pregnant, can I feel your tummy?

Snow: Eh. Making a deal with you. What could go wrong?

Charming: Well, Regina’s file is gone, so that mean’s she’s guilty!

Emma: Hush dad, I’m reading everything about everyone else in this town!

Charming: I should also tell you all that files are gone but so is Regina’s and she’s a suspect!

Emma: ….

Snow: You know something…maybe you should just make the lunch run…

Emma: My parents!

Emma: Someone else in this town knows magic! I can’t believe I forgot!

Charming: Yeah, but I didn’t think you had it in you, Emma!

Emma: I wasn’t who I was talking about.

Emma: Usually Regina’s not this sloppy!

Snow: Didn’t you watch last season? She kind of is!

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh…you made…tuna fish *Is less enthused than he was ten minutes ago* That’s…that’s good.

Belle: *Squees* So happy that we’re back together and no one can interrupt our date if we’re hiding in here!

Emma: Hi ex-fiancé, hello ‘other woman’.

Belle: Oh. You.

Rumpelstiltskin: Well, at least you packed Doritos

Rumpelstiltskin: Oh my gosh, it’s Emma! *Runs over*

Rumpelstiltskin: *Is way happier to see her than he should be* Hiiiiii Emma!

Rumpelstiltskin: *Checks out* May I compliment how your clothes fit you in all the right places!

Belle: So um….I didn’t pack enough to share!

Emma: I don’t have any evidence to suggest that you killed Jiminy…but I’m going to come in here and accuse you anyway! Even though I demand that we bend over backwards to find evidence on Regina!

*Seriously*

Rumpelstiltskin: You can’t fool me; I know that Jiminy’s alive! Our friendship is that strong that I would know it if he croaked….

Charming: Funny. The body in the coffin said otherwise…but not…with its mouth cause he’s dead.

Rumpelstiltskin: ….

Rumpelstiltskin: Emma, I’m going to ask you to bring the dog since it’s going to be bequeathed to me…I don’t want you all to see me while I bawl into my dust rag.

Pongo: God-daddy!

Rumpelstiltskin: Aw, he’s so sweet when he’s not hungry and threatening everyone’s lives!

Emma: Pfft. Belle and Rumpel…not like it’ll last …especially not with a dog in the mix….

Belle: Aw, you loving dogs is so cute!

Rumpelstiltskin: Quiet Belle! I’m trying to impress the one that has a kid in the room!

Rumpelstiltskin: Now Pongo, you’re going to tell these semi-nice people what you saw.

Pongo: You got it!

Emma: Did that dog just speak?

Rumpelstiltskin: Don’t be silly Emma, what kind of a world would we be living in if dogs could speak?!

Rumpelstiltskin: And Belle, wash your hands before you touch my yarn!

Charming: Can I keep him?

Rumpelstiltskin: *Faux cheer* Sure Charming, you can keep him…but then you’re going to get tired of taking him out and feeding him and then I’m going to have to do it!

Rumpelstiltskin: So…hit me with your magic, baby.

Emma: Was that a pick up line? Or telling me what to do

Snow: Pick up line. Most definitely a pick up line.

Emma: Wait…you and him? For realsies?

Snow: We choose not to talk about it.

Rumpelstiltskin: This is a dream catcher….I hoped once that since it belonged to me and I put it in your room that you might dream about me but…it didn’t work…